A New Year of Auld Lange Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

Chorus

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.  

 

I found myself singing this song this week, as we do at this time of the year.  I know this is a song of the Scots, but even with my Welsh heritage I realized I didn't really know what most of it means.  I knew it is talked about remembering the past and moving on to the future (I saw "When Harry Met Sally") and also picked up there's a bit of drinking going on there.  But why that song to end and start each new year?

I've always been a bit cynical about New Year's, but yet I also get a bit emotional. I'm pretty sentimental and personally I want to hang on to the old year.  The moving forward stuff... I'm not always sure that is what I want to do.  Not that I am opposed to change.  I rather like it.  But a whole new start?  Nope....not usually what I want.

I don't like resolutions and don't ask me to make any.  Resolutions aren't usually good for me.  I'm a rebel.  If I set myself up with a lot of "have to's," after a while they get on my nerves.  They become chores....regardless of what they are.  Even if I was the one to make the "have to" list.  Oh, I would keep the stupid resolutions, but I would grow to hate them.  As soon as the year was over, they would be gone by the wayside.  I don't like to make promises and not keep them, and while that is the New Year's tradition for others, it's not a habit I want to get into.

Yes, I do plan to do some things better.  December is a time when I fall out of a lot of routines (some because of my own negligence, some because we stop everything for the holiday) and really....do I need to spend all of my year eating whatever I want and not exercising?  But I am not giving up sugar in January as many others are, I am not going on a strict diet, and I am not putting immense pressure on myself to come up with bunches of new workout goals.  I want to live my life in moderation.  I want to eat well, because I feel better when I eat well.  Plus, having been raised with a good foundation of nutrition, I crave healthy food.  I want to eat at home more, and not in restaurants often, because I eat healthier when I am at home.  And I want to get in better shape....because I want to fight this aging stuff.  It's time....I have neglected it long enough.  But I will not make promises about it and put myself under any crazy pressure.  

I'm signed up to run a 10k in April, and I want to run all of it (or at least most of it), so I will probably do a decent job of getting back on track with my running.  But I also plan to drop my Y membership....I am not going and find that for me it's not what I need right now.   I need to be realistic about what is working for me and how I can make things easier for myself.  And I need to be responsible with my money and not spend it on things that I am not using.

 

It would be great if I made a resolution to completely clean my house during 2013 and actually follow through, but we all know me....if I have two choices and one is cleaning my house, I will almost always choose the other.  I don't honestly see that changing.  My closet needs to be cleaned out....there are clothes I have not worn in ages, and probably never will again, but there they sit.  They take up space and I selfishly hoard them.....when someone else just may like them or need them.  But still....while I want to take care of that, I will not promise to do either of these things.

While no true resolutions will be made by me, when I looked up the modern translation for the lyrics to Auld Lange Syne,  I decided I like the attitude of the song.  One thing I can resolve going into the new year is to try to keep to its spirit. 

Long, Long Ago (Auld Lange Syne....in our English)

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
From long, long ago?

Chorus
And for long, long ago, my dear
For long, long ago,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For long, long ago

And surely you'll buy your pint-jug!
And surely I'll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For long, long ago.
(Chorus)

We two have run about the hills
And pulled the daisies fine;
But we've wandered many's the weary foot
Since long, long ago.
(Chorus)

We two have paddled in the stream,
From morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
Since long, long ago.
 (Chorus)

And there's a hand, my trusty friend!
And give us a hand of yours!
And we'll take a deep drink of good-will
For long, long ago.

So, on this New Year's Eve I will remember those I have loved who no longer live on earth.  I will be grateful for the times we shared and remember that the great gift they left with me was not anything material, but instead was the memories we built.  I will try not to feel cheated for the days we didn't get, or regret what we didn't do, but instead appreciate the precious moments that we lived together.  And when I do things that they would have enjoyed, or something they would appreciate brings them to mind, I will smile to them.

I won't forget those I love who are still around and will try to increase the memories with those who care to join me (I have learned that this is something I can't force anyone to do.)  We will travel the world, we will run, we will walk, we will wade, we will paddle, we will pick the flowers, we will eat, we will drink, we will work, we will increase the kindness, we will lend a hand when needed.  We'll be good friends and good neighbors and good family members. And we will smile to each other.

I will continue to work on that relationship with my "auldest acquaintance"...the God who made me and try not to be a stranger.  I will take the hand that is offered and not do it all alone.  I will accept the love and the gifts given and will smile with gratitude.  

The years pass too quickly, but each new one we get is precious.  This should be the year we live how we would live if today really was precious to us.  Extremely precious...worth something.  Because it is, isn't it?  It is my new year's hope for you.  For us all.  In memory of those who left this earth before us, and even today teach us how to live well.

Happy (and precious) New Year!!!

The Longest Birthday Party

I was my normal slack self this year when sending out Christmas cards.  I had the cards (actually a huge collection leftover from past years...need some?  Call me.), I bought the stamps (Need some?  Call me!), but I probably only sent out 10 cards.  I used to stress about my tendency to do that....Christmas cards were often my only way to keep in touch with certain friends.  I've learned to roll my eyes at that concept and now I try to keep it all in perspective.  I try to not to box myself into having to communicate with everyone at only this time of the year, but try to do better at making contact with those I care about throughout the year.  I am not amazingly successful at this yet (and cards and letters....don't seem to be getting written by me at any time of the year!), but still I am getting  better at staying in contact or touching base with some of the people who are important to me a bit more often (thanks Facebook....you help a lot, as does having a car that can travel!)   It's my goal to improve these times of contact in my life, because I know a lot of incredible people who lift my spirits and make me live better....it is a great gift to myself.  (So OK...maybe I am not always thinking of others!)  Hopefully it is also something enjoyed by my friends (and family.)  But I also acknowledge that people can come in and out of our life for certain periods of time, and timing and desire for a relationship must be right for you both.  We have different kinds of relationships with lots of different people....and that's OK.  Some people are meant to be our close and constant friends (and we can only realistically have so many of these), while others for different reasons and seasons.

I've been thinking lately how my thoughts are changing similarly about Christmas.  The day is not as important to me as it used to be.  Don't get me wrong....I still absolutely love it, find it really meaningful and think it is one of the most enchanting times of the year.  But I also think perhaps celebrating Christ's birth only one day a year is sort of like keeping your contact to people limited to Christmas cards.  It's just not enough for the place of honor He deserves. If we women get a birthday month (thanks to the proclamation of my dear friend Debbie Hartman), then Jesus should get a year of birthdays.  (Sorry men. The rest of you just get a day.  Don't blame me....it's just the way it is!)

So here is my proposal.....in these last days of 2012 and every day in 2013, we try to spend some time celebrating the birth of Jesus every day.   No major blow out party required....in fact, I think He would prefer we keep a lot of the celebrations private.  But we need to take a little special time every day to tell Him "I'm glad you were born."

So how would we do that?  Here are some things I am thinking.  Some days we just need to have a conversation with our brother (Jesus...not my brothers Scott and Derek....not that it wouldn't be great to have more conversations with them, too!)  A few minutes where we really are truthful with Him about what we think, and what we feel, the purpose He has given us, how we're doing fulfilling that purpose, and what's really going on in our lives.  You don't have to use church-y words, or the language of King James..... let's face it, if we did that with our other brothers they would think we were insane.  Jesus would, too.  OK, maybe He wouldn't see us as insane....just a little....slow.  He speaks modern day English....and wants to meet us where we are today.  He wants us to be authentic with him.....and that is difficult to do when you are trying to play the stilted part of people of yore or pretend to be some spiritual soul He knows you are not.

As we talk, we also need to listen what He's saying.  One-sided conversations don't make for a healthy relationship and certainly don't celebrate the one to whom we are talking.  So we need to both talk, and listen.  It's not a close relationship if you just sit back and listen and don't share what you think....and it's not a close relationship if you just talk without letting anyone else get a word in.  There must be balance, sharing, giving and receiving.

We need to read and write letters.  I love to get letters.....I am terrible at writing back!   But this is another side to getting to know someone.  His love note to us is the Bible....we should read what He has written as if it was written just for us (because it was) and we should reply.  No better way to think and digest and learn and watch the wisdom of those words come to life.  Let's face it....some of it is confusing and confounding and we read it and we have questions.  Other parts are insightful and life-changing and help remind us how to live.  To write back makes us take a few minutes to reflect on what He tells us and continue to learn more about what He is really saying.

We need to give Jesus gifts.  What do you give to the one who owns it all already and just shares it with you?  If you look at everything that way, it can change your life.  Your money.....if you think Jesus as the benevolent benefactor of all of your money, would you spend it differently?  He tells us we should give hilariously.  I love the idea of that.  You know what it is like when you are with a friend and it begins as funny, and then moves to hilarious.  You can't stop laughing, you do things that don't quite seem "normal" to others who may be watching, you celebrate life with abandon.  That is how we should give.  Not turning off our brain and giving carelessly or unwisely, but giving in ways other people may not consider.  Noticing people....and needs.....and fulfilling them.  Sharing our His stuff.  And sometimes not giving even though you feel pressured,  because you don't agree that is where He wants your His money to go.  Hilarious feels good.  It feels comfortable.  You don't quite hold on to your propriety....you lose control a bit, but freefall into a good place.

We give without caring about what we get back.  We give when noone else knows it is going on (just a private moment between us and the gracious benefactor.)  And we give from what we have.....we don't steal or borrow from others or go into debt for it (but it is permissible, though not usually necessary, to give everything that is "ours" away!).  If you are respecting the benefactor of that money, you learn to understand needs and wants,  learn to live within your means, and realize that failure to be financially responsible is an affront to what He expects of you.

If money is the only gift you give, you're missing out on a lot of other gift giving opportunities.  For some, giving money is really easy, but giving time is really, really difficult.  It may require we hang out with people that get on our nerves.  It may require we give when we would rather be on our couch watching TV or only spending time in the company of our family or close friends.  It's invasive to our life.  We can more easily tell when we make money our god (because that is what makes us pant with thirst and we never seem to have enough), but a bit harder when our god is our time.  If we are giving our time, we are making a sacrifice.  If it is too easy or if our time is not a currency, it's not a gift.

We can also gift our strengths.  We all have them.  If you aren't sure what yours are, ask your friends and family.  If they have a difficult time coming up with some, find new friends.  Keep the family, but recognize that maybe they have so much of their own stuff going on, and they aren't really noticing or appreciating the special things about you.  So....like I said before, find new friends and ask them.  Or even better, think about it yourself.  You are the one who can probably best see your strengths, if you actually look.  Sometimes we won't acknowledge the things that we do well....so we keep them hidden and don't use them for any purpose.  It's misplaced humility.  But when we acknowledge them, and look for ways to use them, we are celebrating a gift we have been given.  To actively look for ways to share them with family, friends, and even strangers, we celebrate our gift of life even more.

And don't forget about gifting your weaknesses.  This is the one thing that God seems to want to use in my life more than anything else.  (Possibly because I was blessed with extra.)  It's amazing the way my weaknesses have at time become strengths.  There's really no secret to why it ends up working so well.  There's that great verse (II Corinthians 12:9) where Paul relays a conversation with Jesus "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"  Paul's conclusion?  "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."  When we put ourselves out there and do things that are hard for us, things that we 't don't easily excel in, things hat don't come naturally to us, it's a chance for the very spirit of God to empower us.  He likes to show His stuff that way.  (So that's why this introvert so often gets put into situations where she has to be a people person.  Why sometimes why my extrovert friends are put in a position where they have to do things on their own.  Why the quiet person needs to speak up and why the person with lots of opinions needs to sometimes keep them to themselves and just listen.)  We can go from a place of scared to death, to feeling empowered just by being willing to put ourselves in those situations.  As with our strengths, gifting our weaknesses requires we know what they are.  Jesus works best in people who look inward and get to know themselves.  It's the first thing we have to do before we can call ourself a follower of Jesus.  We have to see ourself as a sinner.  Hard to acknowledge sometimes...we'd prefer to grade on a curve.  But we must, or often we find ourselves in a dull and unrewarding life.  A Christian who thinks, listens, and then acts, finds themself living a life of fulfillment and adventure.

Another gift is spending time with people who call Jesus friend.  Sometimes you need to invite them to the party.  Many of you probably know, this can sometimes be difficult for me.  Some of His friends are lovely and fun and time with them is a great gift.  But others.....well, frankly I don't like them.  It's easy to dismiss these people and say "They don't really know Him."  But as our friends have quirks and aren't perfect (well, mine are amazingly close....but yeah, let's be honest... you know you all have issues!), so do Jesus'. Even so He sees something in them and sometimes we need to find out how that is.  Sometimes we need to love them, and accept them where they are, and trust that spending time with Him (and maybe with us!) will change them.  When we hang in there long enough to see that change happen, it is one of the party favors He brings to the celebration for us.

And then there are those who aren't friends with Jesus.  Sometimes we need to introduce them.  If we enjoy Him, and see that relationship to be the catalyst for everything in our life, the  center of who we are, shouldn't it be natural for others to know that?   It's tough in today's world.... many people want to think of faith as a personal thing, which means they bristle when it comes up in conversation.  But I don't understand that...how can it be personal, if we are building real relationships?  If we don't share our core beliefs with someone, do they really know us?  Are we really their friend?  No need to get preachy (maybe someone will respond to that, but most of us hate it) or get on your precious Christian soapbox and make it all about you, but there's also no need to be an undercover Christian.  Sharing should be natural and easy and comfortable.  But telling your story isn't enough...you've got to be willing to let the other person share their life with you.  You should listen when they share the center of their heart, and get to know where they are coming from.  Jesus cares about all kinds of people....those who think the way He does and those who don't have a clue.  And He has given people free will to choose....who are we to try to take that away from them?  Those who don't accept or believe in Jesus are not a surprise to Him.  He loves them and is gracious to them....and we should be, too.  One of the most freeing things in my life was learning it is not my job to convict people of their sin or "save" them.  The Spirit of God takes care of that quite nicely.

When we throw a big birthday party, we need to be a good host.  We need to notice our guests and be concerned about their needs.  We need to not be so wrapped up in "doing" that we forget "experiencing."  We should take the time to eat the cake, to drink the beverages, and to enjoy those that have come.  You need to honor the guest of honor, and honor to the other guests that are with you.  All will enjoy themselves more if you are  taking time to join in the celebration.  It's OK to enjoy the party favors that have been provided by the guest of honor....the party is for Him, and it is His privilege.  He is delighted when you like them.  It's especially fun that these little gifts have been placed all over your world, so you can be on a scavenger hunt that never ends.  Every day you can discover something else He has hidden just for you.

As we celebrate the birthday of Jesus, we should celebrate the gift of His life....and at the same time the gift of our own life.  To live a lackluster life is an act of ingratitude for the very gift we have been given.  As Jesus was created to live a life of purpose, so were you.  You are unique, you are special, you are needed on this earth.  You are not meant to just take up space or keep busy with meaningless things.  If you are feeling purposeless, if you are not feeling joyful regardless of your circumstances, if you are uninvolved with life, you've got to regroup.  If you are overwhelmed or overextended or feeling alone, you've got to regroup.  If you are living solely on your strengths and not doing hard things that scare you, you've got to regroup.  Most of al, if you can't describe your life as amazing and awe-inspiring, you're doing it wrong. You were not created to feel like you are carrying weights around all of the time....you've got someone around who will take those out of your hands and off your shoulders and carry them for you.  But you have to loosen your clutch on them.  You need to be free from those burdens and ready to relax in the knowledge that you don't have to handle them alone.

Jesus has already given His birthday gift to you.....and it is a gift of a lifetime.  Don't give it back to him unopened and unused.  Don't leave it on a shelf.   While it is a precious and fragile gift, it's intended for every day use.  So use it.....and use it well!

Merry Christmas, my friends.  You may not get your cards for a while, but I'm going with the notion that they can be sent out at any time!  May the spirit of Emmanuel ("God is with us") be with you all year long.  And happy birthday, Jesus!   I'm glad you were born.  Thank you that even though it was your own party, you made it all about me and gave me the best gift.  I love you and I am glad you are in my life.

Now....what should we do tomorrow to celebrate?

Stopping the People Hunters

I don't like guns.  I didn't grow up around them, I am not comfortable with them, and in my personal experience far more innocent people have been hurt by them (either their own or someone else's) than have been saved by them.  But that being said, I am not against people having guns.  While they were not in my home, I grew up in an area where most people had them.  I remember guns on racks in the back of trucks in high school where people had been hunting in the morning before school or were going hunting afterward.  Taking Hunter Safety was a mandatory part of PE in my high school in 9th grade.  I was amused when I  received my bright orange hunter safety badge.  I knew even then there was no need of me ever needing it (as hunting has never appealed to me), but evidently the school thought it was something we all needed to know.  (I think I still have the badge....somewhere.) Growing up I didn't fear those who had guns.  The idea of someone hunting another person seemed ludicrous. At this point in my life, however, the idea of guns in certain hands does scare me.   Someone hunting people has become less fantasy and more reality.

I am personally in favor of stricter gun control laws, but I know that they can only do so much. Even with very tight gun control laws, I think the CT tragedy probably would have still happened.  There are already so many weapons in circulation and in that case especially they were readily available.  And unfortunately, there is always someone willing to sell them or lend them to the most unbalanced of people.  Still I can't help but believe that if we can find ways to make guns less accessible or harder to find, maybe sometimes we can prevent such things.  Sometimes buying just a few extra seconds gives a person time to change their mind or for their rage to dissipate.  But still, when someone wants to kill, there are plenty of types of weapons they can use to kill.  Even their own hands.

In my mind the CT tragedy is less about guns and  more about our country's failure to pay attention to its people.  When I say country, I am not talking about our government.  I am talking about me.  I am talking about you.

I can't help but think we are living in a world with a lot of  mentally unbalanced people.  More than in the past?  Yeah, I think so.  It's scary.  So scary that I think a lot of us turn our head to it.  We don't know what to do, so we do nothing.  Except maybe avoid those who appear to be unbalanced...and their family members.  But won't it be less of a problem if we get involved?  Parents are struggling all over the place with their children.  We often let them struggle alone.  We walk over the homeless laying in a stupor in the street. We don't notice the child that is living next door that is being molested.  We don't know that our elderly friend is being abused by their own children or left to fend for themselves in unsafe and unsanitary  conditions.  We turn up our nose at the drug addict or the alcoholic....after they pass the point of light entertainment.  We ignore the child that is left to raise themselves or show our disgust when they don't act the way that "good" kids do.  People are hurting and hiding everywhere.... and sometimes just because we don't ask them what is going on.  We see or hear of something happening to someone, and think to ourselves "Somebody should do something!"  We forget that we are somebody.  After incidents happen we say "Someone should have done something."  Meaning someone other than us.

We certainly have excuses.  We're busy in our own lives....there's enough on our plates to keep us busy and we don't have time for more.  We don't want to interfere.  People tend to keep their struggles a secret and don't want to "bother" other people.  We have no experience.  We have too much experience - it brings back unpleasant memories.  We don't know what to do.  It's a private matter.  No one has asked us for help.  It's their own fault.  It's their responsibility, not mine.  The church should do something about that.  We have government programs that should take care of it.  That's why we pay taxes.  It's not my job.  I am off duty.

But we need to notice our world and not stay so caught up in ourselves.  We need to see those around us.  We need to be advocates for those who need advocates.  We need mental health conditions to be better diagnosed.  We need to remove the stigma of the words "mental health condition."   The number of conditions that fall under those words are a very broad spectrum.  We need to realize that those words do not always mean insanity, do not always mean abnormal, do not always mean dangerous.  Sometimes they just mean a different way of viewing the world.  Sometimes they can mean a person is more advanced or more skilled than average.  Sometimes they can indicate a strength and not a weakness.  Should we study the list of conditions, I suspect most of us could find something there that describes us sometimes. 

We need our country's medical schools to provide more focus on training medical providers to better recognize mental health conditions and help shepherd people to treatment. We need that treatment to be available.  We need it to be accessible.  We need it to be affordable.  We need it to be a priority and not just a footnote. We don't need it to be a responsibility of our teachers or our school system.  Granted they may often have to be the ones to notice when there are possible issues (because who else is really watching the kids these days?), but they shouldn't bear the burden for figuring out the diagnosis, treatment and solutions.  That is not their job...and we shouldn't make it their job.  It also shouldn't be expected that parents will intervene for their children.  In a perfect world they should notice when something is wrong and they should attempt to get help when necessary.  But just because they are parents it doesn't mean they will acknowledge it or notice it.  Sometimes they are the people who are the least likely to notice when an issue crops up.  They are either too close to the child and don't see the gradual changes in them....or they can't bear to acknowledge it.

I particularly think we need to pay attention to young men.  How do we intervene before they get to crisis point where violence happens?  We are fairly good at explaining to young women about the changes that go on in their bodies around puberty and in their teen years, but from what I can tell we don't do nearly as good a job of explaining it all to boys.  Maybe because they "mature" a bit later, and the changes are a bit more subtle, we tend to ignore it or joke about it and think it is only about facial hair and deeper voices.   Many boys tend not to be talkers.  They'll tune you out and grunt in reply.  But estrogen and testosterone....they can rule the life of a teenager.  This is natural, this is normal, but there can be imbalances and surges that aren't normal.  Hormones can make you feel like your body is being controlled by a crazy person...and often these feelings don't get mentioned to adults because they don't know know how to articulate the feeling.  Once you start feeling like a crazy person for a while, you start to become a crazy person.  You start doing things that may make you feel less crazy (drugs, alcohol), not realizing you are making the problem worst.  If you don't realize that this "abnormal" could possibly be "normal", you probably don't realize that you can be helped.  So we need to talk about it and keep the lines of communication open.

Yes, maybe some of these boys who have been the killers in some of these incidents had severe biological mental problems...defective places in their brains.  I don't know.  But even if that were the case, I can't help but think we could have stopped these things from getting out of control if we only had paid attention and gotten them help.

I am floored when I hear people who think the solution to preventing another Sandy Hooks massacre is to arm our teachers.  It shocks me that people think putting guns in our schools would result in a better environment for our children.  Do they wear holsters on their hip?  How long before it takes a child to pull it out as they walk by?  How long before a teacher mistakes a situation and shoots an innocent by accident? And would they really have time in the event of a crisis like that to use a weapon?  This solution sounds more horrific to me than the problem....and I consider the problem horrifying enough. Are we going to make teachers become law enforcement officers in addition to teaching school?  Some evidently think so, and probably also think we don't need to pay them an extra nickel to do it.  What lessons are we really teaching our kids if we allow our communities to become a series of armed fortresses?

Like most of us, I have so many thoughts going through my head right now. We live in a sinful world and I know that it should be no surprise to me that these things happen.  But I also know this is not what God wants for our country.   I think He expects more out of each one of us.  To be truthful, I really don't want to get involved.  I'm one who feels inadequate to the task.  I'm tired of all that needs to be done and overwhelmed by the problems I see around me.   I know of situations where I should have intervened and failed to.  Would I do it differently knowing what I know now?  I can't say.  I don't have any good answers to the problem and that just frustrates me.   I am a sinner who quite often is more comfortable being blind to it all.

Still, I do trust God and I do know that these problems are nothing new.  They seem new because they are happening in our lifetimes., because media brings them to our hometowns and focuses on them for a long while. The types of weapons available to common people makes things particularly horrific.  On TV we actually see the faces, we hear the voices of parents and children and community members.  It snags your heart, it obsesses us.  We live in a fallen world....but should we just end it there and accept the depths to which we all fall?  No....we should see what we can do to get up and enact change and make it better.  Because it can get better.  And it is in trying to make it better that some of our purpose lies.

It does take a village to raise a child. Let's not sit back and leave it to the village idiots. Let's notice the children, notice our neighbors and get involved.  There is help out there.  Not enough help, but maybe if we fight for it to be more available, we can see a change in our lifetime. We'll all be better, and both children and adults safer. 

Finding My Oasis

Life has been a bit crazy as of late.  I'd even go as far as to say there has been a fair amount of drama.  Not an abundance of the  kind caused by people who want attention and act out until they get it (though there has been a bit of that), but mostly the drama caused by the realities of life.  Sick friends and family, death and dying, people I love who are unhappy in their lives, work that seems to test me and confound me, relationship issues, time shared with good friends and family, crazy personal challenges, great adventures, and opportunities to support people and causes I believe in.  A lot of bad, tempered by a lot of real good.  Overall it has reminded me that I have an excellent life, a rich life, a life based in reality and not in fantasy, but also there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all that I want to do.  It's like the never-ending feast.....but as with most feasts, you have to watch out for the signs of over-indulgence.

I've found myself exhausted at times.  Exhausted to the core of my marrow.  Feeling like I can't do the things that must be done, the things that I believe are uniquely prepared by God for me to do.  That I can't fully give all that I need to give.  Not just the negative situations, but the positive ones, too.  Committed to doing something that you know you will enjoy, or that you know will be fulfilling, but not knowing whether you have another ounce of energy to give to it.

I am an introvert who has often been called to be an extrovert.  The definitions of introvert and extrovert seem to get confused by many people.  It's not about how much time you spend around people, it's not about how much you like people, it's not about whether you are quiet or loud, whether you are shy or outgoing, or whether you are the center of attention or the person in the corner - it's about where you get your energy.  What refreshes you and brings you life.  Some people are refreshed from other people - they feed on their energy and it invigorates them.  They need constant feedings of people time, and this fuels them.  They are an extrovert. They say that this accounts for about 60% of people.

Others get exhausted by people time.  They need to retreat into themselves - they need time to breathe and think and gain strength from within.  They don't necessarily need to be physically alone.....they may drift away in the recesses of their mind even if people are around.  They can be in the midst of a crowd, but even then may have to take time to shut out the noise and regroup internally.  I'm one of these people.  I am an introvert.

I remember growing up and having to escape.  I was one of five children, in a house that was very loud and active, and there were always people around.  Those who know me know that even then I was one of the loudest in the household, so the noise level was no indication of my introvert status.  My need for personal refreshment was.  I was a big reader, so that was often my mode of relaxation and recuperation.  It still is.  We had a living room that was seldom used and a chair in there that was pushed up to align with the couch, so there was a little cubbyhole behind.  That was my place, along with our powder room where you could go undetected for long periods of time (especially if you pretended to clean it.)  Anywhere that I would not have to engage with others.  I would take a book and read for hours on end.  Sometimes hiding from my parents, who thought I needed to be outside playing more than I was.  They were probably right.  But then again, even then I knew I needed "me" time.

When I tell people I am an introvert, they never seem to believe me, until they spend long periods of time with me or have known me for a lot of years.  I have had houseguests stay for long periods of time and not understand how I can sit in front of my computer for hours and seemingly do nothing "productive."  Especially since I work in front of a computer much of the day!   But for me it is very productive.....it's a way I can be alone and process and think.....and still keep my fingers busy.  The multi-tasking side of me.  I google much more than the average person.  A stream of consciousness is going through my head at all times, through most of my waking hours.  Having people around doesn't usually bother me....unless they prove to be particularly annoying...and though I live alone now, between family and roommates and friends, for most of my life lots of people have been around.  But regardless of who is around, I need that time to process (or maybe over-process) things in my brain.

I am very bad at small talk.  That's another sign of an introvert.  Oh yes, I have developed some social skills over the years, and can hide that side of me for short periods of time, but I quickly tire of it.  It exhausts me.  I can't cope for long.  I need a topic.....I need ideas.  I need to think. I need things to go deeper.  I'm better when thought and talk are combined, though I also recognize that sometimes it is more appropriate and comfortable for people to keep things light and on the surface.  It's also why I have a cache of questions in my mind that I pull out when I need to try to get people onto a topic, and avoid the silence that sets in me if it doesn't happen.  (Silence that happens because I just can't think of anything else to say about the weather!)  I try to find questions that are still somewhat lightweight, but tell me more about the other people in the conversation.

It's helpful to know what side of the spectrum we fall on....and also recognize it for the other people in our lives.  While someone who cares for me needs to understand I refresh internally, I need to know and respect what does it for them.  I didn't always understand and respect that in others, because my internal voice was always saying "Just leave me alone and let me think!"  But we all need our refreshment time, in the fashion that works best for us.  We need that oasis.  If we care about people we need to recognize the source of their oasis, and make sure that they can find refreshment.  All people are not strong introverts and extroverts, though you usually topple in one direction or the other.  I've usually tested strongly on the introvert side, but even that can change somewhat as time goes on.  I suspect I could be a bit less so these days, though maybe that is just that I understand it more.....and understand it isn't all about me!

"Experts" are always quick to tell people they need alone time, but not everyone does.  (My guess is that those "experts" are introverts who want people to just leave them alone for a while!)  For some people, for most people if that statistic is correct, it isn't what brings refreshment.  They need "people time" to bring things into focus for them, to relax them, to bring them peace.  We introverts may sometimes feel that the extroverts in our life are relentless and needy (as they think we are standoffish and self-centered), but the truth is that they are just feeding to gain their strength, as we introverts feed and gain our strength from our own center.   There's a natural conflict there.  But when we recognize and understand it, it's actually interesting to observe and a very cool part of who we all are.  Knowing what makes us continue to "tick" can show us how to find peace, whatever our circumstances.  Knowing what makes others continue to "tick" can help us help them find their peace.  And we all need peace and refreshment to keep us doing what we need, and want, to do...and to keep us engaged in life and relationships.

Not the Ideal

“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”  - George Carlin

 

“The idealist withdrew himself, because he could not suffer the jostling of the human crowd; he had not the strength to fight and so called the battle vulgar; he was vain, and since his fellows would not take him at his own estimate, consoled himself with despising his fellows.” - W. Somerset Maugham Of Human Bondage

“Rather than adjust his expectations in the face of disappointment, he tended to bury them deeper inside himself and regard the disjunction between his ideals and the worldly imperfections as the world's problems rather than his own.” - Joseph J. Ellis (speaking of Thomas Jefferson)

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One of my former bosses pointed out to me once that I was an idealist.....and he said that I would forever struggle with this and be let down by people as a result.  At first I thought he was being critical, though he was also a friend, brilliant, intuitive and not prone to unkind criticism, so I had to sort through his words for a while and consider whether they may be true.  After much thought, I realized he was right on the money.  Pointing it out to me made me add that to the definition of who I know I am, and now makes me examine life and situations where I get disappointed or discouraged with people by asking myself  "Was I expecting the ideal and not the human?"

What is an idealist?  I would describe it as having the expectation that our world operates in a way where all people do the right thing, or at least that is always their goal.  We idealists view the world as how it should be, instead of what it really is.  We forget the idea that people are human  and by nature don't always choose to do the right thing.  We also forget that people are dealing with many things in their lives, and sometimes we aren't their priority.  But when people come up short of our expectations, they disappoint us and break our hearts.  Over and over again.

Idealists are optimists by nature, but if not fully cognizant of their unrealistic expectations, quickly become cynics.  It's difficult when people let us down to not take it personally.....it all seems very personal, and very intentional.  But in my life as I have started examining this sort of thing, I have realized it seldom really is.  We humans just aren't good at perfection.  We have bad memories so we forget about people when they are not in sight and also often don't see the person right in our path.  We are often not thoughtful, often because we are thinking of ourselves.  Other times we have good intentions, but we fail to deliver.  We over-commit, over-extend and don't allow enough time for the things we have to do.  We don't consider the needs of those around us.  We let ourselves and other people down constantly, and while we may apologize on occasion, prefer to overlook it and go on.  It's much easier that way.  Plus time flies....and we have other things we need to do.

My great vulnerability in life is when people disappoint me.  I always get over it eventually, but not usually before a period of deep hurt and probably a little bit of mourning.  Almost every time in my life when I feel overly emotional, almost every time I cry, it is because someone has disappointed me.  Someone  says something that hurts my feelings, it appears they don't notice I am there or if they do notice they don't think my presence is significant.  They don't seem to care about who I really am, they don't trust me, or just under-value me.

But really, most of it probably isn't personal.  Sometimes we perhaps need to avoid people who do this, and choose to surround ourselves with other people who are capable of more.  But other times we need to learn to love them more and better and be gracious and graceful.

I think perhaps we all are born idealists.  Perhaps it is the very essence of faith....God's plan was for perfection, then sin came into the world, and now we are born as sinners who struggle with what should be and what is every day of our life.  I think most people tend to get over idealism by covering themselves with a layer of cynicism and/or learning not to expect much out of other people.  There are days when I wish I could do that.  I know it would make my life easier, and happier.  But I think that is an impossibility for me.

Most days I appreciate my idealist leanings.  I want to live in a world when people strive to do the right thing.  I want people to care about doing things well, and noticing the impact their decisions have on other people.  I want to see consistency, responsibility, commitments that mean something and promises not broken.  I want kindness to rule, and everyone to feel they are noticed and appreciated.  And I want to spend my life encouraging such things, which means I need to notice when they do and don't happen.   I don't have the luxury of falling into apathy.
 
I need to cope in the world, keep a firm check on reality, and fight the cynicism that can easily overtake us idealists.  I want to learn to be more gracious and merciful, so I can live in reality.   I want to think of others more than myself and get over feeling that it is all about me.  I want to grade on a curve.  I want to analyze each situation, accept my responsibility for my own inadequacies, and be kind as I assess the inadequacies of others. 

I hate when I have to deal with my idealistic nature, but I can't run away from it.  I have to keep asking the question "Was I expecting the ideal and not the human?" and toss out those negative things that consume my emotions.  There are more important things in life to deal with.  I am an idealist, but I shouldn't be surprised when people don't meet my ideals.  My former boss saved me a lot of time when he passed on that nugget.  Not that I don't still get my heart broken....but the healing time is much shorter when things are in perspective.

An Adventure in Leon

Most of my time in Mexico has been to cruise destinations like Costa Maya and Cozumel.  Which I certainly enjoyed, but there is a lot of country left for me to see.  All of the balloon festivals I had attended had been on US soil....and only in North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee.  The largest number of balloons I had seen at a festival was 100, and that had been a big deal to me.  So when the chance came to go to the Festivel Internacional del Globo (FIG)  in Leon, Mexico (a place I had never been) with 200 balloons expected from all over the world, and a new culture to experience, how could I say no to such an adventure?

I went as the crew chief for pilot Jim Falls, who had never been there himself.  (In fact, this was Jim's first trip out of the country.)  We had few details about what we would actually experience once we got there, so we just fumbled through.  Fortunately much had been planned, even if we weren't aware of it.   Someone met us at the airport....well, us and about 18 or so other people, and luggage, and just one (albeit large) van.  Not large enough, really, but it got us to our destination, even if we were packed like sardines.  I sat in the back seat, with a suitcase gouging into my side, another from the back jabbing in my head, and my backpack and purse in my lap.

We saw ballooning friends from NC almost as soon as we walked in the door of the hotel.   Some of them don't remember seeing us that night (OK, just one of them, despite the 5 hugs he gave me) but they really did welcome us very warmly and make us feel at home.  (The earlier arrivals found the tequila and margaritas very welcoming.)  

We arrived on Wednesday night, and Thursday morning we went out to the field for our initial pilot's briefing, to meet our crew, and to unpack the balloon (which had been shipped by truck with about 20 others from Spartanburg, SC.)  Pilot briefing went well, but I looked and looked and I never could find our crew.  Everyone else seemed to have theirs.  I finally went back to check with the folks in charge of the volunteer crews, and found out that for some reason one had not been assigned to us (it was said in Spanish to the person I has asked....but easily translated.  Was it because we were #13?)  Fortunately Alejandro, Ariel and Isaac were standing by and they were assigned to us on the spot.  Once we got their truck back to our area (a feat in itself...I finally had to turn traffic cop and people actually listened to me!) we were finally unable to unpack the balloon (starting at least an hour later than everyone else!)  They then went and found the very long line for propane (first day, all tanks empty....it took a while!)  I opted to hang in our "nook" and keep an eye on our remaining stuff.  I hear it was the correct decision.....much cooler and relaxing than sitting in the truck waiting for our turn at fueling.  (But if only I had taken my Kindle or my MP3!) Still, I was able to talk to a few of the other pilots and crew chiefs, so made a few friends that gave helpful advice during the week.  Other than that, I just laid back on the envelope and enjoyed soaking in the atmosphere.

Friday morning was a typical day....we caught the bus at our hotel at 5:30 for the pilot's briefing at 6.  Burger King was a sponsor of the event, and they provided breakfast every day.  Always apple pies and fruit and some sort of sandwich.  On Friday it was chicken sandwiches.  And there was coffee....and it was good.  My necessity.  (One day both the hotel and the festival ran out of coffee before I got mine, and coincidentally that was the day I kept losing things....like my walkie talkie.....and noone did what they were supposed to do without me having to raise my voice.  No coffee leads to the world gone awry.)  We shared a launch pad with another balloon.  Our "launchmate" was a pilot who had been to every one of the 11 Leon festivals, and had never missed a flight.  One year he said only a few balloons took off before they closed the field....he was one of them.  His record continued this year.  (Note to non-balloonists....it is rare for a festival to have this kind of record where balloons are launched whenever scheduled.  Wind or rain, our enemies, usually get in the way at least occasionally.)  

Our crew changed slightly on Friday.....Isaac was replaced by Miguel, brother of Alejandro.  Our guys were all college students and Miguel had a biochemistry exam on Thursday, so Isaac had stood in for him.  We had no passengers assigned to us that day, so Ariel was able to go up with Jim.  That required a very long walk the length of the field, so he could get the required bracelet (no bracelet, no insurance....so you know I was a stickler for that!) and sign the waiver.   But we made it back in time to get our balloon inflated and launched.  Balloons only fly in the morning in Leon, unlike morning and evening here.  We were able to launch until about 9 a.m.  A lot of the balloons stay close to the field....in fact, a lot of them rode the "box effect" provided by the winds and landed back on the field.  While I hear this happens in Albuquerque, we don't see it around here.

Chasing was interesting.  It was easiest to get out of the field on Friday since there were fewer people.  Jim ended up landing in a new housing development.  We had to clear the guard at the development, then find our way to where they landed.  We could see the balloon pretty well since the area was hilly, but the roads were like a maze.  "Turn here, now here, now go there....."  But we found them!  The wind had come up pretty quickly, so we needed to get it down fast.  We took down in the road to avoid the prickly terrain.  That soon gained us the help of another crew, trying to get by to get to their balloon.  Their help meant we wrapped it all up pretty quickly.  In future days Jim landed closer to us, but the crowds made getting to him more difficult.  There are no routes that are reserved for chase crews and very limited security to help us get to where we need to be.  You have to patiently wait and go with the flow.  Not my forte, but it seemed fine in context.  And since they landed so close to the field, the crowds come up close and want pictures taken with the balloon and pilot.  I think Jim, and all the pilots, felt like a celebrity.  We crew chiefs got a bit of attention ourselves.  I couldn't figure out why people wanted their picture with me, but I was willing to pose!

When we were out in the streets of the community, we tried to have candy on hand to throw to the children.  Yes, most kids know the English word for candy!   You had to be careful, because they would run out in the street for it.  I refused to give it to them until they went back to the sidewalk.  OK, so my aim was off a few times....but it was at least in the gutter and safer for them to reach!  We always ran out of candy before kids and it always broke my heart.  They got such pleasure from it....and we got such pleasure getting to do it.  I loved the kids and wish I could have spent some time down on the ground hanging out with them.

I entertained Miguel and Ariel on the very last day when I threw my very last piece of candy for the whole festival.  I had been lecturing them all day about making sure they threw safely, and they say (I did not see this happen, so cannot confirm or deny....though I prefer to deny) I hit the kid in the eye with the candy.  The guys laughed and laughed as they told me about it....so I have to assume it was true.  It makes me cringe to think about it!  Next year I guess I will have to look for the kid with the eye patch.....and give him a whole bag of candy.  I will jump down from the truck to hand it to him, though.  And then I will run so he can't beat up on me.  Or maybe Miguel or Ariel should do it for me....they should be more easily able to identify him since they saw it.  And they laughed at the poor kid!  (They'd probably say they were laughing at me, but that is not what I will tell the kid.  Though they may have a communication advantage, darn it!)

At night they had balloon glows.  Entering the field was pretty cool.....most pilots burned from the basket in the bed of the truck as they drove into the field.  A bit tricky because of all of the power lines and trees, but doable and no accidents occurred.  I got to see this entrance from the field on Saturday night, and I was as excited as everyone else in the crowd.  I love parades....I love to see controlled fire...I loved it.


A German guy had the whole glow choreographed to music.  I never saw it as it was supposed to be.....both nights I was there it was windy and the balloons were not able to stay up.  He had it all staged with some burners on the ground, some burners on the truck, and then some balloons set to inflate like a typical glow.  The glow was all set to music.  There were lights on the stage that were to give you direction as to what to do (red-do nothing; green-burn; white-twinkle.)  We never could see the lights from where we were and/or got distracted by the other lights flashing around the stage.  We were not alone.  There was just a lot of burning going on during the night we glowed....which was still pretty cool, even though the balloons glowing would have been even more magnificent.  At the end of the glow they set off fireworks and released lanterns to float all over the place.  On Friday there were a few, on Saturday night there seemed to be thousands of them.  It was like being in a fairy land.

Communication was easy throughout the festival.....our crew all spoke English well and were great when we needed interpreters.  I wish I could say my Spanish improved....but not one lick!  One of those things I need to work on....I can read a bit, but my ear and my tongue don't do other languages well!   Time for more movies with subtitles! (Note to Adrienne....just not French ones with Jean-Luc Godard as the director.)

While in Leon we were able to see our fellow North Carolinian Jonathan Trappe do two cluster balloon stunts (think flying using a big bunch of helium balloons)....one a trial in a boat he plans to use when he tries to cross the Atlantic, the other a house reminiscent of the one in the movie Up.  I hate that I was not able to help with the helium fills....and that I was so busy during his launches I only got some quick glances of him in action.  But it was fun to be there, cheer him on by name, and see it even briefly.  I love how Jonathan  adds such imagination and adventure to ballooning and I enjoy being a fan.

Left to right - Alejandro, Ariel, me, and Miguel

My favorite part of the festival?  Hanging out with my ballooning friends, meeting new ballooning friends, and spending time with the wonderful guys in our crew.   Let me tell you a bit about each of them.  First there is Alejandro, who is studying International Business and hopes to work in the leather industry when he graduates.  (He's got that James Dean look, don't you think?)  He was our driver for the week and tolerated us all giving him directions (usually at one time), as well as having to get his truck in and out of some really tight spaces.  He was the most serious of the three, and took most of what I said at face value.  (Yes, I enjoyed pulling his leg.  But I suspect he would not have allowed it for long.)  I loved his big heart....he gave up his balloon ride on Monday morning so that his 16-year old cousin Fernanda could reach her dream of riding in a balloon.  She loved it and was in her element!  (I loved Fernanda.  But Alejandro must ride next year!)   I suspect it is very good to have Alejandro in your family.

Next is Ariel....he had an easy and relaxing personality and such a genuine smile.  He was the most hesitant with his English, though there was no need for him to be.....he spoke and understood it well.  I enjoyed watching him in his element though, speaking Spanish, where he had a boldness and confidence that came out and seems to be a large part of who he is in everyday life.  He is someone who can and will get things done.  He plans to be a physical therapist.  I don't know....I saw some twinges of politician as I watched him.  He seemed to figure out how to make things work and always seemed to know who to call for answers (and have their number!)  A good person to have around when dealing with people. 

Miguel, Alejandro's brother, probably had the easiest time conversing in English for long periods of time.  He told me he learned English because he loved American music - he would listen to it and try to learn the lyrics so that he could sing along, and when he didn't know a word, he would look it up.  Obviously a successful strategy. He said he had never spoken with a native English speaker, so was curious as to how well he was doing.  He definitely passed with flying colors.  He was my continuous translator and I was his and we both questioned each other non-stop.  Miguel planned to be a dentist, but now is thinking about becoming a psychologist.  He said he wants to be happy and he wants to help people and thinks that will do it.  I suspect that will be the case with whatever he ends up doing.  It is who he is....a happy person who helps people.

I adored all of them (and our short-timer Isaac and our adopted crew Fernanda), and I hope to be able to keep up with each of them in the future and see what they become.  And I'd love them all to visit NC sometime so they can experience our life here.  (Their favorite foods are pizza and hamburgers.....I know we could make them happy there!)  I would enjoy showing them around and planning their entertainment.

I do have some personal regrets post-festival.  I didn't get to explore enough of the city or visit the leather district for more than a few minutes (for example, explore the shoes!)  I didn't get to eat any of the street food.  I didn't get around to see everything at the festival.  I didn't get to ride the ferris wheel at night.  I found no balloon souvenirs (except a t-shirt....which I love, but I wanted to find something more unique.  Or balloon earrings, which I always need to keep replenishing because I am forever losing them!)  And I wanted to tear down one of the awesome posters from the light posts around town or one of the banners from the fence, but didn't (I loved the black and bright colored graphics for this festival and thought they would look good in my office.)  I figured creating an international incident would not be good for the reputation of ballooning!  (I'd be OK if it was just my own reputation  If I waited until the festival was over, that would just be helping them clean up, right?)    

Those are silly minor things, and incredibly overshadowed by the privilege of being able to visit Leon and attend this tremendous festival and spend time with a whole lot of good and fun people.  The staff at the festival was friendly, worked tirelessly, and made us all feel welcome and comfortable.  The people in the crowds there were passionate about ballooning, and it was a pleasure to share that love with them.  As someone who lives for adventure, this was another one for the books.  I feel like pinching myself.  Who gets to do these fun things?  I do!   I recognize the blessing, I recognize the privilege and I am grateful.  It definitely was a reminder that during this month of thanksgiving, I have been given more than my portion of fun.  And I selfishly hope it keeps on coming!!!

Family Reunion

"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you."  Deuteronomy 5:16

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We had our McKinney Family Reunion yesterday.  My dad was one of ten children and every single one of those children had children.  That means I have a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins.  There are actually a few McKinney cousins I couldn't easily identify. The McKinney family is big.  And I am sure to some a bit intimidating.  But to me, they have always been the essence of family.  I've always found love and comfort being part of them.

When my grandparents were alive and healthy, we all saw each other almost every week for Sunday dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's.  Being one of the older grandchildren, I remember that time.  Most of the younger cousins never got to experience it or have no memories.  Grandma and Grandpa's house was on Island Ford Rd.... remember where Moore's Buds and Bows used to be, behind Ingles?  Prior to all of that, that was my grandparent's house (I still resent that shopping center being built there!)  The house looks smallish now, but it always seemed  really big to me back then.  On Sundays food would be everywhere in the kitchen and the dining room....everyone would sit...well, I'm not sure where we all sat.   The front porch was very popular.  We'd end up eating wherever we could find a space. But I don't remember that ever being an issue. No one went hungry....unless by choice!

I remember sitting on that porch listening to the conversations of the adults.  I remember making perfume out of the roses from Grandma's rose bushes.  (Or trying to.  I never understood why putting the buds in water never produced the same smell as the flowers themselves.)   I remember chasing lightening bugs....and June bugs....and climbing the apple tree in the back yard.  Not too high.... heights were not my friend even then.  I remember spending the night with Grandma, waking to bacon frying and a big breakfast (we were a cereal and toast family at home, so it was always a treat), and then for lunch going to Hickory for hot dogs at Fred Shell's.  I remember when my aunts Dana and Tena were in high school and watching them roll their hair with the biggest rollers you have ever seen.  Maybe it was juice cans.  Regardless, I couldn't wait until the day when I got to do the same.  Well, until my mom put sponge rollers in my hair for the first time.  I learned quickly rollers were not the thing for me!  I couldn't image bigger and harder rollers being used!

I remember sitting in the den where the piano was (you remember, that room where no one ever went!) and staring at the wall trying to figure out where the body of the deer was, whose head was on the living room wall on the other side.  My uncles told me it was back there.  I never could figure it out.  The wall just wasn't wide enough.....I should see part of it.  It never occurred to me that they were pulling my leg.

My  cousins, siblings and I would challenge each other to run in front of the TV screen and see if Grandpa yelled at us.  He did....most of the time.  That was our bonding time with Grandpa.  I remember giggling and giggling as I ran through that room.  Yeah, you would think after raising 10 kids he would have mellowed and could take that in stride....but the mellow only happened in the very last years of his life.  We drove him crazy.  And yes, that makes me smile even now.  But he married the perfect woman in my Grandma.  She was his polar opposite.  Nothing ever seemed to get to her.  I never remember impatience from her.  She would see us running, know exactly what we were up to, and quietly giggle herself.  I have no memories of ever seeing her angry.  She took everything in stride.  My mother will tell the story of coming over to this country to marry my dad (she was from a quiet family of three daughters in South Wales) and my uncles (Harold and Farrell, I believe it was) chasing each other around the house with knives.  Scared my mom to death.  My grandmother's response was to not even raise her voice, but to say "Boys, put the knives down."  And they did.  They knew the strength behind the quiet demeanor.

Your family is different than friends.  You choose your friends, God assigns your family.  While it is not always fair, while it may not always be good or healthy, while they may not always be the people you would choose, we're placed where we are for a reason.  For a purpose.  I am quite fortunate with the family to which I was assigned.  My siblings are some of my favorite people in the world.  I love and support them, and I know they love and support me.  My parents are great.....they have loved us, taught us, worried about us, and released us as adults.  I think they did their job well.  I look into their faces, and the faces of my aunts and my uncles, and I see a lot of who I am.  These are the adults who were assigned to love me, to stand by me.  To help make me a better person.  Some were there constantly, year in and out, some just for a season or two.  But I can tell you how every single one of them has shaped my life in some way.  My cousins....especially those close in age....add texture to the mix.  Some I feel particularly close to, some I don't know well.  Those adopted, the step cousins, the cousins by marriage....they are all part of the plan and an important part of who we are.  They are all part of what makes our family work.  The unit is functioning, whether it always functions well or not, whether it is functioning on all cylinders.  It always works best if all the units are engaged.  If they aren't, the machine doesn't work as well, but still can chug on and produce good stuff.

Most of the McKinney family is loud and opinionated and freely will give you advice.  I've always liked that.  At times I suspect those voiced opinions have led to hurt feelings and alienation by some members of the family. I never was privy to exactly what went on and still don't understand. It bothered me for a time, then I realized that time wasted worrying about such things is simply time wasted.  Those who feel wronged should state the offense to the perceived offender.  They should work it out.  In life in general, but especially in a family.  If they choose not to, they carry the issue around with them and it can be a heavy load.   The alienation stays and festers.  Often we let misdemeanors against each other become life sentence crimes.....why is that our choice?   All I know is that such choices take away precious time....keep us from what we should be in each other's lives....and people suffer from the alienation. 

Oh, how our family has grown!  Now we have the next generations.  I have nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, and my cousins have children and grandchildren.  Many don't carry the McKinney name, but they are part of the canvas.  They carry the connection, the McKinney history.  They have inherited good and bad.  I hope they see those of us who are adults grab hold of the good things that we have been handed, and replace the bad with better. I hope they never grab onto the "family isn't important" mentality.  Because done well, family makes up a group of people who are there to lift you up when you do well, and catch you when you fall.  They may then dropkick you into next week to teach you a lesson, but when that is done with love consider it a gift!  They didn't choose you....but yet they love you anyway.  Even when that love requires work.

It's a pretty cool thing to look around a room and know that while Paul and Lois McKinney are not on this earth, their lives still impact ours every single day.  We are their legacy.  I have inherited my grandpa's outspoken ways, but I believe I have also inherited my grandma's restraint and strength.  (On my maternal side, I think I have inherited my grandsha's spirit of contentment and my nana's critical spirit. But Nana taught me how I don't want that critical spirit to develop, so I am trying to learn to use it for good and not for making me and everybody else around me miserable!!!)  And their looks....a quick glance around the room at the McKinney reunion and you saw the same faces, with a bit of a mash-up here and and again!  You can't deny the common blood running in some of our veins.

I am sure that my grandparents never thought about how far the family tree would expand beyond them.  But it grows and grows and twists and turns and some branches fall off and others grow fuller and fuller.   I love that Paul and Lois McKinney are part of my life even today.  They are the cornerstone of my family.....and from them I received the gift of many other family members that I can share life with today.  They were responsible for giving life to my dad, and in that they made my life possible.  I'm grateful for family......and for union and reunion.  I appreciate those to whom it is important, those who make it a priority.  If we allow ourselves to be a part of that crazy unit called a family, we are rewarded with the richness of history..... and we fulfill some of our purpose on this earth.  If we don't, I think we miss out on some of why we were created.  And when we don't fulfill our purpose, we miss out on claiming some of the greatest joys of life.