Superbowl for Geeks

One of the lawyers that works at my company called last week the Superbowl for Geeks.  Made me laugh, but also I identified with it.  Because I probably do have a geek-like fascination with the health reform law, known as the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA), that came into being about two years ago.  Its future, now in the hands of our Supreme Court, definitely has my attention.  Is requiring people to buy health insurance (or pay a penalty) constitutional?  The Court listened to the arguments for and against last week.  We'll find out what they believe soon.

That Americans have access to quality, affordable healthcare has been a passion of mine for some time.  In college I had that great benefit called the infirmary.  How wonderful it was to go and get all the Sudafed I could ever want, for free!  I recommended it to all my friends.  (Trivia:  Singer James Taylor's dad headed it up when I was at Carolina, and was my doctor once.) And yes, since Sudafed was free, I took more than I needed.  Just because I could.  (And no, there was no meth lab involved.)

Then I got my first real job out of college that offered insurance benefits, and I had to figure out things like what a deductible was.  Funnily enough, there were not a lot of people around who could explain it to me well.  It wasn't free, but still I found it quite cool to see how much of my bill my insurance covered! 

I've been in the insurance business since 1983.  My first job was paying claims.  It gave me a good idea of just why we need coverage.  While I wasn't a big health care consumer, some other people I paid claims for had bills that were astronomical!   Several years after I left the claims department for marketing, I met the daughter of a guy who worked at a company I had paid claims for.  He had major health problems.  I still knew his social security number five years later! He had that many claims and with every bill I needed to enter his social security number. (Don't worry....claims examiners don't know social security numbers today.   And most claims are paid without humans touching them!)  The money they saved on one healthy person like me wouldn't have covered this man's bills.  There needed to be a lot of mes in the pool.  In this day when bills can hit the millions, we need lots and lots and lots of mes.  High costs, high premiums.

While I can't say that I have read every sentence of the PPACA, which stands at over 2,000 pages, I have  read most of it.  Definitely more than the average American.   My personal assessment is that it is surprisingly a good law (though with too much unnecessary baggage attached.)  It is also a very integrated law.  For example, strike down the individual mandate, and you can't implement the part that says there will be no pre-existing conditions.  Insurance must always have a balance of risk, which means that there needs to be lots of healthy people in the system to pay for those who are sick or injured, and if someone can just wait until they need coverage to purchase it, none of us will be able to afford coverage.  And that will just be the first of the house of cards to tumble down.

I've wracked my brain over the years trying to figure out a way that we can improve our healthcare system.  Will this law do it?  I don't know.  But our current system has some breaks and we need to figure out a way to fix them.  There are a lot of people who are uninsured and under-insured.  Those of us who have health coverage are already paying extra for those who receive service and don't pay their bills and for shortages that appear elsewhere.  Other than the emergency room, there are not a lot of other options for the uninsured who are not wealthy.  Some doctors see some people pro bono, there are a few free clinics, but not enough to fully service all who need care. But everyone who is uninsured is not sick.  A lot of the uninsured are healthy.  For now.  That can change overnight.....and it's not insurance if they can wait until they need it to purchase it, so our system can't just wait until then to open the doors to them.  What happens to our system if all of the uninsured are added?  Theoretically they will be able to get care more efficiently and the cost of coverage will go down for us all.  That I would like to see.

I have no clue as to what the feeling of the court will be.  I am not even positive what I want it to be.  There are quite a few possible scenarios as to what can happen.  I am admittedly intrigued as to whether the system the PPACA lays out can work.  While not perfect, it shakes up our current system and that system needs to be shaken up.  But regardless of the court's decision, this geek will be paying attention and will be involved in making the aftermath as good as possible for as many as I can.  For I believe eventually we will find a solution to the healthcare problem.  And I know I am not alone in my passion.   I believe people in this country deserve accessible and affordable healthcare.  As good as we can give, to as many as we can give.   And I like the idea of us all being invested in paying for it.

When We First Met......

I used to say I was very good with first impressions.  I thought I could see the depths of the soul of another person and immediately realize what kind of person they were.  And of course, that impression was immovable...that was who they were to me forever. Whether it really was who they were or not, that was all I could ever let  myself see.

I finally realized it was less about me being good at first impressions, than stubborn that my initial assessment was correct.  It took quite a few times of people surprising me - both positively and negatively - before I decided that when I judged someone from one point in time, I was forgetting the complexity of people.  I kept getting disappointed.  (And yes....I would even be disappointed when I initially couldn't stand someone and then they proved to be one of my favorite people.  I so hate to be wrong!)   The ultimate April Fool! 

I may meet someone on a good day or a bad day.  They may be someone who is called to do something or be someone they really aren't (for example, in my own life often called to be an extrovert when I really am an introvert.)   They may be polished on the surface, but hiding a lot of junk underneath.  They may be in the midst of personal turmoil, under the influence of alcohol, around people who make them feel inferior, out of their comfort zone.  They may outwardly do kind and generous things for others, but do them for reasons other than being kind and generous.  They may be kind to me, but brutal to others in their lives.

We judge from a lot of things.  There are the non-verbal cues.  Our faces show much of how we live our lives.  Smoking, alcohol, tanning, hard living - the scars show up on our faces.  Smiling and contentment, it shows there, too.  Heredity also plays a part.  As does years of chronic pain. Years of personal pain.  But even these things - while we may see them, there may be more there than meets the eye.  We can't trust them completely.

And then there are the words we use.  Oh, that I would be forever judged on some of the things that have slipped out of my mouth.  Things I don't mean, but say anyway.  Times I can't quite articulate what I am thinking, and fumble.  Times I say something that may sound really good on the outside, but doesn't really express who I am and what I really feel and believe. Times I am uncomfortable and say something to fill silence, and what I say is the wrong thing.  Things I have said, but repeated by others out of context and it gives it an entirely new meaning.

I think our best judge of people is our observation of them when they don't know we are paying attention.  But even that has to be taken with caution.  We may not really catch them unaware.  We may not see the situation as it really is.  We may judge based on one small part of who they are, when there is much more than meets the eye.

As I get a little older, and hopefully wiser, I try to let people reveal themselves to me in time.  I know we all have strengths and weaknesses and try to keep these things in perspective.  I believe people can change and grow, and that who they are today is not necessarily all they are ever going to be.  There should be very few actions in our lives for which we get a life sentence.  I try to grade on a curve...and give people second chances.  But I also try not to forget the little things that just may give me further cues as to who they are.

We are a complicated people, with many layers.  Most can not be put in a "good" or "bad" bucket.  When God was telling Samuel who to anoint as king after Saul's reign, He went not for the obvious choices, but for David (the youngest son of Jesse, the shepherd.)  He said "the Lord does not look at the things people look at.  People look at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."  It would be so easy if we could just do that too.    But in Jeremiah we find "The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?"  Evidently not us! 

So let's just face it.  We may never have the true impression of who someone is completely.  But over time we may see a great deal about who a person is.   We have to gauge the people in our lives in some way.  I hate the hidden.....I prefer people who tell me who they are, warts and all.  But all aren't ready for that.  All aren't comfortable that they will be accepted in spite of it.  Those I love, I love in spite of their flaws.  Sometimes where they see them as flaws, I see them as gifts.   But sometimes they are just flaws - that destroy themselves and others and keep the person from being the whole person they should be.  They need to change - and I need to encourage that change gently.  And maybe sometimes not so gently.  Or maybe I just need to sit back, pray, and stay out of the Holy Spirit's way and not try to do a job for which I am not qualified. 

The Lord saw David's heart....but David's life shows his heart wasn't perfect, nor were his choices.  God knew that in advance.  But He also saw something else in him.  He saw that He was fit to be king.  And his life would impact our world forever.  We, the imperfect, are used to change the world.   And that just may be our final impression.

A Time To Begin

After spending the month of February loving things on Facebook, several friends had serious discussions with me about the need to continue to write.  They made a special point to do so.  As I always say, if I have one gift it is picking friends.  People who encourage me to do things they think will enrich my life and cheer for me to say what I think (whether they agree with me or not.)  I resisted at first, but February was a good month to consider a lot about what I think and believe and the daily discipline of writing it down was good for me.  Scary, too.  As an introvert by nature, sometimes I become too possessive of my own thoughts and don't want to take the risk that comes when you think out loud.  Especially publicly.  But since I have vowed that this is the time of life I will continue to do things that scare me, here I go...

March has been an emotional month and a pivotal month in the lives of many of my friends.  As many of you know, Ed Ristaino was a member of our local hot air ballooning community and just two weeks ago at an event in Georgia he lost his life in what was really a freak accident.  A crazy unexpected storm came up and after dropping the five skydivers in his basket to safety, his balloon was essentially ravaged by the storm.  Even in the midst of this, Ed kept his cool until the end, talked to his crew and let them know what was going on, and from what I have heard did everything that he was supposed to do.  Still, we lost him to this earth and none of our lives will ever be the same.

I didn't know Ed well, but he was well loved by many of those that I love and I was around him on quite a few occasions.  Plus he was a member of this community of people that I am bonded to and love so dearly, so his death hit pretty hard.  Seeing those you love in pain wrenches your heart.  He was one of those people I wanted to know better, so I will always hate that I did not get that time.  My favorite memory of him was the first time I saw him sky dive.  I was sitting out on the field at a Montgolfier Day party, having just watched most of the balloons ascend, changing my camera battery.   All at once I sensed something overhead and there was Ed, having ridden up with another pilot and jumped out of their basket.  What struck me the most was the beauty and the grace with which he "flew" and landed.....and how quickly he recovered, and ran over to his own balloon and took off.  I am sure my eyes were sparkling as I watched the whole thing....that joy of life and realization that you can go from one adventure to another.  Fun stuff.  The kind of people I like to hang out with.

But Ed is to be remembered for more than that.  While I think he will be appreciated for that side of him, he will be remembered for his investment in the lives of others.    He used his hobbies to bring joy to other people's lives, his job to bring revived health.  I remember him giving Amanda, the handicapped niece of some of my ballooning friends and a constant presence at most ballooning events (our mascot!), her first balloon ride.  Who didn't shed a few tears watching that?  He was a mentor for people like my friend Mike, who is studying to be a balloon pilot, and was helping Mike realize his dream of owning a balloon.  He was an encouragement and a man of vision.  His memorial service had moments of sadness, because his presence will be missed, but mostly it spoke of a man well loved and a life on earth well lived.

My last long conversation with Ed started with me asking his advice about my goal of skydiving in 2012, but somehow worked into his reflective thoughts about losing his dad.  One thing I am quite confident in after that conversation....he would not have mourned his own life, nor want life to stop without him.  He'd be encouraging our next adventures!   As I do skydive in 2012, I am sure I will think of him.  And while I will never have his grace, I hope I carry with me a piece of his adventurous and loving heart.

In the midst of celebrating Ed's life, we also celebrated the marriage of Allie and Drew, balloonists who are the children of balloonists, all friends and very special to a lot of us.  While it could also have been a time for mourning, it was a time of great joy.  There were smiles, there was laughter, there was dancing.   There were people supporting each other and determination that there would be joy!   When you all come together with that determination, how sweet it is to experience.

I keep thinking of Ecclesiastes 3 this month....
" ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace."

And then these great verses..
" ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God."

As this week we have all tried to get back on normal footing, we find there is no real normal.  The pain of this life doesn't stop, there will be more tears and more missing him, but yet we take comfort in the memories, cherish his impact on our life, and find reasons to laugh again.  This week I have already experienced more loss as my brother-in-law's dad passed on.  He will be missed, but his big personality will continue to be remembered.  Also this week I got to hug members of my family, laugh with my friends, and work alongside my co-workers.  We have been gifted with each other in this world, a great gift, but it is a temporary gift.  Should we spend our days mourning that or fearing the loss of those in our lives?  Or do we celebrate each day with each other in gladness?  Ecclesiastes is quite honestly a depressing book in most places.  But it does contain a lot of truth.  You can choose to see each moment of life as meaningless.....or you can choose to live it fully, happily, with purpose, and with thanksgiving.