Non Potable

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"Pure water is the world's first and foremost medicine."

 Slovakian Proverb 

"When you drink the water, remember the spring."

Chinese Proverb

I was driving behind a truck the other day that was marked Non Potable Water. As one easily distracted, thinking about that kept my mind busy for a while. Which is probably a good thing, because I was behind him in the right hand lane for a long time and couldn't get over, and he was driving at that speed that isn't really under the speed limit, but just hovering at it. Unlike most of my family, I consider that too slow, so it has a tendency to make me impatient. (Yep...I recognize it's my issue...that's the first step to change. I haven't necessarily fully accepted the wanting to change thing yet.)

So my first thoughts are "Why do you have to mark the truck for that? Is someone trying to drink it.... sneaking and slurping from that massive container in the middle of the night because they don't have a bottle of Dansani available?" "Was a lawsuit involved? Is it the work of the same person who suggested the 'Do Not Use on Garments On Body' label on the iron or 'Remove Child Before Folding' label on the stroller?" (So OK...maybe the first one is especially funny to me because I possibly could have done it. I haven't tried the kid in the stroller folding....yet.)

Is there some great harm from a vat of unpotable water imploding in an accident? Are there trucks of water that pretend to be something they are not? That someone is trying to pass off as pure? I'm sure there is some reason for that truck to be marked, but I am clueless.

Anyway, in my ADD stream of consciousness, I started thinking about how essential water is to life. Our bodies are about half water. Is our body water potable or non potable? I guess it depends on what we put in it. If we put in clean water, it replenishes our cells and allows us to live. If we put in non potable, on the other hand, it can possibly kill us.

As those of us who are Christians are closing down Holy Week, I think of Jesus  giving his people the gift of living water to quench our thirst. But because someone is saying they are drinking this living water, doesn't mean it is true. How do you know whether someone is drinking authentic holy living water? It is always potable. It always (yes always) produces good fruit....love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

There seems to be a lot of confusion about such things these days. Anger, unkind spirits, judgmental attitudes, rudeness, hatefulness, prejudice....these are things are created from non potable water. It may look the same in the glass, it may not be marked on the container, in fact it may be mis-labeled, but still it is contaminated, from an unpure source. It can be muddy and filled with microscopic creatures  and nothing even resembling purity. Still thirsty people drink it. It can be consumed almost undetected, slowly and subtly damaging bodies. It can be consumed with eyes wide open, knowing there could be consequences. It can make people sick, and have them spewing vomit all around. It can even lead to death. It's insidious and evil and not good for us at all.

Whoever you are...whatever you believe.....Christian or not....if you are human you are at least half water. As you refill your tank, are you drinking that which is potable, or that which is not fit for human consumption? How are you filling your body? How are you filling your mind? Who are you accepting the glass from? Your life reflects these things. Your label is can be as large as the lettering on that truck, or small enough to be almost undetectable...but clearly it is either Potable or Non Potable. You can change the water source and change the fruit your tree of life produces. It's spring...time for renewal for living things. And it's Easter, Christians....time to admit those nails you hammered and live resurrection. How about a glass of water?

This Gun Thing

When I was in high school most pickups had gun racks in the rear view window. In those gun racks were guns. Many went hunting before coming to school in the morning. Some after school. We had to take hunter safety in PE, at the insistence of one of our coaches. I probably still have my patch where I passed the class. I rolled my eyes over having to take the class because I didn't think it was necessary for me. It wasn't, but it was for many of my classmates, so I get it. It certainly did me no harm, though I also never personally used the information.

I was not from a family that had guns back then (though most of my family does now), and I never spent one minute in fear that someone was going to go on a shooting rampage in my school? Naive? Maybe. But the fact that no one did, means fear would have been for nothing.
 
Most of my friends not only have guns, but many conceal carry. While I am in favor of this, I do admit there are a few that concern me. Sure, mental illness is a restrictor.... but what if someone has anger issues or is skittish or prone to fear or has times when they feel everyone is against them? There have been times that seeing certain people with guns in public has scared me. But who decides where the lines are? Even with some of the folks I know well, I wouldn't want to make that determination. I don't believe I would trust you to, either.

There are things that scare me more than guns. Terrorist bombs. Poison in our water or food supplies. Those driving while impaired....or while texting. Somebody running me down  me in a parking lot or while crossing the street (thinking of you, downtown Statesville drivers). I know more people who have injured innocent people with guns than have saved themselves or their families. I know folks who have been murdered....probably with legal guns. One was probably the act of a stranger (no one has been convicted) and another was a former boyfriend. But I don't see the guns as the murderer....just the murderer's weapon of choice. They could have been knifed or hit with a lamp or poisoned. They'd still be dead. That's just my experience and thought process....yours could be different. It shapes our views. How can it not?

I've heard some folks put down the kids protesting our gun laws and not feeling safe in our schools. Agree with them or not, I will do nothing but encourage them. Get out there and speak your minds, kids. Tell people what you think..learn to articulate your thoughts. You may be right....but be open to being wrong.. You'll be ahead of most adults with that one quality. I'm sorry you don't see it modeled much.

I am hopeful that these teens are not only learning to peacefully protest, and link arms with those of like minds (and even engage with those who think differently) , but they will continue to exercise their rights. I hope they vote in record numbers...and pick better candidates. I hope they blow up our political party system, Agree with them or not, they are trying to influence our politicians and our world. Do I think they will be successful any time soon? Nope....because I cynically believe that something about being in public office makes ears and minds and even hearts close. Maybe the job and the number of opinions to sift through is just overwhelming. But I don't see politicians listen to opinions of people well. I don't see them trying to solve problems creatively....or even seem to understand what the real problems are. So if they don't change, we need to change them. Because the symptoms are not the disease. Maybe the voices of these teens will resonate an
d get their attention.  Maybe.

I want dialogue. I want us to vote differently....grading politicians on how they listen to we, the people. I want us to figure out what is going on. Why do we live in such an angry country, an angry world? Why are there so many mentally unbalanced people? Aren't those the real questions?

If guns are the problem, I would not be opposed to changing the Second Amendment. I've said before I don't think guns are our primary issue, and I'm not a gun fan. Still I also don't think any part of our constitution is so sacred it should never, ever be changed. Before you get up in arms, I like our constitution. I currently don't think it needs to change. But I am open to it changing it if we decide that's best for our nation.

What really need to be open are our minds. I love seeing some of my friends make bold choices and changes as they are actively working through the issues. Some are giving up their guns. Some are learning how to shoot better and safer. Some are securing their guns like never before and making sure they are not easily accessed, especially by children. Others are learning self defense....and learning how to defend others. I admire them all. They're leaving their comfort zone and growing. They are taking it seriously. I suspect they will come through it more balanced and stronger. Hopefully their experience will teach us all.

I am not currently advocating for changes in gun laws, because I currently feel the problem is bigger than guns. That could change tomorrow. I listen to people on all sides of the issues and I am willing to be changed.

There seem to be so many scared and unbalanced people in our world. They....sometimes you.....scare me. Not obsessively, but for moments in time. But I still believe there are more people who are balanced, who will come together and soothe an angry world. I often mention the quote "Anger is fear disguised." Let's work to find the source of fear and soothe some angry souls,

Young people,with your beautiful passion...I pray you don't become discouraged by the naysayers, the cynical, and the closed minded. Find those adults who are wise.....you will know them by their balance. Listen to them and learn. Ask them hard question and find the inconsistencies in their thoughts. That is how you grow your minds.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't change the world.....and that your fear is unfounded. You're headed in the right direction. I am proud of what we will do together. Because you're not in this alone. There are adults who are working for change. And while your innocence has been damaged and you may be scared, we want you to be able to go back to being kids. Strong kids. Kids that are both seen and heard. And protected.

The Passport Photos

"When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home." Erma Bombeck

I realized yesterday, through our travel agents at work, that my passport expires this year. Not until October, but anyone who travels much knows that as long as it is in the same year some countries will not let you in  (OK, they say within six months, but I have learned to be extra cautious because if something can go wrong, I will find it out . I am easy-going about most things, but could very well stage an international incident over such a thing.

So this procrastinator, who often misses deadlines in her personal life (most recently my car tag renewal), would never knowingly not have a passport in good standing. You never know when someone may say "Hey, do you want to go to Antarctica?" ....and you must be prepared to say "Sure!" (That is the only possible answer, from where I sit.)

But today as I was waiting at the CVS, where I believe all of the passport photos of my adult life have been taken, I remembered a Dad story. I don't think there have been many, if any, days of my life since my dad has been gone that something hasn't brought him to mind.

Dad was almost always calm, cool, and collected.....and seldom wrong. He also was a bit thrifty. Some of you are grinning because you know I inherited that particular trait. It was time for Dad's passport to be renewed and he thought "Why should I go out and pay someone else to take a passport photo of me? I'm a pretty good photographer."

So Dad read all up on all the requirements.....he was the type who would not miss a detail (I did not inherit this trait.) He knew the backdrop he needed, he knew the size his head needed to be, he had each and every detail down. He set up a white sheet with a chair in front of it, set up the tripod, and started the process of taking his own picture. He found it wasn't quite as easy as it looked. This was back in the days of film, so there was film cost and processing that needed to be done. Dad kept making adjustments and taking more photos until the roll was ready to be developed.

When Dad got the pictures back, I don't think one was usable. The pictures were hysterical. Sometimes it took before he was seated. Sometimes he was leaning one way or another. Sometimes you could see the sheet draping, and other times wrinkles in it. Yes, we laughed until we cried. Not Dad....he wasn't around when we saw them....the rest of us. I think he had left them on the counter. And yes, our mom was the ringleader.

If I remember correctly, that did not stop him. It just gave him more data to make sure he got it right. He got the picture.

So me....CVS has always been my passport place, because I learned from Dad how I didn't want to do it.  Even after all of that, and knowing my inability to do anything crafty, Dad would have still told me I could do it myself. Most who know me, know better. Sometimes his faith in me was misplaced.

I wanted to hug the young guy who took my picture today when it was over, not because the picture was so great, but because the process was fun. He had to remind me "You can't smile".... which made me purse my lips in a way that makes me look a bit suspicious. We laughed after he took it and I really had to laugh when I saw it. I may be patted down or strip searched in my future, because of that look on my face. But my photographer was proud of his work But he further said "They do call them mug shots. And they're the ones who say you can't smile, wear glasses, or have your hair in your face." I rolled my eyes at him a little, but acknowledged "I'll be traveling. If I looked too good they wouldn't recognize me."

Thrifty me found a $2 coupon online when I checked to make sure CVS still did took passport photos (since it had been 10 years.) So I didn't pay full price....that is a good thing. And truly....as bad as my photo is, I know Dad's were far worse. Sometimes 'Do it yourself" is not smarter or cheaper.

Now to mail it all in and get ready for more adventures. It's fitting I am doing this in February. Is there anything I love more than travel? A few things, but not many.

Beyond the Shutdown

Supposedly they'll vote at noon today whether to stop our current government shutdown. Since it started there has been a side of me that wishes everyone who will not get paid as a result of the action (or inaction)....including our military....would refuse to do their jobs. OK, the childish petty side of me, I don't  really believe that or want that.....I know we need them and it would put our country in chaos...and danger. I appreciate that they understand that and have a commitment that supersedes their salary.  But when you have a government insensitive to the needs of you and your family, the temptation has to be great to really let them see the significance of their actions.

I'm not being partisan here. I follow no party. In fact this once again demonstrates to me what I feel is disgusting about our political system. It's on the level of junior high drama...are you in the popular crowd or not? The gang mentality supersedes the individual responsibility. Good parents do not let their children slide when they do something because of peer pressure. Why do we allow it in our government?

Looking at the numbers, no party is blameless.  NY Times List of How They Voted  But truly I don't care about that. Let's throw the party out of it all. I hold each individual responsible. I could not care less about what party they are in. They get one vote....they have full responsibility for that vote. If the other members of their party jumped off a cliff, would they follow? (The questions of childhood stay with us forever, because silly as they sound they still ring true.) Yes, many obviously would.

I'm tired of people bringing up the idiotic statement of Trump from the past that the president is responsible. I don't believe our president is that powerful. Any president. Those kinds of statements deflect from the truth and probably give this one person more power. They don't recognize the checks and balances of our system. They don't recognize the big picture.  If our government was run by leaders who put people before politics or their own self interests, who represented all of the people of our country instead of their particular self interests, they would work more for small focused changes that make a difference instead of big bulky bills most of them haven't grasped or understood when they voted for them. They'd get more done, with much less chaos. They'd take one issue at a time and really let people see what they believe.

I don't know about you, but my eyes were rolling back in my head this weekend each time I saw a Senator make a huge public spectacle of writing a letter refusing their salaries, because of course they are exempt (as they are almost always) from the impact of the laws they pass. Some of my friends appeared very moved by this. Not me. I agree they should not get those salaries. Write your letter and send it, but instead of having time for a press conference or public relations campaign to gain accolades, spend your time working for solutions that will impact those who have no choice about what will be done with their salary. And in the future, make sure you are never exempt from a law that is passed for the people. Leaders should be the first in line to take the action they are suggesting for others.

I've followed the Facebook posts of friends who are "non-essential" government employees. They're confused as to what it all means for them, even those who have been through this before.  I hate they are dealing with such instability. In a world where many live paycheck to paycheck, I am sorry this has given them extra stress.

Working in corporate America, there doesn't seem to be a choice as to when our budgets are final. My company has never had a shutdown in the 12 years I have been there....they make their decisions and the budget is final.  Not everyone agrees with it, but it is what it is. I don't work with budgets now and only see the outward impacts, not the inner dialogue. I do know that usually their most important audience are the stockholders and decisions are often made to make them happy. I don't always agree with this, but I understand it and understand the whys behind it.

Who are the stockholders of our country? I think it should be our citizens, all of our citizens. Too often it is the campaign contributors. Too often it is a very small group of people just like them. Too often it is their friends, who they socialize with at cocktail parties or on the golf course. Too often it is the members of their political party, those with the power to make the party decision. The 'popular crowd." Too often they forget they are working for "we, the people." Too often it is because we have let them, have continued to elect them, and have not held them to a standard befitting a member of Congress of the United States of America,

Like many I have grown to hate politics. I hate that immigration and the handling of illegal aliens (a critically important subject itself), is used as leverage to pass, or not pass, a budget (way past the "deadline"). I hate that we elect people who don't represent many of us....who often are people who have no ideas of the struggles of the common man. Who have never been to a grocery store, or laundromat, or checked a book out of the public library. Who never had to stick to a personal budget. People who would rather grandstand than compromise.

When it gets down to it, we the people are responsible. We elected these folks. Both parties. Casting our votes or failing to cast our votes. Participating in the system or failing to participate in the system. Believing the voice of a political party rather than making our judgments based on each candidate, each issue, one at a time. Getting our idea of who a particular candidate is from media rather than trying to actually get at the truth of who they are. Which yes....I believe may be almost impossible.

Years back I failed to vote for a particular candidate because they wore a bad toupee. My thought process was that anyone who had poor judgment in that area, would have poor judgment in making decisions in political office. Afterward I got to know this person and I learned they were intelligent, compassionate, knowledgeable, and cared about our community. I wish I could say that was the only time I made such a shallow judgment, but it is not. It has taught me to try to get to know the person behind the candidacy. That's a tough thing to do, I have found. Often I am voting for a bio or from the   judgment of a journalist whose eyes may see things differently than mine. Neither usually give me a true judgment of that person's true character. But we need to learn to look for the character, to look beyond parties and to people. We need to hold those we elect accountable. We need to look out for our communities and our country, and all the people who make them up, rather than only our own self interests

I know I vote differently than most. I sometimes vote for candidates that don't share my views. A weird concept to many, I know. But I want good strong points of view debating issues. I want different types of people represented. To me that is how democracy works best. I have no illusions that we are at a place where they do this well at the moment, but I believe it is a step to get us tgere.

While I am frustrated rught now with most things political, I have hope. I talk with younger friends and many have a better handle on debate and reaching consensus than my contemporaries. I hope they do not become jaded.

We the people are the power. Not the president, not the Congress. We can stop this foolishness. Why don't we stop the name calling and the childlike meme wars, why don't we stop supporting politicians who don't take their responsibility seriously, whose actions don't match their words or votes. Why don't we stop following the misplaced ideologies of our political parties and think for ourselves? Why don't we band together and care about each other and fight for all of the things our constitution says it stands for? Why don't we act as mature leaders and show them how it is done? Why don't we compromise when it is needed? Why don't we quit worshipping politicians and media and make decisions that will be an example of how you live unified in a democracy? We can, you know.

Resolute

If you know me at all, you probably know that planning is not my favorite activity. I'm a good planner,  mind you, but more of a "wait until the last minute, figure out all the things that need to be done, and do them" kind of woman.

I hate things like project plans (ironically I'm currently a project manager by profession), because I would rather be doing or strategizing than writing a list and crossing it off. No, I never make a grocery list either, which is why I can go to get things for Christmas dinner and forget the most important items.

So it falls in line I don't make typical new year's resolutions. I do think about the new year and evaluate my life. There's a little holiday break in there and it seems to come up. Last year I had one goal.....to be more active in my work day. Major fail.....but I am not giving up on it because 2017 has ended.

I have found myself laying around a lot the past month....pain and illness and such taking over my life.  Not my norm, and it was frustrating. But I spent a lot of time thinking things through and I realized something. My life feels a bit stale. Not just because of the forced time out, but even before. I have realized lately I am not trying new things or seeing new places. Both of those things are part of who I choose to be, so a life lacking in them is not me living my life to the full.

I had lunch with my friend Mirielle some time back, and this sassy girl challenged me. I have thought about it ever since. Before I tell you what she said to me, let me tell you a bit about her. When Mirielle was about to begin studying at Chapel Hill, we had dinner when I said "Oh, I'm going to miss you so much when you go away." She said "Why? I'm coming home every weekend." I am sure my face showed sheer horror. We then had a conversation that began "Nooooo......you can't do that!"

The first weekend, she was home. I shook my head at her and she said "Really.....I am going to  stay there some." And then she did.....and learned the joy of it.....and I barely ever saw her.

But there's more. She graduated. She started traveling. She loved it. She didn't wait for someone to come along and do the typical group of friend trips to the same destinations everyone else her age went to. She went by herself, to wherever caught her fancy, and stayed in hostels, or possibly in her rented car. She is more outgoing than me, but you never would have seen it those first years I knew her. She was quiet.  But she meets people easily and has learned to ask for both advice and help. She'll talk to anyone. She has learned to read people well and figures out who to spend time with, and who to avoid. You may be able to tell, I am not only proud of her, but she has become a role model for me.

Back to our last conversation. Knowing my love of new places and adventure, she called me on my current staid life. She challenged me on not taking advantage of opportunities to get out of my comfort zone. I have a few valid constraints, but still she made me question why I'm not pushing my boundaries more. Why I'm not working harder to live a life more reflective of the things I love most. Lots of food for thought.

I believe the biggest sin in most of our lives is that we don't live our purpose. That we disrespect this big world God has created for us and box ourselves in. Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone is not supposed to travel like I am. It's a definite passion for me, but it is not for everyone. (It's not for most of my family, for instance.)

But still, we all have passions. We all have adventures to experience. We have weaknesses to strengthen. Fears to test. Skills to develop. Talents to use. People to serve. We all have purposes to live. They look different. But they are the same in that they add the blood to the body of our lives.

I've talked before about the experience of seeing a friend come back to life during a transfusion. It was amazing. Totally from death to life. From comatose to talking and laughing. I think a lot of us need a few pints of blood. And/or a good kick in the pants.

I'm resolved this year that I am going to meet at least one challenge a month. It may not even be one per calendar month. Just 12 challenges. A dozen. It seems like a good number.

These may not be big things to anyone else, but they will be something God is telling me to explore. It may be a town. It may be a state. It may be a country. It may not even be travel.  It may be doing something that scares me. It may be something you wouldn't give a second thought. Because we are all different and have different hurdles to jump. But I am going to leave my comfort zone at least 12 times.

The thing I know is this.....these things will not be careless for me. They need to meet a need in my life. A weakness. A fear. An adventure. A challenge. A thrill. A service. A way to think about where I am and whether I am headed in the right direction....or whether I need to change a direction. Or detour. Some may be mustard seed things. Some may be mountains.

I need more zest for life.....and Mirielle has more than most people I have met, of any age. So I am going to meet her challenge. Probably not in the way she would do it. But that is good and right for me. We take the challenges of our friends and make them our own.

A new year looms. Are you good with a repeat of last year? If not, where are you headed? Make a plan. Or don't. Just open your eyes wider and do what needs to be done. That is what works for me.

May your 2018 be rich and full and happy. May you live your purpose. You'll know you are there  when you are living your life in a way that honors your beliefs, your loves, and your passions. And when you know the world is better because of you.

I Am Not Human

The determination has been made that I am not human. Furthermore, since I am not a human, I must be a computer.

This is not a conclusion I have come to to easily or without argument. It has taken a few years for me to accept it. But I cannot seem to pass the human test; therefore I am a computer. Thus says the CAPTCHA.

CAPTCHA stands for "Completely Automated Public Turing Test to Tell Computers and Humans Apart." You know them.....they are a big part of internet "security" these days. Used to be bigger, but some folks have gotten smart. They were designed to keep the bots from taking over the internet. Or at least that is what the official line is. The truth is, they were designed to drive me insane. I just know it. 

I have scanned the names of the inventors listed in Wikipedia to see if I recognize one of the names as someone from my past. I don't recognize any of them. But still....maybe that's it. I should have noticed them lurking. I must have offended someone.

You may understand. There may be more than just me out there. When I see one of those tests of jumbled letters and numbers, I never seem to be able to decipher them correctly. I try and try. I focus intently. Wikipedia said the average person gets them in 10 seconds. I am certainly above average. I have never gotten one in 10 seconds in my entire life. I wish I were exaggerating. No....I would guess my record is probably 10 minutes. And that would be on a day when I am high fiving myself due to my brilliance.

The newest are the pictures where you have to identify things like signs and cars in pictures. Granted I do better on these, but still have difficulty. Is that a line or a signpost? Is that the headlight of a car or another shiny object? Yes, I am perhaps a tad over-analytical. Or maybe not analytical enough. I can't decide....because you never see why you failed, so you can't learn how they view them. 

I have a mild form of dyslexia. The biggest issue from this that has manifested itself in my life (other than not knowing what shoe went on what foot way after it was socially acceptable) is that I can't reverse mirror images. My siblings can enjoy themselves for hours imitating me trying to use a curling iron. And you thought I have short straight hair because it looks best on me? Who would know? A "style" is not an option.

So I suspect that dyslexia may play a part in this. But also....it's just messy. I am a person of detail. I am over-analytical. Maybe I make it more difficult than I should. But truly....I have  tried first instincts and agonized over every character. Every time, I get the sign of "you are a loser". The next "puzzle" pops up. Arghhh!

Sometimes there is an audio option, The first time I saw that I got excited. Then I realized that it was like Charlie Brown's teacher, or at other times Chatty Cathy on speed, doing a spelling test. I don't think I have ever made it through one of them correctly. I don't even try these days.

So on the CAPTCHA scale, I am not a human. I am a computer. Which is funny since the concept of the technology is that my fellow computers, instead of humans, make that determination. I think they like me. They really like me.

While in the past it has made me feel like the "bad egg" in "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" (If you don't know the reference, or want to review it, I will place a link from the movie at the end of the blog), I have decided that I will instead be proud that computers see me as their own based on this great programming by the CAPTCHA people. I suspect a computer could get through their test easier than me, so the CAPTCHA folks are not quite as smart as they think they are. Nor are the websites that seek feedback, or purchases, from folks like me, but require I first pass this test. After a while I give up, still pretty sure I am human but unwilling to spend any more time in my life proving it.

"A Bad Egg" scene - https://youtu.be/kpgRdVBf5Qk

Stealing the Purpose

My niece Sara recently posted a video on Facebook about a visit to Publix.  We’re a family of independent women (well, other than I am hopeless with any home or craft projects and always am begging for help there) and to have someone push our grocery cart to the car when we are perfectly capable of doing it ourselves just seems wrong. She was a bit stunned to realize that when the cashier said she was happy to take her groceries to the car, she really meant it. The cashier really liked that part of her job. To say no hurt her feelings a bit. Providing that kind of customer service is important to Publix and their company culture is based on it (well, at least they said that when they moved into Statesville). I suspect it does make their employees happier.. There is joy in doing nice things for other people or in knowing your work brought a smile to someone’s face. Sata said yes and they had a good discussion about being willing to receive help.

I hate when I hear a friend has struggled in some area where it would have been simple for me to help. It’s a bit deflating...because I feel they don’t trust me as a friend. I believe that’s part of friendship...and part of family. When I say “Call me if you need me”, I mean it. On one hand I understand they don’t want to bother me, because I do the same to others. But when they do that, they are also denying me the opportunity to care for them. And we should look out for each other. I like to take care of my friends.... or anyone who needs it.

I’m not usually the person who can often force myself into a situation. “Introvert respect”, I guess you would call it. Because sometimes I don’t want people around (such as when I am sick or in the hospital), that is my default in most relationships. I forget others are different. That sometimes people need someone just to be there for them. That sometimes people need to know people are there to care for them. And we all deserve to be cared for. Even this introvert loves her time with other people and enjoys the sweet gift of another's time or a a gesture of caring. (Just maybe not all day, every day.)

Usually when I have had friends or family that were facing a serious illness, they have never wanted people to do things for them. At least that is what they said. Maybe they would allow the closest of family, their spouse for instance, but that was it. And the spouse, already emotional themselves, was burning themself out.

Someone told me of one person, though, that started making lists. She was sick, but she understood the need of people to show her they loved her....and it was great. If you asked if there was anything you could do for her, she would get out her list and say “If you could get me a box of notecards and some stamps, that would be great” or “How about bringing dinner on Friday? If I feel well enough, I’d love you to stay and eat with us, but also know I may not feel up to it. Can we play that part by ear?” or “The kids really could use a fun activity. Can you plan something?” or “We’re about out of toilet paper. Could you pick us up a few rolls?” or “We’re going to be away for three days for these treatments. Could you get our mail?” She kept people bustling and they kept going back for more. It was a sweet time for all....and they bonded more because of it. She created community....and they all got through it together.

I admit I am usually bad at this sort of thing....both giving and receiving. I want to give, but for most people I am always hesitant. I make feeble attempts, but have no great thoughts of what people really need. It’s like my brain becomes paralyzed. Plus I am a bad shopper....so hate things like gift giving. I like practical tasks.

I’m not always good at receiving either. Yet sometimes I need someone to keep me on task. To sit there and make sure I stay focused on things. Or frankly, sometimes “the overwhelms” hit and I need them to do it for me.

For a certain period of time in my life, I moved five times in five years. Most of those were company moves, so they would often do the packing and moving part. But I couldn’t let them unpack for me (even the times the company had included that) because I get a bit freaked out about the moving process. I don’t know what I would have done without family and friends. More than once my mom unpacked my kitchen and put those things away for me. A kitchen that is put together goes a long way to making you feel at home. My dad would set up the washer and dryer. My college roommate Ann came for several moves and once, after repeated attempts by me to distract her and get her to go do fun things instead of unpacking, she said to me “Go get a book, and sit in that chair, be quiet, and read. I am going to unpack boxes.” And unpack she did. What a wonderful gift. And she seemed to like going through my stuff and putting it away. Or maybe she liked doing things for her friend. I suspect it may be more of the latter....though I prefer to think the former, as though I was giving her a gift in letting her unpack for me and put my home together!
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We are meant for community.  Communities are at their best when they give to each other and receive. The healthiest have balance, and all give and are at times in a position to receive, During my 20s none of my friends could afford movers. Many Saturdays were spent with a crowd of us getting together to help someone move. It was even fun.My roommate and I had a paint party when we moved into a new house. I never lifted a paintbrush. If anyone knows of my painting skills, you know my friends were saving me from myself. Instead I cooked....and went from room to room talking and laughing with everyone. It was a great time and produced some fun memories.

I have made a large number of my friends while volunteering. Some of the activities were not pleasant or generally my idea of a good time. But for some reason we had fun. A job needed to be done and we did it together. Or we did it for a good cause. Because someone couldn’t do it for themself. Or because they needed a reason to smile.

I love the concept of random acts of kindness. I think my 2018 goal is to do more of them. To find a need and meet it. To find someone who has lost their smile, and help them find it. So often the smallest of things can pick someone up.

I was at work many years ago and one of the gentlemen who worked with me came by to see if I had change for a dollar. I was fighting severe migraines at the time (later I figured out they were caused by the sugarless mints I had been eating) and was feeling horrible. He didn’t know this, but was simply his normal warm self. He walked out of my office and I burst into tears. I remember it still 30 years later. Those were tears of thanksgiving....he was simply kind on a day I needed kindness (even if he thought he was just getting change for a dollar.) Those simple interactions can change the course of someone’s day. Do you remember some of those times in your own life? If not, think on things a bit.....and remember.

Let us be thankful for each other. Let us give.....and receive. Because sometimes receiving gives someone a wonderful gift. Purpose.Don't steal it from them.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

It’s your birthday. The first one you are spending in heaven. A bit better than last year, huh? I know from my Facebook memories we were praying you would pass the swallow test. I am glad we did not know what would come ahead. Having hope was good.

It’s your first birthday since I have been born I haven’t gotten to speak to you. Well, except for that first year of my life when I was almost four months old and I may have babbled. But you still got the message that year, didn’t you? I may have babbled to you at other times. I seem to remember you mentioning it. You usually tolerated it well. And heard me out and pretended it made sense.

Birthdays weren’t important to you. They really weren’t. The years I was in college and the years I lived out of town and called and asked to speak to you (I always had to ask for you, because if anyone else was in the house, you would not answer the phone), you would listen to my exuberant birthday wishes, say a bemused “Thank you, Kimberley” and then “Do you want to talk to your mother?” You’d not wait for my answer, but hand the phone back to her.  It always made us laugh. Talking on the phone was not your thing. Even to your most precious daughter. You didn’t see the sense of having a long conversation on it.

You didn’t get traditional birthday cakes. That was not what you loved and Mom indulged you. You preferred an apple pie or a cobbler. With vanilla ice cream, of course. Maybe an apple cake. Never the frothed up and iced up traditional birthday cake with candles.

To be the center of attention and the recipient of the Happy Birthday song? I suspect it was torture for you. (I kind of understand that one.) As we kids got older I don’t recall us doing it often. But then the next generation came and you had to suffer through it again for your grandchildren's sake. I think that was far more tolerable for you. You did love those grandchildren.....and you had mellowed out about such things so I don't think you suffered much then. You enjoyed their enjoyment of celebration.

You being you, and our family being our family, it is not a big birthday celebration for you I miss today, because our birthday celebrations are usually reserved for kids. But this, the anniversary of the day you were born (or was it?....there was a bit of confusion there), you have been on my mind all day. Work has been busy, so that took a lot of my attention. But you were with me all day. I could have spent the whole day grieving your death, but if my mind went there I stopped it. Grieving on this day misses the most important point.

While you didn’t particularly get much pleasure out of your birthday, I do. Your birthday was my gift. I am privileged to be your daughter. I was able to celebrate your birth in some way with you (even if it was only a 15-second phone call) for 56 years. So many don’t get that chance. You were a good man. Someone consistent in how they lived their life. Someone I could always count on. Stubborn as a mule. The least funny person in our family (bless your heart.) Tolerant of the humor of the rest of us....even if at your expense...though mostly you ignored our funny selves. You were one of the smartest people I have ever met and someone who always just dealt with the logic. You didn’t get the emotional side of life much. But you took care of us well and kept us on an even keel. We were loved purely and without doubt. In the Dad lottery, I got you. The best prize.

So to apply logic to it all, in my own way, this should not be a day about your death at all, but a day to celebrate your birth.  I am so glad you were born. I am glad you chose to have children and gave me life. I am grateful for all the memories...and all the things you taught me. (Like how to stalk people with cameras. And the finer points of basketball.) You took fatherhood seriously. You took most things seriously. You were stable and honest. You didn’t waste time on anxiety. It served you well. It served us all well.  I’m trying to emulate that....though I don’t have it quite to your level.

I asked Mom if we should do anything to commemorate your day. She said she would prefer it be quiet. Surely that is what you would have wanted. You were private and quiet. Well, unless we were in trouble. Then you could get very loud.

Today I am remembering those things that remind me of you, and I am smiling. A few tears may be leaking out, but I am trying to keep them to a minimum. Your birth day was a great day. Something to be celebrated, not mourned. Maybe sometime I will come up with a cool way to celebrate this day in a special way. For now, I’ll celebrate quietly. Or try. You know us McKinneys. We’re not that great being quiet.

You changed the world. In a very good and simple way. I am proud of that.

Even now God is with us. In heaven and on earth. We’ll be together again. In the meantime, I will look for signs of you. I will live what you taught me, as best as I can. With my own spin on it, of course. Because really... you never expected me to do it all your way, now, did you?

I love you. That will never die. Nor will your love for me. It is still here. I feel it. And I know it.

XXX
OOO

That 2017 Goal

So I had one goal for 2017. Just one. I am not a huge proponent of New Year's resolutions because I think often they are like drunken promises. We get crazy enthused and are going to make these huge major changes in our lives just because a new year has started... and we fail miserably each time. Usually week one. I'm over that....but still....I try to pick one area and make small incremental changes that will make my life better. Sometimes I even fail miserably at that.


For 2017 it was simple. I had found I had gotten completely sedentary in my work life. Working at home most days, there aren't a lot of rules. While friends and co-workers have told me they have issues working at home because they get easily distracted, I don't. In fact, the opposite occurs. There are so many distractions around the office, that I find it harder to focus on work there. I like to catch up on the lives of my co-workers and chit chat about everything going on, work and personal. (We all obviously get much less work done when I am in the office....probably one reason the company is so supportive of me working at home.) I like to watch the activity around the building. "Who's that guy walking down the hall....I've never seen him before." "And what happened to the woman that used to be in that office?" I attend meetings in person, where it's frowned upon (and rude) to multi-task. And it is loud....at least compared to home. There's always something to get my attention away from the work I need to do. The hazards of living life with ADD.

Home is different. I don't need to get dressed if I don't want to. Often I just start work. I don't even have to leave my bed....it is the perfect office. Add my laptop, iPad, and a couple of phones all around me, and I have everything I need for the day. I can comfortably focus on work....which is a good thing, right?

Until it is not. Until those two hours you save by not commuting to your office just become two more hours to work. Until you don't leave that spot on your bed for hours on end.  I'm talking five hours at a time on occasion. OK...even.more than sometimes. It happens way too often. Lately daily.

While some may be proud of this awesome work ethic, it horrifies me. I've read the problems sitting still for hours at a time can have on your health. I forget to eat, I forget to drink water. Hours of my life pass me by and I notice nothing except the computer screen in front of me or the voices on the latest conference call. My human contact is all virtual.  When it gets down to it, this is not acceptable to me. I want more out of my life and my body than a good work ethic.

So there are two more months in the year. I need to attain my goal. Like I said....I don't even try for perfection these days, just progress. It's time to make some small changes and see what I can do. To possibly work at my desk in my home office on occasion. Or sit where I can look out if a window and see a squirrel running around my yard. To take a break for a walk....even if I am doing it while on a conference call. To make lunch dates when it fits into my schedule so I can look people in the eye in person and catch up on their lives. To get on the treadmill when I hit the wall and take a few minutes to get away from it all and re-group. To make lunch and sit and eat it. Maybe reading a novel as I do so....or maybe just enjoying the food and noticing what I am eating.

No one has forced me into this cycle.....though I have other co-workers who are doing the same thing. We advise companies on wellness programs....and tell them to encourage healthy work habits in their employees. It's not only beneficial for them, but it pays dividends to the company. Yet sometimes we don't take our own advice.

We plan our days. We make choices in our lives. If I were talking to a friend who had developed my bad habits, I would be lecturing them furiously and telling them a million ways they could make changes. Yes....I know a few of you are laughing at the truth of this....because you have been the recipient of lots of solicited or non-solicited advice. But it is because I care. And I do believe we need to care for ourselves the way we want those we love to care for themselves.

So I have two months to meet my goal. The year isn't over yet. I just need to make progress. I have re-assessed where I am and I have not moved from where I was at the first of the year. I may have regressed. The time to change is now.

You are allowed to hold me accountable. Ask me what I have done to break the negative cycle. Ask me if I put real clothes on today, or took a shower. Call me to make a lunch date. Call me during the work day and ask me when I last moved my body. Sometimes we need a little help from our friends.

Enough about me....how can I encourage you? What bad habit do you need to change?

Eclipsing

Photo by Mike Woodside

"Nations, like stars, are entitled to eclipse. All is well, provided the light returns and the eclipse does not become endless night. Dawn and resurrection are synonymous. The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul."  Victor Hugo

"We should always endeavor to wonder at the permanent thing, not at the mere exception. We should be startled by the sun, and not by the eclipse. We should wonder less at the earthquake, and wonder more at the earth." Gilbert K. Chesterton

"When we have God in clear focus, His powerful presence eclipses our fear." Chuck Swindoll  

The only memory I had of the eclipse that was in 1970 was in the preparation. I remembered the pinholes in the shoe boxes, the warnings not  to look at the sun without them, and the general feeling of excitement and fear ("Don't look at the sun!"). That's about it. I have no recollection whatsoever of seeing the eclipse. Maybe some of you that knew me during that time will tell me if I did. Regardless, it didn't make much of a lasting impression. My guess is that I was underwhelmed.

So why did I decide to not only view it, but go to see it at totality in Columbia, SC, with my friend Jan? Well, beyond the fact that Jan is fun to hang out with and we were overdo a visit, I have no clue. Luckily I can work from anywhere, so I just prepared to work at Jan's house that day. It seemed to make sense because I had to be in Atlanta for a meeting the next day, and from Columbia that's only about a 3 1/2 hour drive. I hate flying to Atlanta for day trips and I figured the airports would be full of people who were headed home, so driving seemed the more peaceful route. Yes, I knew traffic to Atlanta may be worse than normal, but I was prepared for that. I thought.

Astronomy was one of my least favorite classes at UNC. I loved the lectures of my cute Dutch professor, but hated all of the parts of the class others would consider "fun." My TA for observatory and I hated each other from Day 1....right after I asked him how you really figure out what direction North is. Yes, I knew the North Star (his answer) and could figure that out....but I though there was more. There had to be....you can't always see the North Star. I still don't get it. I thought if I could unravel the mystery of North-South-East-West, it would be a college coup for me. The TA snapped at me to point my telescope in the same direction as everyone else, and then I knew he wasn't one of my people. No coup would occur.
 
I did not stay awake for one of our weekly planetarium sessions. People pay money for the experience. The voice of the guy who led them was amazing....but monotone and soothing. After about the first few sentences, I was taking a nap. Every single class. Planetariums still have this effect on me.

But still.....part of me is fascinated by it all. I used to date a guy who loved astronomy, and I enjoyed stargazing with him and listening to him talk about it all. He didn't rid me of the astronomy hatred completely, but it was fun to see things through his eyes. A couple of years ago I attended a planetarium show and actually stayed awake for the whole thing. I was shocked by myself....though I still see it as a fluke.

But then there is the sheer beauty of the heavens. When my great nephew Kaelan died last year, my niece Sara asked people to take photos of the sky. Ever since I have found myself captivated by it. And comforted by it. I'm constantly shooting pictures of it. It reminds me that God has a really good view of things....and is in control of it all....and is quite the artist.

As the early moments of the eclipse started we threw blankets on the ground in Jan's beautiful back yard. I was hoping for quiet, and was so pleased when it was. We could hear some occasional chatter of the neighbors, but not much. As we laid there with our glasses on (that we tested out on the sun even before anything started), we were comparing notes. We saw different things. It was weird and fascinating. Jan attributed it to her cataracts, but it made me wonder how many things factored into it. How different is the view of the world for each of us?

Totality came and there was silence, then a collective sigh throughout the neighborhood, then cheers, then the voice of someone saying "We don't need glasses now." I had trouble keeping mine on anyway, so gladly flung them off.
 
I saw a black circle with a very small band of golden light behind it. Around the black circle there seemed to be a ring of glitter....that silver kind, with sprinkles of color. Totally magnificent. The neighborhood was in a bed of  twilight. It was quiet (except for a few fireworks.) It was awe-inspiring. It was worth it. Not only the actual moments of life it took to view it, but the almost seven hours it took to get to Atlanta (where taking the Waze route may have advanced me a little here and there, but also took me on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere for over two miles in the dark of night. Thankfully the serial killers must have been in traffic. Or gone elsewhere for the eclipse.)

Of all of the photos I have seen at totality, and I have seen a lot, none have captured what my eyes saw. They are beautiful, but not "it". Only one has even come close so far. But this is what I think. God has a pretty strong watermark. His work can't be duplicated. But possibly in our memories.

For a few minutes a lot of us were simply looking to the heavens. Excited about a supernatural occurrence that really is simply a natural part of creation. Feeling unencumbered by worries of the world, but instead giddy with child-like wonder. Not afraid of the future. Bonding with the people around us, even when we couldn't see them. Trusting that the universe was doing what it was supposed to do. Feeling like God was conducting an amazing cosmic ballet. For us.

While I may not remember what I saw at 10, I took a clear picture of this one in my mind. I will remember.....and smile. 

My Book of Mistakes

"A mistake should be your teacher, not your attacker. A mistake is a lesson, not a loss. It is a temporary, necessary detour, not a dead end."  -   Anonymous

"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space." - Johnny Cash

"Never say, 'oops'. Always say, 'Ah, interesting'." - Anonymous

As my friend Heather and I were tooling around Malaprops bookstore in downtown Asheville, the cover to this book caught my eye. I snapped a picture. I didn't pick it up, didn't rifle through the pages as I often do when a book catches my eye. It just made me think......how thick would my book of mistakes be?

I don't seem to dwell on mistakes as much now as I used to. I used to let even the most minor error keep me tied up in knots for ages. As an analytic personality, I'd want to dissect it up and down. Why did I do it, say it, think it, forget it, or simply screw it all up? Do you know many angles from which  you can dissect something? It's infinite. When you are finished with the things from your point of view, them you start obsessing over the people impacted, or who may have been impacted. What do they think, will this change how they see me, am I a dork, idiot, or horrible person?

We're often presented to a tough jury. Some would rather you serve a life sentence for the mildest infraction. Or the death penalty.....you are dead to them and they want you to be dead to everyone else. Often that jury is simply yourself....and you seem to berate yourself as though with the internal voices of twelve angry jurors. Oh...and any lawyers and judges that happen to be in the vicinity. We need to remember that often the jury is wrong, or prejudiced. And sometimes they are right....and compassionate.

So many people live in complete fear that people, or God, will find out their mistakes. They try to hide from them completely. It reminds me of Jonah as he tried to hide from God. Quite silly to think God couldn't find him....especially since he was never out of his sight. But Jonah tried. And Jonah felt sorry for himself. And Jonah mourned everything and was obsessed with himself. He actually was both whiny and useless at a time when he could have been doing good things. Jonah wasted time.

I don't think we should forget our mistakes. We should deal with them appropriately. Was someone else impacted? We should apologize. Is there a lesson we can learn? We should figure it out and learn it. We should change when necessary, or adjust whatever needs tweaking going forward. The past can't be changed. But we can be better as a result of what we learned there.

While I don't believe you need to confess every little thing that you do to everyone you meet (because truly we don't want to hear), sometimes you need to talk it through. Sometimes saying it out loud allows you to figure things out for yourself. Sometimes there is someone with knowledge that can help you sort it out or figure out how to keep it from happening again, if only you tell them the truth of what happened. That's why we are here...surrounded by others.....to learn and share what we learn. Yeah, it takes a certain amount of bravery to live transparently. But it's also a big burden lifted.

Truth is, we know you are not perfect. And those times you pretend to be? It's wasted effort. There will always be someone who sees the real you.....and who will be shaking their head at your denial. Especially with today's technology. One way to keep clean....imagine you are on camera at all times. You just may be. And anyway...like Jonah, you're not fooling God. He can see you hiding behind that plant.

This morning I was sitting at a stop light and got distracted thinking about needing to run by the bank  to get some cash out of the machine. I glanced at my purse and reached for my wallet, preparing to grab my card in my wallet. The light turned green, the person in the white SUV behind me honked. I was momentarily startled and embarrassed, but went on my way. I didn't give it another thought (I may have hit myself in the head, reminding me to pay attention.). I pulled into the bank (probably a mile further down the road) and stuck my card in the cash machine. A white SUV pulled up in the next lane, which made me pause because there was no bank machine there. The lady rolled down her window and said "I am so sorry for honking at you back there." It confused me for a minute, then I remembered. "There is no reason to apologize," I told her, "I was the one who had gotten distracted. Thank you for getting my attention." She apologized again (lol) and went on to park in the lot near the bank. It made me smile. She worried about something she handled appropriately. Maybe it was not guilt but fear she would be a victim of my road rage (I don't have it often...and I don't think that was the case). I, the one who actually made the mistake, was already on to the next thing.....though admittedly more focused on my task at hand (driving) than I had been before because of her little reprimand. She, however, worried needlessly. She did nothing wrong. But still she felt more guilt than the true transgressor.

My book of mistakes would be quite thick, but you probably won't get a chance to read the special unabridged edition. I've forgotten a lot. There are others I need to forget, a few others I need to work through. But I'd rather get through the guilt stage and focus on the lessons learned....and live a better  life without toting that extra weight around. It's a beautiful world when you allow yourself to see it.

Father's Day Without Dad

I have always joked that my dad would not have known it was Father's Day unless we told him. That kind of thing just wasn't important to him. He didn't need presents, he didn't need cards, he didn't need flowery words. In fact, he preferred not to get any of that sort of thing (which worked for me!) But Father's Day was always family lunch day and that he always enjoyed, or quietly tolerated... we have very loud family gatherings, where he would sit in his recliner and alternately get in short conversations,  watch the family antics with amusement, or watch television, oblivious to us all.

Many of you know my died died December 18. This is the year of first everythings without him. Father's Day has always been a rather benign holiday to me (because it wasn't important to dad at all....and he never wanted to be the center of attention). It almost was funny to me....to watch him trying to be gracious for something he just didn't care about. But we celebrated him regardless.

This year it's not light and easy. The things that lead up to the day that I never really noticed (the advertising, for example) seem to be everywhere.To tell you the truth, this year I am annoyed by the day. This is a feeling that I don't believe will last into future years....because the day really is sweetly benign...but this year I believe I am allowed to indulge in feeling sorry for myself a bit.

 I find myself  mocking the retail advertisers in my head as they make statements that seem so stupid in my situation Universal messages just aren't universal.. "What would your Dad like for Father's Day this year?" "Another day with his family, Belk. Are you selling that?"

The emails.....Open Table telling me to make my reservations to treat my dad (he really didn't care about going out to eat. He preferred Mom's food.....or takeout.) K-Mart's "Dress Dad for Adventure". Sorry K-Mart....it may be difficult and I don't think you have anything that fits. Except a gift bag perhaps. "The best books to buy for Dad".... I just wish I could. He did love his books.The one gift you could buy him that he just may like.

I wanted to avoid our regular family celebration this year....and did not bring it up. I figured I would go hiking or do something else solitary. But I am not the only member of my family for whom this will be a tough day, and I know being together will not be an over-emotional outpouring, but our easy-going norm. That is always comforting. My nephew and his dear wife (who lost her dad way too young, so has experienced this loss for a lot of years) are going to host lunch and weather permitting we will enjoy the pool. It's not going to be the same, and not everyone in the family is going to be there. But that is the good thing about my family....we do what we need or want to do. There are no tight ropes. Whether together or not, the bond will be there. While I could choose solitary for the day, being with family, doing something a bit different, seems right. While Father's Day will always be about our Dad, how we each choose to celebrate it is fine. And he would approve. His needs were so few, it always was more about what we needed.

What media story about Father's Day actually made me feel better? Weather permitting, NASA plans to launch a rocket that releases colored vapors that become bright colored clouds. My dad's first jobs were related to the space program and everyone who knows me knows I love glow-in-the-dark. The idea of the skies lit up between earth and heaven... it seems perfect this year and makes me smile. Whether it happens or not....I love that it could.. http://www.wmur.com/article/nasa-hopes-for-father-s-day-launch-to-create-colorful-clouds-in-the-night-sky/10036871

Happy Father's Day Dad. On earth or in heaven, the truth doesn't change. It is a great fortune to have a dad that was steadfast and strong, that cared that the humans he raised be truthful,  hard working, and kind. You could care less if we made tons of money or met some crazy definition of success or perfection (good thing!). Loving you was always easy. That love lives eternally....and that is what I celebrate this and every Father's Day. But still.....I will miss the hugs. And the conversation.