The Perfect Wedding

My goddaughter Shannon got married May 22nd, in a beautiful and sweet ceremony in Lafayette, Indiana. She was gorgeous, he was handsome. Neither seemed nervous or overwhelmed with what was happening. They seemed ready to enjoy the day, but also understood that while this was fun and special and sacred, it was just a step towards the reality of a successful marriage.

Shannon's grandfather Swenson officiated and was the perfect blend of warm humor, words of wisdom, and sweet encouragement. He delivered the homily and prayed for them. They spoke the vows they each wrote especially for the day.

Their siblings Susan and Jonathan, were their only attendants. Both made wonderful speeches that I think captured the most important point of the day - their families were being expanded and a new family made. And they, and all of the others in attendance (and some who were there in spirit) were going to support and encourage them.

I had attended the wedding of Shannon's parents, Barb and Steve, in Lafayette over 25 years ago. A caravan of our friends traveled through the night from Greensboro to get there, and we were warmly welcomed when we finally arrived by family and friends of the Swensons. They put us up in their homes and fed us, much appreciated by our crowd of perpetually broke 20-somethings.

That same sense of hospitality reigned this time, not just with Barb's family but also with Spencer's. I stayed in the hotel with many of Spencer's family, and didn't seem to scare the mother-of-the-groom Sherri when I saw her in the hall and said "Aren't you Spencer's mom?" (I'm a Facebook stalker. I know everyone. Almost.) His dad, aunt, and grandmothers were all as equally friendly as I met them. Because of listening to Shannon over the years, I felt like I knew them.

There are few families I adore as much as the Swensons. Barb has three sisters and one brother, and incredible parents. Having been friends with Barb and Steve for so long, I have gotten to know many of them. They are funny and kind and accept me as if I were a member of the family every time I am around. This trip I not only got introduced to the next two generations, but also got to meet three of Barb's uncles and their wives. I got to hear stories, full of affection and laughter. Dinner conversation was lively and enjoyable and easy.

I got to meet Steve's cousin Tony and his wife and girls, who I have heard about for years but had never met before, I got to spend time with Major Jim Capers, who has become family to the Bradys (and they to him) and is known affectionately as Grandpa C. He is an interesting person, represents the best of career military folk, and as someone who has lost his wife and son, chooses his own family....which includes the Bradys.

I share all this because I think that a great predictor of the success of Shannon and Soencer's marriage is the love that has surrounded both of them all of their lives. They have seen real love, not just party manners or relationships based on only feelings. They have seen people who respect each other and honor each other and are loyal to each other. They have seen people of genuine faith, who live it well. They have seen people who are truly kind, not just to each other but to strangers. They have seen friendships that become family, and relationships that span many years. They have seen strong relationships of all kinds....imperfect people who love perfectly. OK....not all of the time, perhaps...but in a way that exudes grace and graciousness.

Shannon and Spencer will have an unusual first year of marriage. He graduated from college and was commissioned into the Army the weekend before the wedding, and will soon be leaving for the first of quite a few training schools. Shannon will head for Zimbabwe, for a summer program sponsored by their college (William Jewell.)  She will come back to finish her senior year there, where she will student teach and graduate before she joins Spencer at their first duty station in Kentucky.

I remember walking around the neighborhood with Shannon when they were stationed in Kansas for a year when she was a young teenager. We started talking about dating and marriage. I was never the usual godmother, so when she told me of plans to not date in high school (a vow she made with her group of girlfriends) I questioned her about it, as her parents had. Not that we wanted to force her into serious relationships young, but we thought dating at an appropriate age should not be taboo. We felt like making it forbidden fruit may have the opposite effect on the goal and she would not learn the fun of casual dating.

Shannon met Spencer during that time in Kansas (I believe she had already met him at the time of that conversation) and the interest piqued towards the end of their stay. Through the rest of her high school years they maintained a long distance relationship,me still in Kansas and she in North Carolina. When it was time for college, she made the decision to attend William Jewell with him. It wouldn't normally be what I would advise a young girl, but for them it made sense. (Even if she would never be a Carolina alumnus like me and her dad.) They needed to live in the same city to see if the relationship could work....and not tie up many years of their young lives if it was just a romantic notion.

Obviously it worked, and though young they have already endured both togetherness and separations. They have thought about what it would take to build a life together and changed their paths so they would better converge. They have shown more maturity than many adults, but they also retain the youthful spirit of possibilities.

A fairy tale wedding deserves a happily ever after. We know that often it doesn't happen. Like most marriages they will go through the better and the worse. How they maneuver those times together will determine their success. 

The perfect wedding does not guarantee the perfect marriage. But it also doesn't mean you can't make yourself a fairy tale life.

God's best blessings, Shannon and Spencer. You're not in this alone. Grow good.

Sunshine Amidst the Fog

So I got a verbal HIPPA release from my dad and so I can publicly say this week he had his chest carved by an amazing surgeon (Dr. Edward Kincaid, Wake Forest Baptist Health). Open heart surgery. Dad had his aortic valve replaced. We McKinneys don't mess around. If we're getting a new valve, we go for the big one! 

My mind has been troubled and tired and emotional and frustrated in the last couple of weeks. We thought surgery was going to be Friday, then were told it was Monday, then a heart transplant needed to be done for another patient, and so it was put off until Wednesday. Dad was in the "get it done" mode, as were the rest of us. But I was dreading it at the same time. It's seemed like being in constant fog.....and quite frankly, nothing else seemed to matter much.

But in the midst of the fog, you can see the sun. There is much I am grateful for:

~ My parents. For their strength and how they built our family. They have always been there for us, and taught us how to be there for others. And each other. The raised us all to be independent and have never been the type of parents who made a lot of demands on their adult children. But as they care for us, we will care for them.

~ My siblings.....for the way we care together. We did learn something over the years, after all the squabbling of our youth was over. Actually, even when it was going on. We were raised to share. In chores, in stuff, in responsibility. I see so many families who fall apart when hard times hit, or who abdicate their own responsibility of caring for their families in hard times with the flimsiest of excuses, but my siblings share the load. Like all partnerships, the load is seldom really equal...but our goal is to try to make it so. Some of this happens because we have vowed it will be the case. And if butt kicking is required, we are all quite accomplished at it and will gang up on whoever needs it.

~ My aunts and uncles....for their consistency and modeling and humor, no matter what is happening. My dad was one of ten children and most of his siblings and their spouses are characters. (I say "most of" for self-protection"....they raised me smart.) Get that crew together and there is always very loud talk and laughter. Yes, that is where I got it. They're a bunch of stoics, especially the McKinney men, but if you need them, they will be there. Two of his brothers and their wives were with us during Dad's surgery. I wondered at one point if families had ever gotten thrown out of the Intensive Care waiting room for loud laughter. I don't think they have.

~ Dr. Kincaid - What a way to use your life! The same week he did my dad's surgery he did two heart transplants, and who knows how many other procedures. He's also a professor at the med school here, so teaching others to follow in his footsteps. This guy....he's our hero. There would have been a time when a valve replacement wouldn't have been available to someone who is 83, but he and my dad make a great team and prove it is worthwhile. I am so happy my dad's docs sent him to this great physician.

~ The staff at Baptist Hospital. Everyone has been nice to us so far. Everyone. And you know I would loudly proclaim if they weren't. I ask tons of questions and am a bit demanding if you are looking after my loved ones. I am a bit squeamish as a nurse, but quite good as a patient advocate. They have my seal of approval. I couldn't ask for more. They even give out their cell numbers, answer them, and come immediately if you need them....just like they promise when they introduce themselves at the start of a shift. I have tested it. I have been known to stalk health care workers at other hospitals before....and would have here had it been necessary. But no.....they tell you they are here if you need them and it has proven to be true. From my healthcare friends I know most are kind-hearted by nature and really want to help sick people, but it is all in those staffing ratios and sometimes they make it impossible. They seem to be reasonable here. Others should learn from them. (And no "Mary Had A Little Lamb". Some of you Statesville folks will understand what I mean and know the peace that it adds to our nights here.)

~ My friends - I didn't talk about this publicly or widely until I knew Dad was OK and until I had his permission. But a few of you knew for various reasons. There were times when a well-timed text or private message made me smile, consoled me, or calmed me. You know who you are. And my co-workers....so many were so wonderfully flexible and covered for me when necessary (and will continue in the next few weeks). Others would have had I needed it. Kindness in action.

~ God - He answered our prayers. The way I wanted. Truthfully, watching how easily Dad seems to be recovering ("easy" being relative. It is and will continue to be a tough recovery, but he is doing incredibly well. Even compared to others far younger than 83), God exceeded what I thought was possible. But one thing I think is important to note. Even had things not been picture perfect, the prayers would still have been answered. God is good. Whether we get our way or not. I do not understand sickness, and suffering, and death. But still I trust God. 

As I sit in my dad's hospital room, watching my mom sitting next to his bedside holding his hand as he sleeps and she dozes, I smile. The fog that has covered the past few weeks is lifting and I can't help but know that even in these less than ideal moments of life, the sun shines. And life, even when difficult or a battle, is good.

The Nieces and Nephews Grow Up

With my nephew Brennan, prior to his wedding

I know people think it is easy to be a niece or nephew of mine, but let's face it....I quite often say what I think when I think it, and sometimes that can be quite annoying. I really try not to harp on such things, however, and I hope the adoration comes through stronger than any criticism. My hope is that they grow up understanding a bit about agape love, and in my bumbling and imperfect way I am one of their teachers. For those of you that aren't familiar with agape, that's the kind of love God shows. My personal translation for it is "I love you even though I know you." I'm not pretending that I know all of the facets of each of these interesting creatures who are my nieces and nephews, or that I always like all of the aspects that I do know, but still....I love them purely and devotedly.

My niece Maggie and nephews Brennan and John

As their aunt I have prayed their whole lives that they would grow up to be happy, kind, productive people who make good choices for themselves and build a good life. I cringe when they make poor decisions and I pray harder. Then I sit back and trust that God will continue to pursue them and they will listen to His voice. I will watch and see them changed. In the meantime, I love them completely as they are now.

My nieces Addison and Taylor

It's really not difficult. Each, for the balance, has always treated me with much love and respect. While at times I am certainly an indulgent aunt, I have demanded that respect over the years. The great thing about being an aunt is that I don't have to hang out with bratty children. OK, at times when I would babysit, it would not be an option to return them because of my commitment to their parents, but in Aunt Kim's world, fun and respect go hand in hand. It was my job to get that point across to them early....and they have all learned that lesson well.

When they hit a milestone in life, it excites me. I love seeing their lives progress. We saw a great milestone this weekend.....my nephew Brennan got married.

My sister Deryn, MOG

Brennan is the son of my beloved sister Deryn and my amazing brother-in-law Darrell. I've loved watching them raise their children. It was with a lot of love, firm discipline, and a ton of involvement from both of them. They partnered on the raising. Both were very hands on. My sister inherited our mother's eyes in the back of her head, but I think she took it to new levels. Spenser (their daughter) and Brennan couldn't do much that she didn't know about. Sometimes she told  them what she knew, sometimes she and Darrell would keep it to themselves and just watch for a while. Stealth parenting. It worked. Spenser and Brennan are productive citizens, capable of supporting themselves. They are kind and giving. I remember Deryn making me promise not to pay them for doing chores for me as they were growing up. "They need to learn that money is not tied to every job," she said "and you need to help your family." I don't think it is an accident that they are both hard workers, who are willing to help others.

BIL Darrell and his babies

Yesterday my nephew Brennan married Laura Sharpe. There was a display of pictures of the at the reception, showing them each growing up. They had many common experiences. They both come from similar types of families. Libby, Laura's mom, has raised Laura with many of the same values with which Brennan was raised. As Laura fit in with our family, Libby and her family did, too. It was a good melding.

Laura and two of her best role models

I love that Brennan picked a woman that is not only beautiful and sweet, but also spunky, smart, and self-confident. I think they will encourage each other to good things and they will change the world together better than they could on their own.

Laura and her grandmother in "their" wedding dress (center).
 

The wedding was beautiful and a true mix of tradition and a few modern twists. For example, Laura wore her grandmother's wedding dress, that she loved from the time she was a little girl. Her grandmother (an amazing seamstress), altered it for her, adding a few twists (like a flash of Laura's signature pink) that made it her own. Laura added her own hot pink stilettos. Her engagement ring was made from a diamond Laura's late daddy gave her mom, along with the pink sapphires from a pair of earrings Brennan had given Laura. Her something blue was a blue opal necklace, which had belonged to her paternal grandmother and was worn by Laura's mom Libby on her wedding day. Her something borrowed was a bracelet from my mom, Brennan's Nana. The sixpence in her shoe also was a nod to my mom's Welsh heritage.

My nephew Cross, the MOG's escort

Brennan carried a handkerchief carried by his dad on his wedding day, wore a tie pin from my dad (Grandpa McKinney) and carried Laura's dad's pocket watch.

The surviving grandparents (both are the maternal ones) represent over one hundred years of marriage. In a twist on the old ceremony, instead of giving away the bride, the pastor asked the grandparents' blessing on the marriage. This was the "we do" part of the wedding, and my 9-year old nephew Cross (who escorted in the mother-of-the-groom), joined the grandparents with a re-sounding "we do." I think perhaps he represented the other grandparents that were no longer with us, especially Brennan's much loved grandmother Novella Cass. It just didn't seem right that she was not around to share the day, but I suspect all of the loved ones were watching from the heavenly realms and joining in the blessings. (I had threatened to stand up at that point of the ceremony and lead another congregational blessing, tossing pink glitter everywhere. I didn't though....no time to get the glitter.)

As the bride comes down the aisle

And so vows were said, and the rain completely held off so that the reception could go on outside at Libby's house, and the atmosphere was relaxed and fun. Joy was in abundance. Somehow in Brennan's life I did not impart one lesson well.....I was a bit shocked and horrified (yeah, that is what you call "a gross exaggeration"!) they chose to delay a honeymoon and they will both be at work Monday morning at Lake Norman Pool & Spa. Because it is pool season, and they have responsibilities. They said "Later on, maybe we will go to the beach." Yep....one if those things Aunt Kim does not understand. But I love them even though they don't do it the way I would do it! And perhaps there is something to be said when a young couple starts marriage more excited about being together in the real day-to-day world, rather than prolonging the fantasy.

With my new niece

Since I didn't get to do my pink glitter blessing in the church, I will instead do it here. "Brennan and Laura, I pray that you will not only love each other, but that you will cherish each other. I pray that you will continue to hold dear family and tradition, but yet add your own twists along the way. I pray that you will be a joy to each other and to the world. I pray that you will be willing to do the hard things when they are the right things, that you will be willing to work hard for what you have, and that who you are when no one is looking is the same person as you are when visible to all. And through it all, may you see the hand of God extended, and not be afraid to grab it and hang on."

Niece Sara and husband Brian

Niece Rachel and husband Kevin

I wish the same for you, my other nieces and nephews.... and my godchildren, family, and friends (and any strangers who may read this.) May your relationships all be the kind that make you better than you would be by yourself. You are precious gifts, fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't ever forget what love really is.....and settle for less. Remember if these qualities are not in abundance and growing, it is not really love, but merely a cheap imitation. Learn to discern the difference. Work for agape love. Know it doesn't usually come naturally. It really requires going against our selfish natures. If you're noticing what your partner or spouse or friend or family member is doing wrong, more than you are noticing your own behavior in that relationship, you're probably not doing it well. But if you are willing to do the work, in the end, it is worth it. The result is a world of pink glitter floating down to cover you. Metaphorically speaking.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." I Corinthians 13: 4-7

But it took a lot of work!

On Siblings

So it is supposed to be National Siblings Day, so I guess it is the time to talk about my siblings. I have two brothers and two sisters....which to everyone else seems like a big family, but to me it just seems normal.

Our house was loud growing up. Almost all of the time. We fought a lot. Drove my mother crazy. We'd be screaming "I hate you" at each other one minute, pulling hair and throwing punches, then five minutes later would be watching TV together giggling. She couldn't understand the quick transitions. 

The TV was a major point of contention. There would be knock-down drag outs over which program to watch. For a long time he/she who stole the knob won (children, we actually had a thingie on the TV where you had to get up, walk over to the TV, and turn that thingie to change the channel. Just think of it as a remote, that had to be attached to the TV to have any power.) We then realized an amazing thing....the real power came from the person who pulled out the plug. Yep.....usually we would prefer we watch no TV at all if we didn't get our way. As my mother would say "we'd cut off our nose to spite our face."

My best friend Carole was one of two kids, and as a result got a few more things than I did. Like the cool bike with hand brakes (which everyone knows I changed my position on later....I hate hand brakes. Only foot brakes are really cool.) I remember grumbling to my mom about this and saying "Why did you have to have so many children?" Ever wise she said, "You are probably right. We might have had too many. Which of you shouldn't we have had?" OK, stopped me in my tracks. My youngest brother Derek is nine years younger than me, so he was my adored baby as he was growing up. Logic would say him, but no....I wouldn't give him back. I considered Deryn for a while, but decided maybe we should keep her, too. Dana and Scott....couldn't imagine not having them around either. I think that was the day I really realized that my siblings trumped things any day of the week.

We're all quite different, but very similar, too. There is definitely a sibling code. We're all quite opinionated and will almost always share our opinion, solicited or not. But there are limits. We allow each other to make our own mistakes. We will tell each other when we think the other is wrong, if we think it needs to be told. Sometimes it doesn't. Often it doesn't. But when we do say it, usually we will say it once and shut up. If we happen to mention it again, a mere look will change the subject. Forever. We have very few disagreements as adults, fewer arguments, but when we do they are forgiven quickly. Usually forgotten pretty quickly, too. Just as in our childhood, we have short memories when it comes to such things. Bottom line, I know I could do anything and they would still love me. I also know that they will never tell me it's OK when I am doing wrong. There's a balance there that is perfect, and I know it to be the bedrock of my life. Something I know not everyone has. A true gift of God,

There is a lot of humor amongst us, and a lot of support. There aren't a lot of obligations. I may go a month, two months, six months without seeing some of them. Or at least Dana. ;) Still, when I need them, they will be there. Any one of them. They will not be dramatic, they will not act self-sacrificing, but they will be practically useful. They probably won't gush a lot about how much they love me, but they will love me in deed and with a solid power. (Let's face it, too gushy and the eyes would roll back in my head.) When it gets down to it, they are the easiest relationships in my life, and since most of my friends are low maintenance that says a lot. I respect each one of them, I like each one if them, I love each one of them, and I enjoy each one of them.

The bond we have as siblings will never be broken. I don't believe this is just because we share blood, share parents, or share history. It's the nature of who they are. They have proven their commitment to me over and over again. There is something about having someone who is solidly in your corner, that will be there to catch you if you ever fall, but who will also laugh afterwards until you, too, are laughing hysterically that you got yourself in that predicament in the first place. Chances are they will have the perfect quote from "I Love Lucy" or "The Brady Bunch" or mom or dad to put all of life in perspective. Or at least that minute. They are some of my greatest riches.

Happy Siblings Day Dana, Scott, Deryn and Derek. You were definitely made especially and perfectly for me. I think I am going to keep you.....because my friend Debbie bought me a great bike with foot brakes, like the real cool kids have, so who wants hand brakes anyway?

(And also Happy Siblings Day to my self-adopted brother Steve.....who I just may horrify with sisterly affection/abuse sometimes, but who I think is catching on to the brother thing nicely!)

Family Reunion

"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you."  Deuteronomy 5:16

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We had our McKinney Family Reunion yesterday.  My dad was one of ten children and every single one of those children had children.  That means I have a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins.  There are actually a few McKinney cousins I couldn't easily identify. The McKinney family is big.  And I am sure to some a bit intimidating.  But to me, they have always been the essence of family.  I've always found love and comfort being part of them.

When my grandparents were alive and healthy, we all saw each other almost every week for Sunday dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's.  Being one of the older grandchildren, I remember that time.  Most of the younger cousins never got to experience it or have no memories.  Grandma and Grandpa's house was on Island Ford Rd.... remember where Moore's Buds and Bows used to be, behind Ingles?  Prior to all of that, that was my grandparent's house (I still resent that shopping center being built there!)  The house looks smallish now, but it always seemed  really big to me back then.  On Sundays food would be everywhere in the kitchen and the dining room....everyone would sit...well, I'm not sure where we all sat.   The front porch was very popular.  We'd end up eating wherever we could find a space. But I don't remember that ever being an issue. No one went hungry....unless by choice!

I remember sitting on that porch listening to the conversations of the adults.  I remember making perfume out of the roses from Grandma's rose bushes.  (Or trying to.  I never understood why putting the buds in water never produced the same smell as the flowers themselves.)   I remember chasing lightening bugs....and June bugs....and climbing the apple tree in the back yard.  Not too high.... heights were not my friend even then.  I remember spending the night with Grandma, waking to bacon frying and a big breakfast (we were a cereal and toast family at home, so it was always a treat), and then for lunch going to Hickory for hot dogs at Fred Shell's.  I remember when my aunts Dana and Tena were in high school and watching them roll their hair with the biggest rollers you have ever seen.  Maybe it was juice cans.  Regardless, I couldn't wait until the day when I got to do the same.  Well, until my mom put sponge rollers in my hair for the first time.  I learned quickly rollers were not the thing for me!  I couldn't image bigger and harder rollers being used!

I remember sitting in the den where the piano was (you remember, that room where no one ever went!) and staring at the wall trying to figure out where the body of the deer was, whose head was on the living room wall on the other side.  My uncles told me it was back there.  I never could figure it out.  The wall just wasn't wide enough.....I should see part of it.  It never occurred to me that they were pulling my leg.

My  cousins, siblings and I would challenge each other to run in front of the TV screen and see if Grandpa yelled at us.  He did....most of the time.  That was our bonding time with Grandpa.  I remember giggling and giggling as I ran through that room.  Yeah, you would think after raising 10 kids he would have mellowed and could take that in stride....but the mellow only happened in the very last years of his life.  We drove him crazy.  And yes, that makes me smile even now.  But he married the perfect woman in my Grandma.  She was his polar opposite.  Nothing ever seemed to get to her.  I never remember impatience from her.  She would see us running, know exactly what we were up to, and quietly giggle herself.  I have no memories of ever seeing her angry.  She took everything in stride.  My mother will tell the story of coming over to this country to marry my dad (she was from a quiet family of three daughters in South Wales) and my uncles (Harold and Farrell, I believe it was) chasing each other around the house with knives.  Scared my mom to death.  My grandmother's response was to not even raise her voice, but to say "Boys, put the knives down."  And they did.  They knew the strength behind the quiet demeanor.

Your family is different than friends.  You choose your friends, God assigns your family.  While it is not always fair, while it may not always be good or healthy, while they may not always be the people you would choose, we're placed where we are for a reason.  For a purpose.  I am quite fortunate with the family to which I was assigned.  My siblings are some of my favorite people in the world.  I love and support them, and I know they love and support me.  My parents are great.....they have loved us, taught us, worried about us, and released us as adults.  I think they did their job well.  I look into their faces, and the faces of my aunts and my uncles, and I see a lot of who I am.  These are the adults who were assigned to love me, to stand by me.  To help make me a better person.  Some were there constantly, year in and out, some just for a season or two.  But I can tell you how every single one of them has shaped my life in some way.  My cousins....especially those close in age....add texture to the mix.  Some I feel particularly close to, some I don't know well.  Those adopted, the step cousins, the cousins by marriage....they are all part of the plan and an important part of who we are.  They are all part of what makes our family work.  The unit is functioning, whether it always functions well or not, whether it is functioning on all cylinders.  It always works best if all the units are engaged.  If they aren't, the machine doesn't work as well, but still can chug on and produce good stuff.

Most of the McKinney family is loud and opinionated and freely will give you advice.  I've always liked that.  At times I suspect those voiced opinions have led to hurt feelings and alienation by some members of the family. I never was privy to exactly what went on and still don't understand. It bothered me for a time, then I realized that time wasted worrying about such things is simply time wasted.  Those who feel wronged should state the offense to the perceived offender.  They should work it out.  In life in general, but especially in a family.  If they choose not to, they carry the issue around with them and it can be a heavy load.   The alienation stays and festers.  Often we let misdemeanors against each other become life sentence crimes.....why is that our choice?   All I know is that such choices take away precious time....keep us from what we should be in each other's lives....and people suffer from the alienation. 

Oh, how our family has grown!  Now we have the next generations.  I have nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews, and my cousins have children and grandchildren.  Many don't carry the McKinney name, but they are part of the canvas.  They carry the connection, the McKinney history.  They have inherited good and bad.  I hope they see those of us who are adults grab hold of the good things that we have been handed, and replace the bad with better. I hope they never grab onto the "family isn't important" mentality.  Because done well, family makes up a group of people who are there to lift you up when you do well, and catch you when you fall.  They may then dropkick you into next week to teach you a lesson, but when that is done with love consider it a gift!  They didn't choose you....but yet they love you anyway.  Even when that love requires work.

It's a pretty cool thing to look around a room and know that while Paul and Lois McKinney are not on this earth, their lives still impact ours every single day.  We are their legacy.  I have inherited my grandpa's outspoken ways, but I believe I have also inherited my grandma's restraint and strength.  (On my maternal side, I think I have inherited my grandsha's spirit of contentment and my nana's critical spirit. But Nana taught me how I don't want that critical spirit to develop, so I am trying to learn to use it for good and not for making me and everybody else around me miserable!!!)  And their looks....a quick glance around the room at the McKinney reunion and you saw the same faces, with a bit of a mash-up here and and again!  You can't deny the common blood running in some of our veins.

I am sure that my grandparents never thought about how far the family tree would expand beyond them.  But it grows and grows and twists and turns and some branches fall off and others grow fuller and fuller.   I love that Paul and Lois McKinney are part of my life even today.  They are the cornerstone of my family.....and from them I received the gift of many other family members that I can share life with today.  They were responsible for giving life to my dad, and in that they made my life possible.  I'm grateful for family......and for union and reunion.  I appreciate those to whom it is important, those who make it a priority.  If we allow ourselves to be a part of that crazy unit called a family, we are rewarded with the richness of history..... and we fulfill some of our purpose on this earth.  If we don't, I think we miss out on some of why we were created.  And when we don't fulfill our purpose, we miss out on claiming some of the greatest joys of life.