The Grouchy One

Thanksgiving 2015

On this Thanksgiving my dad has been in the ICU at Baptist Hospital for 16 days. Our life is wrapped around that right now, the majority of out time spent either in the Coronary Intensive Care Unit (CICU), working, or preparing for our next shift. My siblings and I have a running IM full of reports on our dad....and our mom, whose battle is probably even tougher than dad's right now since he spends at least part of his day drugged.

Our time at the CICU is mostly spent in the waiting room. They don't make the CICU patient rooms very comfortable for long family stays. There is one chair in there, far away from the bed. The nurses work almost non-stop, and if you are in there too long you feel like you may be getting in their way. 

The CICU waiting room isn't very comfortable either. You aren't supposed to move the furniture, a sign says, because it inconveniences the housekeeping staff. We ignore that. They are not amused that some people (OK...me) take that sign lightly. Those who have been there a while do try to move things back around 8, when they arrive to throw us out to clean for 30 minutes.

The chairs are hard, and mostly attached in sets of three. Having slept in one the first night I was there, well the first night that dad wasn't in surgery so I felt I could sleep, I can assure you that even I who can sleep almost anywhere was quite aware of the discomfort.

But we learned from the family who has been there five days longer than we have been (today marked three full weeks for them....their father/dad just came in for back surgery and was supposed to be home in five days) and as time went by we grabbed a corner....with precious outlets so we can charge our devices...and have made it our home away from home. My brother Scott took a cue from our CICU friends and bought a cot. I have slept in that about as much as my own bed lately. My sister Dana brought a bag of snacks and quarters and a travel Scrabble board. Other friends and family have added to the snack stash.

You bond quickly in the CICU. We listen to each other's stories....some of us getting updates once or twice a day. We look for those who don't camp out like we do, but spent time there during their surgeries, because we want to have updates on their loved ones. For the most part, there is an incredible sense of kindness and caring. We're all in a battle and our prayers and thoughts are not only of our own people, but of these sweet people we are meeting along the way.

And then there was last night. Thanksgiving Eve. A lady was there that looked vaguely familiar, but as I talked to one of the daughters in this family we now feel is our family, she was within earshot so I tried to include her in the conversation. She would not engage. My CICU friend had tried to turn down the TV a few minutes before and the lady had gotten very huffy about it. She hadn't been looking at it or seemed to have been engaged with it at all. She didn't give a reason....just seemed very upset with my friend for turning the sound down. My friend tried to compensate and turned the sound back up and handed the remote to the lady. That didn't make her happy either.

I set up my cot for the night and a lady and her son who are also in our little CICU round-the-clock waiting room family came in. The son was setting up his mother's cot for the night (they bought one for her after she used ours one night when my non-sleeping brother was spending the night and my mom had watched her falling asleep in a chair with her head on her son's shoulder and offered up our cot for the night.) Their "family camp" is in front of the TV set, so (once again) since no one appeared to be watching she started to turn it off. The grouchy one (once again) began to voice her displeasure. The son saw a place near me that would work and quietly moved his mother's cot over there. We exchanged a look of raised eyebrows about this grouchy woman. His sweet mom kept trying to engage with the lady. She finally made some headway and listened to her story.

I was far enough away that I could not hear the conversation. Eventually the TV sound was quieted and the TV left on. I got up in the middle of the night to check on dad when all were asleep, and turned it off. The grumpy one did not awake....amazing since she was sleeping upright in one of the uncomfortable chairs.

But this morning, Thanksgiving, as everyone in the waiting room arose (around 6 a.m.) and I came back after looking in on my dad (who had an uneventful night....thank goodness), the lady was in the waiting room by herself. I tried to engage her in conversation again and this time it worked. We started talking. All of a sudden it dawned on me who she was. This was Larry's sister-in-law. Larry, the sweet man our family had also gotten to know sitting in that waiting room. He had come in the Sunday after our Tuesday. His wife had heart surgery. This sister-in-law was with him that day. I bonded with Larry when his wife was in surgery that day. Our whole family did. He lived in Newton, not far from us. His wife was in surgery far longer than the five hours that was anticipated. When I left that night she was still in surgery. When I came back on that Tuesday, they were keeping her sedated because they had been unable to close because of the swelling. Then she underwent another five-hour surgery to close. Every time I have seen him since, the same story. His wife had still not woken up after the surgery. 

Today marks what....12 days? Twelve days since the grouchy one has gotten to talk to her sister. Twelve days of worrying whether she will ever talk to her again. As sick as my dad has been, we have been able to talk with him every day. That's hard in itself, when he is on a vent and can't talk back....but we can say words of encouragement and words of love. I can tell him what is going on and attempt to let him in on what is happening around him at a time he feels very much out of control. I can feel the pain and frustration and while I can't take it away, he can see in our eyes that we know how hard this all is for him, but we need him to fight to come home. We recognize it is a privilege to even be able to communicate with him....and for that we are most thankful.

My feelings changed about the grouchy one, who feels so much is out of her control. She loves her sister....that was so evident as I talked with her. She loves her brother-in-law...though I suspect she may be the type that shows it more by acts of service that she performs with a bit of a martyr-like air, than saying the words. As I talked with her I found that she always is in service to her family....she told Larry she could stay at the hospital until Monday, as long as she was home to pick up her granddaughter at school. He had a difficult time staying at the hospital....and this is something like 23 hospital stays for his wife at Baptist over the years. The grouchy one allows him to stay home and watch over their little dog. I suspect she takes very little time for herself. That's how she loves. Even when it is very uncomfortable and inconvenient for her. She puts herself out there for other people. She is a servant. Even if sometimes a grouchy one.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who work at all kinds of jobs today, whether you do them with thanksgiving or not. The amazing staff at Baptist Hospital and at hospitals all around the country. The policemen I saw this morning and that I know that are working all over the place, with their firefighter and EMS brothers and sisters. My friend Joanie deployed in Kuwait. The lady at Hardee's that cheerfully handed me my biscuit and when I thanked her for working on Thanksgiving she said she was not missing out on anything but the cooking! The folks at the Dollar Store that allowed me to pick up the soap my mom wanted (and allowed me to avoid trying to do it tomorrow in Black Friday Madness!) The people at BiLo who worked so I could finally get groceries, after not having either the time or energy to do it these past few weeks. You may be horrified I took advantage of these places being open today....but I am thankful they were. They met my needs of the day and I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours....those with picture perfect Thanksgivings and those who are giving thanks through tears or family feuds or less than ideal circumstances. A special wish for peace for the grouchy ones. I hope you are noticed today for all that you are and you are able to be thankful.

Life is not always wrapped with a bow. It's complicated. But when we are thankful for what we have, and are not distracted by what we don't have, we open ourselves up for joy to grow. God has given us great gifts. Even in the CICU. Let us be thankful. If you find you are one of the grouchy ones, it's OK. Sometimes your load is heavy and you hold onto it too tightly. Release those hands a bit. Look for those who will share it. Remember all of the things in life that God has brought you through and to. Inhale and breathe life. That's when thanksgiving happens.

The Grouchy One

U

Thanksgiving 2015

On this Thanksgiving my dad has been in the ICU at Baptist Hospital for 16 days. Our life is wrapped around that right now, the majority of our time spent either in the Coronary Intensive Care Unit (CICU), working, or preparing for our next shift. My siblings and I have a running IM full of reports on our dad....and our mom, whose battle is probably even tougher than dad's right now since he spends at least part of his day drugged.

Our time at the CICU is mostly spent in the waiting room. They don't make the CICU patient rooms very comfortable for long family stays. There is one chair in there, far away from the bed. The nurses work almost non-stop, and if you are in there too long you feel like you may be getting in their way. 

The CICU waiting room isn't very comfortable either. You aren't supposed to move the furniture, a sign says, because it inconveniences the housekeeping staff. We ignore that. They are not amused that some people (OK...me) take that sign lightly. Those who have been there a while do try to move things back around 8, when they arrive to throw us out to clean for 30 minutes.

The chairs are hard, and mostly attached in sets of three. Having slept in one the first night I was there, well the first night that dad wasn't in surgery so I felt I could sleep, I can assure you that even I who can sleep almost anywhere was quite aware of the discomfort.

But we learned from the family who has been there five days longer than we have been (today marked three full weeks for them....their father/dad just came in for back surgery and was supposed to be home in five days) and as time went by we grabbed a corner....with precious outlets so we can charge our devices...and have made it our home away from home. My brother Scott took a cue from our CICU friends and bought a cot. I have slept in that about as much as my own bed lately. My sister Dana brought a bag of snacks and quarters and a travel Scrabble board. Other friends and family have added to the snack stash.

You bond quickly in the CICU. We listen to each other's stories....some of us getting updates once or twice a day. We look for those who don't camp out like we do, but spent time there during their surgeries, because we want to have updates on their loved ones. For the most part, there is an incredible sense of kindness and caring. We're all in a battle and our prayers and thoughts are not only of our own people, but of these sweet people we are meeting along the way.

And then there was last night. Thanksgiving Eve. A lady was there that looked vaguely familiar, and as I talked to one of the daughters in this family we now feel is our family, she was within earshot so I tried to include her in the conversation. She would not engage. My CICU friend had tried to turn down the TV a few minutes before and the lady had gotten very huffy about it. She hadn't been looking at it or seemed to have been engaged with it at all. She didn't give a reason....just seemed very upset with my friend for turning the sound down. My friend tried to compensate and turned the sound back up and handed the remote to the lady. That didn't make her happy either.

I set up my cot for the night and a lady and her son who are also in our little CICU round-the-clock waiting room family came in. The son was setting up his mother's cot for the night (they bought one for her after she used ours one night when my non-sleeping brother was spending the night and my mom had watched her falling asleep in a chair with her head on her son's shoulder and offered up our cot for the night.) Their "family camp" is in front of the TV set, so (once again) since no one appeared to be watching she started to turn it off. The grouchy one (once again) began to voice her displeasure. The son saw a place near me that would work and quietly moved his mother's cot over there. We exchanged a look of raised eyebrows about this grouchy woman. His sweet mom kept trying to engage with the lady. She finally made some headway and listened to her story.

I was far enough away that I could not hear the conversation. Eventually the TV sound was quieted and the TV left on. I got up in the middle of the night to check on dad when all were asleep, and turned it off. The grouchy one did not awake....amazing since she was sleeping upright in one of the uncomfortable chairs.

But this morning, Thanksgiving, as everyone in the waiting room arose (around 6 a.m.) and I came back after looking in on my dad (who had an uneventful night....thank goodness), the lady was in the waiting room by herself. I tried to engage her in conversation again and this time it worked. We started talking. All of a sudden it dawned on me who she was. This was Larry's sister-in-law. Larry, the sweet man our family had also gotten to know sitting in that waiting room. He had come in the Sunday after our Tuesday. His wife had heart surgery. This sister-in-law was with him that day. I bonded with Larry when his wife was in surgery that day. Our whole family did. He lived in Newton, not far from us. His wife was in surgery far longer than the five hours that was anticipated. When I left that night she was still in surgery. When I came back on that Tuesday, they were keeping her sedated because they had been unable to close because of the swelling. Then she underwent another five-hour surgery to close. Every time I have seen him since, the same story. His wife had still not woken up after the surgery. 

Today marks what....12 days? Twelve days since the grouchy one has gotten to talk to her sister. Twelve days of worrying whether she will ever talk to her again. As sick as my dad has been, we have been able to talk with him every day. That's hard in itself, when he is on a vent and can't talk back....but we can say words of encouragement and words of love. I can tell him what is going on and attempt to let him in on what is happening around him at a time he feels very much out of control. I can feel the pain and frustration and while I can't take it away, he can see in our eyes that we know how hard this all is for him, but we need him to fight to come home. We recognize it is a privilege to even be able to communicate with him....and for that we are most thankful.

My feelings changed about the grouchy one, who feels so much is out of her control. She loves her sister....that was so evident as I talked with her. She loves her brother-in-law...though I suspect she may be the type that shows it more by acts of service that she performs with a bit of a martyr-like air, than saying the words. As I talked with her I found that she always is in service to her family....she told Larry she could stay at the hospital until Monday, as long as she was home to pick up her granddaughter at school. He had a difficult time staying at the hospital....and this is something like 23 hospital stays for his wife at Baptist over the years. The grouchy one allows him to stay home and watch over their little dog. I suspect she takes very little time for herself. That's how she loves. Even when it is very uncomfortable and inconvenient for her. She puts herself out there for other people. She is a servant. Even if sometimes a grouchy one.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who work at all kinds of jobs today, whether you do them with thanksgiving or not. The amazing staff at Baptist Hospital and at hospitals all around the country. The policemen I saw this morning and that I know that are working all over the place, with their firefighter and EMS brothers and sisters. My friend Joanie deployed in Kuwait. The lady at Hardee's that cheerfully handed me my biscuit and when I thanked her for working on Thanksgiving she said she was not missing out on anything but the cooking! The folks at the Dollar Store that allowed me to pick up the soap my mom wanted (and allowed me to avoid trying to do it tomorrow in Black Friday Madness!) The people at BiLo who worked so I could finally get groceries, after not having either the time or energy to do it these past few weeks. You may be horrified I took advantage of these places being open today....but I am thankful they were. They met my needs of the day and I am grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours....those with picture perfect Thanksgivings and those who are giving thanks through tears or family feuds or less than ideal circumstances. A special wish for peace for the grouchy ones. I hope you are noticed today for all that you are and you are able to be thankful.

Life is not always wrapped with a bow. It's complicated. But when we are thankful for what we have, and are not distracted by what we don't have, we open ourselves up for joy to grow. God has given us great gifts. Even in the CICU. Let us be thankful. If you find you are one of the grouchy ones, it's OK. Sometimes your load is heavy and you hold onto it too tightly. Release those hands a bit. Look for those who will share it. Remember all of the things in life that God has brought you through and to. Inhale and breathe life. That's when thanksgiving happens.

Singing Thankful

I love the songs and hymns we sang when I was growing up....they create a tapestry that weaves through my history and wraps itself around me like the warmest, softest blanket. My mom always liked music and sang to us, my older sister Dana taught me those she learned at school. When I went to church and school it continued. I learned words and tunes without even realizing I was doing it. I sang, loudly and with abandon.

It's interesting now to hear a tune and start to sing along and have the lyrics surprise me. Sometimes they make me laugh....sometimes shocked laughter. (Sort of like watching cartoons from my childhood....how did I miss all of that?)   But some of these songs, the hymns, make me pause....and think. I've had a few Thanksgiving songs in my head this morning.

"We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing;
He chastens and hastens His will to make known.
The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing.
Sing praises to His Name; He forgets not His own.

Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,
Ordaining, maintaining His kingdom divine;
So from the beginning the fight we were winning;
Thou, Lord, were at our side, all glory be Thine!

We all do extol Thee, Thou Leader triumphant,
And pray that Thou still our Defender will be.
Let Thy congregation escape tribulation;
Thy Name be ever praised! O Lord, make us free!"

-Theodore Baker, 1894

"We Gather Together"...who knew? It's not a wimpy sweet song after all. It talks about God, the chastener and hastener so we know his will. We tend to glide right over that part, in the sweetness of the melody. (Don't know about you, but there has been a bit of chastening and hastening in my past and I don't always like it. Especially when done to mold my will.) The God who stops the oppressive wicked ones. That stands beside us to guide us. That defends us. That doesn't forget us. Powerful words, not to be taken lightly. A God who is strong....who expects something from us, doesn't expect us to live life passively, without thought or action. Who serves not just Americans but our world. Regardless of the oppression or circumstances, it is God who makes any of us free. And that is what God ultimately fights for....the freedom of his people. Not their bondage.

"Now Thank We All Our God". It reminds us of the God who is the giver of our bounty. Not the paper towels, though you could say that the fact we take paper towels for granted is a part of it. The God of provision. The God of miracles. The God who answers our questions and directs our paths. The God who remains the same, though if we're keeping a good eye on his work, the one from whom we discover different dimensions all of the time. While God never changes, we, his people should be forever changing. If God is the same to you this Thanksgiving as he was last, you have wasted a year.

"Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,

1. Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;
   Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
   With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
2. Oh, may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
   With ever joyful hearts and blessed peace to cheer us;
   And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
   And guard us through all ills in this world, till the next!
3. All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given,
   The Son, and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven—
   The one eternal God, Whom earth and Heav’n adore;
   For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore."
4. -Martin Rinkart, 1636

On this Thanksgiving Day, may you notice your cornucopia is overflowing....be thankful for it and not spend your time looking to see how the cornucopia of your neighbor compares. May you pause and reflect and be thankful for your blessings, the things you have, and not give a thought to those things you don't. Because no matter your circumstances, there's something good going on right in front of you. You may need to squint, you may need to open your eyes wider, but if you do you'll find reason to be awed. Let that spirit of awe come inside of you and change you and make you thankful and useful. You have reason to celebrate.....happy Thanksgiving!

"Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich"
Because of what the Lord has done for us

Give thanks...."

1. -Henry Smith, 1970

Grateful

"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."

John Wooden

"Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves."
Henry Ward Beecher

"When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?"
Gilbert E. Chesterton

 

 

When I am at my most whiny, and finally reach a point of self-awareness, usually I realize something about me. I am self-centered. When I am self-centered, I am petulant. When I am petulant, other people have a more difficult time meeting my expectations. When people have a harder time meeting my expectations, they disappoint me. When people disappoint me, I whine. And so it goes!

It's not just you I do this with. I do it with God. Oh yes, I know...."how could you, you dirty rotten Christian?" It's quite easy. It's a relationship, like my other relationships. None of my feelings are necessarily based on truth, or on inadequacies in others, or me being right. It's where I go. It's what I do. It's part of my pattern. It's one way I sin.

We've all got a pattern that takes us in a wrong direction. Yours may be different than mine. Yours may look a lot cooler. It may not be something that anyone else knows. But it is your dirty little secret that separates you from God. Chances are, it is something that simply puts you first and God a distant second. Chances are it is a reflection of your own self-centeredness.

When we think a bit too much of ourselves, it is difficult to be grateful. It is difficult to say thank you and really mean it. We'll be polite....and say it. But is it by rote instead of by truth?

I hate being told what to do. Even something that seems as benign as being thankful. Sometimes I just don't feel it. Sometimes I roll my eyes at the glowing words of "things I am thankful for" because I know some of the backstories. I know that some who speak the words the longest and the loudest, are not living lives that appear to reflect gratitude for what they have. They treat these people and things they say they are most thankful for with dismissal. Yeah, it's not just "them." It's me.

I also know some who seem to have a pretty rotten lot in life. Sick and battered bodies, loves lost, contentious people to deal with, money that won't stretch to meet needs, unmet expectations, unrealized dreams. How can they be thankful for that? But oh, as I have seen with so many lately, they can be and are! It's a beautiful thing.

Regardless of our circumstance, regardless of how we feel, we should "do" thanksgiving. We should make it a physical act, a mental exercise. We need to take inventory of those things that are important to us and see if we're living lives where we're grateful for those things. It's easy for our lives to become unbalanced. Sometimes we don't spend our time with those who we say are most important to us, sometimes we don't live the values we say we hold for our lives. Sometimes we don't recognize the gifts of our life. Sometimes we see nothing except ourselves. When we just see ourselves, it's difficult to be thankful for the other things. It's difficult for us to really enjoy our life.

Thanksgiving by its nature should carry a bit of humility. Being thankful requires we look beyond ourselves. It also requires we look at ourselves for what we really are. Imperfect. Not deserving of the great things that permeate our lives. Not deserving of the other imperfect people who love us, even imperfectly. The stuff. The jobs, even when they are "work". The opportunities. The freedom. The wealth.

Being thankful requires we look just at ourselves, and not weigh our bounty against the bounty of others. Because really....how can we be thankful when we are busy measuring? Impossible multi-tasking (even for us women.)

At this time of year when we hear a lot about thankfulness, it's OK to roll your eyes on occasion. (Yep, that's just me giving myself permission because it is bound to happen.) But as we start a "thankful list", know it will be long. For all of us. More than we need. Most of what we want. But the list only has significance if we live it. If we are grateful for it. Grateful enough that we change our lives. That we love people actively. That we use our stuff and share our stuff. That we realize that whatever our circumstance God has given us exceedingly, abundantly more than we deserve. (I just love those words.) If you don't see it that way, you're not really thankful.

Our whiny selves don't have much of a reason to whine. Because we are the recipients of a graciousness that is amazing. Life. Our world. Our God. Our gifts. Not given out in order of the best of us, or the worst. Just because. We don't have to be deserving, but to really appreciate what we have we do need to be grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving. May you be more than content with your lot. May you be aware of it and grateful for it. Enjoy celebrating the bounty that is yours.

100 Random Things For Which I Am Thankful

  1. Velcro (really....first thing that came to mind)

  2. Razor sharp wit

  3. Protein bars

  4. Friends with low expectations

  5. Health care (regardless of its problems, a system that heals people)

  6. New running shoes (they still jump higher and run faster)

  7. Deep tissue massages (Yea Diana!)

  8. Solar lights

  9. Free stuff

 10. Cushioned chaise lounges

 11. 75 degree weather

 12. Policemen, firemen, paramedics, and servicemen (especially those who happen to be women!)

 13. Books.  All books.  Even those I don't like.

 14. Well designed bras

 15. My Pampered Chef stone cleaner (the tiny plastic wonder)

 16. Dean Smith

 17. A well placed cross

 18. Clever lyrics

 19. Things given in secret

 20. Dove's real woman advertising campaign

 21. Kindness

 22. Trouble - the game, not the thing some of us get into too often

 23. Tinted moisturizer

 24. Trader Joe's white bean hummus with Woven Wheat Wafers

 25. Fireworks, especially Klinger style

 26. Anne of Green Gables - yes, the old PBS one

 27. People who use their talents to help others

 28. Smoothies (a day's worth of fruits and vegetables in a couple of glasses)

 29. Firebirds chocolate cake with salted caramel sauce

 30. Politicians who are public servants
 31. Big, plush bath towels and little thin washcloths.
 32. My garage
 33. Responsible pet owners
 34. Giggle time
 35. People who can keep a secret
 36. Stretch denim
 37. People who give judiciously
 38. Common sense
 39. Attentive drivers

 40. Brilliance

 41. Anything Nerf

 42. 75% off

 43. Merchants whose stores are open when I can shop

 44. Repeated characters in books

 45. Maple trees in fall

 47. Jacuzzi tubs

 48. Good advice

 49. People who live their life out loud

 50. Family

 51. God laughing

 52. Do gooders

 53. Silence

 54. New hot air balloon pilots

 55. People who need people

 56. Pictures that remind me of the past

 57. Long term friendships 

 58. Clean sheets

 59. An empty dishwasher

 60. A big, diverse world

 61. Caregivers

 62. Freedom

 63. Humble churches

 64. A good Facebook status

 65. Happy endings

 66. People willing to lead

 67. Discovering my mind in a liar

 68. Hammocks

 69. 24 hour grocery stores

 70. Songs that make me smile

 71. Waterfalls

 72. Good beating evil

 73. A good customer service person (not a complete oxymoron)

 74. Passion in action 

 75. Tough love

 76. Zip lines

 77. Christmas lights

 78. Dr. Seuss

 79. Sorrento's

 80. Downtown Statesville

 81. Delayed gratification gratified 

 82. Hard work rewarded

 83. Organ donors, blood/platelet donors, and donors to medical research

 84. Surprising myself

 85. New life

 86. Sunscreen

 87. Post it notes

 88. Miracles

 80. Saved concert seats in heaven

 81. Love as a verb

 82. Opinions, matching mine or not

 83. A well-placed rainbow

 84. A body healthy enough to work out

 85. Dolphin sightings

 86. Watching kids grow up

 87. Vibrant sunsets

 88. A paycheck

 89. Silly souvenirs

 90. Balloons passed from friend to friend

 91. A good date

 92. Amazon.com

 93. Sharp knives

 94. Hugs

 95. Snuggling under a blanket

 96. Friends who cook for me

 97. Kayaks

 98. Rocking chairs

 99. Velvet scarves

100. Each moment of living

Thankful For the Wrong Things

It is early in the month of November and I am already enjoying the Facebook posts of a few friends who are posting what they are thankful for each day of the month.  As I was pondering the thoughts of some, it got me thinking about being thankful....and a related topic....people who are thankful for the very things that destroy them.

Yeah....trust me to find the dark cloud, but it is a frustration sometimes when you see people do this little exercise.  They'll say they are thankful for their family, but I see them treat their family in a way that is worse than they would treat a stranger.  They demean, or disrespect, or just don't notice they are there.  They aren't really finding joy in them.  Is that really thankful?

They will say they are thankful for a friend in their life that you know is not good for them.... someone who brings them down and does not build them up.  Someone who is making their path in life harder instead of easier.  Someone pulling them into the direction of pain and destruction instead of things that will make them happy and fulfilled.  Someone that is encouraging them towards misplaced passions instead of stoking the positive passions that will inflame their lives with good things.

They are thankful for possessions that pull them out of the real world and away from really interacting with people.  The big screen tv, the computer, the cell phone....they can all be amazing tools and life enhancers, or tools of destruction and, well, rudeness and disrespect of others.

They say they are thankful for jobs, education or "stuff", but these things make them think they are better people than those who have not had the same privileges.  They are thankful for pay checks, but when they get them they find they are already spent and simply pay off debts incurred because they are trying to live above their means...a lie, really....and debts continue to incur because they refuse to live a lifestyle they can actually afford.

They are thankful for good health, but don't do the work to maintain that good health.  They are sedentary, eat stuff that is like putting water in their gas tank, they smoke, they over-medicate on drugs they don't need, or obliterate their days with alcohol.  They are abusers of themselves.

They say they are thankful for God, but they haven't had a direct or truthful conversation with Him for a long time, or sat down quietly to simply listen to what He is telling them.  They pray for others, but not for themselves... either because they refuse to love themselves and see the image of God when they look in the mirror, or because they esteem themselves too much and think they can handle everything on their own.

They are thankful for the activities they are involved in, but are over-committed, under-committed, and/or doing things that don't match the priorities of their life.  Doing great things, but the wrong things....avoiding what they actually should be doing. Or they are living their lives aimlessly and wasting their days and investing all of their time in doing stupid things...but yet they say they are thankful for life.

I see myself here.  We need to periodically be at a place where we thoughtfully take an inventory.  I need to take stock and look around me and see that I am living a balanced and meaningful life.  A place where I appreciate the world around me.  A place where I am appreciated and respected and loved.  A place where I don't settle for mediocrity or the ho-hum.

A thankfulness exercise is a great place to start, but being thankful has to be more than words that sound good and pious and spiritual and are simply what we think people want to hear.  Am I thankful for the right things and does my life reflect that?  Am I living the life designed for me?  If not, what do I do to change that?  There is no better time than now to decide....and to be thankful for yet another day that gives us the opportunity to do that!