You Are Not

I like to people watch...to observe folks when they are living their lives. Be it sitting in the middle of a mall and watching the shoppers go by, or sitting in a restaurant and eavesdropping on the conversations of those at the next table (don't tell me you don't do it too), observing people as they are watching their children at a ballgame or trying to take selfies in public....they interest me. The Internet has created new dimensions to this people-watching sport. You get to hear them comment on any number of subjects, you get to see them interact with friends and strangers. You get to see part of who they are.

Something has disturbed me of late. I think perhaps people get a bit confused about who they are and who they are not. Maybe that would be OK, but I think it keeps them from making their own mark, living their best life. So here are my thoughts....

You are not.....

Your family. 
That great great great grandfather who fought in the Civil War....that was not you. Regardless of what side they were on in any war, regardless of whether they were the bravest of brave or a yellow-bellied coward...that was not you. You get no credit for their acts, nor any condemnation. It neither adds to your character or takes away from it. Don't try to live in their past.

Those relatives that think the way you think, those that don't, those that live their lives nobly or in ways that make you cringe....they are not you.

The parents of privilege you were born to or the sad downtrodden people who were not prepared to be parents - you are not them.

You can learn from your relatives, love them, follow in their footsteps, be inspired by them, and you can enjoy telling the stories of their lives. You can love, like or dislike them (and you can hate them, too, though I advise you give that up for your own sake). Just don't think your identity comes directly from them.  

You are not your family....nor is anyone else. Get to know each person as an individual, and don't confuse them with their family members. Even if they love and support their people in a way you do not understand. A person is not their family, good, bad, or indifferent.

Your friends.

Oh my, I have a crazy assortment of friends! They come from every walk of life, from every ideology, from every culture, from every belief system. Some are probably certifiably insane, but to me they have a certain "je ne sais quoi". I usually pick my friends on how they act towards me....but I don't do that always. Sometimes they simply need me...and in some crazy way I need them. For the most part, though, we share something. Sometimes faith. Often laughter. Usually respect. Sometimes we have just shared time or common interest. I feel sorry for you if you who only hang out with those who live as you live, believe as you believe, and love as you love. You are missing a wealth that doesn't come from uniformity. You are missing the knowledge of the depth of God's artistry, and the opportunity to demonstrate the kind of friend you can be.

I am not my friends, nor are they me. The people I choose to associate with do not make me good or evil. Still, while I have friends of great diversity, I have learned to avoid those people who tell me who should or should not be my friends. They disrespect something I hold dear. The right to form my own opinions and not be judged because these opinions conflict with theirs. Those who don't respect my freedom to choose what is right for me are the people who I could possibly lose as friends. Unless I choose not to. Because I have guidelines, not rules. You are not your friends.

Your job.

You may make millions or pennies, influence legions or no one, save lives or clean toilets....when it gets down to it, it doesn't matter. You may be seen as a success in your field, an utter failure, or even mediocre. That's not who you really are. 

Your job may give you a label. Others may treat you a certain way as a result. But they are wrong. You are not your job.

Your body.

We put a lot of emphasis on bodies these days. Too fat, too thin, ugly, beautiful, fit, unfit, young, old, the color of our skin, the color of our eyes, our strength, our weakness, our health, our sickness. As it is, it our body simply the shell that encases those things inside that determine who we really are. Oh yes, there are things that we can do to improve our bodies, and often we should, but sometimes for a myriad of reasons we can't or don't. When we obsess over what our body happens to be at any particular time of life, it takes us away from using it for a deeper purpose.

Whatever the state of your body at any moment, it's a super-fantastic miracle that you are fortunate to possess. Think of it as a tool to move you through life, as a carrier of your smile or of eyes that see potential all around you. Love it for what it can do, accept it for what it cannot. Sometimes put a bit of faith in it and let it take you places you never thought you could go. You are the owner of a treasure. Treat it well, and never hate it. Your body often introduces you to the world, but if that is all that is important to you or them, you are being limited to the dimension of a photograph. You are not your body.

Your triumphs.....or your mistakes.

We all have strengths and weaknesses, we all win and lose, we all make good decisions and bad decisions.  Regardless, these do not define you. We cannot rest on our laurels or wallow in our weakness, or we miss out on the possibilities of the here and now. Accept the accolades for a time, ask for forgiveness and set things right whenever possible. Be humble regardless. Some people may have long memories and attempt to make you stay in the past. Respectfully ignore them. Get up and move along. We all must visit, but don't live in those moments forever. You are not your triumphs or your mistakes.

People's opinion of you.

Not everyone will like you, understand you, or relate to you. A lot of us care too much about this. I have cried many tears when someone I respected openly (or subtly) criticized me, be it warranted or unwarranted. I learned in time to not immediately own it without weighing it, considering what they said, and seeing if I agree. Often I don't. In that case, my opinion wins. I know who I want to be and sometimes it doesn't match who others want me to be. Sometimes they are right, but there are other things I need to fix first that take priority. You are not people's opinion of you.

Your opinion of you.

You are not who you think you are. Oh, you may have the closest idea of anyone as to who you really are, but maybe not. Regardless you probably don't totally see the whole picture. I look in the mirror daily, but sometimes will see a photograph of myself and I barely recognize me. Sometimes I see myself as far better than I am, but most often I focus on the negative. While I think I know myself pretty well, and probably better than anyone else, I have limits in my view. Like looking in a mirror, our view of ourselves can be distorted. You are not your opinion of you.

A label.

Christian, Athiest, Muslim, Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, Gay, Straight, Racist, Skinhead, Southerner, Yankee, American, Canadian, Brit, Parrothead, Bad, Good, Citizen, Criminal, Politician, Military, Dyslexic, Cripple, Invalid, Scholar....so many labels we put on ourselves and others. If you reduce yourself to one or even ten, you limit your dimension. You limit yourself to a definition that you do not control. And you put the lid down on a box that should best be left open. You are more. You are not a label.

I like to people watch, and from doing it, this I know. You are complex and complicated and really quite wonderful. Or at least that is what you were created to be. There are many things you are not...are you stuck on them?

Maybe it is time to remember all that you are. (To be continued.)

About Your Sin....No, OK, About Mine

You've heard me say it before....I freely admit it....I am judge-y by nature. (I prefer if we refer to it as being a critical thinker.) If you need an in-depth analysis on how you are screwing up your life, I am your girl. I hope you don't ask me for that, though, because I probably don't need to be encouraged to exercise that side of the trait. I would rather use that particular skill to solve real life problems or focus on the wonderful things that make up the masterpiece that is you. As with most of who we are, our strengths can be used as strengths....or they can teeter over the edge and become weaknesses.

If I spend too much time thinking about your shortcomings, which admittedly can sometimes be very fun, it can keep me from keeping myself in proper perspective. It keeps me from looking in the mirror...and seeing myself for what I really am. It keeps me from listening to that voice of the Spirit, who funnily enough speaks to me way more about me than about others. I suspect it does the same for you.

Usually I don't need you to tell me my faults, and you don't need me to tell you yours. Yes, there are some times when it is necessary and as a friend who is invested in my life you need to tell me I am wrong. It may be wrong thinking, wrong living, wrong treatment of other people, or exhibiting behavior that is unbecoming of a child of God. If that is the case, speak up. I think truthfulness and loving concern are the cornerstone of any relationship. Before you speak, though, think about whether you are willing to make an investment or are just carelessly throwing coins my way. Are you willing to help the person (me) do whatever it takes to change that particular behavior or are you just throwing opinions around because you are demonstrating your superiority and can?

When you offer your criticism, make sure you are telling me truth. And don't tell me over and over and over again. Don't allow the judgement, you telling me I am screwing up and how you think I should live, be the primary thing that defines our relationship. Acknowledging a person's shortcomings can be a loving action, focusing on them seldom is. If I heard you when you told me the first time (and I am sure I did, whether I reacted or not, since I hear words of criticism even when not intended), constant repetition is probably not going to do anything but make me mad and frustrated and fill my head with negative thoughts and emotions. It's probably not going to draw me closer to God....well, except when I beg him to smite you. (I do love that word...and God has heard it from me a few times. Usually I was joking.)  I'll consider what you said...the first time...and pray about it. I may not share with you my thoughts afterward. As I pray I will ask whether your words are God's words. You can be 100% right about what you are saying, quote scripture chapter and verse, but your timing may not be God's timing. Keep in mind Satan was quite adept at quoting scripture...that in itself means nothing. I need to take care that I am listening to and following the voice of God. Only. If you are my friend you should want that for me, and trust in God enough to lead me to make any necessary changes. 

One of my favorite verses I learned long ago (when working with people who frustrated me by not listening to my "great wisdom") is "So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building." I Cor. 3:7-9 Yes, God will probably use you to grow things. You are the dirt. You are the laborer. You are the house in which He lives. That's pretty much it. Keep it in perspective.

I have a lot of areas to work on in my life. I'm not just a little bit of a sinner. I'm the one written about in that hymn where it says "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." My nature is to wander, my nature is to sin. Is it more or less than yours? I have no idea. It doesn't matter. What does matter is I am a work in progress. God doesn't make me tackle everything all at once or expect me to live a sinless life. I've noticed that is often the expectation of man.

Frustrated when I (or others) don't do what you say? If I listen to you instead of responding to the prompting of God, that is in itself wrong. Instead of bringing positive change into my life, you are encouraging me toward sin. To follow you would be pure idolatry. What was God's first commandment? "You should have no other gods before me." You, my friend, can't be my God. (Nothing personal!) Even if you think you know the best for me and God's will for my life.

It's been difficult for me lately. People seem to be very aware and vocal of everyone else's sin to a point that almost brings me to despair. Or hatred. Usually I thrive on hearing diverse points of view and really love people with opinions, but I am so tired of hearing some of them at the moment. Some of the venom stuns me. The lack of personal reflection stuns me. Is everyone really a worse sinner than you? Really?

I am glad that God who hates my sin (with reason, because it is a total betrayal of Him) loves me in spite of it and gives me everything I need to help me escape it. He did that even knowing me way better than you do. In spite of me, He still sees himself when He looks my way...and I am still his cherished child. He is cheering me on, and wooing me, lovingly bandaging my cuts when I fall, and telling me he will take care of me....he is telling me to trust him, that everything is going to to be alright. He is telling me He knows I am a sinner...and knows that it is a constant struggle for me...but He has taken care of that for me. His voice is soothing and kind....unless I start to listen to people or myself or other voices but his. Then He will make any noise or take any action necessary to get my attention and bring my focus back to Him. Remember? He wants no other gods before Him.

There is that great verse in Matthew (7:3) that says "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" We hear this verse all the time.... probably because we need to. Our first move toward sin is letting our eyes wander.

There are another couple of verses that begin what is probably my favorite chapter of the Bible. Well, at least the one I have to use as a checklist the most in my own life because I lose focus easily. I think these words are especially pertinent right now. "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." (I Corinthians 1:1-2)

I've heard a lot of noise lately, gongs and cymbals that don't seem to be in tune. I've seen a lot of faith that I would personally characterize as nothing, because love is not visible. Maybe it is there somewhere underneath it all....I don't know. I am sure I have been a bit noisy myself...and obviously a bit judgemental. I can get a bit pious when the sin of others is not something I struggle with...or possibly because it is....and a bit angry when I think folks are not loving others well. I suspect you can, too. (And we know when I say "a bit" I mean "really, really", right?) 

Let's examine the plank in our own eye. Let's make sure our opinions of others are girded in love. If you're impatient with people, unkind, easily angered....check that I Corinthians 13 list. It's not love. You have some work to do yourself....with God, before you open your mouth on the subject.

Let's try to recognize and work on our own sin. It's easy to be judge-y. It's hard to be holy. Let's choose holy anyway. 

And let's encourage and celebrate the greatness we see taking place all around us. Has that plank made you miss it? God is at work...and (spoiler alert)......

in the end He wins.

Books Meet Real Life

My friend Jen were talking books lately, specifically audiobooks, and she recommended I listen to Sue Monk Kidd's novel "The Invention of Wings". It has been my car companion for the past couple of weeks...and what a great companion it was! It tells the story of several women but mostly concentrates on two - Sarah Grimke, a daughter in a wealthy Charleston family and "Handful", the slave she is given on her 12th birthday. 

While it is a novel,  evidently these were real women. Sarah and her sister Angelina were abolitionists in the 1800s, and were great activists who helped change our country, not just for slaves but also for women. Handful was also representative of a real person, and while a slave was given to Sarah, not much is known about her or their relationship. It is known that Sarah taught her the alphabet and how to read when they were girls, thus breaking the laws of SC and most other states in the union. Handful died young in real life, but her character grows up in the book is a representation of the life of many slaves during that time. Fiction based on fact.

One of the interesting things about the book is the way the church was portrayed during this time. People used the church to validate their wrong thinking. To say that it was right, good, and appropriate to oppress people based on the color of their skin and the station they were born into in life. To make judgments of them because of one obvious factor for which they were not in any way responsible. For a factor that was a gift of the creator, something that brought to the earth richness and beauty and uniqueness. Churches segregated, even when attended by both races. They were open to all, but yet in many ways reinforced the barriers between the races. They often still do that today. 

Also recently, another friend Jennifer acknowledged on Facebook the anniversary of the 1967 Supreme Court decision that invalidated laws against interracial marriage. That decision allowed Jennifer to marry a man she loves, who also loves her, and create a family with their two gorgeous and happy children. It stunned me a bit when I thought about it. 1967 wasn't that long ago.... it was in my lifetime. It took so long for something I see as such a non-issue to even be legal. Still, it's another wrong concept that churches often help reinforce in people. I remember an argument I had with a woman once who told me that the Bible says people of different races shouldn't marry. She didn't know where the Bible said that....she said her pastor said so and she believed him. I asked her to ask him for the reference, because I had evidently missed that passage and he probably needed to set me straight. The passage she returned with said nothing about races....it was about belief. It says Christians shouldn't marry non-Christians. People whose center of belief is different from theirs. A very different thing than skin color. I hope our conversations raised doubt in her mind....and in the mind of our pastor. If so they never acknowledged it to me.

I don't get racism. Any logic attached to the discrimination of others based on such an arbitrary thing escapes me. Why would you think less of people because of something about them that they had nothing to do with? As a white woman, people tend to speak freely around me about race. Well, those who don't know me well, or forget my point of view. I am glad they do, since I don't understand keeping silent on your opinion, and I hope I am never the kind of person who ridicules someone whose beliefs are different than mine. I probably will question you about it, though. That's how I learn. That's how I grow. And if I think you're wrong, I often have the responsibility to tell you and make you think about it, too. Truthfully I often wish I could insulate myself from any sort of talk of it. That doesn't seem to be OK with God for me, though. I continually get put in situations where I would prefer to be non-confrontational, but in which God says "You are mine. I gave you a mouth and a mind. Use them." It's frustrating and I often feel it is futile. (Probably why the book of Jeremiah is one of my favorites in the Bible.) Sometimes racism seems so deeply ingrained in folks, that I lose hope in the human race. Yet I know we are all actually quite hopeless on our own....but ultimately I know God is able to change even this. I plan to be paying attention so I can see it unfold.

I started writing this blog prior to the murders of the nine in Charleston. For those of us who are Christians, our citizenship is in heaven. As much as I appreciate being an American citizen, the greater value to me is the church I make with other believers around the world. It's a colorful community, a multi-ethnic and multi-cultural community, a community with diverse opinions, styles, traditions, and ideas.  It's a community whose bond is not that we do right, think right, live right, or that we know and believe God similarly, but the thing we have in common is that we are self-acknowledged dirty rotten sinners who need God. 

My church is people....it is not a building and it does not have walls. I guess what I want to say is this...some of us aren't loving our church well. Some of us are not appreciating the artwork of the creator and are even using religion to justify it. The young man who shot my church...he was not born a racist. What are we teaching our world, Christians? I listen and I know racism flourishes in our world. Still. With all races. In churches and out. In fact, sometimes I think more in than out. When are we going to make the decision that it really doesn't matter what color someone's skin happens to be and when it comes to seeing the souls of people we choose to be color blind?

Life has changed much since the 1800s, but not enough. We need to invent wings of our own and fly away from some of these things that are dragging us down and making us less than we were created to be. You....all of you....are fearfully and wonderfully made. God's works are wonderful, I know that full well. The color of your skin is beautiful, but really it is just a lovely, but insignificant, detail. 

On Being A Grownup

Often I feel like being a grownup is over-rated. I see people who think it means the fun is zapped from your life. I certainly don't believe that....if you do it correctly, the fun increases, as does your ability to create fun in most life situations. You learn life is short....and you want to make it good. Being a grownup should make life easier, and better.

I've been thinking a lot about maturity lately, though. There just seem to be a lot of adults around that don't seem to have gained much of it in their lifetimes. When can you tell where it is lacking? Look for the drama.

What do I consider drama? Responding to life in ways that make you appear to be a hormone-controlled adolescent. Oh, I remember those days well. Going home from school and laying on my bed crying for no reason....or a stupid reason. Saying "I hate you" to anyone who didn't make me happy at the moment. Trying to play games to get my own way....and not grasping why everyone didn't understand that the "rules" I expected others to abide by, didn't necessarily apply to me. Silly thoughtless pranks, words that cut, making decisions solely to hurt those who have hurt me. Remember?

When you are an adolescent, your changing hormones sometimes control your body. Our body chemistry always controls human beings to a degree. We are pre-disposed to certain things - some to anger, some to tears, some to stuffing everything inside until we blow, some to depression and mania, some to perfect calm. While some of these body fluctuations change and settle down as we get older, some stay with us forever. The difference between an adolescent and a grown-up? These changes are new to the adolescent and we need to gently teach them how to manage them, and apply a lot of grace when they get it wrong. An adult should have somewhat mastered the art.

As you age, you should get better at exercising self-control. You should know yourself well enough to know your strengths and weaknesses. You should get help for things you can't manage yourself....and know that sonetimes asking for help is the greatest show of strength. You should realize life just isn't all about you and your feelings. While it is natural to see and respond to the actions of others, at the heart of our thought life should always be "So, what am I doing wrong here?" Your biggest God-given responsibility is always the person you are becoming. That is where you have choices. That is where you can make the biggest difference in this world. Most often the choices of others are out if your control....and you should keep them there.

Life in itself has a lot of drama. People get sick. People die. People get married. People get divorced. People wrong us. People love us. People make bad decisions. People make good decisions. People win. People lose. People triumph. People fall.

When life happens, there doesn't have to be a scene. You don't have to make everything a dramatic event...or make the dramatic events of others your dramatic event. You don't show your love any more when you do. In fact, you often show your own selfishness - you make their issues about you. 

You don't have to condemn. You don't have to be the angel of righteousness. You don't have to be the Holy Spirit. Others hold down those jobs and responsibilities....and they are better at it than you.

Because you are hurt or scarred by others, does not mean your best place to reside is in the crux of that. And because you love someone, you don't have to solve their problems for them. If you're spending too much time thinking on their issues, or worrying about them, you're probably neglecting your own purpose. Offering a hand up when someone falls down is usually the right thing to do. Carrying them around on your back when they have legs that work, is taking everything a bit too far.

The emotions that come when someone wrongs us are natural. They become wrong when we let them control our future. We are all "done wrong" at some point in life. Forgiving and moving on does not mean they were right....it means your future is not controlled by their actions. I've been told some unbelievable stories of forgiveness during my time on this earth. What's interesting is that if you watch their lives, you can easily see these true forgivers are people of power. Those who stay victims stay weak. Often forgiving is not a one-time decision....it is a constant process until it no longer controls us. Until it no longer has power in our lives.

It's weird to me when I see hatred directed at people from someone who has wronged them. This is something I want to study a bit more.....I just don't understand it. My thought is "So you did this to them, what gives you the indulgence to hate?" I know there have probably been times in my life where people looking on my life thought the same thing about me. Splinter, meet plank. I figure studying this may demonstrate that to me more. But I am willing to face the pain if seeing that plank in my eye so I can change me. So I can see truth better. I read something recently that was talking about people evaluating other people.... it said our opinion says much more about us than it does about those we evaluate. It made me start looking inward a bit more when I find myself "evaluating."

As we reflect on our plan to get our life on an emotionally even keel...and I can tell you that from my experience, living life mostly in balance does make life better....we have to consider the feelings of others around us. Sometimes those feelings won't be rational to us - they are looking at the world through a different lens, that has been distorted by their own set of problems and experiences, and body chemistry. They act out of pain, out of fear, out of emotion....just as we do, but yet differently. Or maybe not so differently, and that is why we combust when together. We see in others that in ourselves that we hate or fear.

Life should be more fun as we grow up, because we learn the art of self-control. We learn to mind our own business, and have faith that others will work out their own challenges without our taking over or acting as their avenging angel. We should roll our eyes a bit at the drama...and get to the business of enjoying our life and employing our purpose. Remember all those things that we thought were so important and dramatic in our past? Many of them are now just a blip in our life experience. Not even enough to register as life-changing. Almost amusing because of the energy we devoted to them. We can see now how those around us (those we probably considered our best friends during that time) threw gasoline on the fire to make it even more spectacular, instead of handing us a bucket of water to put out the flames. They may have been well meaning but dead wrong in their approach. They added to the destruction instead of helping us rebuild.

So how are you doing? Are you living your life now as a grown-up or a child? It's a choice. And one that will impact the quality of your life and the lives of others. Life is short....make it good. Find peace and purpose. Be a fireman.....not an arsonist.

Remembering to Remember

I'm not sure when it started, but at some point I realized our country seemed to have forgotten why we celebrate Memorial Day. When I say "our country" I mostly mean me. I had joined the throngs that watered it down and celebrated our military as a whole, our country, our freedom, red, white, blue, the flag, a day off of work, beach time, hot air balloon time, family, friends, barbeques.... whatever I could add to the pile. The more the better, right? It seemed to have become just generic patriotism...or less.

At some point I heard that screeching vinyl in my head (kids....you at not understand what I mean by that, but I have a turntable and already scratched records....I can show you sometime) and something inside of me said "What are you doing????? When did you forget to remember?"

Memorial Day is for the specific purpose of honoring those who have died while serving in our country's military. That's big. That's huge. It should not be confused with anything else (including Independence Day or Veteran's Day) or watered down to mean nothing. I don't know the number of those our country has lost (does anybody know besides God?), and am not sure that I want to know. I am sure I would be horrified. As a pacifist who is also a realist and someone who on one hand thinks we need to defend both freedom and the oppressed, but on the other would rather our country not engage in wars at all, it's a struggle for me.  I weigh the loss of lives invested for this purpose and am not sure I believe in the trade-off...yet, how many others have those lives saved? I know I have no clue. Still....I can't compute the value. My brain is too small to know what the right answers are, and I gladly abdicate that responsibility to others. But I do wonder sometimes whether these very human individuals are making the right decisions. Not enough to do anything about it, I must honestly say. I hope others are better watchdogs than me and I hope God holds those leaders close.

Each of those lives lost was precious...and are worthy of respect and remembrance. The potential our country lost with their lives, the loves lost, those who lost their spouses, their great loves, their friends, their parents, siblings, their grandparents and great-grandparents they would never know, the skills and knowledge and hearts gone with their lives. The friends who served with those who died and witnessed it. Some seeing great acts of heroism and bravery, some seeing their friends die for seemingly no purpose. The guilt suffered by some who survived, or the lack of guilt. It takes lives in many ways...both physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Most of us don't know what it is like to serve our country in this way. I never wanted to join the military (can you blame me with my mixed up mind?), but I love many who have. From those I have talked to, the reasons that folks join the military are numerous. How many signed up for a college education? How many signed up as a challenge? How many signed up for tradition? How many signed up for patriotism? How many signed up to learn a trade? How any signed up because it was thought they needed discipline? How many signed up to travel the world? How many signed up because they imagined living in a movie? How many signed up because it was an adventure? How many signed up because they needed a job? How many signed up because they were drafted? How many signed up because they simply had nothing better to do? Truth is, it doesn't matter why. They did it....and they were soldiers.

I was having a bit if a rant about signing up "kids" to fight in wars one day and the wise person I was talking to (a veteran) said something like "We have to sign up kids because they have no fear. Because they don't know what could happen. Because they will take orders and take chances. Even me....with my background...with all my training....as I have gotten older I have lost the ability to act without question or reason. In that way, I am not as good a soldier." I saw the truth of his words and it gave me chills. In a way a real life Hunger Games. But yet we also discussed other reasons. Physically these "kids" are in their prime. They are fast, their minds are in high gear, they are enthusiastic. They are some of our best and brightest stars because they are willing to work to become what they need to be to be a good soldier.

I don't think many people enlist to die.....but from those I know, most soldiers have considered the possibility and say they are willing to do so if necessary for the freedom of others. That is sobering. Whether you are against war, pro war (you know who you are!), trusting and supportive of whatever our military leaders decide, or if you struggle like me....it doesn't matter. These Americans have given up their lives for us, without our asking. They protect and defend our country. They guard our freedom. They paid the ultimate price with their lives. On this one day of the year....can't you find a way to honor them? It doesn't have to be a big and showy demonstration (because really, it's about them and not you), but take a moment and remember the sacrifices. Think of those news reports where they tell us "another troop has been killed." Remember the history....and the stories of valor. Pray for their loved ones and fellow soldiers....who do hold Memorial Day in significance. Because as a country, on Memorial Day we vow to remember those whose lives were lost. They are not numbers, or white crosses, or names on monuments. They all are our people. They represented us. We should give them the courtesy of respecting their day.

I'm thinking of a face of a stranger this year. In this internet age it is easy to do. I've got a special place in my heart for Navy Seals, so I simply Googled "Navy Seals killed in action". I easily found the webpage of the Navy Seal Foundation. I randomly picked Thomas Retzer.....simply because he was a communications specialist. I found a little bio. http://www.pacificbeacon.com/apartments/?b=retzer&t=info and more info on his death and service. https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.133103066702190.23362.131872973491866

Tom (I found that is what he went by) will be the face I think of this Memorial Day. He will be the stranger whose face I remember and whose loved ones I pray for. I encourage you to find a face to plaster on your mind this year. They may be gone....but let's not forget them. (And feel free to share in blog comments who is on your mind this Memorial Day.)

IC1 SEAL Thomas E. Retzer
Born March 10, 1973
Died June 26, 2003, from injuries suffered in service in Afghanistan
He is not forgotten

A Whomping Upside the Head

It's been interesting to read perspectives of that Baltimore mom who went after her son, who thought he was going to be engaging in the riots there. As with most things today, it was caught on camera and now she finds herself a bit of a media celebrity. He tried to ignore her, but mom would not be ignored. Yes, there was some colorful language screamed, and then mom resorted to what some of us would call "whomping him upside the head." He turned, and retreated, mom at his heels.

I guess I better give my thoughts about discipline here. I am in favor of spanking younger children. I don't think they can necessarily understand the full impact of words at younger ages, and spanking (with some well chosen words) clues them into the fact that what they did was wrong. I don't think spanking is the only punishment one should use, and I don't think it is necessarily the right one for all children and all situations. I think often it works better with boys than girls (because I think boys are often more impacted by physical touch.) I believe spanking should not be done in anger, should not leave marks, should not be done with most objects (belts, for example)  and should be accompanied with words that precisely lay out the offense. And I don't think you have to agree with me or punish your kids the way I would. Admittedly most of the time when I was in a mother role (house parenting at a children's home), I was in an unusual situation in which I didn't find spanking appropriate. I've babysat the children of friends and family members and respected their rules of discipline (which often included spanking). But.....I didn't want to spank their children and I don't recall ever having to spank any of them.....we'll see if any of them have different memories. Usually the discipline I dished out was crazy creative "punishment must fit the crime" types (I got to have fun with it)....or a lecture where they would have much preferred a spanking rather than hearing me drone on. Usually the kids were really good for me....or an evil eye worked.

By time a kid becomes a bit older, I think the rules need to start changing. They can understand when they do wrong (and there is often stronger premeditation), and I think it is more difficult to control your anger and the urge to cause pain if you resort to spanking. I think their humiliation gets in the way of proper correction and can send the wrong message. You're teaching them to use words to solve problems instead of physically fighting, so physical punishments can get things confusing. Plus I think hormones do crazy things to kids and often those hormone-riddled bodies need soothing rather than having anyone else riling them up. So....I think other punishments are probably more effective than spanking. And cursing at your kids....I am against it. Especially when accompanied by bad grammar.

So why am I OK with Baltimore mom? Because she was going a bit nuts. Her child was in a danger zone. He was old enough to run away, to totally ignore her, to hurt her or someone else. She had to get him to see her, to listen to her. Acting a bit crazy worked. He looked a bit stunned....and certainly tried to get away. But his surrender was quick. She never really hurt him, she got his attention, and she got him out of there. She might have saved his life....at the very least she probably saved his future. She helped him the best way she could at the time. In doing so, she probably kept others from getting hurt, property from getting destroyed, and got her precious boy out of a horrible situation.

If your child is running out in front of a car, you do not stand at the curb and say "Sweetie, we don't play in the street." No, you run out in that street and grab them, probably yelling at them the whole time. You may even leave a few bruises, from clutching their arms so tight. "Leave no marks" me would call you heroic. As a parent it is your job to teach your kids right from wrong, but at critical moments you may have to forego civility and become that mamma bear whose first instinct is to guide and protect. Looking a bit crazy is allowed. And if done well, most effective.

That young man needs to be grateful he has a momma who will not let him do stupid without a fight. Yep, he has probably endured a bit of humiliation and ribbing from his friends as a result of all of this, but I suspect he knows the truth. He is adored. He is cherished. And he has the excuse to end all excuses "No, I can't do that. You know my momma....she'll come find me....she is crazy." And yes she is. She is crazy in love with her baby boy. I don't think he will ever forget it. 

So yea mom. It may not have been pretty, but it sure was effective. Sometimes we all need someone to whomp us upside the head and save us from ourselves. When it happens, know you are blessed and loved.

The Costa Rica Adventure - Ed Day

I know I say it often, but I don't believe things happen by chance. I am a believer in providence. Here's one of my favorite definitions:

 

"God, especially when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence." (Thanks dictionary.com.)

There are times in life when you realize things are super-naturally cool. Those moments when God reminds you are loved, he has his hand on you....and there is life beyond our earth.

Many of you knew my friend (and  Costa Rica travel companion) Ruthi's husband Ed Ristaino....or at least knew of him. Ed was tragically killed in a ballooning accident, dropping skydivers from his balloon at a festival in Georgia. It was exactly three years before the third day of our vacation in Costa Rica.

My luggage being lost meant that we changed the order of some of our activities on our vacation. That meant instead of a day at the hot springs, as originally planned, we spent the anniversary of Ed's death doing something called "The Adrenaline Adventure". In the pouring rain.

The description of this day said it was a ride on the sky tram, a canopy tour, and then a river drift. I love zip lines, so really I had no apprehension at all going into this day. It was what I most wanted to do in Costa Rica. In actuality it was a bit different than anticipated. Guess the title should have given me a clue.

The sky tram was about as you would think, though due to the weather there really wasn't a view! But this took us to the zip lines.

Ruthi had never zip lined, so was a bit apprehensive about that. I am not sure I told her anything about this day, other than zip lining was involved. Like me, Ruthi is not a fan of heights. But she was game to try. After the first one, she was fearless.

It was an odd day to zip line. The rain was coming down, hard and fast at times. Since you want to see the scenery as you zip, you try to keep your eyes open. Your eyeballs get a good washing. Actually it was a good pelting....that rain came down hard on the eyeballs. So....in some directions we could see little....in others you can see the mountains and lake area around the Arenal Volcano. But you could swing on the zip line!

The combination of rain and the fun of the ziplines bonds you with people in line quickly. We were all talking and joking back and forth. As we waiting in line at one station, a guy in his early twenties, who was a few people ahead of us in line, turned around and joked "Yeah, when you zip in the rain if you listen closely you can hear the voice of those who have fallen." Flippant comment by him, but it gave Ruthi and me chills.

After lunch we did another type of zip lines (carbon, I think they said). After we got to the platform for the last one, the "handler" held onto my harness and clipped it to a wire on other side of the platform. When Ruthi and the others came off, he did the same. I guess it was because it was very, very high.....and rocks and water were below. Remember that I hate heights? Yeah....I do. But it was beautiful. And I was clipped! Until I wasn't....and the guide was saying "Want to go first?" I wasn't quite sure what we were doing, but essentially they were attaching our harness to a rope and lowering us below. Did I say it was really, really high?

So the guy tells me to hold onto the rope, and then says "Step off". Huh. I did. I stepped off. Really didn't hesitate much. But then he says "Let go of the rope." What??????  There was a bit of hesitation, but the guy was yelling at me. I let go. And then probably screamed (because I am a screamer and it makes things more fun. And because I often do things that are outside my comfort zone.)

It got fun quick. I think I posed for the photographer who was posted at another point across from the platform we were lowered from. Floating down by rope was awesome and I didn't think I was going to die. Though I did yell at the "handler" below because he was busily getting ready for our tubing expedition and didn't seem to be in a position to catch me if I was going to come close to dying at the end. (He managed well.....and made sure I didn't land in the water. I think because of my coaching.)

Ruthi said she was also terrified.....for about a second and a half. Then she started laughing....and talking to Ed. We both think he had to be enjoying this day watching us from the heavens.

The floating on the river in inner tubes? Right! It was white water tubing. Yes, it was fun. And yes, that does fit a bit better with "Adrenaline Adventure". Still....it kept us on our toes! The water was fast and cold, the rocks plentiful. I couldn't figure out how to lay in the tube. You were supposed to keep your head up, but you were going so fast that it hurt your neck. You got so tired. I was also laughing hysterically most of the time. Not sure if that is normal or not. I tried resting my head on the tube....hmmmmm.....there was a reason we needed the helmets we wore. A few hits on rocks and I was sitting up much better. You'd occasionally get your tube caught on rocks....and try to move yourself off. Often it worked, but yeah...sometimes I just waited for the handlers. They were awesome guys and only too happy to "unstick" you. And having a chance to rest was nice on occasion....but soon you would be flying through the water again. It seemed to go on forever!

Such a crazy fun day....and I think a great way to celebrate the life of Ed. I think too often we focus on the death...especially when someone dies as tragically as Ed did it is difficult not to. For those of us in the ballooning community, we remember that time around his death so clearly. When we heard, nnd what we did in that time after we heard until his body was found several days later. The memorial service and the balloon releases. While we lost our friend, Ruthi's loss was immeasurably larger....she lost the love of her life. I can't even imagine.

But yet....to us Ed was life. He was vibrant. He was daring. He was fun. He was kind. You think of him and you think of that smile. That confidence. The swagger. My favorite memory is sitting on the ground at Charles & Kristie's farm, reloading film in my camera after a balloon ascension at our balloon association's Montgolfier Day party. Ed had caught a ride up with another balloon pilot, and as I sat there he landed right in front of me, having skydived from the balloon. He was graceful and so in control and it was thrilling to watch. He landed on his feet, and then shed the parachute as he was walking over to his balloon that had been inflated by his crew....and he jumped into that and took off. It was awe-inspiring...and very, very cool.

We could spend the anniversary of Ed's death crying and mourning his loss.....because we still feel it...or we can do things that would have made him smile. Ruthi picked the days of our vacation to take her away from some of the memories, but they do have a way of coming with you anyway. Oh,  I know how much he would have loved how she spent that day and how he would have cheered her on.....especially her challenging fears with passion and confidence. How she honored his memory when she did it all.

When we got to Costa Rica, at one point I reached into a pocket of the backpack I often travel with, and found the bracelet Ed's son Damien had made for me shortly after Ed's death. It is made out of parachute cord in the colors of one of Ed's balloons. That bracelet usually is in my jewelry box....I have no clue how it got in my backpack. But I wore it on "Ed Day" (as I did when I went sky diving). It wasn't there by accident.

We were where we needed to be that day, doing what we needed to be doing. Living life in a big way. As Ed did. His presence is still with us, because he was created uniquely by God to be in our lives for a reason. He became part of us, and therefore he lives.. That's supernaturally cool, I think. Something to celebrate. Providence.

The Costa Rica Adventure - It Starts to Come Together

So luggage claim made, I went through Customs and made it to the outside of the airport in Costa Rica. Not quite like the US.....it was a madhouse! Everyone has drivers waiting for them....signs with names on them are in every direction. It was a bit disconcerting....especially when your name was not among them. I looked over one side of the crowd, then the other. Walked back and forth, peering around looking for either Ruthi or a sign with my name on it. There was no way to communicate that I was out there. Finally Ruthi spotted me and we were able to head to the van and on to La Fortuna, where we would stay in the Arenal area.

The roads in Costa Rica....not quite what we are used to here. That makes what sounds like a pretty quick journey take a lot longer. We would travel about 2 1/2 hours, I think it was, to get there. Our driver was a cute young guy, very sweet and hospitable. About half way there he stopped so we could get food. We hadn't eaten much at all....no food was served on any flight. Oh, we could have bought the $10 sandwich box on one of them, but we thought we could wait.

We stopped at what amounted to a roadside open air cafeteria. Lots of undiscernible food...and I realized I need a refresher course in Spanish. But I am an easy eater. I chose rice, black beans and salad. An excellent choice.... it was delicious. But I would eat this a lot in the next week....it is a staple of the diet there!

Our travel agent called when we were on the way and apologized once again for the mistake with our reservations. I found out that our hotel name our driver had was wrong....which meant that the hotel name I left with the airlines was wrong. Quite frustrating! The travel agent said he would tell the hotel to send the luggage to the correct hotel. He also said something about us changing hotels the next night. At that point I didn't care. I just wanted a bed for the night.

The hotel wasn't fancy, but it was definitely adequate. I have stayed in much worse places. (The worst being for business....I'll tell you that story sometime if you want to laugh.) We have a great view of the Arenal volcano stepping right outside our door and looking backwards. It was beautiful. The people were nice. The beds were comfortable. There were no complaints from us!

We were supposed to zipline the next day....our tour was actually called the Adrenaline Adventure. It began with zip lining, which required closed toed shoes (I only had open toed sandals with no straps), and ended with tubing, which required a bathing suit. So....we decided to focus on the shoes and something to sleep in. Tourist towns.....not the best place to find adequate clothing for active adult people. We found a shoe store, which had a really cute pair....that cost $78. No...these were not running shoes, so I couldn't bring myself to pay it. Plus they just felt OK....not comfortable. I didn't want to chance it. I finally found a store that had water shoes. $11 and I had my closed toed shoes! I bought a man's 2x tank to sleep in. Are men's arms really big enough to need those armholes?

I figured I could force my travel clothes to work for me if necessary the next day, so we found a place for a bite for dinner. The cheerful waitress lifted our spirits....as did the sangria.

The wifi at the hotel was really great.....way better than hotels in the U.S., as a matter-of-fact! I went online to track my luggage. The status now said "Unknown." It also wouldn't let me edit the hotel. I had to call Customer Service. Well, the travel agent had said we were moving hotels the next day, so I didn't know what hotel to tell them actually. It was obvious the luggage would not be there that night. So....I sent an email to my travel agent.....one of many he received from me in the course of things! Then I decided if we switched our activities the next two days, it would work better for us. I sent another email asking him if he could change Monday's thermal springs visit to Sunday and Sunday's Adrenaline Adventure to Monday. Then we got some sleep.

While at breakfast the next day, the travel agent called. He started spouting out info about possible hotels for us. Finally he said he would send us links about each one. We looked at them, and after some thought (really we didn't care!), we chose one. He ended up calling me back and saying that one wasn't available (so you couldn't have checked this before?) Without asking Ruthi (though she was fine with it) I said "Can't we just stay here? It's fine." He said "Do you feel safe there?" "Well, yes." (At least I did until he asked that question!) It was decided....we would not move hotels and would stay where we were for two more nights. It was not a bad decision....it worked out well for us and made life much easier. And yes, we did feel safe!

The travel agent also switched our Adrenaline Adventure tour to Monday....and was trying to change our thermal springs visit to Sunday, but was having issues getting hold of the resort. He said even if he couldn't we would be able to do the thermal springs after the Monday activity. So we had to wait to hear word from him on that, antsy to know so we could make alternate plans if necessary. We were on vacation....there were things to do, people to see! Meanwhile the travel agent said he had talked to the airline and my suitcase was on the way. As he talked to me he said it should be there in about five minutes. Yea! I could wear clean clothes! I ran down to the lobby....and was able to greet the delivery guy. The desk clerk at the hotel waited with me. She had probably been warned by our travel agent that I was a bit crazy. OK, maybe she was just nice.

We had an online itinerary which I kept looking at to see if our hot springs visit was changed. Finally it comes up as changed, but it showed no transportation. It said the time as from 10-3 and since it was after 10....well, you can guess what we did. We asked the front desk to call us a taxi, she asked how long it would take us to get ready and we said we were ready any time. It was a lie....I had to change. But before I had a chance, the taxi was there. I threw on a bathing suit and coverup and we were off to the thermal springs. (We learned later that he had arranged transportation. I just jumped the gun before he had everything arranged. Oh well...more time at the spa for us!)

What a perfect place to regroup! The Tabacon Hot Springs Spa....oh, I definitely recommend. It took a minute for them to find our reservation, but finally it was all in order. We get our wrist bands, set up our lunch time, then ask about getting massages at the spa. They point us in that direction. We go right over. We find we can get appointments at 11:30, which would allow us to be ready for lunch at 1. This was our big indulgence for the trip. The time you spend more money than you usually would.....because it is vacation!

We both decide on their signature massage, which is medium pressure, and includes volcanic mud being massaged all over your body, with a mineral shower with water from the hot springs at the end. All are done in your private massage bungalow. Well, private and completely outside. When you are the daughter of a British woman, you just may grow up to believe you should not be stripping naked outside. Those sensibilities only extend so far in me, so if I have to strip naked outdoors for my massage, then so be it!

Oh....but first....I am forgetting the preparation stage. We were assigned our spa boy....I can't remember his name, but he was cute and smiley. He showed us where everything was, gave us a locker key where our turquoise robes and our spa shoes were found, then told us if we wanted to relax in the hot tub (with water from the hot springs) we needed to wear our bathing suits. So....we kept those suits on and made fast work stowing our belongings and got in one of the hot tubs. Or let's just call them Jacuzzi pools. They were really warm and relaxing, and yes....we were quite happy. The stress from the past few days was starting to fade away. Spa boy brought us smoothies.... because you need a bit of extra nutrition as you relax in the hot springs. Then he brought us cucumbers with dipping sauce. All very yummy. Yes, we felt quite spoiled. When he came to tell us massage time was there, it almost felt like a disruption to the bliss. But oh no....more bliss was yet to come! (No cameras were allowed in the spa, so I don't get to show you photographic evidence of all of this!)

We meet our massage therapists who led us to our private massage bungalows. And we're back to the getting naked outdoors part. So....did it. Jumped on the table. Rang the bell she left to alert her that I was ready. (Diana McLaughlin can testify I can strip and be on that massage table in no time flat! No wasted massage minutes for me!) There is some soft music playing, but mostly you just hear the sounds of the outdoors. A creek is below us, so the sound of the water over the rocks is incredibly relaxing. Diana (who is my regular massage therapist, for those of you who haven't heard me go on and on about her before) would be surprised that I only said a couple of words through the whole procedure. "Yes, thank you" to the question "Are you feeling OK Mrs. McKinney?" (I always feel the need to correct everyone and tell them I am not Mrs....but have finally learned to just let it go!)

So lava mud is supposedly good for your skin. I guess it is. Honestly I couldn't tell much difference. But when she asked me if my skin felt soft after it was applied, of course I said yes. The Southern manners prevail. But really....I don't know! (It was available at the gift shop for me to take home, if I was so inclined. I wasn't.) After my massage she told me to rise slowly and walked me over to the shower. It very rustic, but pretty good water pressure and so very warm. Now it was naked shower time. The massage therapist discretely left the bungalow. I could have stayed there all day. I loofah myself until I thought my skin may rub off, but still at the end of the day had remnants of clay on my legs. I don't know....maybe I just did one leg twice. The ADD does come out often. After I didn't think I could justify staying there any longer, I threw on the robe and rang the bell again, for my therapist to escort me to my next "station". This was a little lounge area where I ordered another smoothie (mango this time) brought to me by my spa boy, along with a fruit plate. Ruthi soon joined me for green tea with her fruit plate. Yes, it was awesome. We didn't want to leave, but had to get to the restaurant for our appointed lunch time. Feeling rushed is not generally a good thing....but feeling rushed to go from one great place to another....certainly tolerable! So, I wrung the water out of my bathing suit using their cute little bathing suit wringer machine (spa boy came running....evidently he was afraid that me doing it myself was a bit taxing...or maybe he thought I would break it), and put it back on along with my cover-up and went to lunch.

Lunch was a buffet with views of the hot springs and gorgeous grounds. The food was delicious.....hot dishes (such as their version of bbq pork, arroz con pollo, etc.) and salads and a whole host of little cold soufflé things....with flavors like beets, carrots and such. OK, they were interesting .... but a bite or two was definitely enough. Ruthi discovered some really yummy calamari that I had missed. I went in search of some....it was tender and so very good. We ended with dessert and coffee. They had little mini dessert dishes so you could have a bite of this and that. Nice.

Then it was time for the hot springs. They had all different sorts of these hot spring pools around the area. Some like small swimming pools, some the size of a big Jacuzzi tub. You hike around the different paths and see what you can find. The water was warm. Sometimes even to the point of hot. It is amazing that the earth warms it like that. I think we tried all of the pools, but I wouldn't swear to it. There were a lot of them. Many with waterfalls that you could stand under and enjoy. There were a lot of people, but you just had to pace yourself. We went from one to another, enjoying each. They also had a cool water swimming pool you could use....we never made it to that! Our itinerary said we were to stay until 3:00. We stayed well past that. No one seemed to mind. All I can say is this....we felt very different when we left the resort than when we came. It was the perfect way to start a vacation. Total relaxation. A bit of bliss. It was Sunday, and I definitely was a grateful child of the king!

We head "home" to our hotel. As we were going in, the guy at the desk waived us to him. Seems someone (me) left the room key in the cab we took to the spa. The lovely cab driver brought it back for us. Not long after we get back to our room I discover my camera case is missing. I tried to think back to when I had it last. I realized it was probably in the cab. Yep...turned out I left it there on the way home. Getting it back took a whole group of folks, though mostly was the result of the persistence of someone at our travel agency. I tell you....working with travel agencies "in country" is a good thing to do! The awesome woman told us to go out to dinner and she would continue to work with the spa and the taxi company to find it. Turned out the spa had their own taxis and we were in one of them. They found the camera....and had it delivered to the hotel by time we got home from dinner.

And that was our first full day of vacation in Costa Rica. Started a bit crazy, had a few stressors, but pretty amazing overall! It would not be the only time that week I called myself blessed.

The Costa Rica Adventure - The Shaky Start

You know what it is like the week before a vacation. Your head is spinning as you try to get everything done. The time change completely did me in. I was exhausted all week, "It's an hour, body, and you got more sleep than normal as I tried to force you to adjust. Why be so rebellious anyway?"

As always I didn't pack until the last minute. This is normal for me, but usually I knock it out quickly. Not this time, though. It was excruciating. Still wondering where my one of my favorite flip flops has gotten off to.

In the course of packing, I decide to print off out itinerary and my boarding pass. Looking at the itinerary in a new view I realize everything was booked for April instead of March. I not only told our travel agent our dates correctly, I had sent a copy of our airline reservations. I realized the view of our itinerary I had been looking at practically hid dates from view on my iPad, so I had never noticed them. I I called the travel agent immediately and thankfully someone was manning the phones (though it was well after hours.....about 11 their time.) Within about 15 minutes he had a driver lined up to pick us up from the airport and a hotel for the first night. That evidently was a chore since a lot of hotels were booked. But they pulled it off.

I planned to stay up all night, and getting ready took most of it. Left my house to pick up Ruthi at 3:15 a.m. My car is in desperate need of medical attention, so I wondered whether it would make it. Especially since it was in the middle if the night and we had a plane to catch. But yes, it survived the trip to long term parking. We'll see how it does after a week outside. Yes, I need to buy a new car. Will do that when I get back home. One of my most hated things to do.

Our flights were great. We had to change planes in Miami. The only annoying thing was that the volcano that erupted in another part of Costa Rica closed the airport for a couple of days, so lots of people from prior flights were trying to get on ours. It was probably a bit chaotic for the airline. We ended up getting new boarding passes. My seat had changed, but still....we had seats and we were on our way. On our flight people were trying to get others to change seats with them so they could sit with their travel companions. I know there are sometimes circumstances when people need to be together, but when things are already chaotic, people, just sit in whatever seat you get. We're talking about a few hours here! But no....people ask others to give up their window seat to sit in their middle seat. I hate seeing people feel guilty for saying no to the deal....or saying yes because they feel pressured.

We arrive in San Jose, Costa Rica on time....it was around 10:30 a.m. their time (two hours difference,12:30 p.m. eastern.) We go through immigration, and head to baggage claim. Ruthi's bag comes up pretty quickly. We wait for mine. And wait. And wait. I ask one of the luggage guys if there are more bags to come. He says yes, so I don't go to the lost baggage line. Mistake! After a while I realize that no more bags are coming. I get in the then long line. Ruthi goes to tell our driver what is going on and get the name of the hotel we are going to be in. (We didn't know because of the change the night before.) We forget she has to go through customs on the way out. Once out, you don't get back in. That's why you need to travel with someone that is tenacious. Ruthi didn't take no for an answer. She talked her way back in, with the hotel name in hand. Security accompanies her. When she gets back to me, I still had not moved up in the line at all.Why it was taking so long, I have no idea. Noone seemed concerned about this except me! Ruthi goes back outside to wait with the driver. I think the people in front of me spoke French, those in back Spanish. You know I hated not having anyone to listen to me give ideas for making the process better!!!!

Finally my time came. I have no clue why the process took so long for everyone else. For me it took about five minutes. My bag was still showing in Miami. I filled out paperwork giving all of my identifying info and my contact info in La Fortuna. The agent said that there was a chance that I could get my luggage that day, but probably if it was on the last flight that night it would be the next morning. I gave my travel agent's phone number in Costa Rica.I get a sheet giving my claim number and the online site for American Airlines where I can check the status of my luggage. We realized on the way to our hotel that the driver did not have the name of the new hotel. He had the one we had reservations in for April! The online edit buttons to change my hotel destination and contact info didn't work. Wouldn't you know? I talked to the travel agent (we used a local Costa Rican travel agency....Anywhere Costa Rica....in spite of the botched itinerary I recommend!) and they said they would call the old hotel and tell them to send the luggage to the new hotel when it arrived. Gee! Nothing can be easy! Later on when I checked on the website it said the location of my luggage was unknown. Yes....it was all a bit of a mess. Thanks American Airlines. Welcome to Costa Rica!!!!!

(to be continued....)

 

Springing Forward

I hate springing forward. I know, I like what is coming. I enjoy having longer days and feeling like I am not driving home from work in the middle of the night. But tor now,
losing that extra hour of sleep, dragging around for a couple of weeks as I get used to the time change (yes, for some of us it takes that long)...it's not fun.

When it gets down to it, I just am not the "spring forward" type. I have never liked jumping into something new. I like the way things have been. I like moving slow. Some people seem to spring forward into everything they do....I sort of hate those people. I am naturally reticent.

I am the toe in the pool type. It takes me about an hour to get my whole body in. Toe one goes first. Then the rest of my toes. Then my foot. I'll put in one foot up to the ankle. Then the other foot. After an adjustment period I will go in up to my knee. I stay there a while. Take one more step down. Eventually make it up to the waist. That's when it begins to feel especially excruciating. I stay there a long while. And so on and so forth. The only time I take a bit of a plunge is when the water is at my neck. Then, and only then, I may stick my heard under. Even then I will not like it. But a few moments later I am wondering why it has been so hard. Come on in....the water's fine!

This is one of those things that annoys me about me sometimes. It would be one thing if I loved the process, but I am also naturally impatient and practical and this process takes precious moments of life. Why can't I be the kind of person who makes a flying leap and jumps in? I have no clue. That's just not me. I've learned that is how I was made. I have accepted it. And really....is it a big deal? I have to spend the moments of my life doing something. Eventually I can adjust. I am OK with it. Why must everything in life be a rush?

Overall I really don't hate change. It is necessary for life. My friend Allie observed this weekend that  I will accept change that is thrust upon me, I just don't go looking for it. That is the truth. While I am not going to hurl myself in the pool, if I happen to fall in I can handle it. While I hate time changes, and think they are a bit silly, it's not ever going to be anything to which I give too much energy. It's a minor irritant in life. Change is one thing that shows us that life is going on and we're part of it.

I must add a disclaimer. Happening to fall in the pool is one thing. Someone throwing me in the pool is quite another. In either case I will eventually make the best of the bad situation, but they who throw me in the pool may experience a bit of wrath. I know that the Lord claims vengeance is his, and I am good with that, but I also think we're a great team and sometimes try to help out. God eventually reminds me I am not needed and I am really not as good at it as he is so eventually I will bow to the master. I am getting better at doing this sooner. All in all, I will forgive, eventually. There are just other things I need to spend my time on and I don't need that extra weight on my back. This human being stuff is complicated and difficult and a process....but really, it's best to gain perspective on all of this sooner rather than later. Especially knowing our nature.

While I will never be someone who gets excited about springing forward, I will adjust. Possibly slowly. Let's face it....what choice do I  have? We can whine about the situation or we can enjoy and explore the things that come to us as a result. If we move on ahead, spring comes. The warm breezes, the flowers, the rebirth and refreshment. I'd rather develop a plan to give myself what is needed now, to go to bed early as I adjust, and enjoy each day fully. The important thing is that we don't try to stay where we are. The pressure of standing in the same place causes the rut to start to get deeper and deeper and soon we are in over our head, and life has passed us over in the meantime. So come on.... let's spring forward! Join hands. One-two-three-go!

I Love......Finishing What I Started

I love FINISHING WHAT I STARTED. 

I have issues taking a task to completion. I make no secret that I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and had it before it was trendy. It's nothing I am ashamed of (though some have told me to be less open about it, so I talk about it more often) and it's not something that I dwell on. It's just how I am wired....more of a point of interest to me as it explains my tendency to react in certain ways. I have only tried medication for it once, as an adult, because I thought it may make me a woman of great accomplishment. No, it didn't and when I thought about it I realized that I really like a lot of what ADD does for me, so for me it is something that I try to embrace as a gift from the Creator and enjoy where it takes me.

And it does take you many places. Your mind goes constantly. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be one of the folks whose mind is not in overload all the time (often about minutia)....but really it's pretty fun to think about these things.

One major area it impacts my life, though, is finishing things I start. I get great ideas.....prepare for the project, and then can't seem to get it finished. Here's a list of home projects that are in various levels of completion...but  nowhere near completed...

• I have decided to get new kitchen counters and a backsplash, and have looked at material possibilities several times, but cannot move further. My brother has taken measurements and graphed them out, but I haven't picked this diagram up from him.
• The light fixture in my office (that used to be a dining room) just doesn't fit. If I was a chandelier-in-the-office type, this would not be what I would choose. I finally found a new light fixture that I love and that should work for that room. It has been sitting on my kitchen table for weeks.
• I bought fabric to recover my kitchen chairs. I think that is on my kitchen table, too.
• I bought all the supplies (and my sister Dana got wood cut) so I could make this cute headboard for my one of my guest rooms I saw online. Yeah...not started. And now my brother is taking that bed from me (because I had stolen it from him since he wasn't using it...what's his is mine), so the question now is whether I just buy a new bed with a headboard or get just a bed frame with my new mattress and make the doggone headboard!
• I need a new couch....have been out looking for them several times and found several I liked in my price range. Yeah....still no new couch at my house.
• I'll also probably need a new chair and a new rug when I buy the couch...may as well put that on the list.
• My office is in complete disarray. I have great ideas of how it is going to look and they make me happy, but it requires I do so many things (like buy frames, get rid of paper, move furniture, etc.)
• The doorframe for one of the rooms upstairs needs to be painted. Somehow that was missed when we made that room (a converted loft).
• My bedroom. I don't even want to think about it. Let's start with the tall side tables I need, drapes that need to be bought and put up, and then work our way through to the closet and stacks of magazines that need to find their way to the recycle center. Ties with my office for the most disorganized room in the house. I think it may win.
• My garage. The list is endless. Let's just say I never got it organized when I moved in and now I just add to the chaos.
• My house needs to be pressure washed. Soon.
• My yard needs to be mulched, bushes trimmed and generally cleaned up.

I am sure that list is not exhaustive, this is just what immediately comes to mind, to give you an idea. These are the things that overwhelm my mind and put me in a state of paralysis. This does not include the stacks of papers and magazines to go through. Overwhelming doesn't even begin to cover it.

That being said, I have learned to get OK with it. The sky is not falling as a result of the length of the list and my life is quite happy and relaxed most of the time. One good thing about an ADD mind...you have so many more things you can think about when you find something unpleasant creeping in! Part of me hates this side of me.....part of me enjoys that I can avoid the stress I see others under.

Those rare occasions when I do finish a task, I love the feeling of accomplishment. A "whoosh" resounds through my brain as I realize I must have mentally been holding my breathe. What is interesting is that I don't have issues getting work things done by deadlines....because I think my employer, and my clients, deserve things done well and on schedule. And I was taught that sort of work ethic....a day's work for a day's pay. Yet my personal life...the things that only impact me...it is another story.

Because of this issue, though, sometimes I have to put myself under a test. Like writing a blog every day for a month. It is difficult for me. It's not convenient. It's stressful. It's frustrating. I struggle with putting something out there in public that is not good writing or that doesn't quite say what I want it to....it can be embarrassing. Yet I know it will never be good enough if I think about it too much. In the end I remind myself that my goal was not to necessarily write good stuff, but to write. Having to gain a bit of mental focus each day is an accomplishment in itself. But sometimes, I need that exercise. To see if I can follow through to completion. Even if I don't want to!

So while I don't lament February being over, I feel good that I met my goal of writing a blog a day. Though even if I had not, the attempt would have been OK in itself. I love finishing what I start, but when I don't....that's OK, too. Either it gets done or it doesn't, and life is usually good either way. It's all in our attitude, all in our reaction, all in our kindness to ourselves.

Happy last day of Love Month. Maybe, though, this should be a love year. I think my next goal may be to put love in action every day....not by chance, but by focus. I wish I could tell you that I am gung ho at the prospect of doing this....I'm not, really, but sometimes we need to do it anyway. Sometimes we need to finish what we start....and set new personal goals. But I promise....this will be done incognito. I won't be blogging about it! Those of you who read my blog regularly (have I told you lately how awesome you are?) can rest your weary eyes.