The Challenge - Day 2

My friend Nancy challenged me to 7 days of sharing a Bible verse (or verses) that are meaningful to me. Up for Day 2....

"There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:

 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,

 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 

a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." Proverbs 6:19 (NIV)

Or in another translation...

"

Here are six things God hates, and one more that he loathes with a passion:

 eyes that are arrogant, a tongue that lies, hands that murder the innocent,

 a heart that hatches evil plots, feet that race down a wicked track, 

 a mouth that lies under oath, a troublemaker in the family." 

Proverbs 6:19 (CEV)

I love a good story, the more dramatic the better, and because of that I am sometimes drawn to gossip. You too? I suspect so. Even if you pretend not to be interested.

Hearing of the drama of other people's lives enthralls us. We often believe it to be true without questioning it. We are so quick to destroy the lives and reputations of others that it amazes me. It's as though we're living a version of the Hunger Games and cheering on neighbors as they kill neighbors... for our personal entertainment.

Now, I don't think we necessarily set out to destroy lives in talking about such things....but it happens quite easily. Good people spread gossip. We take "facts" told to us by other people as the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, without question. We judge them as guilty, without the benefit of a trial. We would be shattered if it was done to us. What's really sad is that it probably has been done to us or to those we love. We don't seem to learn from it. We don't give others the consideration that we would expect. We don't treat others with the same kindness we would like applied to our own loved ones.

What do we look for in ourselves and others to see if this is a problem? There is a great list here.

Haughty eyes - Often a gossip is quite convincing. They (we) will look you straight in the eyes and tell you something is true. Their evidence? Well, if you question them you may find it is a bit spotty. Phrases like "I just know." "Someone told me it looked as though this was true." "I had a feeling." "I put two and two together." I'm definitely a believer in intuition....but I know not everyone has it, those feelings don't always prove to be true, and probably we shouldn't buy everyone's "feelings" as truth. Sometimes when we think we have it all figured out, we really don't. Keep those haughty eyes in check.

A lying tongue - In your life, what is truth? Is it fact, or rumor? Is smoke always fire? Do you accept all as fact, until someone proves it isn't true, or the opposite? Because someone says something as truth, you don't have to believe it without question. In fact, you are foolish if you do. When words leave your lips (or your fingers), are they really the truth? Does that matter to you? Our tongue can be our most destructive weapon....we need to take care that we don't speak without thought.

Hands that shed innocent blood - Blood is not just shed by swords or other obvious weapons. Some of the worse bloodshed is the person who condemns an innocent. I sometimes have to put myself in my place by reminding myself that it is very probable I would have been at the foot of the cross condemning Christ. I hope seeing that mental picture of myself keeps me from doing the same thing to other people. Sometimes it does, but I haven't gotten it perfected.

A heart that devises wicked schemes -We can be a manipulative people. Unfortunately that manipulation is not usually used for someone else's good. Funny, that. If we are spending our time coming up with ways to destroy the lives of others, it may be time for a heart check and a redirection of its use. As the creative type, personally I could be really good at "wicked scheme planning" if I were to put my energy to it. I try to keep my energy headed in different directions. Sometimes that is difficult. Constant heart checks, and a plan for how I want my heart to act, help.

Feet that are quick to rush into evil - What direction are we headed? Is it taking us toward good things or evil? Are we running with the mob without really knowing what the mob is all about? Do we know what the mob is about is wrong, but joining them anyway? Or are we the lone ranger type and rushing into it all in our own? Our feet head where our brain tells them to...we need to keep our brain headed in the right place so our feet follow,

A false witness who pours out lies - I've been a reporter before, covering an event that another reporter has covered. When I read their story I thought "Where in the world were they?" It's like we saw totally different things happen. What would a reader believe to be true?

I'm also a big reader and I have always been a fan of the "unreliable narrator." The unreliable narrator tells the story through their own perception, or through what they want you to believe as the truth. When it gets down to it, what they say is certainly not truth and may be a total distortion of the facts or just enough of a distortion to really confuse your mind. They're not just in books....we're all unreliable narrators at least some if the time. Sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose. An unreliable narrator can be very convincing, and make you feel like a fool. So can a false witness. Even worse is when you realize you are one yourself.

A man (or woman) who stirs up dissension among brothers - We know the pot stirrers. Let's just call them bullies. They don't go away with childhood. Sometimes they just get better at it. Those people who want others to join them as they go against someone? As they attack their character or their reputation? You have the power to say no. If you fall in step with them, you are responsible for the destruction. If you are leading the pack, you are responsible for the carnage...and are negatively impacting our world.

These things are called out as things that God hates...things he finds detestable...things he loathes with a passion. Strong words. Are those the things you want to spend your time doing? As I think about it, I have to agree with God. Personally I don't want these things to mark my life story. They can inch into your life subtly and become who you are in no time.

One of the messages for my church this Sunday was that sometimes, if we are living as Christ lived, as God wants us to live, we will sometimes be at odds with those who we love. For me, if God hates it, I want to hate it, too. That doesn't always come naturally to me. It may not come naturally to you either. I am sure I have done, and maybe still do, these seven things. It's easy to get caught up with the drama and want to be part of it. For myself, I decide what kind if drama I want to support. I want to live a life that leads to good things, not destruction...and I want to encourage that in others..

My goal is to have eyes that shine light, a tongue that tells truth, hands that protect the innocent, a heart that looks for new ways to love, and feet that run to goodness. I want to be a reliable witness to truth and I want to promote peace in my family, in my friendships, in my church, in my community, in my country, and in my world. 

I commit to these things even if I am the only one who will, but together we can make a greater impact. Care to join me?

"There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:

 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,

 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 

a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." Proverbs 6:19 (NIV)

(Join me in the Bible verse challenge - seven days of sharing verses that are meaningful to you.)

The Challenge - Day 1

So if my friend Nancy got the challenge right (she was challenged by someone in French), for seven days I am supposed to share a Bible verse that is meaningful to me.  I figured it just may be a good little exercise for me, so why not do a 7-day marathon blog of these verses? A good way to make me focus and think on them.

I'll use Nancy as the inspiration for my first verse. When we were roommates in Greensboro in our little houses on Silver Ave. and Spring Garden (in our early 20s....not that long ago), Nancy had a sampler on our living room wall that I believe a friend had made her. It was a verse in Micah.....not a book of the Bible read often by a lot of people, but perhaps it should be. The verse was...

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8 (NIV). 

Or in another translation...

"The Lord God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." Micah 6:8 (CEV).

I love this verse, however you translate it. The last words of the verse were the ones on the sampler. The call to action. What great words to be reminded of daily! This book of the Bible was written by the prophet Micah and was a message particularly for the people of Samaria and Jerusalem, but so much of the story applies to us today. The leaders at the time were encouraging people's focus to be on other things besides God. When a person's focus is not on God, it leads us away from our purpose. 

Micah talks of idol worship, which we often pretend not to understand in today's times....but what is idol worship besides saying something or someone else is more powerful than God? Why else would it frustrate God so much? When our eyes are enamoured elsewhere, we don't notice who he is. When we don't notice who he is, we miss out on much of what he has planned for us to see and do. That is always going to be better than our own way. A tour guide who has seen and knows the world (and especially one that made that world) can lead you to much more exciting places than you stumble upon yourself.

The issues the people were dealing with then are not much different than those we are dealing with now. Does this sound familiar? 

"So listen to my message, you rulers of Israel! You hate justice and twist the truth. You make cruelty and murder a way of life in Jerusalem. You leaders accept bribes for disobedient decisions. You priests and prophets teach and preach, but only for money." Micah 3:9-11 (CEV)

But God....

He made it simple for them. For us. If they (we) looked to him, they (we) would know the secret of living a good and fulfilling and truly important life. He "required" this. He "demanded" it. It must be important.

"See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God."

The next election is teeing up in the U.S., and we get to choose our leaders. Yes, I know most seem like a bunch of buffoons at the moment, but truth is that God will have skin in the game. It's a privilege to be involved. Don't be too quick to judge someone based on political party, because of their work or church or family resume, or because of their pretty words. Think about those leaders in the Bible that God chose, that proved worthy to the task. Often based on their past history or current demeanor they would not have been our choice, now, would they? But how do they make their decisions? What will be their guide?

In our world, in our country, in our lives, our thoughts need to be on justice (I like the synonym "fairness" or "right"). What is right? What is true? What makes sense? What is righteous?

I had a business class once where we would play a game where the teacher would give us a situation and ask us the questions "Is it legal?" "Is it moral?" and "Is it ethical?" You would think the answers should all be consistent. They weren't. That game fascinated me. (I think I have talked about it in a prior blog....and reserve the right to talk of it in the future!)  It totally captivated me and the three hour class would fly by. I used to add a question at the end, for stretching my own mind and because I thought it was in the end most important, "Is it right?" It wasn't an easy exercise. Give it a try. Pick up any news story....you can probably find a subject for which those questions will give interesting answers. We really all should be thinking these things through on an ongoing basis.

I may surprise you by revealing I am more of a justice girl than a merciful one. I try to work on the mercy, with varying degrees of success. But this verse says mercy needs to come first. It says we need to love it. Not have a loving feeling for it....truly commit to making it an active priority. So, let's define "mercy" as compassionate treatment. How do our decisions actually touch people? They may be "right", but are they "compassionate"? Do we consider all of those impacted before we make a decision? 

Oh, we definitely don't need to throw justice out of the window and apply some sort of namby pamby mercy....but justice must be administered with mercy coming first. With compassion. With loving kindness.

Then there's obedience. What does God say about any particular issue? As we study the God of scripture, what is he about? What matters to him? We aren't supposed to just obey him, we're supposed to humbly obey him. I always think that "humbly" should be defined as "it's not all about you". We need to look at God, and not just in our mirror. We need to make it personal, though. If we don't learn about God for ourselves (studying God in our own relationship and not just relying on the second hand experience of others), how can we obey him? But if we are thinking of ourselves first, is it possible to obey God humbly?

This is a great verse for our times and for our decision making. God has shown us how to live best. We  don't make decisions with careless abandon, but instead we stay by the side of God, always knowing we have more to learn. We consider mercy for all involved, loving over our own emotions. And we act justly. Always. Personalize it....it wasn't written just for those in Samaria and Jerusalem, for leaders and rulers. The truth endures today. This is a verse for you....and me.

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8 (NIV). 

(I think I am supposed to nominate two people a day to join me in this little exercise, but being the rebel I am, and encouraging that in others, I don't want to force anyone. I'll just say this. If you need to think about and/or share a few verses in your Facebook world, consider yourself challenged. You don't have to get as wordy as me and blog on it....unless you want to...or even share it on Facebook. You can just think on them yourself or share with one or two around you. Go where God leads you. But sometimes a challenge can take you to interesting places. If you're not accepting an occasional challenge I think you're missing out on an interesting part of life. Plus there's nothing like talking about something in public to help you refine your thinking...and sometimes make you exercise courage. As a reminder....today we're going to try walking humbly next to God. That means being open and teachable, but also knowing God, our greatest defender and only true judge, is standing beside us.)

The Inner Mirror

The dilemma. It's raining, I didn't plan for it, and while I have an umbrella in the car (one that should have already been replaced a year or so ago, but could keep some of the rain off me...if the wind doesn't blow more than a slight puff). I also have an armload of things I need to carry into the building. I wait a few minutes for the downpour to subside. I check my phone. I check the time. Finally my window of time has run out. I have to make a decision. My decision is to just go. To leave the umbrella, get wet, get myself and my stuff inside in one trip, and deal with the consequences later. It's always the choice I make, though it doesn't seem to be the norm, or necessarily the right one. I spend more time bedraggled than the average woman. Doing anything else doesn't seem to make sense to me at the time. Sometimes, afterward, I wonder if perhaps another choice would be better. When I look in the mirror....or someone looks at me in pity, I get the message. It's not pretty. Yep, possibly not a good decision.

I think I missed  part of the gene of self-awareness. Oh, I am aware of some things. What I think, what I believe. I'm definitely aware of my faults....some blown out of proportion, some justified in my brain, some insecurities planted by other people.

But I have realized I don't have a great grasp of my personal appearance. Am I wearing something inside out? Very possibly. Did I just put mascara on one eye? It happens. Did I just put in one earring this morning? Well, the phone rang. I got distracted. The bad thing is that I probably won't discover these things on my own.

It's why I prefer friends who are blunt but kind. I'm not sure if I prefer they be detailed oriented (in which they would notice) or not (in which they wouldn't.) 

Several of these friends will always eye me as they greet me and it's like a mother looking at their first grader before they head off for school. They tuck and pull and straighten and may even get out the wet wipes. (Not all of these friends are women. I have a love for Renaissance men and am lucky to have some as friends.) Embarrassment about this sort of thing has faded with time.... I now can usually accept it with amusement and see it as a gift of someone who cares. OK, maybe my cheeks are still a little pink. It may or may not be the blush I badly applied.

There is a side of me that would like to be different. Who would like to be the polished type. One who thinks it is a priority to iron clothes before I wear them and not just hopes that body heat will get rid of the wrinkles. I usually hope that everyone thinks I started my day looking way more put together, and something tragic happened along the way. This "put together" Kim doesn't seem to happen.

I'd like to figure out what people leave behind so they can carry the umbrella. When I carry the really cute umbrella like they carry (which I don't currently own, most of mine are freebies sporting an insurance company logo), I would like to look the magazine ad, carefree and relaxed and enjoying the rain...not like someone currently fighting a battle and losing. Cute rain boots....yeah, if I had them they would not be in the vicinity if it actually rained. They would sit beautifully unused in my closet. It's not worth the investment. But I love yours!

I don't check throughout my day to see how I look or consciously notice if something is out of place...it just doesn't occur to me. I have no internal mirror. My brain isn't trained that way, no matter how many times I realize the glaring consequences. Yes, it can make me cringe if I think about it. Those of you who always seem put together leave me in a state of awe. I don't look at it as a possibility for me, for some reason. Will that change? I doubt it. It's not like I just gave up, as I have heard some women say...l don't think it has ever been part of who I am.

One of the great things about being unaware of the way you look? Usually you don't notice those who are rolling their eyes when they notice the fiasco before them. Well, you notice....but it doesn't even occur to you it could be related to you. (People have bad days and sometimes those eyes just roll naturally!)

The truth is if I happen to look OK when you see me, chances are it is by accident. Or someone dressed me. The mirror in my mind is a bit warped. But maybe you already knew that.

In Whom Do You Invest? (Or Lessons From Mary Poppins")

Spoilers ahead!!!!

I went to Abingdon, VA yesterday to spend time with one of my oldest and dearest friends Regina. We went to the Barter Theater (one of my favorite things to do) to see their production of the musical Mary Poppins.

I hadn't seen Mary Poppins in a while, and I had never seen the play. It's fun to see the childhood productions of our youth as an adult, and think about some of the lessons they teach. Sort of like cartoons you look at from your childhood and now you see all the lines that went completely over your head. While I used to just see the surface, these days I notice the not-so-hidden messages.

The one most significant to me yesterday (besides the fact that Mr. Bank worked in a bank...amusing) was when Mary Poppins has taken the children to see their dad Mr. Banks, at work (much to his irritation) and little Jane Banks asks her dad the question "Daddy, what's more important, a good idea or a good man?" George at the time was trying to decide who to grant loans to....a seemingly rich and "important" guy with a "sure thing" deal (that was very sketchy on the details...but "promised" to produce a windfall for the bank) or a "less shiny" earnest guy who wanted to invest in the tangible...he wanted to build factories and provide jobs to people in the community. Ultimately George took his answer to Jane's question to heart and denied the loan to the glitzy guy and granted the loan to the guy who wanted to build factories and provide jobs for people. Shortly afterwards, George was suspended when glitzy guy went to another bank, got a loan from them, and made a big public splash. George had "embarrassed" the bank.

We invest every day. Yes, we invest our money...but we also invest our time, our resources, and our attention. Who are you investing in? The shiny idea or the man (or woman)? Are you even thinking about the quality of your investments at all?

I was talking to a friend today about addictions. If you know an addict (and remember that people can be addicted not just to drugs or alcohol, but any number of things), you know they are attention getters. Many are quite charismatic, and can turn a sublime tale to get you to hand over what they need to feed their addictions. The enabler falls for it, and keeps handing over their resources. They invest over and over again, always leading to the same result. Poof! Their investment disappears. They're investing in glitzy guy with the "big" ideas. These are also known as bottomless pits, or the people equivalent of swampland someone wants to sell you.

During that same time in your life there is probably another option....someone else you could have chosen to spend you time, talents, or money on. They may not be big attention grabbers. You may even have to look for them. They are people of character..."good men" and "good women." 

This "good man" or "good woman" may be an addict, too. When do you invest in an addict? When they are willing to acknowledge their problem, and do the work necessary to get their life in order. When they show you more than words... they take action in their own to solve their problem. When they don't expect you to bail them out, but think they need to face consequences. 

And how do you invest in them? You never give them resources to feed their addiction...or else you are part of what imprisons them and not part of the support for helping them escape it. In that instance, you are no better than any drug dealer. You support an addict's recovery by encouraging good behavior, not accepting bad behavior, and by being seemingly oblivious to their attempts to charm you. You connect them with resources that can help them, then back away and watch what happens.

Your resources are limited. You only have so much you can give away....only so much time, money, stuff, advice. The best investment is one that can take off and multiply and produce dividends.

In "Mary Poppins" George Banks was eventually called back in to have a talk with the bank president. While he was prepared to be fired, the truth had actually come out. It was discovered glitzy guy was a fraud....he was a famously bad investment for the other bank. George was a hero. And the less shiny man of good character? He not only repaid his loan, but he was so successful he was on target to produce much future bank business. The cream rose to the top.

Don't throw out your money or your time or your resources around you indiscriminately. Invest. Invest in good men. Invest in good women. Great ideas are a wonderful thing, but a great idea in the hands of a person of poor character will usually not bear fruit. Spend well....and don't be spent in the process.

Take Five!

Honestly, I think I live quite a self-indulgent life. Being single and having no children, I have a few advantages over some of my friends. (And they have advantages over me....but I'll stick to my own plate here.) I control much of my time and attention and resources. I don't have to ask permission to do things, or coordinate with the schedules of others, or find sitters for kids or animals. Like I said... there are advantages to being who I am.

For the month of August one of my friends challenged me to do something for myself every day. I had to share what I did with our little online support group. A simple challenge. I was definitely game. I thought it would be easy....and I actually thought I was already doing a lot of things for myself, so in a way it would just be an exercise in thankfulness.

I have to make a confession here. I have been feeling discontent in several areas of my life lately. Most of us go through those times here and again....and I have felt unhappy, and restless. I have prayed about it a lot. I have talked about bits of it with friends and family, but as a Myers Briggs (personality test) "thinker" (as opposed to "feeler"), I tend to have to first notice the emotions, then figure out why I am feeling that way, then decide how I should be feeling, and then get my mind going in that direction. Often I have difficulty talking about things before I think them all the way through because my mind heads in so many different directions. You would call it rambling when I actually do it. The patient friends who do listen through as I process this stuff (and not many are that patient!) usually don't get a lot of words in the conversation....and are often taken on a journey that heads over the river, down the mountain, and through the woods before it reaches equilibrium. (Sort of like this paragraph.) So anyway, the point is I have been discontent, figuring it out, and caught up in all of these thoughts floating around my brain.

Now back to this little exercise. Doing one thing for me a day. I have realized it's harder than it seems. Yesterday I found myself trying to convince the ladies in my group that eating frozen grapes was a worthy accomplishment for indulging myself for the day. These ladies don't judge and let me slide by with that. (I threw in a plank for good measure, but really....frozen grapes are a nice little gift to give yourself.) Today I started work early, didn't even eat anything until I had a bowl of cereal at about 1:30. I probably would have just kept working most of the night (and was going to have to really pull something out of my creative mind to use for my "me time"), if a friend hadn't messaged me and invited me to dinner. It was perfect....I stepped away from the computer, threw on clothes (yes, at 5:30 I still had not gotten dressed for the day....don't judge me), and had dinner with a friend who listened, encouraged, and refreshed me. And my eyes, which had been watering from staring at the computer screen too much, got a rest. Yes, I came back home and worked some more, but that last hour was very productive and when I closed down that work computer I actually felt good.

Just a few days into this month I have already realized something. I don't consciously and consistently make sure I am doing something that refreshes my soul every day. I like to think I am a bit of a free spirit, but those who know me well know I have a mind that doesn't shut down well. A guy that used to do my nails was forever tapping my hand and giving me "that" look that said "Relax!!!!"  (I think he got tired of saying the words and that was the most polite hand gesture he could come up with.) Before him I would have said I was always relaxed. I now acknowledge (after the message has been delivered by legions) that it is difficult for me....though I can go through the motions really well!

My challenge to you is to join me for the rest of the month and spend Five Minutes For Me. Do something for yourself for at least five minutes a day. It may be a walk around the block, closing your eyes and just breathing, or spending five minutes in focused conversation with a loved one. Try to change it up and not do the same thing every day. I think some of you are going to find what I did....you spend less time doing it than you think you do. We live in a busy world....let's not be too busy to live well. Oh...and five minutes is an absolute minimum. Some of you need to do more....even to the extreme of a "Me Day" or planning a "Me Vacation".  And this is your time....to do something to make you smile for you.

The result for me has been this. In a super-crazy demanding month, I am learning that focusing on me  even for a few minutes a day has changed my mindset. The discontent is fading. I'm feeling a bit more involved in life. I'm praying less frantically, more soulfully, and I am more thankful for my lot in life. And I am very grateful for friends that challenge me, and those that refresh my soul. Take five....and let me know how you do!

You Are

I spent a little time people watching in my last blog, thinking about who we are not. I believe we lose focus sometimes and our identity becomes skewed. As we consider those things we are not, we have to also consider who we are. 

You are....


What you do.

Your actions tell your story, whether that story is what you have always believed yourself to be or not. If you lie, you are a liar. If you are cruel or inconsiderate of the feelings of other people, you are mean or unkind. If you do the things that define love (patience, kindness, keep no record of wrongs, are not easily angered, not only looking out for yourself in your relationships, etc.), you are loving. If you owe money, you are a debtor. If you owe money to people and don't pay it back at the agreed upon time, you are a thief. If you take something from someone that isn't yours without asking, you have stolen. If you run, you are a runner. If you fish, you are a fisherman (fisherwoman?). If you paint pictures, you are an artist.  If you raise a child, you are a parent. If you use your words, your hands, or your resources against someone because you can or because you want to intimidate them, you are a bully. 

The reason you do the things you do, how well you do them, or how often you do them, doesn't really matter on the most basic level. You are what you do.


The sum of your choices.


Each choice you have made in your life, large and small, has made you are the person you are today. That can be a good thing, a bad thing, or something quite bland. Your choices lead you down the path to your destination. Oh, there are some choices that impact more than others, but all impact in some way. You can always start to make better choices....or worse ones.....and change your course. They will make you become the person you are tomorrow. You are the sum of your choices.


The perception of others.


Yes, I said in my last blog that you are not the opinion of others, but in this crazy life, there is a level where you are what people think you are. I read an article on Facebook recently about a restaurant owner who lost her temper over a misbehaving child in a restaurant. She handled the situation badly by yelling at the young child. The situation was also handled badly by the outraged parents of the child (who had allowed their fussy child to disrupt the meals of the lady's patrons, which led to her outburst). While I know both parents and restaurant owner are probably much more than the "characters" reported by the media and discussed by the huge number of people who commented on the story, they certainly created a series of perceptions. The restaurant owner may lose customers as a result, the parents may lose some respect of their parenting skills and gain a reputation of thoughtlessness. Those characters will be how most of us (those of us who are either getting our info from an online newspaper article or by seeing only one episode in their lives) always "see" them.


Perception is a powerful thing and should not be discounted. Sometimes what others think about you can matter, truth or not. Often people just see the headlines and will make their judgments on that.  But never discount its power or think you are immune from the consequences. You are the perception of others.


Who you are when no one is looking.


Yes, sometimes what others think of you matters but the real you can best be found when you think no one else is around, when you do things that you think no one will ever know. That is when you find your real character. Are you someone whose life is full of undiscovered random acts of kindness, or someone who is more hype than substance? Only you really know the truth. (Unless someone has been peaking....and these days that is a good bet!) You are who you are when you think noone's looking.

Your words.

You are what you say.....and what you fail to say. 

Our words can be our greatest and most viscious weapon, or the way we bring hope and encouragement to the world. We can either kill or uplift souls with our words.

What you say and how you say it matters. Failing to speak up matters, too. Oh, maybe no one will confront you on that as much, but you know....and those unsaid words can change who you are. Of course, there is a time to speak and a time to be silent, but when we are silent because of lack of courage, that adds to the definition of who we are.

The words you speak, and fail to speak, change the world. You are your words.

What you support....or what you don't support. 

What do you believe in enough to stand up for it? If you say "Nothing" you're living a dispassionate life. Things change because people fight for them to change. Things stay the same because people fight for them to stay the same. Things change...or don't change....because people do nothing. What impact do you have on this world? You are what you support....or what you don't support.

How you work.

No, you aren't your job, but you are how you perform that job. Do you try to do less, get away with what you can, take money for less work than what is expected or known? Do you crush the souls of the  people around you (be they co-workers, customers, your boss or your employees) or brighten their day? Do you look at the results of your work with pride, with shame, or pay no attention to them at all? It doesn't matter how much you are getting paid, or even if you are getting paid...you are how you work.


How you love.

You say you love someone. Do you define that by a feeling, by words, or your actions? One without the others lacks something special. You can go through the motions, do all these amazing things for them, but you feel flat behind it all. You can say the words to them, or to yourself or others, but nothing you do in your life expresses it. You can treat them as a cherished treasure or as an afterthought.

When is it love? We forget sometimes that feelings are deceptive, that our heart lies to us, and that sometimes for all kinds of reasons our vision will be skewed. Love is the stable force that can hold things together during that time. We expect ourselves to always be in perfect sync with someone, yet forget sometimes we don't even feel that we are in sync with ourselves. Love is a commitment. It requires communication, patience, and endurance. It is being willing to put in a bit more of yourself if the other person has exhausted their reserves. Funnily enough, those you love don't have to be perfect. Neither do you. In fact, sometimes perfect is pretty hard to live with...and impossible for all of us to really achieve. So love....and accept it back. You are how you love.

How you live.

Are you using all of the resources that are at your disposal, or just making it through your days? Each morning you are allotted the same amount of time as everyone else. How are you filling it? Are you trying to escape reality, running away from things that are difficult? Are you challenging yourself, trying new things, looking at the world around you in wonder? If you consider each moment a treasure that you get to spend, then are you shopping in the dollar store and buying as much cheap stuff as you can possibly accumulate, or are you investing in treasures? How you spend those minutes of your life is how you are writing your story. You are how you live.

What you worship.

We all worship something....whether you claim to be religious or not. There is a core belief in us all from which all of our decisions are made. The thing that we value the most. Sometimes we worship God. Sometimes we worship gods. Sometimes we worship a pastor. Sometimes we worship the devil. Sometimes we worship an ideology. Sometimes we worship stuff. Sometimes we worship money. Sometimes we worship substances. Sometimes we worship a habit. Sometimes we worship rules. Sometimes we worship a political party. Sometimes we worship a cause. Sometimes we worship our emotions. Sometimes we worship other people. Sometimes we worship ourselves. Whatever it is that drives us from the core, and exudes from our beings, that is our religion. You are what you worship.

A miracle.

Have you thought about how amazing you are? You have all these body parts that work in sync (well, usually), like a well-oiled machine. Oh, maybe a part or two are rusty or broken down, but still you are alive. You have a brain that processes information without any conscious order from you, that has potential you don't even come close to exhausting.  When you think you have done all that you can do, your body amazes you, somehow it pulls out just a bit more from you until you get your second wind. You have a heart that continues to beat in hope and promise, even when it feels very broken. You have hands that can pull someone up from the ground or soothe a fevered brow or hold on to someone else's hand and lead them out of dark places. You have more lives than a cat, with the ability to change and grow and become someone kinder, wiser, and more useful to the world. You are like no one else and are a delight to the Creator. You are a miracle.

Yes, I love to people watch. I just may be watching you. How are you doing? Are you the person you want to be, living for what you say you most believe in, making your priorities priority? The great thing is that your life is easier to change than you know. And yes, you are able to change, no matter what the naysayers think. Be proud of all you are....and invest in becoming more. You are.

You Are Not

I like to people watch...to observe folks when they are living their lives. Be it sitting in the middle of a mall and watching the shoppers go by, or sitting in a restaurant and eavesdropping on the conversations of those at the next table (don't tell me you don't do it too), observing people as they are watching their children at a ballgame or trying to take selfies in public....they interest me. The Internet has created new dimensions to this people-watching sport. You get to hear them comment on any number of subjects, you get to see them interact with friends and strangers. You get to see part of who they are.

Something has disturbed me of late. I think perhaps people get a bit confused about who they are and who they are not. Maybe that would be OK, but I think it keeps them from making their own mark, living their best life. So here are my thoughts....

You are not.....

Your family. 
That great great great grandfather who fought in the Civil War....that was not you. Regardless of what side they were on in any war, regardless of whether they were the bravest of brave or a yellow-bellied coward...that was not you. You get no credit for their acts, nor any condemnation. It neither adds to your character or takes away from it. Don't try to live in their past.

Those relatives that think the way you think, those that don't, those that live their lives nobly or in ways that make you cringe....they are not you.

The parents of privilege you were born to or the sad downtrodden people who were not prepared to be parents - you are not them.

You can learn from your relatives, love them, follow in their footsteps, be inspired by them, and you can enjoy telling the stories of their lives. You can love, like or dislike them (and you can hate them, too, though I advise you give that up for your own sake). Just don't think your identity comes directly from them.  

You are not your family....nor is anyone else. Get to know each person as an individual, and don't confuse them with their family members. Even if they love and support their people in a way you do not understand. A person is not their family, good, bad, or indifferent.

Your friends.

Oh my, I have a crazy assortment of friends! They come from every walk of life, from every ideology, from every culture, from every belief system. Some are probably certifiably insane, but to me they have a certain "je ne sais quoi". I usually pick my friends on how they act towards me....but I don't do that always. Sometimes they simply need me...and in some crazy way I need them. For the most part, though, we share something. Sometimes faith. Often laughter. Usually respect. Sometimes we have just shared time or common interest. I feel sorry for you if you who only hang out with those who live as you live, believe as you believe, and love as you love. You are missing a wealth that doesn't come from uniformity. You are missing the knowledge of the depth of God's artistry, and the opportunity to demonstrate the kind of friend you can be.

I am not my friends, nor are they me. The people I choose to associate with do not make me good or evil. Still, while I have friends of great diversity, I have learned to avoid those people who tell me who should or should not be my friends. They disrespect something I hold dear. The right to form my own opinions and not be judged because these opinions conflict with theirs. Those who don't respect my freedom to choose what is right for me are the people who I could possibly lose as friends. Unless I choose not to. Because I have guidelines, not rules. You are not your friends.

Your job.

You may make millions or pennies, influence legions or no one, save lives or clean toilets....when it gets down to it, it doesn't matter. You may be seen as a success in your field, an utter failure, or even mediocre. That's not who you really are. 

Your job may give you a label. Others may treat you a certain way as a result. But they are wrong. You are not your job.

Your body.

We put a lot of emphasis on bodies these days. Too fat, too thin, ugly, beautiful, fit, unfit, young, old, the color of our skin, the color of our eyes, our strength, our weakness, our health, our sickness. As it is, it our body simply the shell that encases those things inside that determine who we really are. Oh yes, there are things that we can do to improve our bodies, and often we should, but sometimes for a myriad of reasons we can't or don't. When we obsess over what our body happens to be at any particular time of life, it takes us away from using it for a deeper purpose.

Whatever the state of your body at any moment, it's a super-fantastic miracle that you are fortunate to possess. Think of it as a tool to move you through life, as a carrier of your smile or of eyes that see potential all around you. Love it for what it can do, accept it for what it cannot. Sometimes put a bit of faith in it and let it take you places you never thought you could go. You are the owner of a treasure. Treat it well, and never hate it. Your body often introduces you to the world, but if that is all that is important to you or them, you are being limited to the dimension of a photograph. You are not your body.

Your triumphs.....or your mistakes.

We all have strengths and weaknesses, we all win and lose, we all make good decisions and bad decisions.  Regardless, these do not define you. We cannot rest on our laurels or wallow in our weakness, or we miss out on the possibilities of the here and now. Accept the accolades for a time, ask for forgiveness and set things right whenever possible. Be humble regardless. Some people may have long memories and attempt to make you stay in the past. Respectfully ignore them. Get up and move along. We all must visit, but don't live in those moments forever. You are not your triumphs or your mistakes.

People's opinion of you.

Not everyone will like you, understand you, or relate to you. A lot of us care too much about this. I have cried many tears when someone I respected openly (or subtly) criticized me, be it warranted or unwarranted. I learned in time to not immediately own it without weighing it, considering what they said, and seeing if I agree. Often I don't. In that case, my opinion wins. I know who I want to be and sometimes it doesn't match who others want me to be. Sometimes they are right, but there are other things I need to fix first that take priority. You are not people's opinion of you.

Your opinion of you.

You are not who you think you are. Oh, you may have the closest idea of anyone as to who you really are, but maybe not. Regardless you probably don't totally see the whole picture. I look in the mirror daily, but sometimes will see a photograph of myself and I barely recognize me. Sometimes I see myself as far better than I am, but most often I focus on the negative. While I think I know myself pretty well, and probably better than anyone else, I have limits in my view. Like looking in a mirror, our view of ourselves can be distorted. You are not your opinion of you.

A label.

Christian, Athiest, Muslim, Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, Gay, Straight, Racist, Skinhead, Southerner, Yankee, American, Canadian, Brit, Parrothead, Bad, Good, Citizen, Criminal, Politician, Military, Dyslexic, Cripple, Invalid, Scholar....so many labels we put on ourselves and others. If you reduce yourself to one or even ten, you limit your dimension. You limit yourself to a definition that you do not control. And you put the lid down on a box that should best be left open. You are more. You are not a label.

I like to people watch, and from doing it, this I know. You are complex and complicated and really quite wonderful. Or at least that is what you were created to be. There are many things you are not...are you stuck on them?

Maybe it is time to remember all that you are. (To be continued.)

About Your Sin....No, OK, About Mine

You've heard me say it before....I freely admit it....I am judge-y by nature. (I prefer if we refer to it as being a critical thinker.) If you need an in-depth analysis on how you are screwing up your life, I am your girl. I hope you don't ask me for that, though, because I probably don't need to be encouraged to exercise that side of the trait. I would rather use that particular skill to solve real life problems or focus on the wonderful things that make up the masterpiece that is you. As with most of who we are, our strengths can be used as strengths....or they can teeter over the edge and become weaknesses.

If I spend too much time thinking about your shortcomings, which admittedly can sometimes be very fun, it can keep me from keeping myself in proper perspective. It keeps me from looking in the mirror...and seeing myself for what I really am. It keeps me from listening to that voice of the Spirit, who funnily enough speaks to me way more about me than about others. I suspect it does the same for you.

Usually I don't need you to tell me my faults, and you don't need me to tell you yours. Yes, there are some times when it is necessary and as a friend who is invested in my life you need to tell me I am wrong. It may be wrong thinking, wrong living, wrong treatment of other people, or exhibiting behavior that is unbecoming of a child of God. If that is the case, speak up. I think truthfulness and loving concern are the cornerstone of any relationship. Before you speak, though, think about whether you are willing to make an investment or are just carelessly throwing coins my way. Are you willing to help the person (me) do whatever it takes to change that particular behavior or are you just throwing opinions around because you are demonstrating your superiority and can?

When you offer your criticism, make sure you are telling me truth. And don't tell me over and over and over again. Don't allow the judgement, you telling me I am screwing up and how you think I should live, be the primary thing that defines our relationship. Acknowledging a person's shortcomings can be a loving action, focusing on them seldom is. If I heard you when you told me the first time (and I am sure I did, whether I reacted or not, since I hear words of criticism even when not intended), constant repetition is probably not going to do anything but make me mad and frustrated and fill my head with negative thoughts and emotions. It's probably not going to draw me closer to God....well, except when I beg him to smite you. (I do love that word...and God has heard it from me a few times. Usually I was joking.)  I'll consider what you said...the first time...and pray about it. I may not share with you my thoughts afterward. As I pray I will ask whether your words are God's words. You can be 100% right about what you are saying, quote scripture chapter and verse, but your timing may not be God's timing. Keep in mind Satan was quite adept at quoting scripture...that in itself means nothing. I need to take care that I am listening to and following the voice of God. Only. If you are my friend you should want that for me, and trust in God enough to lead me to make any necessary changes. 

One of my favorite verses I learned long ago (when working with people who frustrated me by not listening to my "great wisdom") is "So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building." I Cor. 3:7-9 Yes, God will probably use you to grow things. You are the dirt. You are the laborer. You are the house in which He lives. That's pretty much it. Keep it in perspective.

I have a lot of areas to work on in my life. I'm not just a little bit of a sinner. I'm the one written about in that hymn where it says "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." My nature is to wander, my nature is to sin. Is it more or less than yours? I have no idea. It doesn't matter. What does matter is I am a work in progress. God doesn't make me tackle everything all at once or expect me to live a sinless life. I've noticed that is often the expectation of man.

Frustrated when I (or others) don't do what you say? If I listen to you instead of responding to the prompting of God, that is in itself wrong. Instead of bringing positive change into my life, you are encouraging me toward sin. To follow you would be pure idolatry. What was God's first commandment? "You should have no other gods before me." You, my friend, can't be my God. (Nothing personal!) Even if you think you know the best for me and God's will for my life.

It's been difficult for me lately. People seem to be very aware and vocal of everyone else's sin to a point that almost brings me to despair. Or hatred. Usually I thrive on hearing diverse points of view and really love people with opinions, but I am so tired of hearing some of them at the moment. Some of the venom stuns me. The lack of personal reflection stuns me. Is everyone really a worse sinner than you? Really?

I am glad that God who hates my sin (with reason, because it is a total betrayal of Him) loves me in spite of it and gives me everything I need to help me escape it. He did that even knowing me way better than you do. In spite of me, He still sees himself when He looks my way...and I am still his cherished child. He is cheering me on, and wooing me, lovingly bandaging my cuts when I fall, and telling me he will take care of me....he is telling me to trust him, that everything is going to to be alright. He is telling me He knows I am a sinner...and knows that it is a constant struggle for me...but He has taken care of that for me. His voice is soothing and kind....unless I start to listen to people or myself or other voices but his. Then He will make any noise or take any action necessary to get my attention and bring my focus back to Him. Remember? He wants no other gods before Him.

There is that great verse in Matthew (7:3) that says "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" We hear this verse all the time.... probably because we need to. Our first move toward sin is letting our eyes wander.

There are another couple of verses that begin what is probably my favorite chapter of the Bible. Well, at least the one I have to use as a checklist the most in my own life because I lose focus easily. I think these words are especially pertinent right now. "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." (I Corinthians 1:1-2)

I've heard a lot of noise lately, gongs and cymbals that don't seem to be in tune. I've seen a lot of faith that I would personally characterize as nothing, because love is not visible. Maybe it is there somewhere underneath it all....I don't know. I am sure I have been a bit noisy myself...and obviously a bit judgemental. I can get a bit pious when the sin of others is not something I struggle with...or possibly because it is....and a bit angry when I think folks are not loving others well. I suspect you can, too. (And we know when I say "a bit" I mean "really, really", right?) 

Let's examine the plank in our own eye. Let's make sure our opinions of others are girded in love. If you're impatient with people, unkind, easily angered....check that I Corinthians 13 list. It's not love. You have some work to do yourself....with God, before you open your mouth on the subject.

Let's try to recognize and work on our own sin. It's easy to be judge-y. It's hard to be holy. Let's choose holy anyway. 

And let's encourage and celebrate the greatness we see taking place all around us. Has that plank made you miss it? God is at work...and (spoiler alert)......

in the end He wins.