The Challenge - Day 5

And it is Day 5 in my challenge by Nancy Krehbiel to share a meaningful verse for seven days.

In general, I'm not a fan of public prayer. Oh, there are times I feel it is lovely and appropriate, but most of the time I think it is watered down and meaningless, done for show and not for good purpose. It's not about communicating with God in any real way, but instead to show off, show our piety, or placate immature Christians.

Yes, that's kind of a strong statement, and I'm OK if you don't agree with me (I'm always OK if you don't agree with me)....but do you normally feel in such times that you have actually shared hearts with those around you, focused on something important, and petitioned God together? Is it just me who feels a bit yuck afterward? A bit like Charlie Brown's teacher was talking and I can't decide whether I agree or not?

Matthew gave us some direction for prayer, where he actually cautions us against these kinds of prayers.

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.." Matthew 6:5 (NIV)

Or in another translation

" When you pray, don’t be like those show-offs who love to stand up and pray in the meeting places and on the street corners. They do this just to look good. I can assure you that they already have their reward." Matthew 6:5 (CEV)

My friend John was asked to pray at a corporate function years ago. Well, sort of. He was asked to pray, then cautioned against being "too Christian." Oh, those weren't the words used, but he was essentially told to be inoffensive to those of other beliefs. We had a bit of fun with it.....coming up with prayers that would be inclusive to all beliefs and would be inoffensive to as many as possible. Or maybe offensive to everyone. They made us laugh...well, in a very dark way. In the end, he decided he just couldn't do it. He had to take a stand against the spirit of the request and say no. It made us wonder why we even had prayer at such an event if we weren't even sure what God we were praying to.

The very next verses in Matthew say...

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words." Matthew 6:6-7 (NIV)

Or in another translation

"When you pray, go into a room alone and close the door. Pray to your Father in private. He knows what is done in private, and he will reward you.When you pray, don’t talk on and on as people do who don’t know God. They think God likes to hear long prayers." Matthew 6:6-7

God doesn't need big and pretty words that go on interminably. He wants hearts turning to him. 

Yes, we are supposed to pray together, but that is supposed to bond us in heart and mind and spirit as we plead with God specifically. It isn't supposed to be a big display of how holy we are.

I admittedly roll my eyes when people start talking about how our government has taken prayers out of schools. I personally think God is probably pleased that a lot of anemic prayers are not being offered up that have absolutely nothing to do with him. Prayer still happens at schools when Christians take time to do it. My guess is that some of the most meaningful prayers of all time are taking place today. No one can take your right to pray away....but you don't have to be a public spectacle. How about praying for the students and teachers and administration as you sit in carpool lane? How about getting into a habit of praying as you drive by that specific school every day? How about praying for your company as you go to work every day, or as you all come together for a big seminar? How about praying for the police department as you pass it, or our justice system as you drive by the courthouse? Hear a siren and pray for those involved in whatever crisis may be going on or as you are driving by the hospital praying for those experiencing pain and hopelessness? What if you pray for our leaders as they do their jobs, if they are of your chosen political party or not? Walk around town, see the people who make up our community, and lift up a prayer on their behalf. Don't you think that perhaps God honors these times more than when you stand in the middle of the assembly?

Prayer is not a spectator sport....but it can help us all get to the finish line. God doesn't just work in answer to our prayers, but they can be powerful instigators to get him to act specifically. Probably because he wants our attention on him....he wants us to see him do great and amazing things. It's not about your many beautifully crafted words, not about how many see you do it....it's about the state of your heart. Empty yourself, and let God fill you up with his words. Talk to him....and listen for his answers. Prayer changes things....but mostly it changes you.

"When you pray, don’t be like those show-offs who love to stand up and pray in the meeting places and on the street corners. They do this just to look good. I can assure you that they already have their reward. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words." Matthew 6:5-7 (NIV)

The Challenge - Day 4

Those who know me know I'm a big believer in fun. I get a bit impatient with some people....OK, some of "these people" include some of you....because they (you?) seem to feel like it is something to feel guilty about. Some Christians act like a somber spirit and holiness are synonymous. Nope....I don't believe it, and it's not supported by scripture either. So ease up....wrinkle that face in a good round of hysterical laughter....and enjoy this great and marvelous world.

King Solomon had some issues. A fun guy to read about, a fun guy to read from. His life twists and turns a lot...takes you on a journey. I identify with one of his issues....he's always, painfully, trying to wrack his brain and figure everything out. His book of Ecclesiastes is at times depressing, but then also encouraging. Here's one part I particularly like and want to share today...

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun." Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NIV)

Or in another translation..

"So I think we should get as much out of life as we possibly can. There is nothing better than to enjoy our food and drink and to have a good time. Then we can make it through this troublesome life that God has given us here on earth." Ecclesiastes 8:15 (CEV)

 

A secret about me. I struggle with this sometimes. (A few folks have just laughed out loud.) But really, I do. I have a strong intense side....Kim the introvert, Kim the thinker. That side wants to sit around and puzzle on all of the great issues of life. That side is the worrier. If left to my natural inclination, I would worry about everything, including every aspect of not only my life, but the lives of everyone else. Some of you make it difficult to abstain.

But God....

I've learned that trusting God is saying "no!" when these anxieties tend to take over. I've learned it is treating life as a precious gift. I've learned that our world is this amazing smorgasbord and we get to run around and test and try and enjoy ourselves silly. Eating, drinking and being glad....that is not only very, very good....but why God built us this fabulous playground.

We have responsibilities. Many are serious. We should take them seriously. We have heartache and let's face it, people break our hearts continually, and it is so sad, maddening, and frustrating. It can suck our energy, our hope, and our joy. But if our whole life is wrapped in the serious....if we are living stress....perhaps we need to make a change. Perhaps we aren't acknowledging the power of God and watching him at work. Maybe we're not stepping aside and letting him go ahead.

We all struggle with life periodically. It certainly has its peaks and valleys. Certain areas of my life aren't satisfying. They don't bring joy to my days...or I should probably say "enough" joy to my days. They make me forget what my priorities are and add darkness to my world. I'm working on leaving the darkness behind and living in the light.

Some of this discontent can simply be changed by how I approach my life. Sometimes you need to make changes to your life, sometimes you need to make changes to your attitude. I'm fortunate that most of my life is fun. It's designed that way. But these things that plague me, the things that most often bring me to my knees, are often not the things that I would put to the top of my list of life's priorities. Let me say that again in a slightly different way, because I think some of you may relate. The top anxiety producers in my,life aren't even the things that are most important to me. How crazy is that? So...in some ways that should make it easy to sort out....yet many of us know it is so, so difficult.

Did you laugh today? Did you notice beauty? Did you connect with people you like and respect, people who encourage you and light up your spirit? A light heart travels easiest through the darkness of life.

Eat, drink, and be glad, then joy will join you in the toil. I think perhaps, if we put our mind to it, that we can do that. Whatcha think? Here's to life!

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun." Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NIV)

The Challenge - Day 3

And it is Day 3 of Nancy Krehbiel's challenge to me to share a Bible verse that is meaningful to me for seven days.

I've never been able to do pull-ups or chin ups or anything of the sort. I remember in junior high knowing I could never win the President's Physical Fitness Award. Pull-ups were a requirement. I knew they were not a possibility for me. The other things I had a hope to accomplish...but never the pull-ups. It was a weakness...one that I never felt there was a possibility to change. Almost anything in the athletic realm seemed to be out of my grasp, as a matter of fact. Athletic things were at the top of the list of my weaknesses....a list that was quite long in my mind.

There are a few verses in 2 Corinthians that changed my outlook on my weaknesses. Paul, who even by his own admission had few weaknesses, was the guy who wrote them. Right before this particular passage Paul said God allowed Satan's angel to torture him so he wouldn't feel quite so proud. What form did the torture take? He didn't tell us. It really isn't the point, because the commonality for all of us is that we have something that torments us. Something that makes us feel weak. When it attacked Paul, here's what he said....

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NIV)

Or in another translation...

"Three times I begged the Lord to make this suffering go away. But he replied, 'My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.' So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am. Yes, I am glad to be weak or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (CEV)

We all suffer in this world. In some way, in some fashion, it's guaranteed. The first instinct is a very loud "Why me?" It's painful, it feels unbearable and we plead for God to take it away. Often that doesn't happen (at least in our time frame....which is usually NOW!) and we are left to endure. It's easy to feel over-burdened...and sorry for ourselves.

But God...

God allows us to feel the weight of our weakness for a reason. He wants us to cede our power to his. He wants us to trust him to take them and turn them into his strength. He wants us to acknowledge him, see him, learn from him, and lean on him. He wants us to replace our thought of who we are with all that God can make us. He wants us to have a life-changing experience. To give up our weakness and gain his power. To not be weak, but instead be strong.

Our YMCA has a pull-up machine where you can adjust the resistance so the machine takes over. Put enough weight on there, and the machine will practically do your pull-up for you. Actually enough weight and it will more than do it for you. The funny thing is, even if I have the resistance down to almost nothing, when I use that machine I get a workout. If I haven't been on it in a while, my muscles end up being sore. I'm not doing most of the work, sometimes any work, but it sure looks like I am. My body is being used and made stronger.  I get the benefit of the help it can give. When I cede my weakness to the machine, I can become strong. The more and more that I use it, the more my body can do. Will I one day be able to do a pull-up on my own? It hasn't happened yet, and honestly I am not even close, but I now know it is a possibility.

God's like that machine. He will be our strength when we are weak. Be it physically, emotionally, or spiritually.....God can handle it. The weaker we are, the more room for him to work. Like Paul, sometimes we just need to change our perspective and brag on our weaknesses....because if we allow it, they give us a front row seat to see God's strength in action. So....just so you know....I think I am weaker than you. Lucky me.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NIV)

The Challenge - Day 2

My friend Nancy challenged me to 7 days of sharing a Bible verse (or verses) that are meaningful to me. Up for Day 2....

"There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:

 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,

 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 

a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." Proverbs 6:19 (NIV)

Or in another translation...

"

Here are six things God hates, and one more that he loathes with a passion:

 eyes that are arrogant, a tongue that lies, hands that murder the innocent,

 a heart that hatches evil plots, feet that race down a wicked track, 

 a mouth that lies under oath, a troublemaker in the family." 

Proverbs 6:19 (CEV)

I love a good story, the more dramatic the better, and because of that I am sometimes drawn to gossip. You too? I suspect so. Even if you pretend not to be interested.

Hearing of the drama of other people's lives enthralls us. We often believe it to be true without questioning it. We are so quick to destroy the lives and reputations of others that it amazes me. It's as though we're living a version of the Hunger Games and cheering on neighbors as they kill neighbors... for our personal entertainment.

Now, I don't think we necessarily set out to destroy lives in talking about such things....but it happens quite easily. Good people spread gossip. We take "facts" told to us by other people as the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, without question. We judge them as guilty, without the benefit of a trial. We would be shattered if it was done to us. What's really sad is that it probably has been done to us or to those we love. We don't seem to learn from it. We don't give others the consideration that we would expect. We don't treat others with the same kindness we would like applied to our own loved ones.

What do we look for in ourselves and others to see if this is a problem? There is a great list here.

Haughty eyes - Often a gossip is quite convincing. They (we) will look you straight in the eyes and tell you something is true. Their evidence? Well, if you question them you may find it is a bit spotty. Phrases like "I just know." "Someone told me it looked as though this was true." "I had a feeling." "I put two and two together." I'm definitely a believer in intuition....but I know not everyone has it, those feelings don't always prove to be true, and probably we shouldn't buy everyone's "feelings" as truth. Sometimes when we think we have it all figured out, we really don't. Keep those haughty eyes in check.

A lying tongue - In your life, what is truth? Is it fact, or rumor? Is smoke always fire? Do you accept all as fact, until someone proves it isn't true, or the opposite? Because someone says something as truth, you don't have to believe it without question. In fact, you are foolish if you do. When words leave your lips (or your fingers), are they really the truth? Does that matter to you? Our tongue can be our most destructive weapon....we need to take care that we don't speak without thought.

Hands that shed innocent blood - Blood is not just shed by swords or other obvious weapons. Some of the worse bloodshed is the person who condemns an innocent. I sometimes have to put myself in my place by reminding myself that it is very probable I would have been at the foot of the cross condemning Christ. I hope seeing that mental picture of myself keeps me from doing the same thing to other people. Sometimes it does, but I haven't gotten it perfected.

A heart that devises wicked schemes -We can be a manipulative people. Unfortunately that manipulation is not usually used for someone else's good. Funny, that. If we are spending our time coming up with ways to destroy the lives of others, it may be time for a heart check and a redirection of its use. As the creative type, personally I could be really good at "wicked scheme planning" if I were to put my energy to it. I try to keep my energy headed in different directions. Sometimes that is difficult. Constant heart checks, and a plan for how I want my heart to act, help.

Feet that are quick to rush into evil - What direction are we headed? Is it taking us toward good things or evil? Are we running with the mob without really knowing what the mob is all about? Do we know what the mob is about is wrong, but joining them anyway? Or are we the lone ranger type and rushing into it all in our own? Our feet head where our brain tells them to...we need to keep our brain headed in the right place so our feet follow,

A false witness who pours out lies - I've been a reporter before, covering an event that another reporter has covered. When I read their story I thought "Where in the world were they?" It's like we saw totally different things happen. What would a reader believe to be true?

I'm also a big reader and I have always been a fan of the "unreliable narrator." The unreliable narrator tells the story through their own perception, or through what they want you to believe as the truth. When it gets down to it, what they say is certainly not truth and may be a total distortion of the facts or just enough of a distortion to really confuse your mind. They're not just in books....we're all unreliable narrators at least some if the time. Sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose. An unreliable narrator can be very convincing, and make you feel like a fool. So can a false witness. Even worse is when you realize you are one yourself.

A man (or woman) who stirs up dissension among brothers - We know the pot stirrers. Let's just call them bullies. They don't go away with childhood. Sometimes they just get better at it. Those people who want others to join them as they go against someone? As they attack their character or their reputation? You have the power to say no. If you fall in step with them, you are responsible for the destruction. If you are leading the pack, you are responsible for the carnage...and are negatively impacting our world.

These things are called out as things that God hates...things he finds detestable...things he loathes with a passion. Strong words. Are those the things you want to spend your time doing? As I think about it, I have to agree with God. Personally I don't want these things to mark my life story. They can inch into your life subtly and become who you are in no time.

One of the messages for my church this Sunday was that sometimes, if we are living as Christ lived, as God wants us to live, we will sometimes be at odds with those who we love. For me, if God hates it, I want to hate it, too. That doesn't always come naturally to me. It may not come naturally to you either. I am sure I have done, and maybe still do, these seven things. It's easy to get caught up with the drama and want to be part of it. For myself, I decide what kind if drama I want to support. I want to live a life that leads to good things, not destruction...and I want to encourage that in others..

My goal is to have eyes that shine light, a tongue that tells truth, hands that protect the innocent, a heart that looks for new ways to love, and feet that run to goodness. I want to be a reliable witness to truth and I want to promote peace in my family, in my friendships, in my church, in my community, in my country, and in my world. 

I commit to these things even if I am the only one who will, but together we can make a greater impact. Care to join me?

"There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:

 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,

 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 

a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." Proverbs 6:19 (NIV)

(Join me in the Bible verse challenge - seven days of sharing verses that are meaningful to you.)

The Challenge - Day 1

So if my friend Nancy got the challenge right (she was challenged by someone in French), for seven days I am supposed to share a Bible verse that is meaningful to me.  I figured it just may be a good little exercise for me, so why not do a 7-day marathon blog of these verses? A good way to make me focus and think on them.

I'll use Nancy as the inspiration for my first verse. When we were roommates in Greensboro in our little houses on Silver Ave. and Spring Garden (in our early 20s....not that long ago), Nancy had a sampler on our living room wall that I believe a friend had made her. It was a verse in Micah.....not a book of the Bible read often by a lot of people, but perhaps it should be. The verse was...

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8 (NIV). 

Or in another translation...

"The Lord God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." Micah 6:8 (CEV).

I love this verse, however you translate it. The last words of the verse were the ones on the sampler. The call to action. What great words to be reminded of daily! This book of the Bible was written by the prophet Micah and was a message particularly for the people of Samaria and Jerusalem, but so much of the story applies to us today. The leaders at the time were encouraging people's focus to be on other things besides God. When a person's focus is not on God, it leads us away from our purpose. 

Micah talks of idol worship, which we often pretend not to understand in today's times....but what is idol worship besides saying something or someone else is more powerful than God? Why else would it frustrate God so much? When our eyes are enamoured elsewhere, we don't notice who he is. When we don't notice who he is, we miss out on much of what he has planned for us to see and do. That is always going to be better than our own way. A tour guide who has seen and knows the world (and especially one that made that world) can lead you to much more exciting places than you stumble upon yourself.

The issues the people were dealing with then are not much different than those we are dealing with now. Does this sound familiar? 

"So listen to my message, you rulers of Israel! You hate justice and twist the truth. You make cruelty and murder a way of life in Jerusalem. You leaders accept bribes for disobedient decisions. You priests and prophets teach and preach, but only for money." Micah 3:9-11 (CEV)

But God....

He made it simple for them. For us. If they (we) looked to him, they (we) would know the secret of living a good and fulfilling and truly important life. He "required" this. He "demanded" it. It must be important.

"See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God."

The next election is teeing up in the U.S., and we get to choose our leaders. Yes, I know most seem like a bunch of buffoons at the moment, but truth is that God will have skin in the game. It's a privilege to be involved. Don't be too quick to judge someone based on political party, because of their work or church or family resume, or because of their pretty words. Think about those leaders in the Bible that God chose, that proved worthy to the task. Often based on their past history or current demeanor they would not have been our choice, now, would they? But how do they make their decisions? What will be their guide?

In our world, in our country, in our lives, our thoughts need to be on justice (I like the synonym "fairness" or "right"). What is right? What is true? What makes sense? What is righteous?

I had a business class once where we would play a game where the teacher would give us a situation and ask us the questions "Is it legal?" "Is it moral?" and "Is it ethical?" You would think the answers should all be consistent. They weren't. That game fascinated me. (I think I have talked about it in a prior blog....and reserve the right to talk of it in the future!)  It totally captivated me and the three hour class would fly by. I used to add a question at the end, for stretching my own mind and because I thought it was in the end most important, "Is it right?" It wasn't an easy exercise. Give it a try. Pick up any news story....you can probably find a subject for which those questions will give interesting answers. We really all should be thinking these things through on an ongoing basis.

I may surprise you by revealing I am more of a justice girl than a merciful one. I try to work on the mercy, with varying degrees of success. But this verse says mercy needs to come first. It says we need to love it. Not have a loving feeling for it....truly commit to making it an active priority. So, let's define "mercy" as compassionate treatment. How do our decisions actually touch people? They may be "right", but are they "compassionate"? Do we consider all of those impacted before we make a decision? 

Oh, we definitely don't need to throw justice out of the window and apply some sort of namby pamby mercy....but justice must be administered with mercy coming first. With compassion. With loving kindness.

Then there's obedience. What does God say about any particular issue? As we study the God of scripture, what is he about? What matters to him? We aren't supposed to just obey him, we're supposed to humbly obey him. I always think that "humbly" should be defined as "it's not all about you". We need to look at God, and not just in our mirror. We need to make it personal, though. If we don't learn about God for ourselves (studying God in our own relationship and not just relying on the second hand experience of others), how can we obey him? But if we are thinking of ourselves first, is it possible to obey God humbly?

This is a great verse for our times and for our decision making. God has shown us how to live best. We  don't make decisions with careless abandon, but instead we stay by the side of God, always knowing we have more to learn. We consider mercy for all involved, loving over our own emotions. And we act justly. Always. Personalize it....it wasn't written just for those in Samaria and Jerusalem, for leaders and rulers. The truth endures today. This is a verse for you....and me.

"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8 (NIV). 

(I think I am supposed to nominate two people a day to join me in this little exercise, but being the rebel I am, and encouraging that in others, I don't want to force anyone. I'll just say this. If you need to think about and/or share a few verses in your Facebook world, consider yourself challenged. You don't have to get as wordy as me and blog on it....unless you want to...or even share it on Facebook. You can just think on them yourself or share with one or two around you. Go where God leads you. But sometimes a challenge can take you to interesting places. If you're not accepting an occasional challenge I think you're missing out on an interesting part of life. Plus there's nothing like talking about something in public to help you refine your thinking...and sometimes make you exercise courage. As a reminder....today we're going to try walking humbly next to God. That means being open and teachable, but also knowing God, our greatest defender and only true judge, is standing beside us.)

The Inner Mirror

The dilemma. It's raining, I didn't plan for it, and while I have an umbrella in the car (one that should have already been replaced a year or so ago, but could keep some of the rain off me...if the wind doesn't blow more than a slight puff). I also have an armload of things I need to carry into the building. I wait a few minutes for the downpour to subside. I check my phone. I check the time. Finally my window of time has run out. I have to make a decision. My decision is to just go. To leave the umbrella, get wet, get myself and my stuff inside in one trip, and deal with the consequences later. It's always the choice I make, though it doesn't seem to be the norm, or necessarily the right one. I spend more time bedraggled than the average woman. Doing anything else doesn't seem to make sense to me at the time. Sometimes, afterward, I wonder if perhaps another choice would be better. When I look in the mirror....or someone looks at me in pity, I get the message. It's not pretty. Yep, possibly not a good decision.

I think I missed  part of the gene of self-awareness. Oh, I am aware of some things. What I think, what I believe. I'm definitely aware of my faults....some blown out of proportion, some justified in my brain, some insecurities planted by other people.

But I have realized I don't have a great grasp of my personal appearance. Am I wearing something inside out? Very possibly. Did I just put mascara on one eye? It happens. Did I just put in one earring this morning? Well, the phone rang. I got distracted. The bad thing is that I probably won't discover these things on my own.

It's why I prefer friends who are blunt but kind. I'm not sure if I prefer they be detailed oriented (in which they would notice) or not (in which they wouldn't.) 

Several of these friends will always eye me as they greet me and it's like a mother looking at their first grader before they head off for school. They tuck and pull and straighten and may even get out the wet wipes. (Not all of these friends are women. I have a love for Renaissance men and am lucky to have some as friends.) Embarrassment about this sort of thing has faded with time.... I now can usually accept it with amusement and see it as a gift of someone who cares. OK, maybe my cheeks are still a little pink. It may or may not be the blush I badly applied.

There is a side of me that would like to be different. Who would like to be the polished type. One who thinks it is a priority to iron clothes before I wear them and not just hopes that body heat will get rid of the wrinkles. I usually hope that everyone thinks I started my day looking way more put together, and something tragic happened along the way. This "put together" Kim doesn't seem to happen.

I'd like to figure out what people leave behind so they can carry the umbrella. When I carry the really cute umbrella like they carry (which I don't currently own, most of mine are freebies sporting an insurance company logo), I would like to look the magazine ad, carefree and relaxed and enjoying the rain...not like someone currently fighting a battle and losing. Cute rain boots....yeah, if I had them they would not be in the vicinity if it actually rained. They would sit beautifully unused in my closet. It's not worth the investment. But I love yours!

I don't check throughout my day to see how I look or consciously notice if something is out of place...it just doesn't occur to me. I have no internal mirror. My brain isn't trained that way, no matter how many times I realize the glaring consequences. Yes, it can make me cringe if I think about it. Those of you who always seem put together leave me in a state of awe. I don't look at it as a possibility for me, for some reason. Will that change? I doubt it. It's not like I just gave up, as I have heard some women say...l don't think it has ever been part of who I am.

One of the great things about being unaware of the way you look? Usually you don't notice those who are rolling their eyes when they notice the fiasco before them. Well, you notice....but it doesn't even occur to you it could be related to you. (People have bad days and sometimes those eyes just roll naturally!)

The truth is if I happen to look OK when you see me, chances are it is by accident. Or someone dressed me. The mirror in my mind is a bit warped. But maybe you already knew that.

In Whom Do You Invest? (Or Lessons From Mary Poppins")

Spoilers ahead!!!!

I went to Abingdon, VA yesterday to spend time with one of my oldest and dearest friends Regina. We went to the Barter Theater (one of my favorite things to do) to see their production of the musical Mary Poppins.

I hadn't seen Mary Poppins in a while, and I had never seen the play. It's fun to see the childhood productions of our youth as an adult, and think about some of the lessons they teach. Sort of like cartoons you look at from your childhood and now you see all the lines that went completely over your head. While I used to just see the surface, these days I notice the not-so-hidden messages.

The one most significant to me yesterday (besides the fact that Mr. Bank worked in a bank...amusing) was when Mary Poppins has taken the children to see their dad Mr. Banks, at work (much to his irritation) and little Jane Banks asks her dad the question "Daddy, what's more important, a good idea or a good man?" George at the time was trying to decide who to grant loans to....a seemingly rich and "important" guy with a "sure thing" deal (that was very sketchy on the details...but "promised" to produce a windfall for the bank) or a "less shiny" earnest guy who wanted to invest in the tangible...he wanted to build factories and provide jobs to people in the community. Ultimately George took his answer to Jane's question to heart and denied the loan to the glitzy guy and granted the loan to the guy who wanted to build factories and provide jobs for people. Shortly afterwards, George was suspended when glitzy guy went to another bank, got a loan from them, and made a big public splash. George had "embarrassed" the bank.

We invest every day. Yes, we invest our money...but we also invest our time, our resources, and our attention. Who are you investing in? The shiny idea or the man (or woman)? Are you even thinking about the quality of your investments at all?

I was talking to a friend today about addictions. If you know an addict (and remember that people can be addicted not just to drugs or alcohol, but any number of things), you know they are attention getters. Many are quite charismatic, and can turn a sublime tale to get you to hand over what they need to feed their addictions. The enabler falls for it, and keeps handing over their resources. They invest over and over again, always leading to the same result. Poof! Their investment disappears. They're investing in glitzy guy with the "big" ideas. These are also known as bottomless pits, or the people equivalent of swampland someone wants to sell you.

During that same time in your life there is probably another option....someone else you could have chosen to spend you time, talents, or money on. They may not be big attention grabbers. You may even have to look for them. They are people of character..."good men" and "good women." 

This "good man" or "good woman" may be an addict, too. When do you invest in an addict? When they are willing to acknowledge their problem, and do the work necessary to get their life in order. When they show you more than words... they take action in their own to solve their problem. When they don't expect you to bail them out, but think they need to face consequences. 

And how do you invest in them? You never give them resources to feed their addiction...or else you are part of what imprisons them and not part of the support for helping them escape it. In that instance, you are no better than any drug dealer. You support an addict's recovery by encouraging good behavior, not accepting bad behavior, and by being seemingly oblivious to their attempts to charm you. You connect them with resources that can help them, then back away and watch what happens.

Your resources are limited. You only have so much you can give away....only so much time, money, stuff, advice. The best investment is one that can take off and multiply and produce dividends.

In "Mary Poppins" George Banks was eventually called back in to have a talk with the bank president. While he was prepared to be fired, the truth had actually come out. It was discovered glitzy guy was a fraud....he was a famously bad investment for the other bank. George was a hero. And the less shiny man of good character? He not only repaid his loan, but he was so successful he was on target to produce much future bank business. The cream rose to the top.

Don't throw out your money or your time or your resources around you indiscriminately. Invest. Invest in good men. Invest in good women. Great ideas are a wonderful thing, but a great idea in the hands of a person of poor character will usually not bear fruit. Spend well....and don't be spent in the process.

Take Five!

Honestly, I think I live quite a self-indulgent life. Being single and having no children, I have a few advantages over some of my friends. (And they have advantages over me....but I'll stick to my own plate here.) I control much of my time and attention and resources. I don't have to ask permission to do things, or coordinate with the schedules of others, or find sitters for kids or animals. Like I said... there are advantages to being who I am.

For the month of August one of my friends challenged me to do something for myself every day. I had to share what I did with our little online support group. A simple challenge. I was definitely game. I thought it would be easy....and I actually thought I was already doing a lot of things for myself, so in a way it would just be an exercise in thankfulness.

I have to make a confession here. I have been feeling discontent in several areas of my life lately. Most of us go through those times here and again....and I have felt unhappy, and restless. I have prayed about it a lot. I have talked about bits of it with friends and family, but as a Myers Briggs (personality test) "thinker" (as opposed to "feeler"), I tend to have to first notice the emotions, then figure out why I am feeling that way, then decide how I should be feeling, and then get my mind going in that direction. Often I have difficulty talking about things before I think them all the way through because my mind heads in so many different directions. You would call it rambling when I actually do it. The patient friends who do listen through as I process this stuff (and not many are that patient!) usually don't get a lot of words in the conversation....and are often taken on a journey that heads over the river, down the mountain, and through the woods before it reaches equilibrium. (Sort of like this paragraph.) So anyway, the point is I have been discontent, figuring it out, and caught up in all of these thoughts floating around my brain.

Now back to this little exercise. Doing one thing for me a day. I have realized it's harder than it seems. Yesterday I found myself trying to convince the ladies in my group that eating frozen grapes was a worthy accomplishment for indulging myself for the day. These ladies don't judge and let me slide by with that. (I threw in a plank for good measure, but really....frozen grapes are a nice little gift to give yourself.) Today I started work early, didn't even eat anything until I had a bowl of cereal at about 1:30. I probably would have just kept working most of the night (and was going to have to really pull something out of my creative mind to use for my "me time"), if a friend hadn't messaged me and invited me to dinner. It was perfect....I stepped away from the computer, threw on clothes (yes, at 5:30 I still had not gotten dressed for the day....don't judge me), and had dinner with a friend who listened, encouraged, and refreshed me. And my eyes, which had been watering from staring at the computer screen too much, got a rest. Yes, I came back home and worked some more, but that last hour was very productive and when I closed down that work computer I actually felt good.

Just a few days into this month I have already realized something. I don't consciously and consistently make sure I am doing something that refreshes my soul every day. I like to think I am a bit of a free spirit, but those who know me well know I have a mind that doesn't shut down well. A guy that used to do my nails was forever tapping my hand and giving me "that" look that said "Relax!!!!"  (I think he got tired of saying the words and that was the most polite hand gesture he could come up with.) Before him I would have said I was always relaxed. I now acknowledge (after the message has been delivered by legions) that it is difficult for me....though I can go through the motions really well!

My challenge to you is to join me for the rest of the month and spend Five Minutes For Me. Do something for yourself for at least five minutes a day. It may be a walk around the block, closing your eyes and just breathing, or spending five minutes in focused conversation with a loved one. Try to change it up and not do the same thing every day. I think some of you are going to find what I did....you spend less time doing it than you think you do. We live in a busy world....let's not be too busy to live well. Oh...and five minutes is an absolute minimum. Some of you need to do more....even to the extreme of a "Me Day" or planning a "Me Vacation".  And this is your time....to do something to make you smile for you.

The result for me has been this. In a super-crazy demanding month, I am learning that focusing on me  even for a few minutes a day has changed my mindset. The discontent is fading. I'm feeling a bit more involved in life. I'm praying less frantically, more soulfully, and I am more thankful for my lot in life. And I am very grateful for friends that challenge me, and those that refresh my soul. Take five....and let me know how you do!

You Are

I spent a little time people watching in my last blog, thinking about who we are not. I believe we lose focus sometimes and our identity becomes skewed. As we consider those things we are not, we have to also consider who we are. 

You are....


What you do.

Your actions tell your story, whether that story is what you have always believed yourself to be or not. If you lie, you are a liar. If you are cruel or inconsiderate of the feelings of other people, you are mean or unkind. If you do the things that define love (patience, kindness, keep no record of wrongs, are not easily angered, not only looking out for yourself in your relationships, etc.), you are loving. If you owe money, you are a debtor. If you owe money to people and don't pay it back at the agreed upon time, you are a thief. If you take something from someone that isn't yours without asking, you have stolen. If you run, you are a runner. If you fish, you are a fisherman (fisherwoman?). If you paint pictures, you are an artist.  If you raise a child, you are a parent. If you use your words, your hands, or your resources against someone because you can or because you want to intimidate them, you are a bully. 

The reason you do the things you do, how well you do them, or how often you do them, doesn't really matter on the most basic level. You are what you do.


The sum of your choices.


Each choice you have made in your life, large and small, has made you are the person you are today. That can be a good thing, a bad thing, or something quite bland. Your choices lead you down the path to your destination. Oh, there are some choices that impact more than others, but all impact in some way. You can always start to make better choices....or worse ones.....and change your course. They will make you become the person you are tomorrow. You are the sum of your choices.


The perception of others.


Yes, I said in my last blog that you are not the opinion of others, but in this crazy life, there is a level where you are what people think you are. I read an article on Facebook recently about a restaurant owner who lost her temper over a misbehaving child in a restaurant. She handled the situation badly by yelling at the young child. The situation was also handled badly by the outraged parents of the child (who had allowed their fussy child to disrupt the meals of the lady's patrons, which led to her outburst). While I know both parents and restaurant owner are probably much more than the "characters" reported by the media and discussed by the huge number of people who commented on the story, they certainly created a series of perceptions. The restaurant owner may lose customers as a result, the parents may lose some respect of their parenting skills and gain a reputation of thoughtlessness. Those characters will be how most of us (those of us who are either getting our info from an online newspaper article or by seeing only one episode in their lives) always "see" them.


Perception is a powerful thing and should not be discounted. Sometimes what others think about you can matter, truth or not. Often people just see the headlines and will make their judgments on that.  But never discount its power or think you are immune from the consequences. You are the perception of others.


Who you are when no one is looking.


Yes, sometimes what others think of you matters but the real you can best be found when you think no one else is around, when you do things that you think no one will ever know. That is when you find your real character. Are you someone whose life is full of undiscovered random acts of kindness, or someone who is more hype than substance? Only you really know the truth. (Unless someone has been peaking....and these days that is a good bet!) You are who you are when you think noone's looking.

Your words.

You are what you say.....and what you fail to say. 

Our words can be our greatest and most viscious weapon, or the way we bring hope and encouragement to the world. We can either kill or uplift souls with our words.

What you say and how you say it matters. Failing to speak up matters, too. Oh, maybe no one will confront you on that as much, but you know....and those unsaid words can change who you are. Of course, there is a time to speak and a time to be silent, but when we are silent because of lack of courage, that adds to the definition of who we are.

The words you speak, and fail to speak, change the world. You are your words.

What you support....or what you don't support. 

What do you believe in enough to stand up for it? If you say "Nothing" you're living a dispassionate life. Things change because people fight for them to change. Things stay the same because people fight for them to stay the same. Things change...or don't change....because people do nothing. What impact do you have on this world? You are what you support....or what you don't support.

How you work.

No, you aren't your job, but you are how you perform that job. Do you try to do less, get away with what you can, take money for less work than what is expected or known? Do you crush the souls of the  people around you (be they co-workers, customers, your boss or your employees) or brighten their day? Do you look at the results of your work with pride, with shame, or pay no attention to them at all? It doesn't matter how much you are getting paid, or even if you are getting paid...you are how you work.


How you love.

You say you love someone. Do you define that by a feeling, by words, or your actions? One without the others lacks something special. You can go through the motions, do all these amazing things for them, but you feel flat behind it all. You can say the words to them, or to yourself or others, but nothing you do in your life expresses it. You can treat them as a cherished treasure or as an afterthought.

When is it love? We forget sometimes that feelings are deceptive, that our heart lies to us, and that sometimes for all kinds of reasons our vision will be skewed. Love is the stable force that can hold things together during that time. We expect ourselves to always be in perfect sync with someone, yet forget sometimes we don't even feel that we are in sync with ourselves. Love is a commitment. It requires communication, patience, and endurance. It is being willing to put in a bit more of yourself if the other person has exhausted their reserves. Funnily enough, those you love don't have to be perfect. Neither do you. In fact, sometimes perfect is pretty hard to live with...and impossible for all of us to really achieve. So love....and accept it back. You are how you love.

How you live.

Are you using all of the resources that are at your disposal, or just making it through your days? Each morning you are allotted the same amount of time as everyone else. How are you filling it? Are you trying to escape reality, running away from things that are difficult? Are you challenging yourself, trying new things, looking at the world around you in wonder? If you consider each moment a treasure that you get to spend, then are you shopping in the dollar store and buying as much cheap stuff as you can possibly accumulate, or are you investing in treasures? How you spend those minutes of your life is how you are writing your story. You are how you live.

What you worship.

We all worship something....whether you claim to be religious or not. There is a core belief in us all from which all of our decisions are made. The thing that we value the most. Sometimes we worship God. Sometimes we worship gods. Sometimes we worship a pastor. Sometimes we worship the devil. Sometimes we worship an ideology. Sometimes we worship stuff. Sometimes we worship money. Sometimes we worship substances. Sometimes we worship a habit. Sometimes we worship rules. Sometimes we worship a political party. Sometimes we worship a cause. Sometimes we worship our emotions. Sometimes we worship other people. Sometimes we worship ourselves. Whatever it is that drives us from the core, and exudes from our beings, that is our religion. You are what you worship.

A miracle.

Have you thought about how amazing you are? You have all these body parts that work in sync (well, usually), like a well-oiled machine. Oh, maybe a part or two are rusty or broken down, but still you are alive. You have a brain that processes information without any conscious order from you, that has potential you don't even come close to exhausting.  When you think you have done all that you can do, your body amazes you, somehow it pulls out just a bit more from you until you get your second wind. You have a heart that continues to beat in hope and promise, even when it feels very broken. You have hands that can pull someone up from the ground or soothe a fevered brow or hold on to someone else's hand and lead them out of dark places. You have more lives than a cat, with the ability to change and grow and become someone kinder, wiser, and more useful to the world. You are like no one else and are a delight to the Creator. You are a miracle.

Yes, I love to people watch. I just may be watching you. How are you doing? Are you the person you want to be, living for what you say you most believe in, making your priorities priority? The great thing is that your life is easier to change than you know. And yes, you are able to change, no matter what the naysayers think. Be proud of all you are....and invest in becoming more. You are.