My Blog Anniversary....and He Is Risen, Indeed!

It's been a year since I started writing this blog.  I began not knowing exactly where I was headed....or how committed to it I was going to be...or even having any idea of how to write a blog at all!  I have a problem with self-discipline when it comes to writing (why I hadn't really written much of anything since college) and wondered if I could do it. But friends had been encouraging and I decided to try.  My goal was to share what I was thinking...to live out loud, was how I put it then.  I've thought about that commitment a lot and at times had to remind myself not to censor myself.  Sometimes I had to confess to things I would prefer to keep to myself.  But I think it is important that we share our lives with each other....and though hiding is easier, it keeps you from owning up to your personal truth and making changes.  I think there also comes a point where keeping things to yourself is selfishness....shouldn't we allow people to learn from our mistakes?  Shouldn't we humble ourselves on occasion?  I don't do it enough, but still....I try!

I don't really write this blog for others. I write for me....and use it as a way to articulate and manage my thoughts.  I need to do it whether anyone ever reads it or not.  Still, it is fun to hear someone has read it and appreciated it.  People I never imagined reading my blog have brought it up out of the blue, and shared their thoughts about it.  That has shocked and delighted me.  Some people have talked about it with their friends or family, or even shared one that is particularly meaningful to them on their Facebook page, and that has touched me each time. It's a cool thing to think you provoked thoughts and discussion.

But don't worry...I am retaining my humility.  Some of the people who love me best have never read it at all. I was a bit sensitive about that at first, but have learned to simply be amused by it.  Most don't because they use their phone more than their computer and it's just too difficult to read by phone.  And I do tend to be a bit long winded.  And I do not keep my opinions to myself, so those close to me have heard enough of them. It's particularly funny when someone else brings it up in front of one of these people.  They always look a bit perplexed like they are  thinking "What's a blog?" or say "I've been meaning to read that."  To my knowledge most still haven't!

Sometimes I have given opinions knowing people I cared about would disagree with them.  Since I have a diverse group of friends and family, it would be impossible not to so that doesn't concern me much.  Most people never tell me when they disagree with me, of course, this being the nature of most Southerners.  I actually wouldn't mind a bit more discussion coming back my way, since I am interested in what other people think.  I don't have the power to change your mind....you control that.  But in case you were wondered whether you disagreeing with me would set me on edge, the answer is no.  I don't change my mind purely because someone tells me how I should think or feel or be... and I don't expect you to either.  But I do change my mind because I hear a point of view that resonates and inspires and helps me see something from a different angle I hadn't considered before.  In fact I change my mind often....and plan to continue doing it for the rest of my life.  It's a lazy mind that doesn't change, I think, and my mind is one part of me I don't want to be lazy!

A few people have told me that something I have written has made them think about an issue differently.  I really didn't want to write about Amendment 1 when it was up for a vote in NC, but finally felt that I had a different viewpoint than I had seen and it would be wrong if I didn't write about it.  It's interesting....more people have read that blog than any other one I wrote.  It could be because I called out my dear friend Al Godley in it (which I admit, maybe I shouldn't have done.....though I did it knowing Al would not be bothered by it, and also be somewhat proud of getting a rise out of me.  And I was right....that was one of my blogs that Al shared on his Facebook page.  Al is somewhat unusual in his perspective and that is one of the reasons I have loved him for so long.  He has the gift of provoking.  Which can be good and bad...but is always interesting!) 

My hope is that the reason that is the most read entry is it is because people aren't as closed minded about issues as it sometimes appears they are....and they are willing to consider thoughts that aren't quite as black and white as their own on an issue.  I'm not overly optimistic that is the case, but I hope so!

I like that another of my most popular blogs was about the Ku Klux Klan rally in Harmony.  I am passionately opposed to racism, and while I have no clue as to what side of the fence those who read it stand on, I hope it caused anyone who judges people by their outer shell to think.  My prayers are for those who judge people by the color of their skin and not, as Martin Luther King so eloquently put it, by the content of their character.  I know God, who created all of these wonderful colors and shades, hates that they hate this glorious rainbow of creation in His image, and often do it in His name. 

(Note:  You can see the "most read" entries on the sidebar of my blog page.  Some of those are my favorites, too, so it is fun when I hear someone enjoys one of them.)

It has been a good year for me in many ways, a sad and frustrating year in others.  Besides my first blog entry, that discusses the death of one of our beloved balloon pilots, I have written blogs following the death of two other friends this year.  In case you wondered, writing about someone who you will not see again on this earth is a definite way to work through your grief.  You end up celebrating their life more than mourning their death....and when it gets down to it, isn't the most significant thing that they lived and we were blessed to know them?

I did skydive in 2012, as I had said I wanted to in my first blog, with the big encouragement and great teaching of my friends Damien and Amanda.  Damien somehow got me to agree to a static line jump instead of my goal of a tandem. He was right.  I did want to fly more than I wanted to ride a roller coaster.  When it got down to it, scared is scared, so why not try to go beyond your own comprehension?   Amanda gave me the confidence to think I could actually do it.  For both Damien and I, I think this jump was a tribute to his dad.  I still think Ed would enjoy that I went where I never, ever expected to go and that his son was the one to push me into it. I hope to continue to bust my own ideas of who I am and who I can be.  When you are trying to do this, you need good friends to encourage you.  I have a fortune in these type of friends.  Scares me to think of what they will come up with next...but I am probably game!

And speaking of those kinds of friends, my friends Joanie and Patsy have been big encouragers to me in my quest to get in better shape by running.  What fun they were to have at my side when I did my first mud run.  We laughed and laughed and simply had a blast together.  We have plans to do several more fun races this year...my first 10 k over the Cooper River Bridge in Charleston next weekend, a Zombie Run, the vibrant and colorful glow-in-the-dark Electric Run, and another mud run.  If it is fun, you almost forget your body can't do it!  My niece Spenser and friend Mandy are doing the Transformation Nation Triad program at the Y with me, under the tutelage of our awesome trainer Casey.  The encouragement and the laughter continues.  I remember every week how far away from being in the kind of shape I want to be in that I am, but also I realize how very far I have come! 

Since my faith is the center of my life, you hear a lot about that in my blog.  Once again, I hope I live it out loud.....the struggles, the frustrations, the joys, the triumphs, the nuggets I find in scripture, the moments where I see God at work, the times I take the time to pray and remember to look for answers and celebrate when I get them.  There's no such thing as a "good Christian"...it's against our nature.  We are perfected as we stand behind Christ and the cross, but ourselves.....we remain big fat sinners.  I probably should be more ashamed of that than I am....but the fact remains that God uses big fat sinners to do big fat world changing things.  I want to be like David or maybe Isaiah....in spite of myself jumping up and down saying "Lord, pick me!"

When I realized my blog anniversary was Easter, I realized the personal significance.  I serve a God that is alive.  He wants my life to be the same....and as active as I may appear, that will always be my struggle.  Sometimes I just seem to go through the motions and forget to really live life well.  I don't really want to waste a minute of the possibilities.....but know often it requires work and the desire to move when I would rather waste my time away!

In that first blog I included these verses from Ecclesiates 3:
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. 
I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.  
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart;
yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.  That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God."

If I read these verses and say "This is life", I think I can say that most days this year I did live.  As I look down the list, I experienced everything in these verses.  But I still have work to do.  I am still not where I want to be or should be.  But I am confident that God is alive and vital and perfect.  He is risen, indeed.  As for me me, as I begin another year of blog writing, I will continue to rise up and to fall down....and hopefully I will share openly as I do so.  I will eat, drink, and work and seek satisfaction in all three.  I will make every effort to realize that this life is a gift.  To be opened and examined and enjoyed and used.

If you are reading this, thank you for listening to my thoughts.  My prayer for us all is that all that is imperfect within us will be reborn, and a new being will arise daily.  That we will find the truth that makes sense of it all.  That we will live with all of the power and freedom and purpose that God has given us and that we will love God and this life with a strong passion.  That we will be purposeful.  That in spite of the dirt, in spite of the sweat, in spite of the tears, in spite of the obstacles, in spite of the pain, in spite of the criticisms....we will not give up.  That we will allow ourselves to be changed and used.  And while it may not always be smooth sailing, that we will realize we are not the captain, but just a grateful passenger privileged to be along for the glorious ride.

Perception And Truth - Not the Same Thing

"The world is not fair, and often fools, cowards, liars and the selfish hide in high places."  Bryant H. McGill

“All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.”  Friedrich Nietzsche 

“There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love."  Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again?"  Rosa Parks


Recently I said to someone "Perception is everything".... and at the time it seemed to be.  Not only that, it seemed stronger than the truth. But that statement has sort of haunted me.  As I have continued to think about it, I have remembered that no matter what the cliche, perception is usually not the truth.  While perception has certain implications and consequences, and can seem to be the last word on a particular subject, it is usually not truth's equal.  I personally value truth much higher. 

I tend to forget sometimes that the opinions of others don't matter.  OK, I tend to forget it a lot. And in the context of our day to day life, unfortunately they seem to.  Lately I had that circumstance come up that happens to us all....someone said something about me that wasn't true.  That in itself wasn't what hurt the most.  What really hurt was that people who I felt knew that it wasn't true did not defend me.  They just let the statement stand.  People who did not know me took it as fact.  In the context of life and the context of time, it will not matter.  But for that moment  it stung and was devastating.

So my reaction?  I got defensive.  I sometimes feel that I live with a defensive shield in my right hand at all times.  That's what I lead with.  Almost always.  When someone says things to me that hurt, or do things to me that hurt, I pull up that shield and try to hide behind it.  I'm not very fast.....usually the me behind that shield is injured.  But perhaps my "opponent" doesn't see.  That is my hope.

Lately I feel especially gouged.  I have had to have that shield up often.  I dodge to the right, I dodge to the left.  My soul cries out in frustration. I try to cling to God, but sometimes feel my arms aren't long enough to reach.  And they aren't.  (And if they were, there would be amazing players in my way, playing the world's best defense, still keeping me at bay.)

But instead.....this I know.  God's arms are long enough to reach me and he just knocks those defensive players down.  His arms can find me and comfort me.  They can lead me.  They can protect me.  While I am inadequate, God is not.  He is sufficient.  He has every day of my life planned, every hair on my head numbered (this is not as difficult as it used to be before the days of peri-menopause, but that is a subject for another day.  It once was a feat beyond imagination.)  To him I have value and purpose.

In this situation I felt like God said "Wait on me."  Not my favorite command.  I want to do something.  I want to fight injustice.  And while that defensive posture was my first strike, and I had a whole battle plan set to go, God said no.  He reminded me that sometimes I need to do nothing but pray and watch and trust Him to work.  And while I was in the right about that particular thing, He showed me other areas of my life that I needed to work on instead.  He reminded me that I was not so great, but still He sees me as totally amazing and worthwhile. (But obviously not perfect!)  So I tried to leave it alone and invested my time in these other things that needed work.

Today, out of the blue, I had my first answer to that prayer.  God went beyond my expectations and showed me some of His protection.  It is encouraging.  It is humbling.  And the story is not over yet.

Other people will impact my life.  People will lie.  People will hurt me.  People will look at me and see something that is not there.....or they will look at me and see only the negative things that make up who I am.

They won't see the love of God that covers those things, they won't see the good in me or the growth in me, how far I have come, and how far I can possibly go. But as for me, I need to make sure that I am living in truth, that I am looking at myself in truth, and I am looking to God to define truth.  I believe that there are natural consequences for our actions, both good and bad.  And I believe truth eventually rises to the surface.  Everything else will sink.

Perception is nothing, really.  It is formed on the basis of rumors, innuendo, boredom, entertainment, misplaced power, someone having a bad day, someone having a bad life, anger, suspicion, people getting defensive, someone passing the buck, people being too lazy to seek truth....so many things.  Sometimes that perception seems bigger than we are.  And it can definitely impact our lives.  We can only do so much to fight it.  We need to leave it to God.   As for ourselves, we need to keep looking in an unwarped mirror and deal with what we see.   We need to make sure that we are living truthfully, and that we are the kind of people that God likes.  And that we are not the kind of people who are impacting the lives of others with mere perceptions, not backed up by truth.

"There are six or seven kinds of people the Lord doesn't like:  Those who are too proud or tell lies or murder, those who make evil plans or are quick to do wrong, those who tell lies in court or stir up trouble in a family."   Proverbs 6:16-19

Being Bound By the Bills

“Seven Deadly Sins -
Wealth without work
Pleasure without conscience
Science without humanity
Knowledge without character
Politics without principle
Commerce without morality
Worship without sacrifice.”  - Mahatma Gandhi 

"Wouldst thou shut up the avenues of ill, pay every debt as if God wrote the bill.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson 

“Debts and lies are generally mixed together.” - Francois Rabelais 

“There are but two ways of paying debt: Increase of industry in raising income, increase of thrift in laying out.” - -Thomas Carlyle 

When I was in college, I bounced a check.  Once.  That was the only time.  The bank fees that were incurred because I was irresponsible....they embarrassed me.....and I learned my lesson.  There was no reason for it....it was carelessness on my part.  My parents were paying for most of my college education and the rule was when my bank account balance went down beyond a certain level I was supposed to tell them so they could replenish it.  I was very cautious with my money, because even though they never ever complained about it, I knew they were making sacrifices for my future.  But I just wasn't paying attention.  And those bank fees....they were money they should not have had to pay.  I knew I was the one in the wrong.

My parents were always cautious about debt, and taught us to be the same.  If we couldn't afford it, we didn't get it.  If there was something we needed that we did not have the money for, other things needed to be sacrificed.   There was not an unlimited supply of money, and good decisions had to be made as to what was necessary and what was luxury.  I think the definitions of "necessity" and "luxury" have changed over the years.

I only had a small student loan in college, but it took years to pay off.  Years when I wasn't making much money, so it was often a big frustration to figure out how to pay my bills.  I dealt with a car that broke down constantly, and a paycheck that just didn't stretch very far, and often money was a stress.  I had to go to my parents for money on more than one occasion.  Sometimes they gave me money, sometimes it was a loan.  When it was a loan, it was expected I pay it back.  And I did.  I was an adult....it was time to make my own way in life. Thankfully a lot of my friends were in the same state....we found cheap entertainment, shared our stuff, and all worked to spend as little money as possible.  We learned to live within our means.  Today most of us are in pretty good financial shape, because we sacrificed then to plan for a better future.

As soon as I was able, I got out of debt completely.  The credit cards, the student loans....they were all paid off.  What freedom that was!  I made a vow that the only debt I would incur would be for a house or a car or medical bills.  So far I have stuck to that. To buy or not to buy?  If there is not enough money in the bank account after my current obligations, it is not even a consideration.  Vacations?  Though there is nothing I love more, if I can't pay for it before booking, I can't go.  The coolest car, the coolest clothes, the coolest anything....if I cannot afford it, it will not be mine.  If money gets tight, I cut back.  What is a necessity in my life and what is a luxury?  I carefully consider.  We screw that question up very, very often.  Food, shelter, clothing....those are really all of our needs. But even amongst those things, there is a limit as to when it is a necessity and when it is a luxury.

I am shocked that many people don't understand that when they carry a balance on their credit card, they are renting money.  They look at their minimum payment each month....not at what they are really paying for the item.  So...the average US credit card debt is $7,117 (they include everyone in that figure....even people like me with a zero balance.)  Of those who carry a balance, the average is $15,257.  (Source - http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credit-card-data/average-credit-card-debt-household)  So, using the average of $7,117 with a 17% interest rate and a minimum payment of interest +1% of balance, it will take that person 306 months to get rid of that debt.  That is 25 1/2 years...and that is if they don't add to the balance (and how many have that restraint?) By the end of those years, they would have paid $9,523 in interest alone.....more than their original debt.  A total of $16,640.  Was that new living room furniture and big screen tv worth it?  (Note:  I used the bankrate.com debt calculator for this projection.) 

When you borrow (or rent) money, people own a piece of your future.  When you don't pay it back, you have stolen from them.  Yep....even if because of bankruptcy and the courts say you don't have to pay it back, even if the one who lent it doesn't bring up the subject or says it is OK, or even if they are someone who loves you is the one who loaned it to you...you need to pay it back! You have still taken something that wasn't yours.  If you are of good character, shouldn't it matter to you that you are not living up to your obligations?  That you are not the one taking responsibility for your decisions? 

As of March 3 our National Debt is $16,698,235,596.55.  That equates to $53,091.61 per citizen.  (http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock)  As you can imagine, this sickens me.  Our country is a world leader....but how long will that last if we continue to spend like this?  We are so very cocky.  Our creditors are other countries... like I said a few minutes ago, they own a piece of our future.  Our ability to act as a truly free country is somewhat hampered....because we owe them!

I am a believer in caring for our people, but it should be based on whether we have the money to pay for it.  There are so many things that our government pays for that are not necessities, but are instead luxuries.  So much they give away free, when they could require some sort of service for it.  So much they pay for which they could get better prices or they could get someone to volunteer to do it for free. Until our debt is paid off, our government needs to budget.  They need to only pay for those things they can afford, and only at the standard that the budget permits.  We need a budget that is based on what they will receive in taxes, but there also needs to be extra economizing so that we can pay off this debt.  The attitudes of our government officials these days (both Democrats and Republicans) are too often both pompous and thoughtless and weak.... they need to be responsible and creative and strong. 

I love the quote by Thomas Carlyle shown above.  We can only get out of debt two ways.  By working harder (or inheritance or spending the money of others...but let's not go there), or being more thrifty in how we live our lives.  For individuals I think that means being willing to work second jobs (which is definitely difficult in this economy, but from all of the industrious people I know that have two or even three jobs....very possible.)  Sometimes it means finding a job that pays more, that may not be as convenient to your life, or taking a job that you feel is "beneath" you.  I have heard people refuse jobs because "I am better than that!"  No...if that is the only job you can get at the moment, you really aren't!

The other means of getting out of debt is that you have to economize...yes, you princes and princesses...or you, USA!  You shouldn't take advantage of those who have worked hard for what they have and expect them to pay the way for you.  If you are a grownup, your spending or standard of life should not be more than the amount of money you have earned.  Is cable tv a necessity or a luxury?  Is internet service a necessity or a luxury?  Is going out to eat a necessity or a luxury?  Are new clothes a necessity or a luxury?  We have so much luxury in our lives, that sometimes we fail to identify it as such and redefine it as a "need."  So very few things actually are.  The choices you make....you should bear the consequences for them.

We need to apply the same standards for our country.  They either need to increase taxes, or economize.  I don't know about you, but I see much waste in our government and have heard about much more.  Much can be cut out of the budget.  Many dollars that are wasted with no accountability.  No one seems to notice.  People turn a blind eye or say "That's the way it is."  But if I notice and I hear things....I don't buy that those in the thick of it can't do something about it.  There is a lack of concern for spending taxpayer money, and often those who work for the government forget they are a servant of the people.  They forget those extras or things that are not a need take money out of the pocket of their fellow citizens.  Many are not good stewards of our tax dollars.  There is more of a spending game going on (where they see how much they can get) than a team of people who are working together to protect the money of our people.  We are a world leader....are we acting like it in our spending?

We've become such a people of entitlement.  We think the world owes us everything, and we shouldn't have to work or economize.  We can't pay our bills, but we still keep spending.  Both our country and its citizens. We can make some wonderful excuses for why we do this....but you can't kid a kidder.  There are very few valid reasons for debt.

Last week I paid off my car loan.  It felt good.  It felt like I gained a bit more freedom.  And I did!  Debt binds us.  But I know that even when it seems impossible, debt can be paid off,.  As impossible as that massive national debt figure, it can be done.  It takes work, it takes cooperation, it takes honesty, it takes creativity, it takes hard work and it takes a plan.  But it can be done....I have seen people have massive debt (far more than years of their original income) and get out of it.  They worked hard at it and made it a priority in their lives.  They attacked the problem from all angles and accepted the consequences for their past actions.  They were responsible grownups.  You just can't ignore it.  Because unattended, it grows.  It does not go away.  

Money can free us....or it can burden us and make us slaves for life.  It really is our choice.  Are we spending like a millionaire, with a minimum wage paycheck?  Are we renting money for things that aren't really important?  Are we the arrogant prince, princess, government that thinks "I am special....I deserve it."?  Maybe it is time for a change.  I promise....you don't have to spend a lot to live an amazing life.  Those years I struggled, the debt did cause me stressful moments, but overall they were excellent and happy years.  I didn't have much, but I also worked to solve the problem instead of continuing to add to it.   In the long run if those who make our government's budget decisions "lived" within our means, our citizens would be happier, healthier, wealthier and wiser. And maybe once again we could be a free nation.  One whose people are engaged in our government and don't resent how yesterday and today's decisions are going to impact us all in the future.  One who is free from obligations to others because we finally decided not to spend more than we make.