You Are

I spent a little time people watching in my last blog, thinking about who we are not. I believe we lose focus sometimes and our identity becomes skewed. As we consider those things we are not, we have to also consider who we are. 

You are....


What you do.

Your actions tell your story, whether that story is what you have always believed yourself to be or not. If you lie, you are a liar. If you are cruel or inconsiderate of the feelings of other people, you are mean or unkind. If you do the things that define love (patience, kindness, keep no record of wrongs, are not easily angered, not only looking out for yourself in your relationships, etc.), you are loving. If you owe money, you are a debtor. If you owe money to people and don't pay it back at the agreed upon time, you are a thief. If you take something from someone that isn't yours without asking, you have stolen. If you run, you are a runner. If you fish, you are a fisherman (fisherwoman?). If you paint pictures, you are an artist.  If you raise a child, you are a parent. If you use your words, your hands, or your resources against someone because you can or because you want to intimidate them, you are a bully. 

The reason you do the things you do, how well you do them, or how often you do them, doesn't really matter on the most basic level. You are what you do.


The sum of your choices.


Each choice you have made in your life, large and small, has made you are the person you are today. That can be a good thing, a bad thing, or something quite bland. Your choices lead you down the path to your destination. Oh, there are some choices that impact more than others, but all impact in some way. You can always start to make better choices....or worse ones.....and change your course. They will make you become the person you are tomorrow. You are the sum of your choices.


The perception of others.


Yes, I said in my last blog that you are not the opinion of others, but in this crazy life, there is a level where you are what people think you are. I read an article on Facebook recently about a restaurant owner who lost her temper over a misbehaving child in a restaurant. She handled the situation badly by yelling at the young child. The situation was also handled badly by the outraged parents of the child (who had allowed their fussy child to disrupt the meals of the lady's patrons, which led to her outburst). While I know both parents and restaurant owner are probably much more than the "characters" reported by the media and discussed by the huge number of people who commented on the story, they certainly created a series of perceptions. The restaurant owner may lose customers as a result, the parents may lose some respect of their parenting skills and gain a reputation of thoughtlessness. Those characters will be how most of us (those of us who are either getting our info from an online newspaper article or by seeing only one episode in their lives) always "see" them.


Perception is a powerful thing and should not be discounted. Sometimes what others think about you can matter, truth or not. Often people just see the headlines and will make their judgments on that.  But never discount its power or think you are immune from the consequences. You are the perception of others.


Who you are when no one is looking.


Yes, sometimes what others think of you matters but the real you can best be found when you think no one else is around, when you do things that you think no one will ever know. That is when you find your real character. Are you someone whose life is full of undiscovered random acts of kindness, or someone who is more hype than substance? Only you really know the truth. (Unless someone has been peaking....and these days that is a good bet!) You are who you are when you think noone's looking.

Your words.

You are what you say.....and what you fail to say. 

Our words can be our greatest and most viscious weapon, or the way we bring hope and encouragement to the world. We can either kill or uplift souls with our words.

What you say and how you say it matters. Failing to speak up matters, too. Oh, maybe no one will confront you on that as much, but you know....and those unsaid words can change who you are. Of course, there is a time to speak and a time to be silent, but when we are silent because of lack of courage, that adds to the definition of who we are.

The words you speak, and fail to speak, change the world. You are your words.

What you support....or what you don't support. 

What do you believe in enough to stand up for it? If you say "Nothing" you're living a dispassionate life. Things change because people fight for them to change. Things stay the same because people fight for them to stay the same. Things change...or don't change....because people do nothing. What impact do you have on this world? You are what you support....or what you don't support.

How you work.

No, you aren't your job, but you are how you perform that job. Do you try to do less, get away with what you can, take money for less work than what is expected or known? Do you crush the souls of the  people around you (be they co-workers, customers, your boss or your employees) or brighten their day? Do you look at the results of your work with pride, with shame, or pay no attention to them at all? It doesn't matter how much you are getting paid, or even if you are getting paid...you are how you work.


How you love.

You say you love someone. Do you define that by a feeling, by words, or your actions? One without the others lacks something special. You can go through the motions, do all these amazing things for them, but you feel flat behind it all. You can say the words to them, or to yourself or others, but nothing you do in your life expresses it. You can treat them as a cherished treasure or as an afterthought.

When is it love? We forget sometimes that feelings are deceptive, that our heart lies to us, and that sometimes for all kinds of reasons our vision will be skewed. Love is the stable force that can hold things together during that time. We expect ourselves to always be in perfect sync with someone, yet forget sometimes we don't even feel that we are in sync with ourselves. Love is a commitment. It requires communication, patience, and endurance. It is being willing to put in a bit more of yourself if the other person has exhausted their reserves. Funnily enough, those you love don't have to be perfect. Neither do you. In fact, sometimes perfect is pretty hard to live with...and impossible for all of us to really achieve. So love....and accept it back. You are how you love.

How you live.

Are you using all of the resources that are at your disposal, or just making it through your days? Each morning you are allotted the same amount of time as everyone else. How are you filling it? Are you trying to escape reality, running away from things that are difficult? Are you challenging yourself, trying new things, looking at the world around you in wonder? If you consider each moment a treasure that you get to spend, then are you shopping in the dollar store and buying as much cheap stuff as you can possibly accumulate, or are you investing in treasures? How you spend those minutes of your life is how you are writing your story. You are how you live.

What you worship.

We all worship something....whether you claim to be religious or not. There is a core belief in us all from which all of our decisions are made. The thing that we value the most. Sometimes we worship God. Sometimes we worship gods. Sometimes we worship a pastor. Sometimes we worship the devil. Sometimes we worship an ideology. Sometimes we worship stuff. Sometimes we worship money. Sometimes we worship substances. Sometimes we worship a habit. Sometimes we worship rules. Sometimes we worship a political party. Sometimes we worship a cause. Sometimes we worship our emotions. Sometimes we worship other people. Sometimes we worship ourselves. Whatever it is that drives us from the core, and exudes from our beings, that is our religion. You are what you worship.

A miracle.

Have you thought about how amazing you are? You have all these body parts that work in sync (well, usually), like a well-oiled machine. Oh, maybe a part or two are rusty or broken down, but still you are alive. You have a brain that processes information without any conscious order from you, that has potential you don't even come close to exhausting.  When you think you have done all that you can do, your body amazes you, somehow it pulls out just a bit more from you until you get your second wind. You have a heart that continues to beat in hope and promise, even when it feels very broken. You have hands that can pull someone up from the ground or soothe a fevered brow or hold on to someone else's hand and lead them out of dark places. You have more lives than a cat, with the ability to change and grow and become someone kinder, wiser, and more useful to the world. You are like no one else and are a delight to the Creator. You are a miracle.

Yes, I love to people watch. I just may be watching you. How are you doing? Are you the person you want to be, living for what you say you most believe in, making your priorities priority? The great thing is that your life is easier to change than you know. And yes, you are able to change, no matter what the naysayers think. Be proud of all you are....and invest in becoming more. You are.

You Are Not

I like to people watch...to observe folks when they are living their lives. Be it sitting in the middle of a mall and watching the shoppers go by, or sitting in a restaurant and eavesdropping on the conversations of those at the next table (don't tell me you don't do it too), observing people as they are watching their children at a ballgame or trying to take selfies in public....they interest me. The Internet has created new dimensions to this people-watching sport. You get to hear them comment on any number of subjects, you get to see them interact with friends and strangers. You get to see part of who they are.

Something has disturbed me of late. I think perhaps people get a bit confused about who they are and who they are not. Maybe that would be OK, but I think it keeps them from making their own mark, living their best life. So here are my thoughts....

You are not.....

Your family. 
That great great great grandfather who fought in the Civil War....that was not you. Regardless of what side they were on in any war, regardless of whether they were the bravest of brave or a yellow-bellied coward...that was not you. You get no credit for their acts, nor any condemnation. It neither adds to your character or takes away from it. Don't try to live in their past.

Those relatives that think the way you think, those that don't, those that live their lives nobly or in ways that make you cringe....they are not you.

The parents of privilege you were born to or the sad downtrodden people who were not prepared to be parents - you are not them.

You can learn from your relatives, love them, follow in their footsteps, be inspired by them, and you can enjoy telling the stories of their lives. You can love, like or dislike them (and you can hate them, too, though I advise you give that up for your own sake). Just don't think your identity comes directly from them.  

You are not your family....nor is anyone else. Get to know each person as an individual, and don't confuse them with their family members. Even if they love and support their people in a way you do not understand. A person is not their family, good, bad, or indifferent.

Your friends.

Oh my, I have a crazy assortment of friends! They come from every walk of life, from every ideology, from every culture, from every belief system. Some are probably certifiably insane, but to me they have a certain "je ne sais quoi". I usually pick my friends on how they act towards me....but I don't do that always. Sometimes they simply need me...and in some crazy way I need them. For the most part, though, we share something. Sometimes faith. Often laughter. Usually respect. Sometimes we have just shared time or common interest. I feel sorry for you if you who only hang out with those who live as you live, believe as you believe, and love as you love. You are missing a wealth that doesn't come from uniformity. You are missing the knowledge of the depth of God's artistry, and the opportunity to demonstrate the kind of friend you can be.

I am not my friends, nor are they me. The people I choose to associate with do not make me good or evil. Still, while I have friends of great diversity, I have learned to avoid those people who tell me who should or should not be my friends. They disrespect something I hold dear. The right to form my own opinions and not be judged because these opinions conflict with theirs. Those who don't respect my freedom to choose what is right for me are the people who I could possibly lose as friends. Unless I choose not to. Because I have guidelines, not rules. You are not your friends.

Your job.

You may make millions or pennies, influence legions or no one, save lives or clean toilets....when it gets down to it, it doesn't matter. You may be seen as a success in your field, an utter failure, or even mediocre. That's not who you really are. 

Your job may give you a label. Others may treat you a certain way as a result. But they are wrong. You are not your job.

Your body.

We put a lot of emphasis on bodies these days. Too fat, too thin, ugly, beautiful, fit, unfit, young, old, the color of our skin, the color of our eyes, our strength, our weakness, our health, our sickness. As it is, it our body simply the shell that encases those things inside that determine who we really are. Oh yes, there are things that we can do to improve our bodies, and often we should, but sometimes for a myriad of reasons we can't or don't. When we obsess over what our body happens to be at any particular time of life, it takes us away from using it for a deeper purpose.

Whatever the state of your body at any moment, it's a super-fantastic miracle that you are fortunate to possess. Think of it as a tool to move you through life, as a carrier of your smile or of eyes that see potential all around you. Love it for what it can do, accept it for what it cannot. Sometimes put a bit of faith in it and let it take you places you never thought you could go. You are the owner of a treasure. Treat it well, and never hate it. Your body often introduces you to the world, but if that is all that is important to you or them, you are being limited to the dimension of a photograph. You are not your body.

Your triumphs.....or your mistakes.

We all have strengths and weaknesses, we all win and lose, we all make good decisions and bad decisions.  Regardless, these do not define you. We cannot rest on our laurels or wallow in our weakness, or we miss out on the possibilities of the here and now. Accept the accolades for a time, ask for forgiveness and set things right whenever possible. Be humble regardless. Some people may have long memories and attempt to make you stay in the past. Respectfully ignore them. Get up and move along. We all must visit, but don't live in those moments forever. You are not your triumphs or your mistakes.

People's opinion of you.

Not everyone will like you, understand you, or relate to you. A lot of us care too much about this. I have cried many tears when someone I respected openly (or subtly) criticized me, be it warranted or unwarranted. I learned in time to not immediately own it without weighing it, considering what they said, and seeing if I agree. Often I don't. In that case, my opinion wins. I know who I want to be and sometimes it doesn't match who others want me to be. Sometimes they are right, but there are other things I need to fix first that take priority. You are not people's opinion of you.

Your opinion of you.

You are not who you think you are. Oh, you may have the closest idea of anyone as to who you really are, but maybe not. Regardless you probably don't totally see the whole picture. I look in the mirror daily, but sometimes will see a photograph of myself and I barely recognize me. Sometimes I see myself as far better than I am, but most often I focus on the negative. While I think I know myself pretty well, and probably better than anyone else, I have limits in my view. Like looking in a mirror, our view of ourselves can be distorted. You are not your opinion of you.

A label.

Christian, Athiest, Muslim, Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Pro-Life, Pro-Choice, Gay, Straight, Racist, Skinhead, Southerner, Yankee, American, Canadian, Brit, Parrothead, Bad, Good, Citizen, Criminal, Politician, Military, Dyslexic, Cripple, Invalid, Scholar....so many labels we put on ourselves and others. If you reduce yourself to one or even ten, you limit your dimension. You limit yourself to a definition that you do not control. And you put the lid down on a box that should best be left open. You are more. You are not a label.

I like to people watch, and from doing it, this I know. You are complex and complicated and really quite wonderful. Or at least that is what you were created to be. There are many things you are not...are you stuck on them?

Maybe it is time to remember all that you are. (To be continued.)

About Your Sin....No, OK, About Mine

You've heard me say it before....I freely admit it....I am judge-y by nature. (I prefer if we refer to it as being a critical thinker.) If you need an in-depth analysis on how you are screwing up your life, I am your girl. I hope you don't ask me for that, though, because I probably don't need to be encouraged to exercise that side of the trait. I would rather use that particular skill to solve real life problems or focus on the wonderful things that make up the masterpiece that is you. As with most of who we are, our strengths can be used as strengths....or they can teeter over the edge and become weaknesses.

If I spend too much time thinking about your shortcomings, which admittedly can sometimes be very fun, it can keep me from keeping myself in proper perspective. It keeps me from looking in the mirror...and seeing myself for what I really am. It keeps me from listening to that voice of the Spirit, who funnily enough speaks to me way more about me than about others. I suspect it does the same for you.

Usually I don't need you to tell me my faults, and you don't need me to tell you yours. Yes, there are some times when it is necessary and as a friend who is invested in my life you need to tell me I am wrong. It may be wrong thinking, wrong living, wrong treatment of other people, or exhibiting behavior that is unbecoming of a child of God. If that is the case, speak up. I think truthfulness and loving concern are the cornerstone of any relationship. Before you speak, though, think about whether you are willing to make an investment or are just carelessly throwing coins my way. Are you willing to help the person (me) do whatever it takes to change that particular behavior or are you just throwing opinions around because you are demonstrating your superiority and can?

When you offer your criticism, make sure you are telling me truth. And don't tell me over and over and over again. Don't allow the judgement, you telling me I am screwing up and how you think I should live, be the primary thing that defines our relationship. Acknowledging a person's shortcomings can be a loving action, focusing on them seldom is. If I heard you when you told me the first time (and I am sure I did, whether I reacted or not, since I hear words of criticism even when not intended), constant repetition is probably not going to do anything but make me mad and frustrated and fill my head with negative thoughts and emotions. It's probably not going to draw me closer to God....well, except when I beg him to smite you. (I do love that word...and God has heard it from me a few times. Usually I was joking.)  I'll consider what you said...the first time...and pray about it. I may not share with you my thoughts afterward. As I pray I will ask whether your words are God's words. You can be 100% right about what you are saying, quote scripture chapter and verse, but your timing may not be God's timing. Keep in mind Satan was quite adept at quoting scripture...that in itself means nothing. I need to take care that I am listening to and following the voice of God. Only. If you are my friend you should want that for me, and trust in God enough to lead me to make any necessary changes. 

One of my favorite verses I learned long ago (when working with people who frustrated me by not listening to my "great wisdom") is "So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building." I Cor. 3:7-9 Yes, God will probably use you to grow things. You are the dirt. You are the laborer. You are the house in which He lives. That's pretty much it. Keep it in perspective.

I have a lot of areas to work on in my life. I'm not just a little bit of a sinner. I'm the one written about in that hymn where it says "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." My nature is to wander, my nature is to sin. Is it more or less than yours? I have no idea. It doesn't matter. What does matter is I am a work in progress. God doesn't make me tackle everything all at once or expect me to live a sinless life. I've noticed that is often the expectation of man.

Frustrated when I (or others) don't do what you say? If I listen to you instead of responding to the prompting of God, that is in itself wrong. Instead of bringing positive change into my life, you are encouraging me toward sin. To follow you would be pure idolatry. What was God's first commandment? "You should have no other gods before me." You, my friend, can't be my God. (Nothing personal!) Even if you think you know the best for me and God's will for my life.

It's been difficult for me lately. People seem to be very aware and vocal of everyone else's sin to a point that almost brings me to despair. Or hatred. Usually I thrive on hearing diverse points of view and really love people with opinions, but I am so tired of hearing some of them at the moment. Some of the venom stuns me. The lack of personal reflection stuns me. Is everyone really a worse sinner than you? Really?

I am glad that God who hates my sin (with reason, because it is a total betrayal of Him) loves me in spite of it and gives me everything I need to help me escape it. He did that even knowing me way better than you do. In spite of me, He still sees himself when He looks my way...and I am still his cherished child. He is cheering me on, and wooing me, lovingly bandaging my cuts when I fall, and telling me he will take care of me....he is telling me to trust him, that everything is going to to be alright. He is telling me He knows I am a sinner...and knows that it is a constant struggle for me...but He has taken care of that for me. His voice is soothing and kind....unless I start to listen to people or myself or other voices but his. Then He will make any noise or take any action necessary to get my attention and bring my focus back to Him. Remember? He wants no other gods before Him.

There is that great verse in Matthew (7:3) that says "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" We hear this verse all the time.... probably because we need to. Our first move toward sin is letting our eyes wander.

There are another couple of verses that begin what is probably my favorite chapter of the Bible. Well, at least the one I have to use as a checklist the most in my own life because I lose focus easily. I think these words are especially pertinent right now. "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." (I Corinthians 1:1-2)

I've heard a lot of noise lately, gongs and cymbals that don't seem to be in tune. I've seen a lot of faith that I would personally characterize as nothing, because love is not visible. Maybe it is there somewhere underneath it all....I don't know. I am sure I have been a bit noisy myself...and obviously a bit judgemental. I can get a bit pious when the sin of others is not something I struggle with...or possibly because it is....and a bit angry when I think folks are not loving others well. I suspect you can, too. (And we know when I say "a bit" I mean "really, really", right?) 

Let's examine the plank in our own eye. Let's make sure our opinions of others are girded in love. If you're impatient with people, unkind, easily angered....check that I Corinthians 13 list. It's not love. You have some work to do yourself....with God, before you open your mouth on the subject.

Let's try to recognize and work on our own sin. It's easy to be judge-y. It's hard to be holy. Let's choose holy anyway. 

And let's encourage and celebrate the greatness we see taking place all around us. Has that plank made you miss it? God is at work...and (spoiler alert)......

in the end He wins.