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Thursday, December 31, 2015

Perfect Me 2016

GI've been thinking a lot about new year's resolutions lately - which means tearing myself apart and making lists of all the ways I don't measure up to some idea I have in my head of what the perfect me would look like, would be like....and making plans to become that person. If you break it down, there's a lot in me that is simply deficient. So I was well on a way to a plan, but....

I hereby declare that plan is taking a detour.

Watching some of you is my reason to change direction. I see you make resolutions that are going to add stress to your life.....and you are already at your stress tipping point. I see exercise programs that are being developed with no thought as to whether it is good for the long term condition of your body. They are going to discourage and punish you, lead to injuries, and in the long run aren't really creating a healthy body with staying power. I see schedules being made that are more about what you think you should do, or what others want you to do, instead of how you can best live your priorities. I see diet programs that don't encourage you to eat real food or reflect color and nutrition and flavor and variety. They will make you a rigid zealot instead of someone who delights in the bounty of possibilities and creativity, and finds the right combination to best fuel you , satisfy you, and help you learn the concept of enough.

Then there's the whole idea of how short and precious life is. I've seen a bit too much mourning lately....too many lively and loving souls gone sooner than we expect. Too many hard things we have to deal with by just living life. So why aren't we focused on how to create more joy in our lives and the lives of others? How come we're not focused on how to spend more time with the people who love us and cause us to spend hours laughing in delight? How come we're not focused on loving for real and in person, instead of being tethered to our cell phones or computer screens and just going through the motions or giving lip service?

I look at you and I see disdain for yourself. I find you're not celebrating something I think is worthy of an amazing celebration ...the you of today. I like you, the way you are. Right now. The imperfect you. You don't have to meet a crazy ideal before you're good enough to be loved by me...and I'd rather not miss you while your vision is laser-focused on making all of these changes that will alter everything in your picture and make you perfect. I think perhaps the people who are important feel the same way about me.

Not that we shouldn't make some tweaks or work on some things that are holding us back from living our best life. But to use the negative as the goal of our new year? Why would we do that?

So let's love ourselves for who we are today. Let's live in the now. Let's find the things that delight us... and find ways to delight others. Let us see the beauty in even those people who annoy us...and laugh at their quirks instead of letting them drive us crazy. Let's live life....and not always from our comfy couch, but sometimes getting up and being social, engaging in life, facing the things that scare and intimidate us. We can be conquerors (or "more than conqurerers"), but with smiles on our faces and joy in our hearts.

Let us celebrate our good gifts, celebrate our God, and celebrate our lives. And let us also celebrate the imperfections - the things that make us humble, the things that make us sensitive to others, and the things that give us motivation to try new things and grow and change.

Yes, let's love ourselves....and strive to be people we are proud to be. Let's be easy graders, but also strong encouragers. Not just of others, but of ourselves. Oh we can spend hours making lists of our imperfections and develop plans to correct them, but how about instead we make lists of the things we like about ourselves and work at increasing those?

So my resolution is to increase the good, and let it overwhelm the bad. To look at the kids around me and copy one of their most lovely qualities....to be delighted in myself. Tell a child they are a good singer and they will say "Yes I am".... and proceed to show you. Loudly and with exuberance. Truthfully they may not be on pitch, but as they sing their joy increases, as does the joy of those around them. Tell them they are beautiful, and they will say "Yes I am"....and preen as a princess. Tell them they run fast, and they will take off running in circles around you, showing you just how fast they can be. Tell them they are funny and they will tell you the worst knock-knock joke ever....and you will both laugh hysterically.

Of course, there are the critics....even of these sweet children. Let's just ignore them most of the time. You've seen kids do that, right? They look at them like they're out of their mind. Critics tear down instead of building up...and while we may need to listen to them on occasion, we're going to use them for information we can consider. We will make our own judgments about whether that information is worthwhile to us, and we will not use them as our ultimate authority. Because really....do we want to emulate their sour faces and critical spirits?

Resolutions should represent hope, not potential failure. They should enhance our life, and not bind us to a programmed existence that makes us feel that we are not enough.

Happy new year. That's not a rote saying that I offer carelessly. Really...I wish you happy. I wish you joy. I wish you peace. And I wish for you the spirit of a child, delighted with yourself, with others, and with the possibilities of life. 2016 is almost here and it is a good gift from God, with the possibility of 366 presents for you to receive . More if you want to count by minutes or moments. Open each one with the intention to love it, use it, and display it for all to see. Because you...we...are loved today and we are gifted. Why should we hide that? Why should we do anything but celebrate every moment.... and love the perfection of us in it?

Friday, December 25, 2015

The Feeling of Christmas


"City sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style, in the air there's a feeling of Christmas..."

Oh, Silver Bells! Most of us hear that song and it makes us smile. It reminds us of all of the things we love about Christmas. "The feeling of Christmas." The beautiful decorations, kids sitting in Santa's lap, finding the perfect gift for someone we love....such a happy time. We walk around in our Christmas bliss and don't see some of the people who may get different images in their minds. For some "the feeling of Christmas" takes a very different definition. Consider....

🎄Those who have lost someone they love. Someone with whom they always shared Christmas. It could be due to death, the end of a relationship, or to distance. There is a hole in their heart this year and nothing feels the same. 
🎄Those for whom more tasks are added to a load when they felt like they were already about to break. They may smile and make your Christmas brighter, but inside they are on a short tether.
🎄Those struggling financially. Trying to pay bills already had them feeling like they were drowning. Trying to give the good boys and girls all they deserve....their head is underwater. 
🎄Those with health issues. Forgive them if they're not singing at the moment. They are a bit pre-occupied. Their best gift is not found under the tree, but is in the hands and minds of the medical folks around them, the researchers who give them hope, and the treatments that may work for a cure.
🎄Those who are scared. It may be due to people in their lives....abusers, or addicts, the sick, or the weak. It may be due to life situations. It may be for a reason they can't even identify. But the fear is overwhelming and the holiday makes it seem worse.
🎄Those who are addicted. Be it drugs, alcohol, food, people pleasing...addiction overwhelms and isolates. It sneaks up on someone as a thief, and puts a mask on that appears to be them, but is really just a facade.
🎄The "-less" ones - The homeless, the hopeless, the heartless....those missing something that they may never even have ever had.
🎄The lonely. They may go through the motions, but they just want to get through the days. 
🎄Those who hate. 
🎄Those who don't share your Jesus.

If you celebrate Jesus, be it Christmas or any day, you need to appreciate his people. This crowd all around you? He has created each and every one of them. They are his masterpieces. The ugly, the broken, the dirty, the hurt, the troubled, the mean, the poor, the glossy, and the pretentious. See them. Love them. Celebrate them. Bring Jesus to them. Change the tunes of those silver bells so they are not an unbearable noise, but instead are sweet melodious tunes that make them want to dance. The feeling of Christmas is not a good one to all...perhaps you can help change that. It's a worthy goal.

A joyous Christmas to all! Come....let us adore him!

Saturday, December 12, 2015

More Than Just Opening the Door

I hung out with my brother Scott last week. I enjoy all of my siblings, so spending time with them one on one is something we should do more often (because of course they love spending time with me, too.) I have two brothers and two sisters, and generally our time together is en masse with our whole very loud and crazy family .... where a little bit of chaos reigns. The time together that day was spontaneous and fun and easy and quiet. We had lunch and then he drove me around as I looked for furniture. My attention spanned waned before his did (my shopping genes were definitely inherited from my father.)

I was reminded of something about my brother that day, though. He's a gentleman. Each time we returned to his car (quite a few times really), he opened and closed the car door for me. A nice gesture you don't see much anymore. He's always done it.....since we were teenagers. (I remember commenting on it once back then and he said "Well, I do it for real girls Kim, so I may as well do it for you.") It's now something he does with ease and without thought. It is part of who he is.

I know some women think such a gesture is demeaning....that it says they are not capable of opening the door themselves. I never have. My brother certainly knows I am capable of opening the door. He shows me on an ongoing basis that he thinks I am intelligent, and strong, and brave. My parents raised strong.....and strong-willed...women and both of my brothers have always respected that. Possibly because we would have beat them up when they were younger if they ever implied anything else.

What made me think that day was this....how often does my tendency to bulldoze through life mean I don't allow people opportunities to offer me common courtesies? Oh, not all men open doors for women and I am fine with that. It's not a necessity. Some women have been quite vocal in seeing it as an insult, and I can see why it may make many men give up the practice. But my brother is confident and comfortable in the gesture, and after all of these years a part of my unconscious brain may expect him to do it. I wonder if my unconscious brain often blocks the opportunity for me to accept the gesture from others. That for some reason I have assumed they won't offer it.

I try to be courteous in my everyday life. If it makes sense,sometimes I open the door for others, men or women. I think I am pretty good with the "please" and "thank you"s. Living in the South we usually have that part down cold. Sometimes maybe to the point that we say it by rote and don't really mentally acknowledge the nicety that was offered us. Sometimes we don't look into the eyes of the person offering the gesture and smile as we say it, so they know we're not just mannerly but we really noticed them and the courtesy. I don't know about you, but I could be more thoughtful and intentional.

I've been a bit stunned by lack of courtesy I have seen by people lately. The hurt that I see dished out on a daily basis makes me despair sometimes. Too often we see people slamming doors in the face of others instead of opening them for them. Either literally or figuratively. Unlike my brother, too many extend the courteous gesture only to "real girls"....those who they're trying to impress with a gesture that is less about courtesy and consideration than getting rewarded in some way later on. They may open the door for the one they are with, but let it slam behind them, oblivious to anyone left standing in its wake.

I'm going to make an effort to bring more common courtesy into my life, with intention. For friends, family, and strangers. I want civility in our world. I want kindness. I want consideration. I want respect. Whether your culture, religion, skin color, age, political views, alma mater, financial status, community position, or circumstances match mine or not. I'm not going to only try to extend it to others, but I am going to try to be more aware of accepting it graciously when it is extended to me. I am going to try to be more on the lookout for those who want to exercise their manners. Will you join me? These little gifts should be both made and acknowledged. I think we'll all be better for it. Opening doors is easy. Courtesy without caring whether that gesture is returned or acknowledged is a bit more difficult. We need to make it our habit. I believe that habit can be contagious.