When Dreams Come True

The Balloonist's Prayer

"May the winds welcome you with softness.
May the sun bless you with its warm hands.
May you fly so high and so well that God
joins you in laughter and sets you gently
back into the loving arms of Mother Earth."

I used to think the best part of ballooning was watching balloons taking off, or even better....feeling them take off with me inside. Yes, both of those things are still a big thrill and I think will always be for me. It occurred to me today that there could be something better, though.

I grew up seeing balloons float over our county, but never got to ride in one. When I moved back to Statesville, I got involved with the Chamber of Commerce. It was through the Chamber that I met my friend Debbie Hartman (now Debbie Swing), I think at a Business After Hours event. (Come to think of it, I think that was the time she told me she would teach me how to play golf. It still hasn't happened. But that's OK. We found better things to do!)

Debbie and I both volunteered to crew at the local balloon festival that year, and it was then we both got our first ride. I think we were probably balloonists before we ever set foot in a balloon....we caught the bug quickly. Personally I think I caught it while watching balloons float over North Iredell High School in the late 70s when we were playing broom hockey at 8 a.m. in the morning. (Yes broom hockey. The best sport ever. Don't knock it if you have never played. Or even if you have. I think it was the only PE activity I ever enjoyed in my first 12 years of school.)

Anyway, back to the ballooning bug. Debbie and I began to jump in any time would mention any activity to us that was balloon related. It was a great to have a friend as passionate about it as I was. I know the introvert in me would not have gone to as many events had she not been willing to go with me. So thus started our ballooning "career."


The teacher and the student

I have never wanted to be a pilot. They have to pay attention to a lot of things, and with my ADHD mind, the thought terrifies me. I do have that ADHD ability to hyper-focus, so I am sure if I put my mind to it I could do it, but the stress it would put me under would take away the fun for me, I think. So I am content to hang out with ballooning people. To promote the sport as much as I can. To do the administrative and behind-the-scene things I am best at. And to ride any time anyone lets me in the basket.

Debbie has never felt that way. From the start, she wanted to be a pilot. She always was more serious about it than me. She always listened a bit harder, tried to pick up information. Everything moves quickly with ballooning, and while that makes it very fun on one level, it is sometimes difficult to learn as you crew for different pilots. Each does things differently. Most also do things automatically. And when they are flying, they are often in flying mode....not teaching mode. Since some of us need to fully understand the whys to learn the process well, the way to cope for many of us (OK, me) is to put yourself on autopilot and just do as the pilot says. Nothing more, nothing less. Do that and usually no one gets hurt! (Or yelled at. Pilots can be vocal when they are concerned In other words, when you do something stupid.)

So time went by and life got in the way, and Debbie had almost given up her dream of flying. When our friends the Morlocks decided to sell their balloon last year, she was able to buy it. That was one dream coming true, but still.....she had to learn how to fly it.

Debbie and Tommy listen intently

Today Debbie got her first flying lesson. Our friend Marc Klinger stepped up and offered to teach her. It's a big commitment, for him and for her. Thankfully for us all, balloon pilots are not created overnight. It takes many, many hours of training.

I can't tell you how much fun it was to watch Debbie's first lesson. Seeing the combination of nervousness and excitement. Watching her intently listen to Marc. Seeing her husband Tommy listen just as intently as he prepares to partner with her as a very able crew chief. Watching them make mental checklists of all of the things they need to do, of all the things they need to put on their own checklist (which Marc will not give them....he will make them come up with it themselves as part of the training.)



And it is a lift off!

During the past couple of years I have also seen my friends Daniel, Damien and Mike train to be pilots. Now Debbie begins. What occurred to me today....while I love watching and riding, seeing the dreams of my friends come true is even better. I got to see Daniel fly his balloon, lovingly restored by him, for the first time. I got to see Debbie fly hers for the first time today. About six months after purchased. I'm sure I will be around a lot as she trains, taking a million pictures. I will be there when she solos for the first time. I also plan to be there as 13-year old Duncan Dunavent trains and takes his first solo flight. Really....it will make you weep. It's a tough road, and  to see them get through each obstacle and test is simply amazing. It is a privilege to watch.


Future pilot Duncan

What's even better is when you see people like Marc Klinger and Drew Egerton train others to become pilots. I think it takes nerves of steel at times, but they are patient and thoughtful and compassionate as they do it. It's time consuming, and at times frustrating, but our sport will not continue without such generosity. Other pilots will lend a hand along the way, I know. Before Debbie finishes, I can guarantee she will fly with several seasoned pilots. Each will teach her something different. That is how you learn best. They will pass it on not only because they are generous, but because they love this sport. And they not only want people flying, they want people flying safely.



A dream in flight

I have been able to experienced a lot already, but I have a lot of great ballooning moments ahead, I think. It's exciting to see it all evolve. I can't wait to ride with each and every one of these new pilots (and quite a few more advanced pilots I know I haven't ridden with yet!) Being a good pilot requires not just knowledge, but the ability to know when to apply it. It requires you to think on your feet, be alert to what is over and under, in front and in back, how to get out of tight spots, be a superstar of public relations (some folks get a bit cranky when you land on their property), be a weather and wind expert, and be very cool under intense pressure. You are floating in the sky in a wicker basket with only the direction of the wind to steer. And you're making dreams come true. Your own, those that watch you, and those that are fortunate to ride.

So anyway, to both balloonists and non-balloonists, I say this. Dream dreams. Big dreams. Tell your friends and family so they can share them with you and see them come true. Because really, it is such a great joy and a privilege to see dreams become reality. And as you talk about it, you may find a few fairy god-people out there that will help make it happen.

The greatest part about seeing dreams come true? It reminds you that we don't dream enough, and that's a downright shame. I've decided my dream list has become too short and needs to be extended. I will work on that. Join me!

"Take delight in the Lord,
 and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"Woman, why are you weeping?"

As I sat in church today and heard the story of Mary (John 20), weeping at the tomb after she did not find Jesus there, I thought to myself "Oh, I know how she feels." That broken hearted feeling of being sad and alone and like no one else understands but that particular person that you know would understand, who is not there. Or even worse, the feeling that no one else could ever understands what you're feeling at that moment. If you've never felt like that, I suspect at some time you will. It's heartbreaking, and yes....we feel sorry for ourselves.

But then, at just the right time, Jesus appears. As he usually does. No longer in the tomb, no longer dead to her, but available to comfort. Available to understand. Taking her from the depths of despair to the greatest of joy.

I think too often we distance ourselves from that relationship with God. From all our relationships. There is something about our nature (shall we just call it sin?) that separates us from God. That separates us from people. That makes us an island. That allows us to pull away from everybody and everything. Even knowing that our own isolation is what makes us feel alone and that possibly if we took a step forward, we wouldn't be alone any more. But often we feel paralyzed.

But the great news of Easter, is the gift of the resurrection. That we can't do it on our own, and we are helpless, paralyzed, or running in circles, if left on our own. But Jesus didn't wait for us to do enough. He stepped toward us. He crossed the chasm of death, and a very painful death, to come straight to us. The crown of thorns, the stripes of the thrashings of many, the injustice of the mob, all of the pain and suffering of the world on him. Not just my sin, which seems like quite enough of a burden. Not just my pain. Not just yours. But that of all mankind. That's a lot of pain. But yet, it's personal....even I alone was enough for the sacrifice. We are each that special to God.

So woman, man.....why are you weeping? Why is your heart heavy? Resurrection has come. Every day, every minute, every moment.....each is a new opportunity of re-birth. We don't just get second chances, we get millions of chances. And we aren't alone. If you are standing there paralyzed, lift your head.  You'll see the risen savior, who totally understands where you are coming from. And the really great thing is that this is God. He is not part of the mob. He'll cut through the mob mentality to truth. He will relieve your burden, not add to your guilt. He wants you, just as you are, with the tear-stained or belligerent face. Honest and broken before him. There is no need for a heavy heart. You have been given new life, which you are to live abundantly. But wait, there's more. There is an ongoing Easter egg hunt, with treasures for you to find hidden all over the earth. Don't miss even one! Life is a good gift, at Easter, and every day. And you are not alone.

On Siblings

So it is supposed to be National Siblings Day, so I guess it is the time to talk about my siblings. I have two brothers and two sisters....which to everyone else seems like a big family, but to me it just seems normal.

Our house was loud growing up. Almost all of the time. We fought a lot. Drove my mother crazy. We'd be screaming "I hate you" at each other one minute, pulling hair and throwing punches, then five minutes later would be watching TV together giggling. She couldn't understand the quick transitions. 

The TV was a major point of contention. There would be knock-down drag outs over which program to watch. For a long time he/she who stole the knob won (children, we actually had a thingie on the TV where you had to get up, walk over to the TV, and turn that thingie to change the channel. Just think of it as a remote, that had to be attached to the TV to have any power.) We then realized an amazing thing....the real power came from the person who pulled out the plug. Yep.....usually we would prefer we watch no TV at all if we didn't get our way. As my mother would say "we'd cut off our nose to spite our face."

My best friend Carole was one of two kids, and as a result got a few more things than I did. Like the cool bike with hand brakes (which everyone knows I changed my position on later....I hate hand brakes. Only foot brakes are really cool.) I remember grumbling to my mom about this and saying "Why did you have to have so many children?" Ever wise she said, "You are probably right. We might have had too many. Which of you shouldn't we have had?" OK, stopped me in my tracks. My youngest brother Derek is nine years younger than me, so he was my adored baby as he was growing up. Logic would say him, but no....I wouldn't give him back. I considered Deryn for a while, but decided maybe we should keep her, too. Dana and Scott....couldn't imagine not having them around either. I think that was the day I really realized that my siblings trumped things any day of the week.

We're all quite different, but very similar, too. There is definitely a sibling code. We're all quite opinionated and will almost always share our opinion, solicited or not. But there are limits. We allow each other to make our own mistakes. We will tell each other when we think the other is wrong, if we think it needs to be told. Sometimes it doesn't. Often it doesn't. But when we do say it, usually we will say it once and shut up. If we happen to mention it again, a mere look will change the subject. Forever. We have very few disagreements as adults, fewer arguments, but when we do they are forgiven quickly. Usually forgotten pretty quickly, too. Just as in our childhood, we have short memories when it comes to such things. Bottom line, I know I could do anything and they would still love me. I also know that they will never tell me it's OK when I am doing wrong. There's a balance there that is perfect, and I know it to be the bedrock of my life. Something I know not everyone has. A true gift of God,

There is a lot of humor amongst us, and a lot of support. There aren't a lot of obligations. I may go a month, two months, six months without seeing some of them. Or at least Dana. ;) Still, when I need them, they will be there. Any one of them. They will not be dramatic, they will not act self-sacrificing, but they will be practically useful. They probably won't gush a lot about how much they love me, but they will love me in deed and with a solid power. (Let's face it, too gushy and the eyes would roll back in my head.) When it gets down to it, they are the easiest relationships in my life, and since most of my friends are low maintenance that says a lot. I respect each one of them, I like each one if them, I love each one of them, and I enjoy each one of them.

The bond we have as siblings will never be broken. I don't believe this is just because we share blood, share parents, or share history. It's the nature of who they are. They have proven their commitment to me over and over again. There is something about having someone who is solidly in your corner, that will be there to catch you if you ever fall, but who will also laugh afterwards until you, too, are laughing hysterically that you got yourself in that predicament in the first place. Chances are they will have the perfect quote from "I Love Lucy" or "The Brady Bunch" or mom or dad to put all of life in perspective. Or at least that minute. They are some of my greatest riches.

Happy Siblings Day Dana, Scott, Deryn and Derek. You were definitely made especially and perfectly for me. I think I am going to keep you.....because my friend Debbie bought me a great bike with foot brakes, like the real cool kids have, so who wants hand brakes anyway?

(And also Happy Siblings Day to my self-adopted brother Steve.....who I just may horrify with sisterly affection/abuse sometimes, but who I think is catching on to the brother thing nicely!)

The Smile Underneath

I was talking on the phone at work to this lady about Medicare supplements when she said her husband had a few questions for me. He was a definite character and his questions all began with a story. A rather long story, that didn't lead to an obvious point. I could feel the impatience of his wife through the phone line and hear her urging him to wrap it up. He started protesting "She called me to the phone, now she doesn't want me to ask my questions." It was obvious that she just didn't want to hear his stories.....again. They continued to quibble, until he finally asked his questions, and she dismissed him. I could hear him protesting and grumbling as he walked away. He had more to say but she felt like he had said enough. He had. From that little exchange, though, I could feel the love between them.....and the smiles in their voices as they argued with each other and were so good for each other. It made me smile, too.

We all know that everyone is made up of their internal and their external. What we see on the outside is often very different than what would be seen on the inside. Relationships are like that, too. Relationships, like people, have character. What is important is not who people are when everyone is looking, but who they are when no one is looking. Or who they are when they don't think people are paying attention. The little moments show the roots of the relationship. These roots are fed by two (or more) people, who come to the relationship with "their stuff". Are our roots allowing the other person (people) in the relationship to thrive, or are we choking the life out of them? It's one of the things in life I find to be most interesting.

Below the surface some people hide a tempest, which can rise quickly and unexpectedly. This can be shocking to see, scary and annoying, even when you understand that this tempest represents unresolved pain. To live with that tempest on the edge of eruption day after day is quite a difficult thing to maneuver. These folks walk through life with an internal volcano, dormant but brewing to active. How difficult is it to live with that in your belly? How difficult is it to live with that by your side? They don't care if they hurt others as they erupt, because they are so blind with pain that they can't see where the lava goes when the volcano finally erupts. The lava can cause a lot of damage, but usually they only notice the damage they suffer. Or they beat themselves up internally for the pain they know they cause, but won't admit it or apologize to the people they have hurt. Sometimes they do apologize afterward, and there are dramatic make-up gestures and promises. Still the cycle continues. Whether you are the volcano or the lava victim, how you go forward in the relationship reveals much about who you are. To stop the cycle, you have to become quite self-aware, difficult in the midst of constant volcanic activity. If you don't stop it, you sometimes also become a volcano, or a fire starter, or a big pile of ash. Sometimes if you are in a relationship with a volcano you have to move away from them, because the constant threat of volcanic activity makes creating a real life difficult. 

Other people seem totally dispassionate about life and each other. They don't seem to care what the other thinks or feels, and many questions they are asked are answered with "whatever". They roll their eyes or speak passive-aggressive comments, but don't express what is really on their mind. They seem to have given up in one sense, but yet exist in limbo. They do nothing to improve things. Life could be worse, but it could be so much better. They exist in blah. It's interesting to watch for someone like me, who doesn't feel dispassionate about much (except perhaps manufactured drama.) Do they really not care? And what makes a person stay in a relationship (be it a love relationship or a friendship) with someone like this? Some would say low self-esteem. Maybe sometimes. But I think perhaps often they are kindred spirits, albeit maybe one a passive-aggressive one. Could it also sometimes be relational laziness?

Then there are the givers.....they give, and give, and give.....which would seem like it would be a great and awesome thing, until you're on the receiving end and just too exhausted trying to reciprocate. Sometimes the giving is based in a purity that is hard for "sinners" to match, and at other times they are playing to the crowd and waiting for the applause to begin. Sometimes there are underlying tones of dissatisfaction coming off the giver that others aren't living (or giving) up to their standards. You can't seem to win with them, but yet it's also difficult to confront. (You're mad because they're doing something good?) Often apathy sets in for the "less giving", and the "non-marathon giver" just decides to be a taker without worrying about reciprocation....or they start to spend their time with someone with whom the pressure is not as intense. The giver's position? "I give, and give, and give and no one ever appreciates it." Did you ever wonder why? Really?

Relationships are funny things. If we all were bathed in perfection, maybe they would be easy. It's difficult to realize that while it is easier to visually see where the other person is wrong, we can only effectively change when we allow ourselves to focus only on that person in the mirror. Not to say we can't be a change agent in the lives of others...we can and we should. But we don't usually do that by focusing on them. When we change ourselves, and live reflectively and positively, people notice. When we don't allow ourselves to feed bad behavior, sometimes it dies. You can't always ignore the bad, but helping someone see and develop their strengths as they minimize their weaknesses is the true picture of a good relationship.

This couple I mentioned earlier. The thing that I loved most about them was that underneath it all they encouraged the good in each other. They appreciated the strengths, recognized the weaknesses, but were each other's equilibrium. His gift of gab left unrestrained could have made him a bore, but she kept it in check so that his charm glowed. They were honest with each other and felt the freedom to argue with no consequences except good ones. They obviously had great affection and appreciation for each other. They worked as a team, even if a bit of a disjointed one. They talked and argued, agreed and disagreed, but underneath it all there was always a smile and passion for each other that overrode everything else. That smile underneath the facade made all the difference. He had her back, and she had his. It made their relationship steadfast, and comfortable, and gave them confidence. They were better together than apart.

We need to inflame the affection and burn the rubbish. We all come into relationships with a certain amount of baggage, carting around a caseload of issues. Love doesn't require perfection, but it is difficult for it to thrive without kindness. Smiling on them, showing you have recognized the special....people need that. It's what "your people" deserve. It's what you should require. Smiling on people takes root and grows and allows people to live in freedom, and perhaps gives them confidence to leave behind the baggage that has been weighing them down. There are enough people in life who give the message "You're not.....enough." What if our message is "You are....plenty" and we use words that affirm their value. With a smile that can be heard in our voice, and generates from the depths of our hearts. Don't be a doormat in your relationships, but also watch where you are stepping. There may be a body there.

A Place To Go Home

I received word today that one of my school mates was being transferred to Gordon Hospice House. I know I said recently that I am starting to see the beauty in the cycle of new life and death, and that is true, but I think that such news will still always produce chills and sadness. Even living in my home town, I generally see little of my classmates. Still there is a special place in my heart for them. When I do see them, often it is like no time has passed and we're 16 again. Part of them will always be their younger selves in my eyes.

What has also occurred to me tonight, though, is how much often the Gordon Hospice House touches those I know. So many folks pass through there during their last days. I remember when it was new and I toured there, before patients were admitted. It was beautiful and functional and designed especially with the hospice concept in mind....keeping patients comfortable and caring for them, so the family and close friends can focus on their loved ones, and the patient can die with dignity and peace. At that point it wasn't personal to me....I joked about wanting to stay a while to use the shower (it really was a very cool shower!) But now friends and family members of friends have spent extended time there, have used those facilities and experienced the services, and I am nothing but grateful that such a place exists in our town. It has become personal and warms my heart.

My mom was the first nursing coordinator of Hospice of Iredell County. Back then there was no facility to go to, so Hospice staff spent much time going around to homes, and were called at all hours of the day or night. The phone would ring, and my mom would drop everything to go to them. Her attitude shaped our attitudes...there was nothing more important than supporting someone in their last days. There was nothing more important than being there to help their family members cope. It never seemed to be a burden to her....she really was glad to be able to do it. And when it changed plans for our family, no one thought of complaining. That was a higher calling. We were fortunate to be healthy and have our family around us. But still, the families often had to wait for people like my mom to arrive after making that panicked call. I can't imagine how scared many of them were when they were alone.

So tonight I am so grateful for the Gordon family and other donors who have made this facility possible...a place where folks can rest knowing that they are in the midst of care. A place where kind and wise people, like my friend Lynn Kunkle who is chaplain there, can lend a hand or give words of comfort or say a prayer when needed. A place where medical professionals can help make them comfortable and lessen their pain. A place where sometimes the definition of hope changes for people, to a hope that their loved one can leave their sick bodies behind.

As Teresa spends her first night in this place, I pray for peace for her and her family. She has dealt with this condition for quite a few years now, and is at peace with the decisions that she helped make. She is aware of what is going on and what is to come. As a woman of faith, she knows that her time on this earth may be short, but there is hope of a better tomorrow. My prayer is that she will be surrounded by peace and love, as she is ushered into her new forever home. I am thankful for a place that will provide comfort until she leaves this earth....or until a miracle occurs. Rest in peace tonight, Teresa Hope Nash. I hope your last days on this earth are lovely. And thank you God for the Gordon Hospice House and for all the hands you used to build it and sustain it. It is a great gift to our people.

The Migraine..,,and Autism

Today I left work early because of a miserable migraine. Of course I was in our Charlotte office day, and I had much to do. Got a lot done, but still the remaining stack was overwhelming. My workday was only half done. The headache and nausea kept getting worse. I was having computer problems, day three after getting a new laptop on Monday, and I spent a few minutes wondering what the technical support guy from India would think if I said "I think I am going to be sick" and ran off to the bathroom to vomit. (Yes, I like to make pretty word pictures. You're welcome.) I managed to hold it together.

I drove home.....felt every mile....picked up a prescription that had been waiting for me at the pharmacy since Saturday, arrived home, took medication, and slept for four hours or so. Felt better when I woke, but still with that headache hangover that could last for a day or so. Migraines loom.

It was spring, 85 degrees,  and gorgeous outside.....but those beautiful blooms are like the plague to me. I love spring. I hate spring.

I think life is like that sometimes...the things that are so perfect on the surface, can be horrendous to someone else experiencing it. Our experience is not the experience of others. I am sure on the surface I looked fine. I talked to clients, wrote coherent emails, went through the motions, but a part of me was barely holding it together. Part of me just wanted to lay down and cry. But it wouldn't have been appropriate, would have made me look like a bit of a lunatic. People were nice to me, but either nice or  mean could have made me a weepy mess.

So much goes into happy. Our bodies control us, our emotions are unreliable, and things that are joys to others can be harmful or distasteful to us. It's a reason kindness is so important....even if the person is disagreeable. Sometimes their pain is both overcoming and all consuming, but they try to hide it. Sometimes they don't do a good job of it. Sometimes your "normal" reaction to their bad-tempered self is salt in the wound. They'd like to lighten up....but they can't get to that place.

Today is World Autism Awareness Day.  Do you know what autism is? It's the fasted growing developmental disability in the US. I prefer to think of it as a difference. The spectrum is a long one.....people with autism come in all shapes and shades and ages. (Secret revealed. It's not just present in kids!) My friend Kim Eroh's son sported a shirt today that said "I have autism. What's your superpower?" And really, it can be superpower. The intelligence and abilities of some autistic folks I know is unbelievable. Genius level. But they often don't react to the world the way many of the ret of us do. They often can't pick up your social cues. They often don't seem to notice you're there and may not react to you in a way you'll expect. They may not recognize who you are, even if you have been a constant presence in their life. But yet they may, and will love you and cling to you in a way that sometimes makes you want your own space. They may have strong fears, some that appear to others as irrational. They may hate change and throw a tantrum when something disrupts their world. They may have rituals that bring them comfort, including very rigid diets they don't want to vary from. But yet, these are full people, normal people. They may be different than you, but it is normal for them. Sometimes, most of the time, you are the one who needs to adjust. Most of us forget that too often. Their normal may not be your normal, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Especially if those around them don’t treat them that way.

So I get migraines, someone else gets autism. Both present challenges in life. I'd say the migraines are the only sickness, but since I believe treatment for autism needs to be covered under insurance I will call that a sickness, too. But really it is just a difference, that education and therapies can help correct. You aren't cured, but you can learn to cope. It presents tremendous challenges for the parents of children with autism who try to balance the marvelous uniqueness of their child, but also keep them making steps forward in life that will help them live well and independently in the world and get along with people. Encourage them, support them. It can be a lonely road with slow progress.

If you don't have autism, you can't catch it by being around someone who does.....don't step back.  Don't let autism scare you. Reach out when you can. I read a fascinating article lately about a highly successful businesswoman with autism. She is open about her condition and people who work with her know she is a bit on the quirky side. But she has tapped into that superpower and has used it to her advantage. Some of her success is directly attributed from knowing her strengths, and weaknesses, and learning how to balance them both. Her high intelligence is her greatest asset. We can learn from her. It's no different building a successful life than it is for the rest of us, really. Look in the mirror and don't deny how you were made. It was not a mistake. You can make changes, and I believe we should all work to change our negatives into positives, but you're pretty great the way you are. Here today. Warts and all. Whatever your superpower.

My Two Year Anniversary

It's the second anniversary of my blog. For an ADD (that's Attention Deficit Disorder) girl, that's a milestone! But it's been fun, it's been therapeutic, and has caused me to think out loud. Usually in a good way, I think. At times I have been vulnerable, at times not vulnerable enough. It has shown me my pride (often not the good kind!), my passions, and sometimes caused me to change myself. Still, I think I have probably only scratched the surface of where I need to go. There's exploration that needs to be done there. There are some subjects on which I have strong opinions, but for different reasons I have been reluctant to share my thoughts. Some of those I will probably never speak of publicly, but it often nags at me. When do you speak, when do you keep your mouth shut? It's a delicate balancing act. I hope I can be wise as to what is most important.

I'm a person who loves an opinion, and I admit a prejudice against some of you who never seem to have one on anything that counts. I don't buy it. You must have them! In fact, I will go as far as to say that I think you are a selfish coward if you keep them to yourself (bless your heart.) But I get it. I think we have lost the ability to debate  without taking things personally. I understand the reluctance to put yourself out there, to not want to be challenged by bullies who will try to smack you down if you disagree with them. We demonize people who dissent or dare to approach things from a different angle. But if we debate correctly, if we talk and listen instead of yelling with our fingers in our ears, we just may find new solutions that work for us all. We seem to have lost a level of civility. For example, I shake my head at Christians who disrespect our leaders because they think they are doing things against God's will....yet they don't fault themselves for not respecting their leaders. That splinter in the leader's eye is missed with the log in their own. I also shake my head at those who believe internet rumors or act like they know the inner minds of people they have never met. People who paint people by political party, or allow themselves to be painted. Truth is, we are all worth more than that.

It also bothers me how easily we give people life sentences for next to nothing. Someone makes a mistake, or is in a different place than us, or has a bad day, and we allow that to totally color who they are in our eyes. We also try to color the perceptions of others. I've seen myself do that to people and it's a habit I am trying to break. I often ask myself "Was that really a misdemeanor offense or a felony?"  If it's a felony, how long should they have to serve? Can I let them off when they serve their time or for good behavior? I want to be a fair judge. And yeah, you who say I shouldn't judge, That's wimping out in another way. Of course there is a degree to which we have to judge others. We have to be aware of those who can cause harm to ourselves or others, for example. But then again, there are many, many things that are simply none of our business. We should keep our nose out of those things. Really, you have enough of your own stuff you should be concerned about!

So as I begin the third year of my blog, my goal is to be a bit more vulnerable. To be a bit more opinionated. To be a lot more kind and a lot more brave. I want that verse that says "be strong and courageous" to take on new meaning in my life. That is my hope and my prayer. I want to celebrate good people, good places, and good things. I want to share my faith, which I really don't believe should be a private thing, but also I don't think it should be something I demand you believe. I like that God gave us free will...but I am also a Calvinist....I believe God pursues His people and allows them to go on unbelievable journeys. Sometimes through really crummy places as really crummy people. But as long as there is life, there is hope. And people can change. If they really look in the mirror.

I'm at an age where I am losing those dear to me too often, but I am also meeting babes who I may be fortunate to see grow to maturity and become interesting adults. We don't come with warranties and our lifetime guarantees vary. I think I finally am beginning to even see the beauty in that. It is a curious and amazing world, and I hope I get to write about it for another year.

But for today, thank you to those who read my thoughts.  Thank you to those who love me, thank you to those who encourage me, thank you to those who challenge me, and thank you to those who remind me of how little I know. There are places for me to explore, both physically and emotionally, and life on earth is short. I want to make it memorable....and worthwhile. Join me?