What I Want For "My Guys"

I figured since I directed my last blog to the girls in my life (though it is mostly applicable to both sexes), I needed to direct the next to my guys. As with the girls, applicable to my guys of all ages.

Someone asked me one day how I was able to remain single all of my life, and though I gave the flippant answer that I hadn't found any other viable options, truth is that I have had a certain freedom to wait for the right man due to the guys in my life. I have guys who care for me well, who save me from myself and my complete ineptitude with most things that require mechanical ability, hand/eye coordination, balance, or power tools, and who have yet appreciated who I am and what I have to offer in return. They tell me I am beautiful, smart, capable, and respect me as a human being. 

I've never once been of the frame of mind that all men are bad, even when I have run across those who let me down, proven themselves to be of poor character, or have just been jerks. Most of the men in my life are pretty amazing....and starting with my dad and brothers, have cared for me well all of my life. (I hope they say the same about me.)

We put a lot of pressure on men. In the old movies, books, and fairy tales we all grew up with, they were always expected to save the day. Regardless of what happened, they were supposed to be in the right place at the right time with all of the right equipment. Oh, and be amazingly handsome and rich besides.

I think perhaps a lot of us still have that expectation. We want Prince Charming to save us. Again and again and again.

So often they do. So often that it remains our expectation. So often that sometimes we don't see the enormous pressure we put them under. We don't listen for the signs that they may just be spent and need a helping hand, acknowledgment, and encouragement.

So guys, know that most of us do care. Know that since part of our brain may be wired with unrealistic expectations, sometimes you need to tell us the truth. Sometimes you have to admit it is hard and a bit overwhelming. Sometimes you need to remind us that we can be your true companions and work alongside you. Often we will all find there is more joy in that than in you doing it all by yourself.

We were created to be much tougher than we appear. Often we abdicate our power, or don't work to exercise it. Adding that load to us is not a burden, when you are willing to share. Sharing the load is often one of the most fulfilling activities of our existence.

Sharing is important. Words are important. Acknowledging and respecting the abilities of others is important. Encouraging us to become more and be more is important, and it is important that you be willing to do the same.

Turn the fairy tales on their head. Don't cater to a lot of princesses. Instead look for the real deal who will hold your hand and encounter what life throws at you as a partner. Look for the one who makes you love life more. Who is perfectly capable of surviving on their own, of being happy on their own, but chooses to spend life with you. And as time goes on, would choose you over and over and over again.

They say that nobody's perfect and that is true enough. But still....you were created as a masterpiece. Whatever your size and shape, whatever your gifts and talents, whatever your occupation or family status, you have enough to change the world. You have power you have never accessed, strength that you haven't begun to tap. And you have purpose. Look for it. Often that purpose is simply living your life with intention and not allowing it to pass by while you lay on the couch watching SportsCenter, with a bag of chips. (Not that there's anything wrong with that on occasion.)

So, my guys, don't feel like you have to carry the world on your shoulders. God will do that for you, so hand it off to him. There are others around you who will help you in this world. You were not put among us to go it alone. Be strong, and courageous, but realize there is not just one way to pull that off. There can be strength through the tears, there is great power in compassion. Learn that you don't have to curl up and fit in a box, but instead there are a lot of ways to stand tall and be a strong man. Be a man you are proud of, whether anyone is watching or not. But know often people will be watching, and they will be following your lead. Take them down a great path and show them the time of their lives. And leave this world, and its hearts, much better than you found them. You, my guys, are my heroes. That doesn't require perfection. And if your story has taken you in the wrong direction, you can either turn around or change your path. You can even ask for directions.

What I Want For "My Girls"

My great-niece Karys and I went to see the latest Star Wars movie this weekend. We liked it....well, except for that one part that I am still pretending didn't happen. (The Force had to be with him and things are not how they appear....that's all I'm saying. Karys tells me I am wrong.) (sob)

But one of the things I liked most about the movie were the female characters. I love old movies and fairy tales and books galore, but I do get annoyed when they portray shrinking, sniveling women who just curl up and wait for someone to save them. Star Wars had strong, smart women....warrior women who may need saving on occasion, but were also able to do some of the saving themselves. There wasn't a spectator...the women and the men worked together, using their own special skills and strengths. They could shed a few tears now and then, but they came out fighting. 

To "my girls"....of all generations....you are strong. Even when you don't feel like it. When you feel spent, there are reserves hidden inside of you...pull them out. You don't have to be cast as a victim. Yes, sometimes we are victimized.....but even then, come out fighting. Choose to be a warrior instead. 

Keep in mind your weapons are not always physical, though they can be. Get physically strong, stay in good fighting shape. There are many benefits. Take a self defense class when you see it offered, or watch videos on You Tube. No matter what your condition or training, if you are attacked you can kick and claw and punch and poke eyes and slam noses and knee crotches and do everything you need to do to defend yourself. Be forceful and tenacious. Look them in the eyes and let them know you do not plan to give up. They watched those old movies and somehow thought you would be a passive victim. Show them you are more.

There shouldn't be many times in your life that physical fighting is necessary (and if there are, you probably need to get out of that situation), but if physically attacked fight like a wildcat. (Or as we say in North Carolina, fight like a panther...grrrrrrrl!) But remember the physical is not your only weapon.

Your greatest defense is your brain. Keep it alert. Keep it in your control. When I say in your control, I mean don't hand it over to the control of another person or to a place where you are defenseless due to drugs or alcohol. That brain is yours, it is precious, and you are entrusted to keep it strong and powerful. Our brains don't come to us fully loaded...doing that is your responsibility. Exercise it. Learn new things. Not because someone tells you to, but because you want to be smarter and ready for any situation. Take pride in your ability to capture information and then figure out when and how you can apply it.

Don't just read books, though reading books is great, but also develop those street smarts. How do you do that? Watch people. What choices are they making? Are they good or bad? Could another way lead to a better outcome for them? Apply this same concept to yourselves. You will make mistakes. Admit them...and figure out a game plan to avoid them in the future. Fantasize....play little mind games....think of situations people find themselves in and put yourself in that scene. You are the hero....what choices would you make?

Have a strategy for living a good life. Have goals, have dreams, and be willing to work for them. You don't often hit a target if you don't aim for it. Don't waste your arrows...shoot at a target. Know what you stand for....and make sure it is for something noble.

Most of all, build a great community. It really does matter who your friends are. They are the ones who really care about the kind of person you are. Look for the superheroes. The real ones....not the pretend ones. They may be slightly flawed human beings on the outside, but look for their superpowers. Look for the kind people, the smart people, the strong people, the people who share your dreams and vision of how the world should be. Don't worry if they don't look just like you, or don't act just like you. Have a great combination of strengths and appreciate those in each other.  If you are weak in a certain area, look for the folks who can help make you stronger. Teach others to be stronger, too, to get better at what they do. Build each other up...only tear down what you plan to rebuild.

Find those you want to be in your closest circle...female and male....and cherish who they are. Contrary to what some will tell you, not all women/girls are catty, mean, and out to get you. If you find some are, you can either walk away from them or teach them kindness. Look for those who are loyal truth tellers. 

The same with men/boys. Don't fit them all into a mold. Like with women, learn to recognize the bad ones, but also don't overlook the good ones. Look beyond their skin, as you want them to look beyond yours. Try to avoid those who put you on a pedestal...because you are not a china doll. Instead look for those who see the real you, appreciate you, see your strength, accept your strength, respect you, and are worthy of your respect.

You'll fight a lot of battles in life, though probably not with Star Wars special effects. Truth is the battles you may fight may be harder. More subtle. Less flash, more substance. Eternally important. Most battles will be better fought surrounded by that circle who you have chosen to be your posse. They will have your back, and you will have theirs.

Let God lead you. Let his force be with you. It is strong and with it you will be mighty. You were not created to be a mushroom and hide in the shadows. So ladies, get up and pull out that sword and head to the light, even if it requires you travel for a time through darkness. Be strong and courageous, whatever you face. You have battles to win....and you, my girl, are already the hero.