The Happy Holidays Drinking Game

 

If I came up to you today and said "Happy Birthday", but it's not your birthday, you'd probably feel the need to correct me. Unless it happens to be that one day of the year that is your birthday. Or unless a free dessert is involved. (Hi college friends!) You'd probably laugh, say "It's not my birthday!" and wonder why the person thought it was. 

If I were a stranger and came across you on your birthday and just smiled and said "Have a great day", chances are it wouldn't upset you that I said "day" instead of "birthday". You'd accept the sentiment and the heart of the one who offered it. You may say "I will....it's my birthday" to which the person would probably say "Well, happy birthday!" (I recommend this, by the way. I think we enjoy celebrating birthdays of friends and strangers and why not include others into your celebration?....especially if you're celebrating life that day spectacularly as you should.)

I kinda feel the same thing about Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays debate going on. I know you've heard it....people are offended because someone says one or the other. People are offended because if you don't say "Merry Christmas" to them, you're "taking the Christ out of Christmas." Others are offended that people are insensitive to those of other faiths or ideologies who may not celebrate Christmas and not going with "Happy Holidays."

I don't get all the energy people put behind this. Should you say "Merry Christmas" to someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas? If someone doesn't know you and your Christian status and says "Happy Holidays", should you get offended? Does it really matter? What does this argument say about us as a people? 

Not everyone celebrates Christmas. It's not mandatory. Not even for Christians. Not once in scripture did God say that December 25th, or the birth of Jesus, is a holiday that we all must honor and respect. God knows all and knew all. If that kind of celebration was that important, wouldn't he have mentioned it?

But he does tell the story. The story of a baby born to a virgin who is born to save the world. A baby born in a stable...not in the plushest accommodations. Who lived his 33 years on earth both humbly and audaciously. He didn't demand that all worship him (though he strongly encouraged it and persuasively caused people to drop their whole lives and follow him), but still he respected their free choice. He was the one who walked the earth and showed us how to love people. Who fed them, and healed them, and dried their tears and loved them. Who met them where they were. Who said things like "Come unto me, you who are weak and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Who said "Love your neighbor as yourself." Who said "When someone hits you on the cheek, offer the other as well. When someone takes your coat, let them have your shirt, too." The one who had the right to say "Bow down to me and show me some respect", but didn't choose to do it that way. In fact, when the persecution to him was the worse he said "Father forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing."

Seems to me that if you're a Christ follower, you've given up your right to self indignation. You have become more servant than king or queen. If you're modeling Jesus, you're not demanding that all go through the motions of your faith. You want to see genuine faith being developed. You should be pleading to God on the behalf of those around you. Privately. Most of all, you should be looking in the mirror and see whose spirit you are reflecting.

So Christians, let's give up that soap box and try something new. (Those of other faiths or lacking faith are welcome to join in.)

I propose the Happy Holidays Drinking Game. You can change the title to the Merry Christmas Drinking Game, or whatever greeting (or lack of greeting) annoys you most. I'm all about flexibility. In fact, I particularly recommend using every greeting, or lack of greeting you'll encounter.

It goes like this...every time you hear the "magic words" (or notice someone fails to say the "magic words"), you need to plant fruit. The fruit of the spirit. You remember... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. 

So...in other words, suppose you hate to hear the phrase "Happy Holidays". Every time you do, and cringe, you need to pick a fruit of the spirit and perform an act that demonstrates it to either an individual or the world at large. These can be public acts, but try for some to be completed in complete secret....something between you and God, with you getting no personal recognition or fanfare (it's probably not your birthday). It can even be as simple as a smile and a "Happy Holidays" back to them. (For some of you that would be the ultimate act of self control.) It can be buying a gift for a low income senior, sending a gift card anonymously to a parent who you suspect may be struggling to provide Christmas for their family, smiling at the parent of the child screaming in Walmart and saying "I know this is hard" or sharing a gentle word with the child themself. It may be encouraging someone who is down on themselves, or listening to that person at work who drones on and on and never ceases to get on your nerves. It may be taking a bag of groceries to the local food pantry, or hugging everyone you see that day that looks like they need a hug. (Ask for permission here, so you don't appear creepy.)

The story of Christmas is that a Savior was born because YOU are a sinner. Those of you who know Christ have a responsibility to show Christ to our world. How effective at showing Christ to the world is standing on that Merry Christmas soap box? In my mind it's the adult equivalent of the person from junior high (youngsters, that's what we used to call middle school), who volunteered to take names and gleefully reported any possible infraction to the teacher when they returned. (FYI...if this was you, most of us couldn't stand you.) Is that the way to a sinner's heart? Does God want you reporting to him the list of sins committed by a non-Christian, an immature Christian, or anyone besides yourself? If you're going to get on your high horse, shouldn't it be by doing something that seems to matter to God?

So let's do it....let's plant fruit. You can even carry a baggie around with fruits of the spirit written on little slips of paper and draw them at random. You can grab whichever fruit floats through your mind at the moment, you can write them on your fingertips or wrist and look down, or work on one in particular that you struggle with. I suspect whichever fruit you choose will be good for your spiritual health.

Oh the drinking part of the game? Yes, I knew certain of my friends would be looking for this part....having been such experts of drinking games at large. At the end of the day, raise your glass (beverage optional) toward heaven and say "Here's to you, my Lord! Thanks for giving me fruit to plant. Grow it in whatever way you want. It's a gift to you, with no strings. And I'd like more to plant tomorrow, please."

Consider a phrase like "Happy Holidays" God's way of saying "Kim (actually insert your name here)...it's time to get planting. Pick a fruit!"

Sometimes I say "Merry Christmas", sometimes I say "Happy Holidays." It depends on the person and the situation, though admittedly sometimes these are words spoken with absolutely no thought about who I am speaking to at all. Often the words carelessly pop out of my my mouth by rote. Sort of like when you say "Have a nice day" at a funeral. (Oh, you know you've done it too!) Or on your birthday and someone says "Happy Birthday" and you say "Happy Birthday to you, too!" It happens.

So....if you're hanging with me this Christmas and listening to what I say, know you'll have opportunities for a whole harvest of fruit. While I probably won't offer to hold your hand if you need help getting up onto that Merry Christmas soapbox, if you need help planting fruit? I can probably join you in that!

Singing Thankful

I love the songs and hymns we sang when I was growing up....they create a tapestry that weaves through my history and wraps itself around me like the warmest, softest blanket. My mom always liked music and sang to us, my older sister Dana taught me those she learned at school. When I went to church and school it continued. I learned words and tunes without even realizing I was doing it. I sang, loudly and with abandon.

It's interesting now to hear a tune and start to sing along and have the lyrics surprise me. Sometimes they make me laugh....sometimes shocked laughter. (Sort of like watching cartoons from my childhood....how did I miss all of that?)   But some of these songs, the hymns, make me pause....and think. I've had a few Thanksgiving songs in my head this morning.

"We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing;
He chastens and hastens His will to make known.
The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing.
Sing praises to His Name; He forgets not His own.

Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,
Ordaining, maintaining His kingdom divine;
So from the beginning the fight we were winning;
Thou, Lord, were at our side, all glory be Thine!

We all do extol Thee, Thou Leader triumphant,
And pray that Thou still our Defender will be.
Let Thy congregation escape tribulation;
Thy Name be ever praised! O Lord, make us free!"

-Theodore Baker, 1894

"We Gather Together"...who knew? It's not a wimpy sweet song after all. It talks about God, the chastener and hastener so we know his will. We tend to glide right over that part, in the sweetness of the melody. (Don't know about you, but there has been a bit of chastening and hastening in my past and I don't always like it. Especially when done to mold my will.) The God who stops the oppressive wicked ones. That stands beside us to guide us. That defends us. That doesn't forget us. Powerful words, not to be taken lightly. A God who is strong....who expects something from us, doesn't expect us to live life passively, without thought or action. Who serves not just Americans but our world. Regardless of the oppression or circumstances, it is God who makes any of us free. And that is what God ultimately fights for....the freedom of his people. Not their bondage.

"Now Thank We All Our God". It reminds us of the God who is the giver of our bounty. Not the paper towels, though you could say that the fact we take paper towels for granted is a part of it. The God of provision. The God of miracles. The God who answers our questions and directs our paths. The God who remains the same, though if we're keeping a good eye on his work, the one from whom we discover different dimensions all of the time. While God never changes, we, his people should be forever changing. If God is the same to you this Thanksgiving as he was last, you have wasted a year.

"Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,

1. Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;
   Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
   With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
2. Oh, may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
   With ever joyful hearts and blessed peace to cheer us;
   And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
   And guard us through all ills in this world, till the next!
3. All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given,
   The Son, and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven—
   The one eternal God, Whom earth and Heav’n adore;
   For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore."
4. -Martin Rinkart, 1636

On this Thanksgiving Day, may you notice your cornucopia is overflowing....be thankful for it and not spend your time looking to see how the cornucopia of your neighbor compares. May you pause and reflect and be thankful for your blessings, the things you have, and not give a thought to those things you don't. Because no matter your circumstances, there's something good going on right in front of you. You may need to squint, you may need to open your eyes wider, but if you do you'll find reason to be awed. Let that spirit of awe come inside of you and change you and make you thankful and useful. You have reason to celebrate.....happy Thanksgiving!

"Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich"
Because of what the Lord has done for us

Give thanks...."

1. -Henry Smith, 1970

A Story In Iredell County

I love Iredell county. I do. I could live anywhere in the world...and those who know me know I would be very happy living many places or just traipsing around as a vagabond...but Iredell County is where I choose to call home.

Yes, part if the reason has to do with my family....I enjoy them and whether I am around them a lot or a little, if I needed them I could get the whole gang of them on my doorstep in 15 minutes flat. (Well, unless it is to put up the awesome light fixture I bought for my home office. It's been sitting here over a year and counting. But one day....)

Anyway, wanted to tell a story about why I love it here. My friend Debbie's 30-year old son had a heart attack Saturday. He was at O'Charlie's in Mooresville, having lunch with his pregnant wife (their first child is due in a couple of weeks). Had a seizure, and his heart stopped. A paramedic was sitting at the next table. She sprang into action, performed CPR. Some people from Mooresville Fire Department were at Target doing a fundraiser, so got to the scene immediately. They used a defibrillator to start his heart. Two ambulances showed up...more paramedics. Michael couldn't have gotten better treatment faster. He was transferred to Charlotte and put in cardiac intensive care.

Sunday afternoon I was trying to figure out something I could do for Debbie. I knew she would want to thank that paramedic. They didn't know who she was, so Debbie said I could help find her. Yea, something to do!

I called one of the non-emergency supervisor numbers I found online and couldn't get hold of anyone. I figured they are leanly staffed and have lots going on, so instead of leaving a message, I resorted to email. Yes....I am more if an emailer than a phone caller anyway. I emailed the head of EMS, Blair Richey. I know....probably not who you should start with on such a quest, especially on a Sunday afternoon, but you know me. Why not? Her name was first. I got an out of office message from her. I didn't read it all the way then, or would have seen an extra number I could have called for a supervisor. But no....instead I email every supervisor on the south end of the county. (I think there were six?) I copied Blair Richey so she would know and not feel the need to get back to me when she got back to work. This was at 11:32. 

By 12:16 I had heard from the battalion chief on that shift, Jason Little. He said he would make contact with her and arrange a time for them to meet. Remember this was the next day.....I think that probably meant he was not on duty. By 12:40 I heard from Blair Richey, remember....the head of Iredell EMS that was out of office....just touching base and saying she saw Jason had responded, telling me she appreciated my outreach (she appreciated me?), and if they could do anything else to let them know.

Today Michael's doctor had questions about their resuscitation and Debbie asked if I could see if I could get the information. I emailed Blair and Jason (I can call them by their first names now we're old email friends, right?) at 11:35. Blair Richey emailed me back at 11:52 and told me to have Debbie call her on her cell. 

Jason Little, still off duty, emailed at 2:56 with a bit more info about the day and how much response there actually was. At the end of his email he said "We need no token of thanks for our work, but we would love to facilitate a get together with your family once Michael comes home from the hospital.  You have been in our thoughts and prayers since the call and hope for a continued speedy recovery.  We look forward to hearing from you."

I still don't know the name of the wonderful paramedic who sprang into action to save Michael, but I know they will get to meet her and thank her, and the others involved, in person. I get to use the word providence again here...you know I love it....it was providence that she was there, and I believe everything in her life up to that time was at work so she would be at that place, with the skills to save Michael. It was providence that had the firemen at Target doing a fundraiser and could get there so fast. It's pretty clear Michael was meant to live.

You know what I also love here? The hearts of the rest of the folks. People who don't care that I'm bugging them during their time off. People who care enough to respond quickly to an email, and do it graciously and kindly, and not waiting until they return to duty. People who pray for those they help, think about them, want to know what happens, and for whom the best thanks would be getting to see them recovered.

These are my people....the employees of my county. Paying taxes is not so bad when you know it is supporting them. I love Iredell County....because there are stories like this that happen every day. It's not just a dot on a map....but a place where folks like this live and work and look for opportunities to do good things. Yep.....you may be able to come up with some negative stories of the folks that live here...I could myself....but I know for every bad one we can come up with, I could tell you ten stories that will warm your heart. In a world where we often see the bad, I know there are a lot of good people. And go ahead and disagree with me if you want, but I'm going to be right here. Good hearts are going to win.

(Oh....and Michael...he is doing great. Getting poked and prodded and tested and fixed up and soon will be on the road to recovery. By Christmas he will be bouncing that baby boy on his knee. God worked through a lot of people and his will matched ours this time. That beautiful story will continue!)

And another update....Ashley Buie is the name of the paramedic that was sitting next to Michael and Megan and started CPR. We have a lot of heroes in this story, but she is a star. If you know Ashley, give her lots of hugs from all of us. And if you would like to buy her lunch....well, hers was interrupted so she could save a life....

And one more update....Michael has now held his son (also named Michael) thanks to everyone involved. He was born December 18. Another reminder of the goodness of God.

Soul Salve

A "friend" misrepresented themself to me recently. That's when they don't lie to you outright, but they lead you to believe something that is not the truth. I didn't realize it at first, but later when I did, there was a shift in our relationship. I examined it a bit and realized that they didn't trust me with the truth. Examining the relationship showed me that while I had considered them a friend, they just considered me an acquaintance.

The relationship is not over by any means, and they will probably not notice a change. They also may never know how that particular situation made me feel. I haven't felt the need to tell them.  I don't have a major problem with confrontation, but I also don't believe it is necessary in every situation. Sometimes you need to confront, other times you need to learn. Sometimes ears are ready to hear, sometimes they are not. Sometimes there is something to be gained by confronting, other times there just isn't.

Truth is, not everyone you know (or even spend a lot of time with) will be your friend. When I thought about it, maybe I should have noticed some things about our relationship before. The distance, in spite of the outer warmth. The lack of depth. The fact that we never seemed to get beyond the surface. Well, I think I shared my life....but it finally occurred to me they really haven't shared their life with me. When I really looked at this person I realized they didn't share themself with many people. That's OK....some people travel with small circles.

Truth is essential to friendship. When I say truth, I don't mean brutality. In fact, if they are honest and that honesty cuts you, and then they follow that with another blow, that's another sign that it's not a friend. Friends don't leave scars or keep your wounds open ....instead they help you heal. But truth is....if they can't be all of who they are around you, and you can't be all of who you are around them, it just might not be a friendship.

I love the old saying that "a friend is salve to the soul". Not to say that an acquaintance or even a stranger can't be salve on occasion. But a friend's soul healing is intentional and constant. You can count on them to be consistent.You can count on them to look below the surface. You can count in them to notice you and know you. Spending time with them makes you feel better about who you are, because they like and respect you and let you know it. They listen as you ramble, and offer suggestions as to how you can solve problems. They aren't offended if you don't take them. They will stand up for you....even for your right to be wrong. They don't desert you when you're down or dumb. But mostly they like you...even though they know all about those warts you try so hard to hide. A friend shares their life, their pain, their struggles, and you do the same with them. It's not all about you, it's not all about them. You do life together....and that requires the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.

I tend to be a bit loose when applying the word "friend" in conversation. Some that I may call friend are those people who teeter on the acquaintance line. It doesn't matter....people in our lives really need no labels. 

Still, it's good to know who your true blue friends are. The ones who give and receive. Those who are there...whether or not they are in close proximity. These friends notice when I am off kilter. They recognize those times when my life feels especially hard. Most have been around for years, and constantly prove they are in my corner. Their eyes smile when they see me....they seek me out, and make me know I am valued. I don't worry if I offend them, or impress them, or if something inappropriate comes out of my mouth. (It happens.) They are my people, and will defend me to the end. Unless I am wrong. Then they will tell me. With love.

I write about friendship a lot, because I like to think about it...and I believe many people don't do it well. If done well it can enrich our lives immeasurably. I have realized over the years that many people aren't intentional in growing relationships....and while I hate the idea of "programmed friendships", I also think we shouldn't take them for granted. I think they need to be nurtured. Good relationships take work. Sometimes we have to make a plan to do that work.

Everyone is not your friend. But maybe more people should be. You can have wonderful times with strangers and acquaintances, and I think life is better for it, but one thing I can tell you....a friend will bring salve to your soul. In this hard and cruel world, they can make you stronger and healthier and more joyful. But it's not just on them to reach out to you. Reach out for them. Why not add a few....and why not invest in some friendships you may have been neglecting? And if you think you don't have any friends, work on those friendship skills! Talk, listen, share, appreciate, make time. Find those who let you be you, with them....and do it. I dare you.

Remembering the Saints

So they celebrated All Saints Day at church today.  I don't recall having done that before. Not to say I haven't, but if I had I either tuned it out or didn't commit it to memory.

But today's service....I liked it. It was a time to remember those "saints" that God has used in the lives of those in the church, who now celebrate life in heaven. It made me think about those people in my own life who God used to change me. 

Some, like John and Nancy Kimmons, were my teachers. I met them when I was nine. John died my first year of college, Nancy just last year. My relationship with each was so different, but they both helped shape so much of what I believe. John was my first adult friend. From him I learned to have an authentic faith....to try to be truthful about things I struggle with and share the stories of where I have been and where I am going. Nancy taught me to live what I say I believe. She made me do the hard things, even if at times I did it (do it) begrudgingly (and sometimes possibly hating her in the process for "making me"). She changed quite a bit during the years I knew her, and our roles in each other's lives changed, too. Forty-five years of influence....that's a very long time...and moving from teacher to encouraging friend to someone who I could encourage...I learned such valuable lessons from her.

And then I think of Bryan French. Bryan was in my youth group in Greensboro (where the Kimmon's son John was my pastor and their grandchildren other members of the youth group.) When I met Bryan he had had one brain surgery and then in his high school years he had several more (incidentally performed by Dr. Ben Carson at Johns Hopkins). I think I was to Bryan what John Kimmons Sr. had been to me....his adult friend. Well, if he ever thought of me as a "real" adult. He was my concert buddy....I took him to his first concert (unknowingly) and then we went to many more. With Bryan I learned to pray harder, to focus as I did so, and to look to God for answers. I also learned to just say what I thought, when I thought it. There was no pretense in our conversation. When we talked, we talked truth. We discussed the possibilities in his life, including the possibility that he could die before me. He smiled and said he would be saving me the good concert seats. That thought still makes me smile today, as it also makes me cry. When Bryan died one thing I never doubted....he knew he was loved by me and by many others. He also knew he was loved by God. His intense desire to live, alongside his trust in God's plan for his life, gave me a peace like nothing I had ever known before. 

They mentioned Jo Quinn Murphy during the service today. I met Jo when I used to volunteer at the Open Door Clinic on 5th St. Her giving heart, healing hands, and sardonic humor were a beautiful combination, as was her loving relationship with her daughter Molly. Molly always came with Jo to the clinic, sometimes working on homework, sometimes helping count pills in the pharmacy. Jo said she needed to learn to serve, and I think Molly was eight when she told me that. I still grin at Jo's hatred of the Month of October Pink as she battled breast cancer. I think of the amazing massages she gave me even in the midst of her breast cancer treatment, and how she gave me a foot massage at the last Relay for Life we attended together, because of the nasty hormonal migraine I was suffering. She was a born healer.

Many other faces flashed before my eyes. They mentioned butterflies and it reminded me of my friend Claire. I also remembered my grandparents, my uncle and aunts, my cousin Jonathan, and friends and acquaintances whose life or death changed me.

It's good to remember and to reflect on these lives who are so entwined with the fabric of who we are, that they still live through us. Oh, so many of these folks would giggle at the very idea of being called saints, but there is a particular beauty in that. It's not our perfection that usually changes the lives of those around us....it is our presence. And it is our faith in God, even if that faith is shaky or doesn't look like quite the same as the faith of others around us, that qualifies us as saints.

I love the idea that when we really worship, all of heaven worships with us. When we celebrate what God is doing, they're celebrating, too. When we're doing the hard stuff, they're cheering us on. Life on this earth is short, sometimes even shorter than seems fair, but I believe in a vibrant heaven. I don't feel like our lives are that far apart from this vibrant heavenly realm.

So happy All Saints day. May those who will greet us in heaven, still be remembered on this earth, and may your life touch the lives of others as they have touched yours. Think for a bit....which of the saints does your life represent and are you passing on the lessons they taught you? Smile at their memory... and pass it on.