Watching Dad Work

From my earliest memories, I remember my dad working.  Not only working, but working hard.  At whatever he did.  I think that is one of the things that most defines who he is.  He is focused, and will not stop until the job is done.  He expects the same in others and while is laid-back about most things, has never understood when others do shoddy work or work with less passion.

There were times I probably wished this was not the case, because it was also the expectation that his children work just as hard and gee, that is difficult for the daughter whose mind can stay focused at times, but other times would prefer to be in fantasy-land!

While I often did not see Dad "on the job", I did see him at work at home.  I saw him doing yard work, sweat pouring off of his body (Something I believe all of his children inherited from him....we sweat.  Yuck.  Thanks Dad!)  

The job was always the focus.  It certainly wasn't wardrobe.  Thankfully we don't embarrass easily in our family or we would have been mortified at the time we looked out to see him mowing the lawn in cut off work pants, no shirt (but hairy chest), red suspenders, black ankle socks, and slip on canvas shoes.  In fact, to be honest, not only was I not embarrassed it is one of my favorite dad memories.  (In fact, I probably have mentioned it before.) I think perhaps Mom was a bit mortified, but even she had to laugh.  That's our dad and the man she married!  (Obviously there was no homeowner's association during those days, or possibly we would have been cited because surely there would have been an ordinance against it.  Or he would have led to its creation!)

My dad has listened to my work tales over the years and has been one of my best advisers.  While sometimes we think he does not think about things like office politics, when he was working in jobs that were more corporate in nature he recognized the writing on the wall.  If your boss was displaced and you were put in their position, know that at some point it could happen to you.  There always needs to be a realistic view of things and a recognition that things really aren't personal.  Decisions are often made that, when broken down, are made sometimes for arbitrary reasons and others for reasons that are for business purposes without recognition of what they will do to people on a personal basis.  That's just the way it is.  You need to plan for those times.

While my dad is an engineer by education, much of his work life was spent working in family businesses.  He worked with his dad and his brothers in their heating and air conditioning business for years and then went into a construction/real estate/property management business with his brother Darrell.  They were a good team.  Dad's engineering skills came in handy as they built apartments and solved those backroom types of problems.  My uncle Darrell was more of a people person and paid attention to the relational side of the business.  Both could be stubborn, both were opinionated, but whatever the disagreement neither of them were the types that held a grudge.  They would reach a decision and go on.  He worked with some of his other brothers over the years, and you would see the same sort of interaction.  I think my siblings and I inherited this trait from those McKinney men.....and it is one I most appreciate.  The way that family should not only work together, but be in general.  You speak your mind, and you go on.  You don't carry it with you into the future.  Love unconditionally, lived out in the real world.  Or maybe short memories.

The engineer part of my dad has also always been a part of him, and is another thing he passed on to us.  He approaches a problem by taking a look, tearing it apart (either mentally or physically), and putting it back together again.  Emotion is not part of the equation....it's mostly science.  While I don't do as well about keeping emotion out of things, I did inherit the ability to step back from it as I look at the issue.  I am different...I throw the emotion back in at the end.  But the problem solving skills have definitely come in handy in life, and I am glad that I learned from a great teacher.

He has always loved work so much, I used to wonder if he would ever be able to retire.  While he hasn't stopped working completely (he still is involved in the family business...Myrtle Place Apartments...if anyone you know needs an apartment recommend them!), he has stepped back and taken some time for retirement.  I am grateful that he is healthy and strong (despite a bad back!) and that he still teaches us that hard work is a gift in itself and the best way that a good life is earned. 

Graduating Into Happiness

Today I went back to my old high school for my niece Taylor's graduation. It has been 35 years since my own graduation day.  I know!  I can't believe it either!  I am much too young for that to be the case. 

I loved high school.  I had great friends, I liked most of my teachers (I was friends with some, had adversarial relationships with some, and others I just endured), and I liked learning.  While I know there were times of teenaged angst, most of my memories were great ones.  I remember a lot of laughter.  I remember a lot of good times.  I remember feeling accepted (at least by the people I wanted to be accepted by!) and feeling like I was a part of things.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that all of my friends didn't feel the same way at all!

I didn't learn this until my 10th reunion.  It seemed most of the people I had conversations with talked about what a horrible time of life that was and how they would never go back.  Even some of those people who were my closest friends.  By the end of the evening I wondered if I was the only one who had fun.  My best friend from 4th grade through high school, Carole Kunkle Page, wasn't at that particular reunion so afterwards I called her and asked "Did you like high school?"  She responded "Of course I did!  We had so much fun!  Remember the time..." and then she proceeded to recall some of our favorite high school memories.  At a pause in the conversation I said "Guess what?  We were the only ones having fun!"  Yes, we laughed.  We may have been living in a bubble of naiveté, but even then we knew that it wasn't a bad place to be.  There were plenty of things we could have worried about during those years, but I think we made a choice for things to be good and simply ignored the things that cause most teens struggle.

We often scorn naiveté in this life, but I think perhaps it is the secret of happiness (be it authentic or selective.)  Think someone is talking about you?  If you choose to assume "No, of course they are not!", it can negate a lot of worry.  Because really, does it matter?  What's that Dr. Seuss quote I love so much?  "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind?" (I have actually heard this is not a Dr. Seuss quote....but I will choose to ignore that for now!)

Think someone doesn't respect you the way you deserve?  When you're not thinking about them and your focus is on respecting yourself, you find it is something you can do something about.

Think that the cool kids are having way more fun than you are?  When you think you are the cool kids, you sort of feel sorry for all of the rest of them that aren't getting to do all of the cool things that you are doing.  (LOL....like blogging on a Saturday night!)

Think there is some drug or some drink that is going to give you superpowers and make you cool, suave and in control?  Hmmmmm.....take a look around at those who are trying to make it happen.  Fail!  You are quite cool, suave and in control all on your own.  I promise.  And if you aren't...."those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

I love teenagers.  I love college students.  I am fortunate to spend a lot of time with both.  I'm also fortunate that many are quite honest with me, about what they think, who they are, what they believe, what they do, and what they don't do.  I see myself in almost all of them.  Not much has changed really....in them or in me.  Often they are my biggest inspirations because they have a passion and an enthusiasm for life that is contagious.  And then there are the ones who don't....they usually are quite sad and troubled.

I had an intense side at that age.  I had a side that was insecure and felt like I didn't quite measure up.  I often felt unattractive, fat, gawky, and awkward.  I was smart, but always had the fear that I couldn't be smart enough....or I felt that I was a nerd and "normal" kids didn't think about the stuff that I thought about. Other times I did feel smart.  I felt that I was special.  I felt loved and cared for and knew that I had friends (and family and teachers) who supported me.  I felt fortunate to be me....and proud to be me.  I was crazy passionate about everything.....good, bad, or indifferent.  It all seemed to matter so much.  I volunteered, I participated, I lived high school life. 

The truth is, that girl is still here underneath.  The girl who walked across the stage and picked up that diploma hasn't changed much at all.  She still is a mixture of all kinds of good things and bad.  But when it gets down to it, I still choose to be naivé.  I still choose to think people are basically good (even though they can make big mistakes.)  I want to be someone who sees people succeed when they get a second chance (or a 10th.)  I still choose to try to ignore the angst and hope it goes away.  (Often it does.)  I still have teachers (be they bosses, politicians, friends or family) who I am friends with, who I am adversaries with, and who I simply endure.  They have their place....the good impact my life, the bad I choose to ignore.  I still love to learn.  Ultimately, I still choose to find the fun.  Why spend the bulk of your life in misery?

I am beginning to see a lot of friends die.  It used to be a rare occurrence, but it happens way too often now.  Sometimes as I reflect on those we have lost, I surmise that someone not only didn't have fun in life, they didn't really fulfill much purpose on this earth.  I find that to be tragic.  I think it is a betrayal of our creation. Not that I think we have to live lives of high intensity at every moment....personally I can't handle that and I don't think that is God's plan for most of us.  But to live a life by thoughtful design, a life we are proud of, a life that celebrates our gifts and our interests and our loves and our God.  That to me is our goal.  

The graduates that walked that stage this morning are at an exciting time of their life.  They are designing their days.  But you know something?  So are you!  While you may choose to be selectively naivé to enhance your own enjoyment of things, don't be naivé about life.  Live it purposefully, proudly and as if it will end tomorrow.  It really could.  Was the person you were today the one you want remembered?  If not it's time to move that tassle to the other side and graduate.  Tomorrow has a lot of opportunity just waiting for my niece Taylor, my goddaughter Shannon, my friends Amanda, Avery, Bethany, and Ciara...and for you!