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Monday, February 29, 2016

I Love Me!

"I am what I am. I love me! And I don't mean that egotistically - I love that God has allowed me to take whatever it was that I had and to make something out of it." Stevie Wonder

I have been talking with some of my buddies lately about us all becoming the best "me" we can be. It's a journey, and if we do it well it is probably a lifelong one. In the course of assessing and planning, I have vowed one thing for myself. I'm not going to wait until the best me arrives....even today, I am going to love me.

In many ways we live in a mean and shallow world. Spend five minutes on Facebook and you will see someone being vilified. It turns my stomach. I listen to the reasons people hate and it astounds me. It can be something as shallow as how someone dresses or what team they cheer for or how much money they have or the country they were born in or a dumb thing they did one day when exhausted and at the end of their rope.

We look at advertising and the photo-shopped images that we're supposed to aspire to be. I have long been a skeptic of such things and my ideas of beauty and ideals are very different than those they hold up to me. The cool, the aloof, the perfect....those usually are not the people who really interest me (though they can make for some really great photographs). They are not usually what I aspire to be. The warm, the approachable, and those with slight (or even dramatic) flaws draw my eye....those are the images, and the people, that most fascinate me. I'd rather meet those with eyes of passion, of kindness, of mischief, or of excitement than those who are bored or vacant or burned out by life.

I won't ever be an advertiser's dream. I won't ever look like a fashion model. Life in general will never be effortless for me or make me look graceful or perfect. That's OK with me, because those are not big  dreams for me. My goals are more on the level of wearing clothes right side out and not forgetting to put mascara on both eyes, and loving people more and better.

Which includes me. I want to view myself as I view the others I love. Not with a lot of illusions, but also with a lot of grace. With a lot of forgiveness. Even if sometimes that doesn't quite come naturally. Often those we love are the people whose faults we are most irritated by. It's a moment by moment exercise to move beyond that and instead celebrate the whole of who they are and try to keep the imperfections in perspective. I find the irritations fade when I consider the whole person, though. When I remember why I love them in the first place. Their commitment to me, their acts of kindness, the times of laughter, the shared struggles. When I think of them I smile....and I can't help but celebrate this wonderful masterpiece God created. It's a bit harder to think of myself that way. Maybe it shouldn't be.

I have found if you love yourself, the opinions that barrage you and the unrealistic images don't really matter. You find that often people just aren't as good of judges of character or people as they think they are. You are the expert of you. You know your heart, you know your intent. You know when they don't match your actions, and when you need to make adjustments to be the you that meets your mission statement. You know those little victories you score, and how very hard you work to learn and grow and keep life full and vibrant. You know the struggles you have endured, the struggles you still endure, but you also know how you have powered through. Someone can be an expert in human nature, but their assessment of you could still be incorrect.

So on this last day of love month, on this special leap day....let's all take that big jump and think of ourselves as God's great creations. As slightly flawed, but still perfect. As vital and vibrant and special enough that God thought the world needed someone just like us. I love these verses....

"The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Again I will build thee, and thou shalt be built, O virgin of Israel: thou shalt again be adorned with thy tabrets, and shalt go forth in the dances of them that make merry." Jeremiah 31:3-4 King James Version (KJV)

If we are drawn with lovingkindness, why don't we see that when we look in the mirror? And why don't we grab those tambourines (tabrets) and celebrate this great masterpiece of the creator? Why don't we love us? Will you love you, if I love me?

Sunday, February 21, 2016

I Love Mercy

"God's mercy can make even the driest land become a garden, can restore life to dry bones (Ez 37:1-14). ... Let us be renewed by God's mercy, let us be loved by Jesus, let us enable the power of his love to transform our lives too; and let us become agents of this mercy, channels through which God can water the earth, protect all creation and make justice and peace flourish." Pope Francis

"Don't scrutinize people with a microscope; view them from a comfortable distance. And allow some room for compassion in the space the lies between you." Douglas Pagels

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

So mercy is not always my gift. I am a huge believer in consequences for your actions, and especially the natural consequences that arise when we make certain choices. Those who know me well know that in reality I am not the friend to call if you want help burying the body. I'll have you at the police department in no time, telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Oh, I will stand next to you throughout, sometimes prompting you to tell pertinent details, and I will fight for justice for you and make sure you are treated fairly, but I don't think much is gained in life with failing to come clean and face things head on. (Which is in some ways a pity since I have watched enough hours of crime shows that I think I may be an excellent body burying accomplice. And we North Iredell girls have both brains and skills and are well prepared to deal with whatever comes our way, especially working in tandem. Thankfully for the world, most of us have chosen to use these skills for good and not for evil.)

In this world of social media, your mistakes (or even your perceived mistakes) can be broadcast in seconds. I think this can be both good and bad at times. I haven't decided on which side I think the scales tip. It's a reality, though, and one we have to deal with. It has long range implications, many breaking innocent hearts. That is what is often forgotten.

What amazes me, however, is the flippant glee with which many people seem to revel in the mistakes of others. How easy social media makes it to spread gossip and how quickly people jump into doing just that. The acceptance that every story is the full story. That every story is based on truth. That every situation is black and white. The unkind comments and public opinions that come forth with most, quite often from those who are gleeful in seeing the pain of others. Regardless of the things that they and theirs have done in their lives, or without a thought of "There but for the grace of God go I.".

But this is not a post to condemn those folks, but instead to love on those whose compassion and mercy define them. You may not notice them as much on social media, because they are not as sensational and showy. They tend to use social media to quietly build folks up and not tear them down, and not to piously uplift themselves up and make everything a circus. These folks, however, are not passive and actually are quite active in their intent. You can watch them and learn so much about how to treat people well.

For some, their first instinct is to pray. I love these people. The prayer warriors of the world. They pray for all involved. For those who are accused, for families who are devastated, for law enforcement and judges and lawyers and juries and others who need to untangle very complicated situations and come up with decisions that are best for our community. These are the folks who pray for God to use the whole situation for good, to heal when things can be healed, to make things new. To bring hope. While most of these folks aren't street corner prayers (the type God is not fond of), they are knocking persistently on the doors of heaven. Not just for those they know, but for every situation they run across where they think there may be pain or difficulty. They watch the world to see God at work....then join in with prayers and eyes that see. They work with God, not against. They are undercover world changers.

Others look to be the hands and feet of God. To find ways where they can lend a hand, where they can practically help. They care for people in both small and big ways. They think through what they would find helpful if they were in that situation, and quietly do it. They consider what may soothe the hearts of those involved. They use their lives to practically spread love around wherever they go. I see them as glitter fairies (yep, even you guys)....they add sparkle and joy to the world.

Then there are the encouragers. With all of the difficult life situations we have going on around us, we certainly need these folks. Friendly faces, a touch of a hand, a hug extended at just the right time. Most of all, people who don't condemn, don't judge, don't blame everyone for the actions of one, who will jump into the ring if needed but who stay out of things that aren't their concern....and are bold enough to ask others to do the same. They are fierce in their own way...with a gentle touch. 

I try to do a check on myself periodically, to see if I am living my life with the values I say I believe in. Sometimes I fall short. Sometimes I find myself not only lacking.... but cynical, heartless, and hopeless. The only positive thing about finding myself in this place is that I will fight any obstacle to get out. It is an unpleasant place to be. Sometimes I find myself with a stone in my hand, ready to pelt someone who is already down, ready to join the taunts of the mob. But that's not the person I want to be. I'd rather be the one applying salve to wounds, to lead someone back home, to hold out my hand to help them get back up. Because I could so easily be where they are myself.

Yes, I believe in consequences. I believe in justice. But even though I don't think I am necessarily merciful in nature, when it gets down to it, I believe in mercy. Our world needs it. I need it. Don't you?


Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I Love Freefalling

I'm scared of heights. Really, really scared. Even standing on a chair makes me feel wobbly and awkward. For some reason several years ago I decided to skydive. Actually my nephew John said he wanted to do it for his high school graduation and I felt like I had to do it with him. He changed his mind, I had already made the mental commitment, so I continued to pursue it.

I couldn't think too much about what I was committing to as I went through the planning process. The one time I tried to visualize it, it terrified and paralyzed me. I guess I developed a clinical mindset about it all...I concentrated on the logistics, thought little about the actual experience.

My friend Damien, who really was just an acquaintance back then, was helping me make the experience happen. I'd always planned to jump tandem, because that is what you do for your first jump, right? Not according to Damien. All of a sudden I realized he was planning for me to do a static line jump.....in other words, jump by myself. Note that I am really not a control freak....I often prefer to go along for the ride and let someone else drive.

When I realized his intent, every fiber of my being screamed "NO!!!!!!" Damien responded with "A tandem is a roller coaster ride, Kim.....you need to fly." I admit not even knowing me, he said the magic words. If I was going to do it, I wanted to do it fully. I'd ridden plenty of roller coasters....that wouldn't be anything new. And the thing that came to my mind was "Fear is like pain. There comes a point where it just doesn't feel worse....it's going to hit your max tolerance level regardless." So, the screaming no turned to a "Well, OK" in less than 30 minutes.

I questioned that a bit more when my instructor Amanda showed me the steps that I was going to have to perform to make the jump. Sit in the open doorway of the plane, put one feet on the "step", with one arm holding onto the wing and with the other hold onto the doorway. Raise yourself up and pivot the other foot to the "step" as you stand and then move both hands to the wing. Scoot over to the end of the wing (yes, feet dangling) until you get the thumbs up indicating it's time to let go. Then do it and experience the freefall until you see your parachute open.

I looked at Amanda like she was out of her mind. But she said "I know it seems impossible to you....I felt the same way the first time. But I would never let you do it if I didn't know you could. Really, you will be more scared down here than when you are actually doing it." Damien agreed with her. So I kept going. Once again that commitment thing kept me from quitting.

And as most of you know, because I have written about it several times before, I did it. And I loved it. There was fear, but because I had to focus on what I was doing I didn't have time to indulge it. I climbed out of that plane, scooted over closer to the end of the wing, and when Amanda gave me the signal (prematurely, I thought), I let go.

It was a great life lesson and I will never forget it. Living without risk, without taking chances, without confronting fear, doesn't appeal to me these days. Life is short and I want to live it well.  I continue to pursue the things that scare me, because facing them has given me sweet, sweet rewards. If I don't succeed, then I have tried and there is a certain pride and satisfaction in that.  I can live with the consequences. But when I succeed, I feel that I have sucked a bit more joy out of life. 

I still have plenty of fears, some that I don't feel the need to conquer. But the longer list is those that I plan to face down. Because that feeling during the freefall, when you snub your nose at the fear and remind yourself it doesn't control you....it makes you braver about most things and more open to all of the good things life has to offer. And even if it ends badly, or isn't quite what you had expected, it's time better spent than playing it safe and living blandly. I don't think God gave us life so we would cower in a corner and not taste and see all of his goodness. We should enjoy the gift fully and fearlessly....put away the timid and live.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

I Love Valentines That Come to Life

"You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving." Robert Louis Stevenson

"Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go." Mother Teresa

"If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love." Maya Angelou


I love Valentines that come to life.
Valentine's Day cards are nice. Lovely words, pretty pictures. Sometimes they are made by hand, with attention to detail and words from the heart. Sometimes the giver stood in the card aisle and read every single card to find the perfect one. Some make you giggle, some swell you heart. They are almost always a good thing.

Though I appreciate the greeting card, when a Valentine comes off of the paper, I appreciate it all the more.

Among the many legends of St. Valentine, it is thought he was a priest martyred for marrying soldiers in war when it was forbidden (Claudius II thought marriage made them bad soldiers) and for helping Christians who were being persecuted escape that persecution. They said when he was put to death for his actions (on February 14th) he left a note for the daughter of a jailer he had healed from blindness and signed it "Your Valentine." It's a nice thought, really. Much better than it being just a Hallmark day. The one who started this day possibly being someone who believed in the love of others enough to give his life to increase their happiness....and then the first Valentine not based on the desire for a boost in card sales, but instead a sweet note left for a girl whose life this man had changed, and who he knew would mourn his loss. I like the thought that this day celebrates the life of a man who lived his life well, courageously, and kindly. We can do the same.

A paper Valentine is one dimensional. They come alive when you breathe the life into them. How do you do that? By the actions accompanying the sentiment. I think the best Valentines are accompanied with whispers of "Because I love you best." Not necessarily the words themselves (though yeah....I think most of us would enjoy it) but backed up by actions all year long. Why is it so often that we don't treat those we love best as precious treasures? As cherished loves?

I think dying for love may be a bit less difficult than living for it. Love is a verb. It requires action. But it should also not be a chore. I've always loved the concept from scripture of giving cheerfully, joyfully, hilariously. 

"Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7

As a walking, breathing Valentine today I challenge you to not just give until it hurts. Keep giving to those you love until you feel good. Give not until you are dying, but until you are living. Until you abandon the things that keep you from loving them well (like the laundry list of all of their faults or the dumb expectations that you won't give up) and love them to life. It's only a Hallmark Day if it's just about the paper. It's a Heart Day if you are willing to give that instead.






Friday, February 12, 2016

I Love the Unknown

I love the unknown.

Some of you who know me well are raising your eyebrows. I know. I am the one who reads the last page of a book when I haven't finished the first third of it. I read spoilers and they don't spoil things for me at all. In fact, there are some things I just prefer knowing beforehand. If a magician would tell me their secrets, I would still be stunned and amazed when I saw their act. In fact, I would probably love it more. When I know something creepy is going to happen in a horror movie, I still scream loudly and jump a mile, as though it were completely unexpected.

The unknown, truthfully, often disturbs me. It makes me uncomfortable. I can't plan for it. I can't validate my assumptions or control my emotions or feed the logical side of my brain.It makes me feel unsettled.

The unknown reminds me of Christmas Eve when I was a kid. The anticipation would almost kill me. I would be so very excited, but the anxiety would set in and it would almost be unbearable. It would make me queasy. Early Christmas morning I would think I couldn't wait another minute until we could enter that room where Santa had come. (No, you couldn't just bust into the room. Mom had to go in first, turn on the Christmas lights, and make sure Santa had come and gone. She always seemed to do it very, very slowly. She obviously has a cruel side.) The comfort when all was revealed!

As a Calvinist I am quite comfortable with the concept of pre-destination. Though maybe just a bit uncomfortable, too. I kinda like the idea that God has things planned out. It makes sense to me that there is an architect of the world. I know God's best trumps my good, and I am more than OK with that. Usually. But really....I want to be told how it all turns out. Or do I?

There is joy in the unexpected. There is a special thrill when you ride a new roller coaster and can't quite anticipate the twists and turns and peaks and valleys. If we had know the outcome of certain times of our lives, we would have coasted through, or avoided things, or not felt so strongly. Sometimes we just need to freefall and see what happens. We may not land quite where we had anticipated, but it just may be better. Trusting that you are in for God's best brings both anticipation, but also contentment in the knowledge that your story will turn out the way it should. Whether it is what you think you want or not.

So, I guess I do love the unknown. Even when I hate it.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

I Love Truthtellers

"Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all." Edmund Burke
"Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world...would do this, it would change the earth.”  William Faulkner
 "The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” Fvodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov 

I love truthtellers.

I know what you are thinking...."No one likes a liar. Of course you love truthtellers, Kim." But I think it's an area that has gotten pretty grey.

It's easy to define one kind of lie. That blatant, outright statement that can be easily proven to be right or wrong. Evidence can be produced, people can be confronted. There is admission of guilt. Judge and jury can make their pronouncements.

But then there is the other side of the coin. The statements that are the truth technically, but sanitized. The lies that are told to avoid hurting someone's feelings or to avoid confrontation. The truth that is only told in part. The truths left unsaid. Things told as truth that are really lies.

We've become a sensitive people. Oh, I don't know about you, but I always have been the sensitive type, even though I simultaneously have a much thicker skin than most, and a selectively short memory. I have learned to let myself feel what I feel, but then I analyze it as quickly as possible to figure out if my sensitivity isn't sharper than it needs to be. Too often it is. Oh, sometimes the slights and digs are there....but I have learned with time they are often more about the person dishing them out than they are about me. There's much I need to discard as soon as I realize it is garbage. And none of us can get through life without producing some garbage....so we need to give folks some grace.

 I notice a difference in my relationships with unvarnished truthtellers, though. I trust them more. They may hurt my feelings on a few more occasions than those who lie to spare me, but I never have to question where I stand with them. I don't have to wonder "So what aren't they saying? What is being implied here?" They are a simple people...it's on the table. Their truthtelling gives me a security I can count on.

In this world of information, people often get confused. Or simply don't care. They pass on information as truth when it isn't. This causes me all kinds of agony. You see this as relationships break up and one side is louder than the other. People form opinions without knowing all there is to know....and you seldom know all there is to know. Just because you like someone, just because you love someone, doesn't mean their side of the story is fair. And if another person is involved, even if you don't like them, it doesn't mean they are 100% in the wrong. Take care before you throw yourself into that pile-on. Really....do you need to be there?

Facebook is an easy place to see the concept at work. People pass on information as fact, without taking five minutes to consider whether what they're passing on is truth or fiction. (So sorry for those of you who missed out on Mark Zuckerberg's money. OK really, I am not. If you would have read his Facebook page you would have known the real story. He and his wife Priscilla are giving away lots and lots of money and it's pretty cool. Bu he didn't mention you as a recipient.) People continue to share missing children or animals that have already been found (or were never really missing in the first place). Why is that a big deal, you ask? Because it keeps focus off problems that are really going on. Plus there are sensitive people out there who obsess about this kind of information. People pass on the lies that fill the Snopes database as unproven. If you pass these things on without checking them out, you are simply spreading lies.

I admittedly can be a bit judge-y in this area, because if you treat the truth as unimportant in small things, it's an easy step to telling lies about big things. And let me say that I still love you liars.... because we all have been there, either on purpose or by accident.

But yes....I really love the truthtellers. The people who honor and respect truth. Those who care about the integrity of the information they pass on. Those who will face a bit of confrontation to stand up for what they really think, who will take a few minutes to research before they believe anything that is said, posted, or printed, Those who simply keep their nose out of other people's business when they are not involved in a situation, because they know life has layers. Truthtellers know truth matters...and know that how they handle it says who they are. Or maybe it just has never occurred to them to lie.

For the record truthtellers, I think I know who you are. I watch for you carefully. And I thank you for what you do. You seem to be rarer every day, but you are the folks I want to emulate. You are the ones I trust the most.

Monday, February 1, 2016

I Love Being A Godmother

"But the world is full of zanies and fools, who don't believe in sensible rules, and won't believe what sensible people say and because these daft and dewey-eyed dopes keep building up impossible hopes, impossible things are happening everyday." - Sung by the Fairy Godmother in Rogers & Hammerstein's Cinderella

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" Matthew 19:26

I love being a godmother.

Years ago when my friends Barb and Steve asked me to be the godmother to their children, I was caught by surprise. They asked me to take some time to think about it, because it also came with the responsibility of guardianship should something happen to the two of them before their children were grown. I needed no time. It was an honor, but also as a friend who was already bonded to them like family I would have done almost anything they asked of me. To be the caretaker to their most precious treasures and try to raise them as they would, with not just a knowledge of the God we worshipped, but reinforcing the memories of who their parents really were? Of course I would.

I evidently had my own godmother, a friend of my mom's who they chose because of her unique way of looking at faith. Truth was she didn't take the responsibility seriously. She was there for my christening, but when my family moved away, she did not make an effort to stay part of my life. As one of five children, and the only one with a godmother, I would have appreciated having that special relationship. So like it or not, my godchildren Jonathan and Shannon have me for life.

Spiritually I am a somewhat unique choice. I am never someone who will force my faith on other people, though I do consider myself an evangelical. I figure if God gives people a choice as to whether to follow him, so do I. Yet I don't quite understand how you could have a faith that is private if it is the center of your belief system and responsible for how you view the world and the decisions you make in it. To me it is a natural part of who I am and I am quite open about it. I hope others see what I believe reflected in my life and I hope it encourages them to seek God instead of turn away from him..

That being said, Jonathan and Shannon are on that list of people who cannot escape being the subject of my prayers. They have the choice of what and how to believe, but I will always be praying they be led to truth. Like it or not, this prayer warrior will always be in the trenches for them. I think they know I am firmly in their corner and few people will ever love them more than I do. God knows that, too.

I may sometimes be closer to the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella than what other godmothers have been by tradition, but since my godchildren share my quirky side and somewhat odd humor, it works for us. I think the message is the same. They are both smart, creative, funny, loving, and kind and I am quite pleased with the way they have turned out so far. 

But as their godmother I hope...
  • They are very aware that they belong to God....and that they feel the warmth of God's love covering them. 
  • They know they were created for purpose. They are unique and God has a plan specifically for them and they have the task to figure out exactly what this is and do it. It doesn't have to be flashy....but it can be.
  • They hear God's voice over the inane chatter. 
  • They know that God is never far away from them, and if they get lost, all they have to do is turn around and open arms will greet them. 
  • They are not afraid to be zanies and fools (current indications show they are not). To fit in with everyone else makes a Stepford world and not a godly one.; and
  • That they know that God makes the impossible possible....and can make dreams they never even knew they had come true. 
They did not get the traditional godmother, but they did get one who loves the Lord and who loves them. And while I may have been most influenced in my role with the godmother I knew best, Cinderella's, I hope God has used it in their lives. It's a fun "job"....and not over yet. Look out!