But I Want It NOW!

One of my all time favorite childhood books was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl.  When the movie based on the book, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the one with Gene Wilder as Willie Wonka), came out it became one of the few movies that in my mind just may have eclipsed the book.  It is still one of my all time favorites.  (The Johnny Depp version was good, but still doesn't beat the classic to me.)  Besides Willie Wonka (oh, how I adored Gene Wilder in that movie), the most memorable character in that movie to me was Veruca Salt, the rich girl whose daddy turned his factory into a candy bar opening operation to find her golden ticket.  She was the ultimate spoiled rich girl whose whiny cries of "I want it now" are still implanted in my brain.  Sometimes I mentally call myself Veruca when I get in that whiny self-centered frame of mind.  And OK, I admit it.  Sometimes I just may have called you Veruca too! (You know you deserved it!)

There are a lot of Verucas in the world today.  People who want things without working for them.  People who get things or do things on a whim, not thinking of what the consequences of that decision will mean to their lives or the lives of others.  People who want things because in their minds they deserve them because...well, for some reason they consider themselves more special others.  People whose parents have given them the world, but not a work ethic or an understanding of personal responsibility.  Oh, and I won't blame just the parents here. Sometimes the parents have taught everything right, but the lessons just didn't stick.  We sometimes just forget the lessons and start to live in our own fantasy world, in which we are at the center.  And where we assume no responsibility or consequences for our actions.

I do not have a pet.  I do not live the life of a responsible pet owner.  I often am gone from home for long periods of time.  I like being able to travel on a whim.  I don't want to have to remember to buy dog food, or fence in my yard, or add veterinary visits to my days and all of the expense of animal ownership to my budget.

But sometimes I see some of the cute rescue dogs that people post on Facebook and I melt.  I want one.  If I look at it logically, I would not be its best option for a happy life.  Most of my animal loving friends suggest to me from time to time that I need a dog.  I have to remind them of how I live.  While I love the idea of dogs, I would not be what a dog deserves as a pet owner.  I love dogs too much to own one.  I remember that because I am an adult.....and I consider more than just my current emotional needs.   (I will hug on yours instead!)  But I see so many people who see those cute doggie faces and have to have it....now!  Whether they are going to be home to take care of it or not.  Whether they have room in their budget for dog food or not.  Whether they have investigated all of the aspects of dog ownership, and made a conscious decision to make a full commitment.  Owning a pet is hard work, expensive and a big responsibility.  If you do it well!

I'm not against immediate gratification.  I am a big fan, as a matter of fact!  I wish I got everything I wanted as soon as it came to my mind.  Unfortunately it doesn't happen quite that way.  (Yeah, it disappoints me, too.)  Sometimes we have to wait for the things that we want.  Sometimes we have to work for things....and work and work and work.  And while delayed gratification is sometimes difficult to endure, usually when we get to the prize, it is something we appreciate all the more.

Working out has been a struggle for me lately.  It always is, but the last month it has seemed especially difficult.  I am starting to see the impact on my body.  It makes me mad that I have to devote so much of my free time to working out.  Because I have a sedentary job, I am growing older, and I love food, I just do!   I find my internal messaging being very Veruca-like.  "It's not fair that I have to work out so much while (insert your name here) looks awesome and never seems to have to do all that I have to do."  Like Veruca, I am not considering all of the angles.  Why shouldn't I have to work out harder than you?  How do I even know how hard you are working out?  How do I know what you are eating....or not eating?  How do I know what you are going through to maintain that amazing body?

When we look at things from a self-centered basis, we see things from only one perspective....our own.  The viewpoints of others don't enter into our spectrum.  We don't see them with sympathy or empathy....frankly we often don't even see others at all! 

There is an old contemporary Christian song by Keith Green from the 70s called "Make My Life A Prayer" that contains the sentence "I'd like to thank you Lord, for being patient with me, Oh, it's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me."  As it is difficult to see God's patience with us when we are being self-centered, it's also difficult to see the gifts.

My goal is to quit being the Veruca Salt of the workout world.  I need to remember that I have been gifted with a healthy body.  I need to celebrate it.  It's a privilege to be able to run.  It's a privilege to be able to walk.  It's a privilege to be able to lift weights.  It's a privilege to be able to walk extra steps in the parking lot.  It's a privilege to be able to do planks (yeah Patsy....there is your planking reference!)  It's a privilege to do squats.  Working out this body of mine....it's nothing but a privilege.

I need to remember this.... and also remember that results take time.  For me especially.  The upside is that when I make strides that are small steps to others, they get to be major victories to me. So I am going to get back to the regular workouts....and get ready for the little internal celebrations that I get to have each time I do anything that is hard for me to do.  Right now that bar is low.  It's just making an attempt.  I need to celebrate my "privileges" in a big way and look at them not as burdens, but as gifts.  Keep me accountable.....and if I need to keep you accountable for something, let me know.  Because we need to know what we are struggling with, hold each other up, and be there for encouragement.  It's what separates us from the Verucas of the world.

I still can't have a puppy.   Even if I want it now!

On Relaxing....and Keeping the Vacation Going

When I arrived home from a week's vacation in Hilton Head on Sunday, I unloaded my car and dumped everything on my kitchen floor.   For a couple of hours I did absolutely nothing except look at a few Facebook messages, lay on my bed and listened to the thunderstorm (I really can't nap, but I was tired and I just keep hoping I develop napping ability), and read a book.

My friend (and fellow vacationer) Marina approached her homecoming a little differently.  Here is what she said she did in that same time period, "I have done 3 loads of laundry, cleaned up house/swept/ checked mail, paid bills, cleaned up cat puke, litter boxes x4, read all papers, babied dogs who can't stand it when mom is away, & now have to clean up dog poop in yard, plus lots of limbs which were result of bad storm on Fri."  Yes, we have been friends for a very long time, but we approach life from different energy levels.

Sometimes I wish I was the type who could come home from vacation that energized.  I wish I was the type of person whose feet hit the floor in the morning and I jumped out of bed to greet the world and ACCOMPLISH!  I wish when people described me they used the word "motivated."  But it just isn't me usually.  It rarely has been me.  And at this point I suspect it will seldom ever be me.

Home to me is a place of rest.  Coming back from vacation, I especially don't care to disrupt that.  I want to stretch out vacation bliss as long as possible.  If I can figure out a way to do that, I will.  I don't like coming back to crazy activity.  Especially at home.  I like resuming life slowly.  I like reading and daydreaming and catching up with what is going on with other people.  My mail may sit on the counter for a week.....or a month.  Online banking and billing were designed for people like me.

You may have noticed I like doing things I really want to do, and then taking time to savor.  There are lots of things I don't want to do (such as cleaning house, taking care of my yard, cleaning out my closet, going through the boxes of papers that have accumulated, and putting up that ceiling fan that is still dangling in my bedroom after probably 6 weeks.)  I have never seen the reason for obsessing over them.  I may start them, but I don't finish.  I drift off to do something I like to do.  The important things get done eventually.  I am responsible and it doesn't get in the way of that.  But if it's not required and/or there is no impending deadline?  It probably isn't getting done.

Yeah, I know about all the planning professionals who say if I am organized enough it will only take 15 minutes a day to do all these things I don't want to do.  I've had courses from the Franklin Planner people, the Covey people, and several others I don't care to remember.  None were by my choice. All were my employer's idea.  I sometimes enjoy listening to these highly organized people.  I find them to be entertaining.  They are quite...enthusiastic!  But when it gets down to it, I don't really want to be them.  Regardless of what they say, I think their lives seem chaotic....and quite honestly, dull.  Yeah....they cram a lot more into their days than me.  They probably accomplish a lot more than I do.  But I still think I come out ahead doing it my way.  I take a few moments to review and enjoy what I have just done.  I try to remember to take time to be thankful for it.  Rushing to the next thing spoils that for me.  Having time for reflection and recovery is important.

Now I do not throw off the responsibilities of an adult and live the life of a child.  I am a believer that when you make commitments, you accept the responsibilities that come with them.  Like Marina, I had mail to go through.  Bills to pay.  My house needed vacuuming.  My kitchen floor needed to be mopped.  I just cancelled my newspaper because I as so far behind that I couldn't get caught up and I thought they just may put me on Hoarders if I didn't do something about the paper stacks (and I love reading the paper. I plan to move to the online edition.....when that comes up on my list!)  I don't have the animals she does.  I am spoiled with my yard.....my dad keeps it mowed and Ethan Galliher (the adorable friend of my nephew Brennan...my nieces and nephews have some great friends) came by when I was away and chopped down the crazy brush that keeps growing up where I lost a tree a couple of years ago. Maybe there are limbs down in my yard..... hmmmm...... I'll check that out sometime.  But it will take me a while to notice.  It's not at the top of my "to do" list.  The important things will get done.  In time.  Sometimes purely because of the assistance of others.  The other stuff is a perpetual maybe.

I don't feel the urgency to get things done that Marina does.  I can sit and look at the things that need to be done and relax.  She can't.  There is no right or wrong.  Well, maybe there is.....but it differs between people.  I admire her work ethic.... all she gets accomplished in a day.  But she wears me out!  (Note:  She did not do all of this activity while we were on vacation.  Instead she was the one laying out at the pool with me all day reading.  She can relax....on occasion!  Her  brother Marty hasn't mastered that, however.  He kept up that pace through most of our whole vacation.  But it was to our benefit.  He brought us frozen drinks to the pool and cooked our meals at night.  We appreciate his crazy vacation pace!)

Marina has never expected me to work at the same pace that she does.   Her activity level does shame me into movement on occasion.  And maybe I get her to slow down sometimes and join my slugfest.  As in most things, we need balance.  And we need to celebrate how others walk....or run.....through life.  Some of us are Marys, and some of us are Marthas..  (Grab your Bible and look at Luke 10 if you want to visit this story or if you are confused with the reference.)  Some of us are a blend of both, and some just plain lazy! 

I guess it is all like a glass of lemonade.  Some stand at the sink and drink it quickly, consider that refreshment, and then move on to do something else.  But then there are the rest of us....for whom a glass of lemonade means it is time to sit out on the porch, sip slowly, breathe, and reflect on our day.

It is now Wednesday.  I have gone through some of my mail, done a couple of loads of laundry.  My suitcase still sits open in my bedroom.  I still haven't checked out my yard for limbs.  The workouts I was supposed to start back haven't happened yet.  But nevertheless, I am accomplishing a bit.  And I am still feeling pretty relaxed.  The vacation bliss has faded, but isn't completely gone yet.  I think I can at least stretch it out through the weekend.....

A Day for My Dad (Who May Not Realize It Is Father's Day If We Don't Tell Him)

Dad and my niece Maggie

I always thought Dad was an excellent listener.....well, until the day I realized the "Uh-huh, uh-huh, ooooooohhhhhhh" was simply patter he did by rote.  I didn't realize this for a long time.  One day I realized this patter had evidently been used for years to make me think he was paying attention.  In retrospect, I don't think he really listened to a word I said growing up.  He was really reading the paper.  But it worked for me, I guess.  I felt like he listened and I really never waited for feedback.  Just needed to talk it through and reach my own conclusions.  Am still very much like that.  Will listen to advice, and consider it, but I best solve problems by thinking out loud or writing it all down and then going with the conclusion that seems right for me. Good thing I didn't really need someone listening, huh? 

My dad was one of those parents who actually enjoyed the "new math" (while my friend's parents talked about it in cursing tones).  He was eager to help us with our math homework, because for him it was fun.  He bought math books himself so he could read about it and if I remember correctly maybe even took a class so he could get a bit of extra knowledge.  We spent hours at the side of his chair, watching him work through the problems.  I never captured the bug. I usually did well at math, but probably due to his guidance and natural ability....there was no love there for me.  Definitely no passion.

Besides math books and the newspaper, his other reading material was Popular Science. Or a manual or some sort. He'd read the complicated text for a night or so and then go take a test and Bang!....he was a licensed plumber.  Another one and Bang!...he was a licensed electrician.  During our childhood Dad read no fiction, ever.  He read the directions....for everything.  He memorized the directions, in fact.  I, who only will read directions as a last resort and often will just give up and throw in the towel to avoid it, did not inherit this from him.

Dad is the slowest reader ever (sorry Dad....but I really think you are) and that drove me crazy.  He devoured every single word.  He remembers everything he reads...I guess because he thinks about each word carefully as he reads it.  He probably remembers the intricate details of things he read 50 years ago.  But if you had to wait for him to finish the Parade magazine in the Sunday paper before you could read it (and it would only take you 2 minutes), this was not something you would appreciate about him.  In fact, you would find it annoying.  Thankfully I didn't want to read anything else he read....but every Sunday morning I waited and waited for that Parade magazine. And no....he wouldn't consider reading anything else for two minutes so I could get it read. The newspaper must be read in a certain order,  Parade magazine came first...and Dad exercised his parental first reading rights when it came to the newspaper.  His darling children could have wrinkled the pages or something if we had first look, which would have been totally unacceptable.

When my friends bought their first cars, their dads spent hours discussing and advising with them about it.  They went with them to the car lots to test drive.  Many bought it for them.  When I asked my dad for advice, he said "Kimberley, you can research it as well as I can.  Do your research and go and talk to them and ask questions."  When I whined that all the other dads were going with their daughters he said "You're a smart girl.  You can handle it."  Yeah, there was a little bit of pride that he felt me capable.  But I still would have preferred he do it for me.  Honestly, I am not independent by nature.  It was born of necessity.


Dad doesn't usually see the emotional side of things.  Someone can insult my dad to his face...but they won't get a reaction.  Even if he would happen to notice (and honestly, I don't think he does), he really doesn't care.  Tell him some juicy gossip, he will not pass it on.....it wouldn't occur to him to do so.  He either doesn't notice or doesn't care.  Someone can throw a dramatic scene in front of him....he is not going to react.  He either doesn't notice or doesn't care.  You snub him by not inviting him to a social event.   He either wouldn't notice or wouldn't care.  As I have gotten older and noticed how my dad handles this sort of thing, I recognize the wisdom of it.

While he doesn't notice things that other people do, oddly I have a hyper-sensitivity for noticing those sorts of things.  I tend to notice every nuance and every slight.   Intuition is a great thing, but it also can lead to pain.  I have learned that when I find myself getting over-emotional about these people-type issues, Dad's handling has merit.  I should refuse to notice or if I do, I shouldn't care.  Amazing, but when you take out that emotional factor and look at things logically, you find out that there are lots of things that produce anxiety in our lives that just really aren't that important.  And being mad at people for silly things (and most things are silly) is really your own time wasted.   I think possibly Dad figured out the road to contentment a long time ago.  I find that as I am older I am leaning toward that direction, but I am not quite there yet.  I will still notice if you are mean to me.  But I also will probably get over it.  Or get over you.  But there probably won't be much drama.

Dad has always been so strong.....both physically and emotionally.  Definitely someone you can lean on if you need to.  The kind of dad whose arms you will jump into if he tells you he will catch you...because you know he will.  He can do almost anything.  He is amazing at fixing things and figuring things out.  If something breaks, Dad usually can fix it.  (Or, as in the case of electronics, will acknowledge that it is out of his realm.)  Another thing that he didn't quite pass on to me....but something that I have always taken for granted about him and enjoy seeing in the other men in my life (brothers, brothers-in-law, nephews and friends.)  

While Dad spent a lot of his time devoted to work growing up, he has changed as he has gotten older.  I would have never believed he would enjoy retirement, but he does.  He is easily amused....a quality I definitely (and gratefully) got from him.  He can putter around and find some silly thing to capture his interest for hours.  He needs little to enjoy his life.  He actually reads fiction now....I would never have believed I would be swapping reading material with him....and liking it!  He is an amazing gardener and keeps their yard flawless.  And he mows my lawn, too....just because he knows that if I mow it with my push mower, it takes a bit chunk of my free time.  It's such a gift to me.

Dad's media setup is like the internal workings of NASA spacecraft....too complicated for me to even turn on the remote.  Especially since the first problem is to find which remote to use first. 

Dad doesn't usually tune me out these days.....he now seems to listen to what I have to say.  When he gives me feedback it is logical and sound and demonstrates that he recognizes who I am am.  He still does not dictate how I should live.....nor does he force an opinion, though like me at heart he is quite stubborn and opinionated (I was doomed....I got this from both of my parents.)  He still thinks I am a smart girl who can make good decisions for myself.  He allows me to talk through things, occasionally interjecting a question or comment here and there (and an occasional eye roll...something I must have inherited from him), and is still confident that I am going to come up with the right answers on my own.  Or if I don't, I will find a solution.  There is no pressure to adopt his way of thinking or to be any way in particular.  I get to live my own life.

Dad has been a constant and stable force every day of my life.  Like my mom, he was ready to be a parent when they had children.  And they were partners in raising us.  Fatherhood was a bit different back in my growing up years, and with different expectations.  For most there was commitment to the responsibility that they took on.  Today I often see kids with parents who aren't fully committed....parents whose own needs come before the needs of their children.  Parents who don't care much about the kind of human beings they are raising or the kind of example they are to them.  Parents who just don't spend much time with them.  Even when my dad was preoccupied with work when we were growing up, he was there every night (probably somewhat due to my mom's insistence.)  Yeah, maybe he was ignoring my words when I rambled during those childhood years, but he was physically there.  And he listened when it mattered.  And he built trust.  I don't only love him, but I respect him.  It is for a reason...I have watched him, seen his consistency, and know he is solid.  He is a man who can be counted on.  For life.  That's my dad. And I think I will keep him!

A Night At Victory Junction

In memory of Adam, #45

It's hard for me to volunteer anywhere on a weeknight.  The work day complete...I am ready for "me" time.  But on Tuesday nights in the summer, a group of balloonists spend their evenings at the Victory Junction Gang Camp, in Randleman (about an hour and a half away from Statesville), giving kids the experience of a tethered balloon ride.  Last night was our first of the season and while I had planned to go, the weather reports almost kept me at home.  It didn't appear that balloons would be going up outside for the night, and staying home seemed like a great idea.  They could have done it without me....but when it got down to it, I didn't want to miss out!

Rain doesn't stop things......Victory Junction is a place of possibilities and after quite a few years of doing this, the pilots have developed a system.  On rainy days, they take the envelope of the balloon into the gym and cold inflate it. We cover the "floor" of the envelope with gym mats and the kids get to walk inside the balloon.  It always amazes the kids to see it from this perspective.  Me, too.  More than one has come up with the idea of camping out in it.  Several see the mats and start their gymnastic moves, somersaulting from one mat to another.  Most just look around in awe and enjoy having their pictures taken.

Oh wait....you may not have heard about Victory Junction.  Hunky blue-eyed movie star Paul Newman is somewhat responsible for it all.  When he started producing food products like his salad dressing, a foundation was begun with the profits.  He came up with the idea of giving kids with chronic and serious medical conditions a camp experience.  His Hole in the Wall Gang Camps began.

The late Lee Petty, his son Richard and Richard's son Kyle are a family well known for their abilities to race cars. They have been long time legends in the NASCAR world.  (Even I know who they are!)  Kyle's son Adam was following in their family racing legacy, but in May 2000 he was practicing for a race in New Hampshire, and was killed.   In their grief, the family wanted to remember Adam in a positive way, so Kyle and his wife Pattie partnered with Paul Newman to build their own spin on the Hole in the Wall Gang Camps in memory of Adam. The racing community came together, and they have built an amazing place for sick kids.  They have gone all out to make a camp that is a kind of wonderland.  The best of the best.  All with a racing theme.

Some of the racing community volunteers

You learn very quickly that this is not just your traditional summer camp.   This week's camp was for kids with Kidney/Rheumatology/Immunology disorders.  There is a medical team on site and they are prepared to deal with emergencies and to administer treatment for the kids who attend.  The camper to staff ratio is low...often one on one.  Summer staff is made up of about 70 people, mostly enthusiastic and compassionate college kids, who were whittled down from over 800 applications.  One of the guys last night was telling me that he not only had the applications and such, but four hours of phone interviews, and also interviews in person.  None do it for the money because as most know, camp work doesn't pay much.  This guy had just graduated from Appalachian and was headed to grad school next year at ECU to study Recreational Therapy.  What a great way to gain experience in his chosen field....but also what a great life experience for him.

And then there are volunteers.  Lots of volunteers.  Who have to pay their own transportation costs to get to the camp.....some coming across the country to spend a week or two working for free.  And loving that they can.  Kindness seems to be a big staffing qualification.  I remember talking to a lady a couple of years ago who flew across country, at her own expense, for the "privilege" of working very long days in the kitchen.  That was her vacation.


Tuesday nights are almost a carnival atmosphere.  We have the hot air balloons, but they also have race teams that come and demonstrate things like how to change tires really, really fast.  There is usually a band playing.  Last night there was "the submarine"....I never did find out exactly what that was or what they were doing.  There is sugar in abundance.....cotton candy, Icees, a Krispy Kreme donut station where they can dip their own donut into all of the chocolate and sprinkles they want.  And sugared excitement everywhere.  There were tattoos somewhere, too.  One of the college kids who was already quite tattoed on his own, led a group of boys in a "Tattoo, tattoo, tattoo" cheer.  That was where they were headed next.  (Don't worry....I don't think they were going to be permanently inked like he was!)  Yes, there are a lot of cheers and a lot of songs along the way.  They are bonding with the kids and making great memories.  

I don't know my race car drivers, but even I recognized Richard Petty walking around last night.  You had to laugh at the race team, these masculine guys who had grabbed feathered boas for the evening.  One gave his to a little girl and I heard her say "And I didn't ask him for it.....he just read my mind and knew I wanted one."  I'm not sure which of the guys it was, but he made her feel special and noticed.

The camp has some of the best facilities that you will see anywhere.  There is putt putt, there is a movie theater, there is a place where they can go and have their hair streaked with color, there is a lake where they can go fishing.  They do talent shows and skits and are just kids.  There is a sensitivity to their needs as sick kids, but the care to that is both constant and subtle, so the kids don't focus on their illness but they can have a normal camp experience.  Kids do not pay to attend camp....it is all a gift.  The $2,500 average cost per child is raised by different charity events and gifts spearheaded by the Pettys and other racing industry and individual and corporate friends.  


It was a good night last night.  A night of smiles.  A night of thank yous....to us, but also from us for all of the people who make this camp work.  The rain may have changed the plans for the evening, but if you adopt the spirit of a kid, it doesn't matter much.  Fun comes from the inside out.....not from a bunch of plans.  You just smile, and laugh, and make a game of it all.  And it is all better than expected....a great way to spend a few hours of your life.


Being childless, I will never fully understand the pain and frustration of being the parent of a sick child.  Not being a medical researcher or provider, I can't cure their illnesses.  Having known sick children, though, I understand that they don't see the big picture in quite the way that we do.  They live for today.  Each moment of life is precious and much can be crammed into a short period of time. They are resilient and as much as possible, want to live those days with fun and excitement.  Just maybe we can add a smile to their day.  Life is about quality and not quantity.....and Victory Junction attempts to bring the quality to these kid's lives so each day of their lives are stretched.  It's a great investment of a Tuesday night.  Or of any night.

Graduating, Growing Up, and Becoming MacGyver

OK, here is what I remember about my high school graduation (North Iredell High School, Class of 1978.  Yeah....long time ago.....stuns me, too.)

• My friend Regina Bridges (Dawson) was salutatorian.  Sorry Regina, but I do not remember one word of your speech.  I am sure if we dug it out, though, we could find ways you inspired my life!  But let's face it.....you inspired my life more just by being my friend all of these years.  But you looked really good up there....I do remember that.
• It rained....or threatened to rain.....so we had to move the whole thing indoors.  Which meant that none of what we had rehearsed worked quite the same.
• While your row sat down, the row in back of you was filing out toward the stage.  Chris Rehardt was not behind me in rehearsal, but now inside was on that row.  He went by and as I was very daintily sitting down, he pulled my chair out from under me.  All of my stuff went flying.  I did not fall down (probably because we were so crammed in there, there was no room to fall.)  Still, I made a scene and Chris laughed all the way up to the stage and when he was getting his diploma.  I am glad someone was entertained.  (And OK....as much as a jerk he was, it was well timed.  I concede the point.)

College graduation (UNC-CH, Class of 1982) came and I did not want to go to the ceremony.  My mother insisted.....she said they had paid for my college, and by golly, they were going to see me graduate.  I am sure they probably regretted it since a Carolina graduation is a madhouse.  But thankfully they don't hand out diplomas.  I remember two things from this graduation.  One of my fellow RTVMP broadcast journalism majors was our class president.  Knowing him well, I did a lot of head shaking and eye rolling during his speech.  Won't go into why, but probably did impact my feelings of politicians.  The only other thing I remembered was the bottles of champagne coming down the rows.  Our own little communion.  When you are a proud graduate of the School of Radio, Television, and Motion Pictures (now defunct), you start preparing for real life even during the ceremony.  (Note:  I was a broadcast journalism major.....which, of course, is a slight bit classier the other RTVMP majors.  Shhhhh.... don't tell anyone I said that.)

I also remember running into my favorite professor on our walk through campus after the ceremony.  He looked quite distinguished in his black faculty robe, and I shocked my mom when I took off running and essentially jumped in his arms and hugged him.  Evidently they don't do that sort of thing with teachers in Wales.  He was my tough as nails editing teacher in the Journalism school.....and he succeeded in finally teaching me how to learn to spell the word "license."  He had claimed I could spell it any way but the right one.  He was what all people should be as teachers....devoted to making sure you got it right, encouraging but also disappointed when you weren't living up to your potential, and a real guy who also shared his real life with us.  He had exceptional skills as a journalist.....and he wanted us to be even better than him.  (Yea for Mr. Raleigh Mann!) 

In between then and now I have attended way too many graduation ceremonies.  You really don't have to invite me to yours.  I will be happy to just attend the party or celebrate later...or even not at all!  Most are horrid and meaningless.  Let's be honest.

I was so happy today that North Iredell seems to have mastered the graduation.  It's early morning, so you aren't there in the worst of the heat and you still have time afterwards for your day.  It gives kids times to celebrate a bit, but then hit the road for the beach and arrive in daylight.  The ceremony was about as short as it could be, but almost exclusively about the kids and not some long-winded faculty member.  And it was in many ways simply a celebration for a bunch of good kids....who I think are going to do great things for our world.  A meaningful graduation.

So since they didn't ask me to give a speech, at either NIHS or Carolina, here are a few words of advice for the great graduates of 2012 (and anyone else who may need to have a little mental graduation of their own!):

• Keep the optimism, keep the joy.  People will try to steal it from you, and things will happen to make you think life isn't that great, but I promise you....it really, really is.  When life seems bad, regroup and refresh.  Take a look around you at the people who seem old (even those that are your age.)  They are generally the people who prefer to lead with pessimism.  Don't let them impact you.  Avoid them if necessary.  Hang as much as possible with the people who find reasons to smile at life.  But not those who fake smile.  They should annoy you.
• Be bold.  Go for all of the good things the world has to offer you.  When you feel like hanging back remember this verse  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Tim. 1:7.   Focus not on the desire to hang back, but focus on those gifts of power, love, and self-discipline.  Much can come from putting them into action.  They are the answer to a lot of the questions in life.
• Explore the nouns of the world - The people, the places, the things....there is so much out there.  The nouns of the real world will bring you much pleasure.....and there are a lot out there to explore.
• Confront the negatives.  You will face what appear to be overwhelming obstacles.  Do not walk away.  Find a way around them, over them, or through them.  Be creative.  Be fearless.  Be smart.  When you win these battles, you will find they give you extra strength and confidence that will be useful as you attack the next negative.  And there will always be another negative!  
• Don't necessarily let your wrapping be a box.  Boxes are confining.  And require that you conform to them.  Sometimes they may be how you present yourself, because sometimes it pays to appear normal and respect the rules and convention.  But sometimes you need to pop out of a gift bag and surprise people with who you are and who you can be.  Other times you have to wrap yourself in cellophane so people can see the gift you are without having to unwrap it.  Whichever form you take, be a beautiful package.  Make it your goal to be a gift to the world.....whether people notice it or not.
• Develop your character.  I won't ever tell you that it doesn't matter what people think about you, because frankly it does.  Still, the person you are when no one is looking is where your character is found.  That is actually what defines who you are.  Hit the fender of someone's car in a parking lot?  Don't just drive away.  The boss isn't around at work?  Work hard anyway.  Have the opportunity to cheat at something and never get caught?  Don't do it.  Character building is a lifelong discipline....but it's like an exercise.  If you start now, and make it part of who you are, your strength of character will be of Olympic proportions one day.  Let that be a goal.
• Watch your money.  My prayer for you is that you have to work hard for every dollar and get to know the value of working for everything you have.  So many kids today never seem to have to do that and I feel they are being shortchanged.  The truth is that you deserve nothing you haven't worked for.  And sometimes you need to work for free.  There is great value in hard work.   So work hard.  Make your own money....and use it for good things.
• Care about debt.  I'd say that a good plan is to not spend anything you haven't already earned.  But if you must borrow money, pay it back.  I don't care if you borrowed it from your parents, family members, a friend, a stranger, a credit card company, a business, someone with tons of money to spare, or someone you have lost track of....find a way to pay it back.  We've become careless with debt and even your own country buys things it doesn't have the money for.  Be a good example to our government and everyone else in our world.  Always think of interest as your rental fee for money....and fully check out the full cost of that rental before you enter that arrangement.  But once you do....pay what you agreed.  Even if you didn't know what you were getting into in the first place.
• Don't make excuses.  There will always be someone to blame.  Just don't.  Accept responsibility for your actions and be strong enough to see that your decisions lead to your consequences.  Don't bore people with the details.
• Take care of your body.  You know more about health and fitness than any other generation that has come before you.  Don't be stupid.  Cherish that body you have been given and keep it healthy for the long term.  
• Build community.  You can struggle through life on your own, or you can realize you weren't placed on this earth in a bubble.  Life is more fun shared, and burdens are much easier.  Notice other people, and let them get to know you.  Volunteer to help others whenever you can.  Ask for help if you need it.  But often more valuable is to ask them to teach you how to do things in case you need to do it yourself in the future.
• Learn when to say no and when to say yes.  Little words that mean so very much.  Don't be a wimp.  Use them carefully!
• "Dance with the one who brung ya" - In other words, don't forget who you got you to this place.  Along the way in life there are people who invested in your life, be it family, friends, teachers and in some cases strangers.  When the bright and shiny new people come along, don't forget they are there. Most of all, though, you were created by God.  Don't forget Him.  Or if you haven't met yet, get to know Him.  Not as a friend of a friend, or as a friend of the family, but have your own relationship.  That's the only one that counts.

I wish I had been a bit more open to all of the possibilities of the world at both of my graduations.  I'm still learning.  I wish I would have thrown that cap up in the air a bit higher.....but I didn't want to lose the cap.  But maybe I should have.....because graduation in itself means little.  It is just a ceremony that says "You have earned a new tool.  You are MacGyver.  You may use this tool, or you may find something else that gets the job done better.  You are smart.  You are savy.  You are the star of your own show.  But your show can be cancelled at any time, so work as hard as you can so that when it is over, you can look back at it and have it be something that makes you proud."  (And yes, dear graduates, I understand that you may not know MacGyver.  That is your next assignment.  Talk to the old people or look him up on Youtube!  And yes, he was cute.  But he was better than that....he was smart and useful and looked out for the needs of others!)

Phobias and Fears and Planning the Way Out

There are some disadvantages of reading a lot when you are a child.  My active imagination would create scenarios that became very real to me.....and they would set the stage for a little novel starring me.  The recurrent one was some crazy person breaking into my house.  But I wasn't going to be captured and be a victim (though they tried to make me one.)  I thought ahead.  I had escape routes planned from every room in the house.  The most difficult was my own bedroom.  Both windows were high off the ground.  If I escaped out of one, I would hit the driveway.  If I escaped out of the other, I would hit grass, but a sloping hill.  And neither would be easy.  Even now they would be high for me to jump from.  (Note to self: Explore whether this was lack of escape routes was a planned action by your parents.  Entirely possible.)  But in my scenarios, my family's life depended on my escape.  So yes, even if it was a jump out on the sloping hill (complete with sprained ankle in some versions....I did pay close attention to all of the possibilities), I got away, and would run to the neighbor's house to get help.  Of course, sometimes I discovered that those we thought were our faithful neighbor friends were actually in on the attack (yes, Teagues and Austins....sometimes you!)  Which required very thoughtful consideration of the next place to go for help.  But eventually I figured out all of the angles and found a way to triumph and save my family.

When I was in college, I remember going to the midnight showing of Halloween and other scary movies on campus.  My dorm ("Hinton James, it's worth the walk") was the farthest one away from campus, and when the movie was over, the buses were no longer running.  That meant we had to walk home.   We'd spend the whole way back scaring ourselves, to the point where there was real fear by time we actually made it there.  We knew we had to lock ourselves in our suite (visualize outer doorway that we often left open, 2 rooms on each side of the hallway, with a bathroom at the end), but also knew the possibility of someone hiding in the shower.  So, one person would bravely go and pull the shower curtain back, while the rest of us hovered at the door.  If it was clear, we'd all jump into the suite and lock the door behind us.  Giggling loudly at ourselves by that time.

This sort of behavior has continued my whole life.  There always seems to be a fear lurking in my mind.  Sometimes these fears have a real basis.  Other times they are just a phobia.....no rational reason for them.  Regardless, they scare me.  And often incapacitate me.

I've had a lifelong phobia of bridges.  I remember hating going over them even as a child.  It's not all bridges... that would be too simple.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason to which scare me (I can drive over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, for example, and actually enjoy it.)  But when they do, it can get crippling.  A year or so ago I started getting terrified of this little highway bridge that others probably don't even notice as a bridge.  (It's the one on 40 with the soccer field below it in Clemmons.)  The problem was that I had to go over it every time I came home from Winston Salem.  Since I work there, that is often.  I could travel across the bridge going toward Winston Salem without a thought.  But something about the other side would bring up this irrational fear.  It got worse and worse.  I started slowing down to almost nothing to cross.  It's the interstate......I can't imagine how many people I drove crazy doing that.  Not to mention the safety risk of driving at that speed on the interstate!  When I started looking for alternate ways to go home (some, funnily enough, took me over even worse ones!), I knew I had to get some help.  Since my job is benefits consulting, I knew we had an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at work where I could see someone for a limited number of visits at no charge.  Never having checked this out before, I figured it was a good opportunity to see how this benefit actually worked. 

I won't go into the issue I had booking an appointment (a story in itself), but I finally found someone who treated phobias and made an appointment.  She said she had a therapy that she used, and if it worked it would work quickly.  If it didn't, we'd also know that quickly.  So I went to see her.  I was thrilled to find out that her treatment was based on accupuncture/accupressure.  I've had an interest in that for a long time, but had never had need to use it.  This was my first experiment.  The therapy used is called tapping therapy and simply requires you to tap certain meridian points while speaking certain affirming statements.  Anyone who knows me knows that the whole idea of the affirming statements made me roll my eyes.  So OK, I wasn't 100% "in" with the idea that this would work.  The therapist was great, though.  When she saw the eyeroll she told me that I could say almost anything when I did it on my own, but just to try to follow her lead for now.  She said the speaking part was mostly to get you focused on what you were doing.  So I followed her lead and completed the session.  (Mentally channeling Stuart Smalley for my own entertainment.)

Supposedly if the therapy worked, it worked immediately.  Nothing works the way it is supposed to for me, so I didn't quite get that immediate result.  But yet, it did seem to slowly make a difference in the next few weeks (if you were to have driven next to me before I went over that bridge, you would have seen me tapping underneath my eyes, where the anxiety is supposed to "reside") and the day came when I didn't even notice going over that bridge.  Is my bridge therapy "cured"?  No....but I haven't had an incapacitating issue with it for quite some time.  The whole episode, however, reminded me that it is worth taking the time to attack the things that scare us.

I've had some level of fear of water most of my life, though did learn how to swim (and easily passed the swim test that was one of our graduation requirements at Carolina back in the day.)  I never was comfortable when people were horsing around poolside and found myself withdrawing more and more and not getting in the water.  Now I have a full fledged fear of swimming and of the whole idea of snorkeling and wearing that snorkeling mask.   I just can't do it.  I love doing things on top of water (kayaking, boating, whitewater rafting).....but getting into the water has become another story.  I don't remember the last time I actually swam and I haven't been able to get beyond the fear and do it.  So.....that's one of the next things on my "to do" list.  I am going to tackle this fear.  I'm missing out on some fun, and that's not in my nature.  I'd love to get to the point where I can take a scuba course so I can go scuba diving with my friend Steve.  I understand all kinds of cool things await me underwater.  So.....I'm going to make a plan to face the fear and get over it.  Are you ready to join me?  What is scaring you these days, be it rational or irrational?  Isn't it time to conquer it?  Our plans of attack can be conventional or unconventional....but why let fear get in the way of living life to the full?  Why waste another day letting it terrorize us?  And while it feels like we are alone in our fears, we're not.  There is a hand outstretched, ready to help you.  Grab on.


"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."  Frank Herbert, Dune

“I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always ... so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.”  Yann Martel, Life of Pi

"For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline." 
II Timothy 1:7 (ASV)

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."    Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

Falling into Neophilia (or "Yes I Did Go Out of That Airplane at 3500 ft")

I must be honest.  I really didn't jump out of an airplane (or a "perfectly good airplane" to quote most people.)  Here is what it is really like.  Or at least how I remember it.  I fully understand that those two things could be slightly different.

I had to sit in the open doorway of the airplane in flight, my feet dangling over the edge. (Yep....I looked around as I sat there and noticed quickly that earth was pretty far down below, but before I had time to dwell on it, I remembered the sage advice I had been given throughout the day and turned to look at the airplane instead).  Then I had to brace one hand on the right of the doorway and the other on the wing, slide onto this little step as I grab onto the wing while standing up, scoot over on the wing until I got beyond the step and supposedly had both hands inside these black lines that were painted on the wing (yep....that means beyond the step and with nothing beneath your feet but air very quickly) and turn "confidently" over to my left to look at my instructor Amanda, and wait until she gave me the thumbs up to drop from the sky at about 3500 ft.  Yeah, really.  Sort of shocked and horrified me, too, when she first described what would happen.  But when she gave me that thumbs up I let go and let myself fall without hesitation.  And there I went.....falling through the sky all by myself.   My security blankets, Amanda and Damien, still in the plane.  I know.....why would I do that?

So OK.  I wasn't totally by myself for long.  As soon as I felt the jerk back that they had told me would mean that the parachute was opening as it was supposed to, a voice started to talk calmly over the walkie talkie strapped to my chest and coach me the rest of the way down on the things Amanda and Damien had been going over with me all day.  At first he had me do lots of test things in the air.  He said "Let's practice landing position...", and I did that.  He had me turn it to the left, and I did that.  He had me practice landing position again.   And then turn to the right.  And then a series of rights and lefts until it was time to get into position to land for real.  There was no time for just hanging out and examining the view....there were things to do for the whole flight.  But I did happen to notice a few glimpses of land as I was doing it all (since I am female and can multi-task).....and I have to say that Walterboro is prettier from the air than it appears on the ground.   I didn't get the perfect stand up landing, but it wasn't horrible either.  I landed quite softly on my knees (the lessons on the proper falling and rolling technique if you couldn't stand up on landing....I must not have mastered.  Or probably more accurately, they just didn't come to mind.  But I still think my technique worked out quite well.)  I underestimated how much force I would need to apply to the straps at the end, or I think I could have stuck it!!!  But that was it.  The voice on the other end of the radio comes in a golf cart to pick me and my parachute up and we head back to the hangar.  I had skydived!

If any of you read my very first blog entry ("A Time To Begin", March 31) I talked about Ed Ristaino, a balloon pilot friend (and skydiver) who I had been getting advice from when I decided that 2012 would be the year I skydived.  Ed was killed in March in a ballooning accident.  Damien is his son, and after I wrote that blog Damien offered to take over advising where his dad left off.  One "small" difference. Where Ed had been advising me on where to take a tandem jump, Damien wouldn't even entertain the idea of me doing a tandem.  He decided I would enjoy a static line jump more (let me point out that this was before he had  even gotten to know me.)  It was ridiculous how easily he convinced me.  But I am glad he did.  I can do a roller coaster ride any day.

I had wanted to jump tandem for years, and the one time during those years I let me mind explore the idea of jumping out of an airplane (just tandem), I got unreasonably scared.  Pure mental horror, to be exact. That fear actually lasted for about 24 hours.  It was very weird. (Note:  No plans had actually been made to jump at this point.  This was pure daydreaming.  Or nightmaring.  Reality is not necessary for me to scare myself to death.). But that was the worse fear I ever had about skydiving.  It surprises me.  While I probably was petrified underneath when I was doing it, what I honestly felt was better described as confusion and bewilderment.  "I'm really doing this?????"  "Amanda was right?  I actually can hang from the wing of an airplane??????"

Not only did I make that jump, but in jumping by myself I went totally exploded the limits of what I thought my capabilities were.  Back when I was talking to Ed at that Mongolfier party in November, even jumping tandem was a stretch for me. It was beyond comprehension that I would jump on my own.  Of course it was also beyond comprehension that Ed would be watching my jump from above.  But I think he was and I think he was delighted.  With both me and Damien.  I was wearing a bracelet that Damien made me in Ed's memory.   He was a part of my team.

(Steve Brady....I also was wearing the "Magcell Warriors" shirt you brought me back from Iraq.  You still trump me for bravery, but also it reminded me if you could do that, I could do a little skydive!  Though Scarlett Johannson was not around for me to have my picture taken with her at any point in the day.)

Amanda, my coach, was a great blend of encouragement and determination.  She always kept the edge of "It is important that you learn this and do what I say or you will die," but always appeared very optimistic that I wouldn't.  I believed her.  Most of the time.  Except when she told me that I would be able to hang out on that wing while in the air that high and it wouldn't be as bad as I imagined.  She even proved to be right then, though.

Now I just may have nightmares of the "If you see this thing going wrong, this is what you need to do" part of the skydiving training.  My junior and senior years in high school my history teacher, Mr. Gainey, would give us "picture tests."  Mr. Gainey's room had pictures from floor to ceiling....anywhere there may be wall space were pictures and some other place's too.  Thousands of them.  With each unit of study we would have something like 100 pictures to learn.  We'd get tested on maybe 50 of them.  He would hold up the picture and you would have to tell him who it was and where they were from.  I usually did well on picture tests, but they created agony for me in the learning process and until the test was over.  They did not come easily for me, and were probably the thing that I studied for more than anything else during those high school years.

Damien and Amanda returning from their jump

Let me describe the skydiving "picture test".  Me all harnessed up with skydiving gear, almost hanging, but not quite, Amanda on one side of me and Damien on the other.  Amanda would give the order and we would drill through the procedure that I was supposed to follow when hanging out on the wing.  (A concept I still wasn't wrapping my head around.)  Then I was supposed to look up (as if I were looking at my parachute overhead) and Damien would hold a picture over my head.  I was supposed to tell them if anything was wrong with the picture and if so, drill through the procedure I needed to follow if there was.

Let's just say high school picture tests did not fully prepare me for this.  My mind did not work fast enough to figure out what was wrong.  Was it the ropes or the canopy that was messed up?  It sort of looked like both, but then again, maybe it was supposed to look like that and it was OK?  Then I would get distracted....what was that thing called that kept the ropes from getting tangled and was supposed to be above my head when the chute opened?  At the time as my mind was trying to think, both Amanda and Damien would be trying to get me to answer quickly and instinctively and do something!  We did it over and over and over again.  Yeah, that was the most stressful part of the day.  And I still don't know for sure that I could identify any of the issues in the air and make the proper adjustments.  But I am quite confident I know where the pull for the reserve chute is and I have that procedure DOWN!

When I was in the plane and getting ready to jump, I noticed the bumper sticker to the left on the door.  Funny how small things bring comfort.  It really did relax me.  Well, that and knowing that I didn't see any anxiety on Amanda's face.  I knew she wouldn't let me ruin her perfect record of not losing anyone in a jump. She is a competitor.

So yeah, back to Saturday's post.  I think I am a neophiliac, even though I still need to take the written test.  I recommend it.  Be it skydiving or some other adventure.  Go ahead and give it a try.   You can and should go beyond your own expectations for yourself.  Though I recommend you have a good team to back you up!

"If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good"
Dr. Seuss, "One Fish, Two Fish"

Teetering on the Border of Neophilia

It was just a little blurb I noticed in a magazine this week.  "Neophilia [n 'fil]: noun A love of novelty and thrill-seeking.  This trait has long been associated with impulsive troublemakers, but researchers have recently identified it as one predictor of health and happiness.  Do you like traveling to unfamiliar, far-flung places?  Are you one to make decisions quickly without much information?  If you answered yes, you might just be a neophiliac." Health magazine, June 2012

So it got me thinking....am I a neophiliac?  I definitely have a love of novelty.  Always liked the thing that didn't belong with the others the best.  Everyone who knows me at all knows I love traveling to unfamiliar, far-flung places.  I make some decisions quickly and without much information.  Usually only big ones.....I agonize over little things like what color to polish my toes or what restaurant to choose.  But I think that the scale of the decisions I have made with very little thought or information would probably weigh down all the others.

Am I an impulsive troublemaker?  Yeah, maybe sometimes.  Usually by necessity.  I would much rather plan and savor making trouble, but usually trouble needs to happen when it needs to happen.  (Though I want to make it clear that I always try to make trouble for the good...and hopefully never out of pure meanness.)

But am I a thrill seeker?  I never have thought I was, but yeah....maybe I am starting to lean in that direction.  We're going to see for sure tomorrow.  I will be giving skydiving a try.  I have wanted to do it for a while, though my mental visual was doing it tandem...fully attached to someone who knew what they were doing.   While that still would have been scary for me, I am sort of an anti-control freak so the idea of someone else being in charge of it all appealed to me (though I did intend to make sure they loved their lives before we jumped and that there was no history of depression or mental illness.)

But according to my friend Damien, that is not enough for me.  No, evidently skydiving tandem is"just a roller coaster ride" (though I love roller coaster rides) and I really"want to fly."  For some reason I bought his theory without hesitation.  OK, there was some hesitation.  But not a lot for a person of reason.  Which I think probably still goes back to my anti-control freak tendencies...I'll do what he advises, since this is something he knows more about than me. But also it is because he is pretty persuasive...and yeah he's right, I want to fly!  Though he doesn't get the responsibility for my decision.  Has anyone ever known me to do much of anything I don't want to do? 

Tomorrow I "fly" (or static jump) with Damien's girlfriend Amanda as my instructor.  She assures me she hasn't lost anyone yet....and she sounded confident that I would not break her perfect record.  (Come think of it, I didn't clarify the term "lost."  And Amanda doesn't know me well so she may be a bit optimistic.)  I have purposely not found out a lot about it so I wouldn't think much about the reality of it, so about all I know is that I will have to climb on the ledge and jump off the plane myself (though Amanda and Damien will be there coaching and encouraging me), and the chute will supposedly open on its own.  While I haven't researched at length, I can promise you that tomorrow I will pay attention in class.  While I have a tendency to have a wandering mind, hopefully this will not be one of those days!  Funny how fear makes you pay attention.

So I'm not afraid yet, though that's probably because I am just not thinking about it in much detail.  The idea of stepping off of a plane....that's actually about a mile up in the air....is inconceivable to me.  Probably one reason I want to do it, but as someone that is so terrified of heights I don't really even want to stand on a ladder, I know that it's a little crazy.  When it becomes a reality, and the plane is in motion, I am sure I will be saying to myself "What was I thinking?"

But do I think I will back out?  Probably not.  I generally do what I say I am going to do.  The truth is that I do love to fly.  I love airports, I love big planes, I love little planes, I love hot air balloons.....why wouldn't I love this?  Well, except for facing the fear of heights thing.  And having to actually step off the plane onto nothing but air.  But gravity will be taking me down, and the parachute will be softening the blow. 

When I para-sailed a couple of years ago I was a bit disappointed.  It was nice and beautiful (I was in Bermuda), but it just didn't seem as adventurous as I had anticipated.  It was like being on a ferris wheel.  So this just may bring a bit more fun.  That is my hope.  Being scared certainly makes you feel strong emotion....and surviving that fear makes you feel strong.  Stay tuned.....and I will give you my perspective after going to school and making a jump! 

The magazine I was reading (Health) was supposed to have a quiz online so I could see if I am a neophiliac.  It wasn't online, so I will just have to use this as my real life test!  I hope I am.  Healthier and happier.....definitely those are primary goals in my life!

Some people have told me they think I am crazy for doing this because of the danger.  Risk avoidance may keep you safer, but does it increase the pleasure in your life?  The reality is you can't avoid risk.  Every year my company pays tribute to 175 of our colleagues who were killed in the 9/11 attacks.  That day they just went to work. 



"And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me?"   Douglas Adams, 'Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.'

"...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."   Isaiah 40:31