Perfect Me 2016

GI've been thinking a lot about new year's resolutions lately - which means tearing myself apart and making lists of all the ways I don't measure up to some idea I have in my head of what the perfect me would look like, would be like....and making plans to become that person. If you break it down, there's a lot in me that is simply deficient. So I was well on a way to a plan, but....

I hereby declare that plan is taking a detour.

Watching some of you is my reason to change direction. I see you make resolutions that are going to add stress to your life.....and you are already at your stress tipping point. I see exercise programs that are being developed with no thought as to whether it is good for the long term condition of your body. They are going to discourage and punish you, lead to injuries, and in the long run aren't really creating a healthy body with staying power. I see schedules being made that are more about what you think you should do, or what others want you to do, instead of how you can best live your priorities. I see diet programs that don't encourage you to eat real food or reflect color and nutrition and flavor and variety. They will make you a rigid zealot instead of someone who delights in the bounty of possibilities and creativity, and finds the right combination to best fuel you , satisfy you, and help you learn the concept of enough.

Then there's the whole idea of how short and precious life is. I've seen a bit too much mourning lately....too many lively and loving souls gone sooner than we expect. Too many hard things we have to deal with by just living life. So why aren't we focused on how to create more joy in our lives and the lives of others? How come we're not focused on how to spend more time with the people who love us and cause us to spend hours laughing in delight? How come we're not focused on loving for real and in person, instead of being tethered to our cell phones or computer screens and just going through the motions or giving lip service?

I look at you and I see disdain for yourself. I find you're not celebrating something I think is worthy of an amazing celebration ...the you of today. I like you, the way you are. Right now. The imperfect you. You don't have to meet a crazy ideal before you're good enough to be loved by me...and I'd rather not miss you while your vision is laser-focused on making all of these changes that will alter everything in your picture and make you perfect. I think perhaps the people who are important feel the same way about me.

Not that we shouldn't make some tweaks or work on some things that are holding us back from living our best life. But to use the negative as the goal of our new year? Why would we do that?

So let's love ourselves for who we are today. Let's live in the now. Let's find the things that delight us... and find ways to delight others. Let us see the beauty in even those people who annoy us...and laugh at their quirks instead of letting them drive us crazy. Let's live life....and not always from our comfy couch, but sometimes getting up and being social, engaging in life, facing the things that scare and intimidate us. We can be conquerors (or "more than conqurerers"), but with smiles on our faces and joy in our hearts.

Let us celebrate our good gifts, celebrate our God, and celebrate our lives. And let us also celebrate the imperfections - the things that make us humble, the things that make us sensitive to others, and the things that give us motivation to try new things and grow and change.

Yes, let's love ourselves....and strive to be people we are proud to be. Let's be easy graders, but also strong encouragers. Not just of others, but of ourselves. Oh we can spend hours making lists of our imperfections and develop plans to correct them, but how about instead we make lists of the things we like about ourselves and work at increasing those?

So my resolution is to increase the good, and let it overwhelm the bad. To look at the kids around me and copy one of their most lovely qualities....to be delighted in myself. Tell a child they are a good singer and they will say "Yes I am".... and proceed to show you. Loudly and with exuberance. Truthfully they may not be on pitch, but as they sing their joy increases, as does the joy of those around them. Tell them they are beautiful, and they will say "Yes I am"....and preen as a princess. Tell them they run fast, and they will take off running in circles around you, showing you just how fast they can be. Tell them they are funny and they will tell you the worst knock-knock joke ever....and you will both laugh hysterically.

Of course, there are the critics....even of these sweet children. Let's just ignore them most of the time. You've seen kids do that, right? They look at them like they're out of their mind. Critics tear down instead of building up...and while we may need to listen to them on occasion, we're going to use them for information we can consider. We will make our own judgments about whether that information is worthwhile to us, and we will not use them as our ultimate authority. Because really....do we want to emulate their sour faces and critical spirits?

Resolutions should represent hope, not potential failure. They should enhance our life, and not bind us to a programmed existence that makes us feel that we are not enough.

Happy new year. That's not a rote saying that I offer carelessly. Really...I wish you happy. I wish you joy. I wish you peace. And I wish for you the spirit of a child, delighted with yourself, with others, and with the possibilities of life. 2016 is almost here and it is a good gift from God, with the possibility of 366 presents for you to receive . More if you want to count by minutes or moments. Open each one with the intention to love it, use it, and display it for all to see. Because you...we...are loved today and we are gifted. Why should we hide that? Why should we do anything but celebrate every moment.... and love the perfection of us in it?

The Feeling of Christmas

"City sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style, in the air there's a feeling of Christmas..."

Oh, Silver Bells! Most of us hear that song and it makes us smile. It reminds us of all of the things we love about Christmas. "The feeling of Christmas." The beautiful decorations, kids sitting in Santa's lap, finding the perfect gift for someone we love....such a happy time. We walk around in our Christmas bliss and don't see some of the people who may get different images in their minds. For some "the feeling of Christmas" takes a very different definition. Consider....

🎄Those who have lost someone they love. Someone with whom they always shared Christmas. It could be due to death, the end of a relationship, or to distance. There is a hole in their heart this year and nothing feels the same. 

🎄Those for whom more tasks are added to a load when they felt like they were already about to break. They may smile and make your Christmas brighter, but inside they are on a short tether.

🎄Those struggling financially. Trying to pay bills already had them feeling like they were drowning. Trying to give the good boys and girls all they deserve....their head is underwater. 

🎄Those with health issues. Forgive them if they're not singing at the moment. They are a bit pre-occupied. Their best gift is not found under the tree, but is in the hands and minds of the medical folks around them, the researchers who give them hope, and the treatments that may work for a cure.

🎄Those who are scared. It may be due to people in their lives....abusers, or addicts, the sick, or the weak. It may be due to life situations. It may be for a reason they can't even identify. But the fear is overwhelming and the holiday makes it seem worse.

🎄Those who are addicted. Be it drugs, alcohol, food, people pleasing...addiction overwhelms and isolates. It sneaks up on someone as a thief, and puts a mask on that appears to be them, but is really just a facade.
🎄The "-less" ones - The homeless, the hopeless, the heartless....those missing something that they may never even have ever had.

🎄The lonely. They may go through the motions, but they just want to get through the days. 

🎄Those who hate. 

🎄Those who don't share your Jesus.

If you celebrate Jesus, be it Christmas or any day, you need to appreciate his people. This crowd all around you? He has created each and every one of them. They are his masterpieces. The ugly, the broken, the dirty, the hurt, the troubled, the mean, the poor, the glossy, and the pretentious. See them. Love them. Celebrate them. Bring Jesus to them. Change the tunes of those silver bells so they are not an unbearable noise, but instead are sweet melodious tunes that make them want to dance. The feeling of Christmas is not a good one to all...perhaps you can help change that. It's a worthy goal.

A joyous Christmas to all! Come....let us adore him!

More Than Just Opening the Door

I hung out with my brother Scott last week. I enjoy all of my siblings, so spending time with them one on one is something we should do more often (because of course they love spending time with me, too.) I have two brothers and two sisters, and generally our time together is en masse with our whole very loud and crazy family .... where a little bit of chaos reigns. The time together that day was spontaneous and fun and easy and quiet. We had lunch and then he drove me around as I looked for furniture. My attention spanned waned before his did (my shopping genes were definitely inherited from my father.)

I was reminded of something about my brother that day, though. He's a gentleman. Each time we returned to his car (quite a few times really), he opened and closed the car door for me. A nice gesture you don't see much anymore. He's always done it.....since we were teenagers. (I remember commenting on it once back then and he said "Well, I do it for real girls Kim, so I may as well do it for you.") It's now something he does with ease and without thought. It is part of who he is.

I know some women think such a gesture is demeaning....that it says they are not capable of opening the door themselves. I never have. My brother certainly knows I am capable of opening the door. He shows me on an ongoing basis that he thinks I am intelligent, and strong, and brave. My parents raised strong.....and strong-willed...women and both of my brothers have always respected that. Possibly because we would have beat them up when they were younger if they ever implied anything else.

What made me think that day was this....how often does my tendency to bulldoze through life mean I don't allow people opportunities to offer me common courtesies? Oh, not all men open doors for women and I am fine with that. It's not a necessity. Some women have been quite vocal in seeing it as an insult, and I can see why it may make many men give up the practice. But my brother is confident and comfortable in the gesture, and after all of these years a part of my unconscious brain may expect him to do it. I wonder if my unconscious brain often blocks the opportunity for me to accept the gesture from others. That for some reason I have assumed they won't offer it.

I try to be courteous in my everyday life. If it makes sense,sometimes I open the door for others, men or women. I think I am pretty good with the "please" and "thank you"s. Living in the South we usually have that part down cold. Sometimes maybe to the point that we say it by rote and don't really mentally acknowledge the nicety that was offered us. Sometimes we don't look into the eyes of the person offering the gesture and smile as we say it, so they know we're not just mannerly but we really noticed them and the courtesy. I don't know about you, but I could be more thoughtful and intentional.

I've been a bit stunned by lack of courtesy I have seen by people lately. The hurt that I see dished out on a daily basis makes me despair sometimes. Too often we see people slamming doors in the face of others instead of opening them for them. Either literally or figuratively. Unlike my brother, too many extend the courteous gesture only to "real girls"....those who they're trying to impress with a gesture that is less about courtesy and consideration than getting rewarded in some way later on. They may open the door for the one they are with, but let it slam behind them, oblivious to anyone left standing in its wake.

I'm going to make an effort to bring more common courtesy into my life, with intention. For friends, family, and strangers. I want civility in our world. I want kindness. I want consideration. I want respect. Whether your culture, religion, skin color, age, political views, alma mater, financial status, community position, or circumstances match mine or not. I'm not going to only try to extend it to others, but I am going to try to be more aware of accepting it graciously when it is extended to me. I am going to try to be more on the lookout for those who want to exercise their manners. Will you join me? These little gifts should be both made and acknowledged. I think we'll all be better for it. Opening doors is easy. Courtesy without caring whether that gesture is returned or acknowledged is a bit more difficult. We need to make it our habit. I believe that habit can be contagious.

The Happy Holidays Drinking Game

 

If I came up to you today and said "Happy Birthday", but it's not your birthday, you'd probably feel the need to correct me. Unless it happens to be that one day of the year that is your birthday. Or unless a free dessert is involved. (Hi college friends!) You'd probably laugh, say "It's not my birthday!" and wonder why the person thought it was. 

If I were a stranger and came across you on your birthday and just smiled and said "Have a great day", chances are it wouldn't upset you that I said "day" instead of "birthday". You'd accept the sentiment and the heart of the one who offered it. You may say "I will....it's my birthday" to which the person would probably say "Well, happy birthday!" (I recommend this, by the way. I think we enjoy celebrating birthdays of friends and strangers and why not include others into your celebration?....especially if you're celebrating life that day spectacularly as you should.)

I kinda feel the same thing about Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays debate going on. I know you've heard it....people are offended because someone says one or the other. People are offended because if you don't say "Merry Christmas" to them, you're "taking the Christ out of Christmas." Others are offended that people are insensitive to those of other faiths or ideologies who may not celebrate Christmas and not going with "Happy Holidays."

I don't get all the energy people put behind this. Should you say "Merry Christmas" to someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas? If someone doesn't know you and your Christian status and says "Happy Holidays", should you get offended? Does it really matter? What does this argument say about us as a people? 

Not everyone celebrates Christmas. It's not mandatory. Not even for Christians. Not once in scripture did God say that December 25th, or the birth of Jesus, is a holiday that we all must honor and respect. God knows all and knew all. If that kind of celebration was that important, wouldn't he have mentioned it?

But he does tell the story. The story of a baby born to a virgin who is born to save the world. A baby born in a stable...not in the plushest accommodations. Who lived his 33 years on earth both humbly and audaciously. He didn't demand that all worship him (though he strongly encouraged it and persuasively caused people to drop their whole lives and follow him), but still he respected their free choice. He was the one who walked the earth and showed us how to love people. Who fed them, and healed them, and dried their tears and loved them. Who met them where they were. Who said things like "Come unto me, you who are weak and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Who said "Love your neighbor as yourself." Who said "When someone hits you on the cheek, offer the other as well. When someone takes your coat, let them have your shirt, too." The one who had the right to say "Bow down to me and show me some respect", but didn't choose to do it that way. In fact, when the persecution to him was the worse he said "Father forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing."

Seems to me that if you're a Christ follower, you've given up your right to self indignation. You have become more servant than king or queen. If you're modeling Jesus, you're not demanding that all go through the motions of your faith. You want to see genuine faith being developed. You should be pleading to God on the behalf of those around you. Privately. Most of all, you should be looking in the mirror and see whose spirit you are reflecting.

So Christians, let's give up that soap box and try something new. (Those of other faiths or lacking faith are welcome to join in.)

I propose the Happy Holidays Drinking Game. You can change the title to the Merry Christmas Drinking Game, or whatever greeting (or lack of greeting) annoys you most. I'm all about flexibility. In fact, I particularly recommend using every greeting, or lack of greeting you'll encounter.

It goes like this...every time you hear the "magic words" (or notice someone fails to say the "magic words"), you need to plant fruit. The fruit of the spirit. You remember... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. 

So...in other words, suppose you hate to hear the phrase "Happy Holidays". Every time you do, and cringe, you need to pick a fruit of the spirit and perform an act that demonstrates it to either an individual or the world at large. These can be public acts, but try for some to be completed in complete secret....something between you and God, with you getting no personal recognition or fanfare (it's probably not your birthday). It can even be as simple as a smile and a "Happy Holidays" back to them. (For some of you that would be the ultimate act of self control.) It can be buying a gift for a low income senior, sending a gift card anonymously to a parent who you suspect may be struggling to provide Christmas for their family, smiling at the parent of the child screaming in Walmart and saying "I know this is hard" or sharing a gentle word with the child themself. It may be encouraging someone who is down on themselves, or listening to that person at work who drones on and on and never ceases to get on your nerves. It may be taking a bag of groceries to the local food pantry, or hugging everyone you see that day that looks like they need a hug. (Ask for permission here, so you don't appear creepy.)

The story of Christmas is that a Savior was born because YOU are a sinner. Those of you who know Christ have a responsibility to show Christ to our world. How effective at showing Christ to the world is standing on that Merry Christmas soap box? In my mind it's the adult equivalent of the person from junior high (youngsters, that's what we used to call middle school), who volunteered to take names and gleefully reported any possible infraction to the teacher when they returned. (FYI...if this was you, most of us couldn't stand you.) Is that the way to a sinner's heart? Does God want you reporting to him the list of sins committed by a non-Christian, an immature Christian, or anyone besides yourself? If you're going to get on your high horse, shouldn't it be by doing something that seems to matter to God?

So let's do it....let's plant fruit. You can even carry a baggie around with fruits of the spirit written on little slips of paper and draw them at random. You can grab whichever fruit floats through your mind at the moment, you can write them on your fingertips or wrist and look down, or work on one in particular that you struggle with. I suspect whichever fruit you choose will be good for your spiritual health.

Oh the drinking part of the game? Yes, I knew certain of my friends would be looking for this part....having been such experts of drinking games at large. At the end of the day, raise your glass (beverage optional) toward heaven and say "Here's to you, my Lord! Thanks for giving me fruit to plant. Grow it in whatever way you want. It's a gift to you, with no strings. And I'd like more to plant tomorrow, please."

Consider a phrase like "Happy Holidays" God's way of saying "Kim (actually insert your name here)...it's time to get planting. Pick a fruit!"

Sometimes I say "Merry Christmas", sometimes I say "Happy Holidays." It depends on the person and the situation, though admittedly sometimes these are words spoken with absolutely no thought about who I am speaking to at all. Often the words carelessly pop out of my my mouth by rote. Sort of like when you say "Have a nice day" at a funeral. (Oh, you know you've done it too!) Or on your birthday and someone says "Happy Birthday" and you say "Happy Birthday to you, too!" It happens.

So....if you're hanging with me this Christmas and listening to what I say, know you'll have opportunities for a whole harvest of fruit. While I probably won't offer to hold your hand if you need help getting up onto that Merry Christmas soapbox, if you need help planting fruit? I can probably join you in that!

Singing Thankful

I love the songs and hymns we sang when I was growing up....they create a tapestry that weaves through my history and wraps itself around me like the warmest, softest blanket. My mom always liked music and sang to us, my older sister Dana taught me those she learned at school. When I went to church and school it continued. I learned words and tunes without even realizing I was doing it. I sang, loudly and with abandon.

It's interesting now to hear a tune and start to sing along and have the lyrics surprise me. Sometimes they make me laugh....sometimes shocked laughter. (Sort of like watching cartoons from my childhood....how did I miss all of that?)   But some of these songs, the hymns, make me pause....and think. I've had a few Thanksgiving songs in my head this morning.

"We gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing;
He chastens and hastens His will to make known.
The wicked oppressing now cease from distressing.
Sing praises to His Name; He forgets not His own.

Beside us to guide us, our God with us joining,
Ordaining, maintaining His kingdom divine;
So from the beginning the fight we were winning;
Thou, Lord, were at our side, all glory be Thine!

We all do extol Thee, Thou Leader triumphant,
And pray that Thou still our Defender will be.
Let Thy congregation escape tribulation;
Thy Name be ever praised! O Lord, make us free!"

-Theodore Baker, 1894

"We Gather Together"...who knew? It's not a wimpy sweet song after all. It talks about God, the chastener and hastener so we know his will. We tend to glide right over that part, in the sweetness of the melody. (Don't know about you, but there has been a bit of chastening and hastening in my past and I don't always like it. Especially when done to mold my will.) The God who stops the oppressive wicked ones. That stands beside us to guide us. That defends us. That doesn't forget us. Powerful words, not to be taken lightly. A God who is strong....who expects something from us, doesn't expect us to live life passively, without thought or action. Who serves not just Americans but our world. Regardless of the oppression or circumstances, it is God who makes any of us free. And that is what God ultimately fights for....the freedom of his people. Not their bondage.

"Now Thank We All Our God". It reminds us of the God who is the giver of our bounty. Not the paper towels, though you could say that the fact we take paper towels for granted is a part of it. The God of provision. The God of miracles. The God who answers our questions and directs our paths. The God who remains the same, though if we're keeping a good eye on his work, the one from whom we discover different dimensions all of the time. While God never changes, we, his people should be forever changing. If God is the same to you this Thanksgiving as he was last, you have wasted a year.

"Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,

1. Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;
   Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
   With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.
2. Oh, may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
   With ever joyful hearts and blessed peace to cheer us;
   And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
   And guard us through all ills in this world, till the next!
3. All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given,
   The Son, and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven—
   The one eternal God, Whom earth and Heav’n adore;
   For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore."
4. -Martin Rinkart, 1636

On this Thanksgiving Day, may you notice your cornucopia is overflowing....be thankful for it and not spend your time looking to see how the cornucopia of your neighbor compares. May you pause and reflect and be thankful for your blessings, the things you have, and not give a thought to those things you don't. Because no matter your circumstances, there's something good going on right in front of you. You may need to squint, you may need to open your eyes wider, but if you do you'll find reason to be awed. Let that spirit of awe come inside of you and change you and make you thankful and useful. You have reason to celebrate.....happy Thanksgiving!

"Give thanks with a grateful heart

Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich"
Because of what the Lord has done for us

Give thanks...."

1. -Henry Smith, 1970

A Story In Iredell County

I love Iredell county. I do. I could live anywhere in the world...and those who know me know I would be very happy living many places or just traipsing around as a vagabond...but Iredell County is where I choose to call home.

Yes, part if the reason has to do with my family....I enjoy them and whether I am around them a lot or a little, if I needed them I could get the whole gang of them on my doorstep in 15 minutes flat. (Well, unless it is to put up the awesome light fixture I bought for my home office. It's been sitting here over a year and counting. But one day....)

Anyway, wanted to tell a story about why I love it here. My friend Debbie's 30-year old son had a heart attack Saturday. He was at O'Charlie's in Mooresville, having lunch with his pregnant wife (their first child is due in a couple of weeks). Had a seizure, and his heart stopped. A paramedic was sitting at the next table. She sprang into action, performed CPR. Some people from Mooresville Fire Department were at Target doing a fundraiser, so got to the scene immediately. They used a defibrillator to start his heart. Two ambulances showed up...more paramedics. Michael couldn't have gotten better treatment faster. He was transferred to Charlotte and put in cardiac intensive care.

Sunday afternoon I was trying to figure out something I could do for Debbie. I knew she would want to thank that paramedic. They didn't know who she was, so Debbie said I could help find her. Yea, something to do!

I called one of the non-emergency supervisor numbers I found online and couldn't get hold of anyone. I figured they are leanly staffed and have lots going on, so instead of leaving a message, I resorted to email. Yes....I am more if an emailer than a phone caller anyway. I emailed the head of EMS, Blair Richey. I know....probably not who you should start with on such a quest, especially on a Sunday afternoon, but you know me. Why not? Her name was first. I got an out of office message from her. I didn't read it all the way then, or would have seen an extra number I could have called for a supervisor. But no....instead I email every supervisor on the south end of the county. (I think there were six?) I copied Blair Richey so she would know and not feel the need to get back to me when she got back to work. This was at 11:32. 

By 12:16 I had heard from the battalion chief on that shift, Jason Little. He said he would make contact with her and arrange a time for them to meet. Remember this was the next day.....I think that probably meant he was not on duty. By 12:40 I heard from Blair Richey, remember....the head of Iredell EMS that was out of office....just touching base and saying she saw Jason had responded, telling me she appreciated my outreach (she appreciated me?), and if they could do anything else to let them know.

Today Michael's doctor had questions about their resuscitation and Debbie asked if I could see if I could get the information. I emailed Blair and Jason (I can call them by their first names now we're old email friends, right?) at 11:35. Blair Richey emailed me back at 11:52 and told me to have Debbie call her on her cell. 

Jason Little, still off duty, emailed at 2:56 with a bit more info about the day and how much response there actually was. At the end of his email he said "We need no token of thanks for our work, but we would love to facilitate a get together with your family once Michael comes home from the hospital.  You have been in our thoughts and prayers since the call and hope for a continued speedy recovery.  We look forward to hearing from you."

I still don't know the name of the wonderful paramedic who sprang into action to save Michael, but I know they will get to meet her and thank her, and the others involved, in person. I get to use the word providence again here...you know I love it....it was providence that she was there, and I believe everything in her life up to that time was at work so she would be at that place, with the skills to save Michael. It was providence that had the firemen at Target doing a fundraiser and could get there so fast. It's pretty clear Michael was meant to live.

You know what I also love here? The hearts of the rest of the folks. People who don't care that I'm bugging them during their time off. People who care enough to respond quickly to an email, and do it graciously and kindly, and not waiting until they return to duty. People who pray for those they help, think about them, want to know what happens, and for whom the best thanks would be getting to see them recovered.

These are my people....the employees of my county. Paying taxes is not so bad when you know it is supporting them. I love Iredell County....because there are stories like this that happen every day. It's not just a dot on a map....but a place where folks like this live and work and look for opportunities to do good things. Yep.....you may be able to come up with some negative stories of the folks that live here...I could myself....but I know for every bad one we can come up with, I could tell you ten stories that will warm your heart. In a world where we often see the bad, I know there are a lot of good people. And go ahead and disagree with me if you want, but I'm going to be right here. Good hearts are going to win.

(Oh....and Michael...he is doing great. Getting poked and prodded and tested and fixed up and soon will be on the road to recovery. By Christmas he will be bouncing that baby boy on his knee. God worked through a lot of people and his will matched ours this time. That beautiful story will continue!)

And another update....Ashley Buie is the name of the paramedic that was sitting next to Michael and Megan and started CPR. We have a lot of heroes in this story, but she is a star. If you know Ashley, give her lots of hugs from all of us. And if you would like to buy her lunch....well, hers was interrupted so she could save a life....

And one more update....Michael has now held his son (also named Michael) thanks to everyone involved. He was born December 18. Another reminder of the goodness of God.

Soul Salve

A "friend" misrepresented themself to me recently. That's when they don't lie to you outright, but they lead you to believe something that is not the truth. I didn't realize it at first, but later when I did, there was a shift in our relationship. I examined it a bit and realized that they didn't trust me with the truth. Examining the relationship showed me that while I had considered them a friend, they just considered me an acquaintance.

The relationship is not over by any means, and they will probably not notice a change. They also may never know how that particular situation made me feel. I haven't felt the need to tell them.  I don't have a major problem with confrontation, but I also don't believe it is necessary in every situation. Sometimes you need to confront, other times you need to learn. Sometimes ears are ready to hear, sometimes they are not. Sometimes there is something to be gained by confronting, other times there just isn't.

Truth is, not everyone you know (or even spend a lot of time with) will be your friend. When I thought about it, maybe I should have noticed some things about our relationship before. The distance, in spite of the outer warmth. The lack of depth. The fact that we never seemed to get beyond the surface. Well, I think I shared my life....but it finally occurred to me they really haven't shared their life with me. When I really looked at this person I realized they didn't share themself with many people. That's OK....some people travel with small circles.

Truth is essential to friendship. When I say truth, I don't mean brutality. In fact, if they are honest and that honesty cuts you, and then they follow that with another blow, that's another sign that it's not a friend. Friends don't leave scars or keep your wounds open ....instead they help you heal. But truth is....if they can't be all of who they are around you, and you can't be all of who you are around them, it just might not be a friendship.

I love the old saying that "a friend is salve to the soul". Not to say that an acquaintance or even a stranger can't be salve on occasion. But a friend's soul healing is intentional and constant. You can count on them to be consistent.You can count on them to look below the surface. You can count in them to notice you and know you. Spending time with them makes you feel better about who you are, because they like and respect you and let you know it. They listen as you ramble, and offer suggestions as to how you can solve problems. They aren't offended if you don't take them. They will stand up for you....even for your right to be wrong. They don't desert you when you're down or dumb. But mostly they like you...even though they know all about those warts you try so hard to hide. A friend shares their life, their pain, their struggles, and you do the same with them. It's not all about you, it's not all about them. You do life together....and that requires the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.

I tend to be a bit loose when applying the word "friend" in conversation. Some that I may call friend are those people who teeter on the acquaintance line. It doesn't matter....people in our lives really need no labels. 

Still, it's good to know who your true blue friends are. The ones who give and receive. Those who are there...whether or not they are in close proximity. These friends notice when I am off kilter. They recognize those times when my life feels especially hard. Most have been around for years, and constantly prove they are in my corner. Their eyes smile when they see me....they seek me out, and make me know I am valued. I don't worry if I offend them, or impress them, or if something inappropriate comes out of my mouth. (It happens.) They are my people, and will defend me to the end. Unless I am wrong. Then they will tell me. With love.

I write about friendship a lot, because I like to think about it...and I believe many people don't do it well. If done well it can enrich our lives immeasurably. I have realized over the years that many people aren't intentional in growing relationships....and while I hate the idea of "programmed friendships", I also think we shouldn't take them for granted. I think they need to be nurtured. Good relationships take work. Sometimes we have to make a plan to do that work.

Everyone is not your friend. But maybe more people should be. You can have wonderful times with strangers and acquaintances, and I think life is better for it, but one thing I can tell you....a friend will bring salve to your soul. In this hard and cruel world, they can make you stronger and healthier and more joyful. But it's not just on them to reach out to you. Reach out for them. Why not add a few....and why not invest in some friendships you may have been neglecting? And if you think you don't have any friends, work on those friendship skills! Talk, listen, share, appreciate, make time. Find those who let you be you, with them....and do it. I dare you.

Remembering the Saints

So they celebrated All Saints Day at church today.  I don't recall having done that before. Not to say I haven't, but if I had I either tuned it out or didn't commit it to memory.

But today's service....I liked it. It was a time to remember those "saints" that God has used in the lives of those in the church, who now celebrate life in heaven. It made me think about those people in my own life who God used to change me. 

Some, like John and Nancy Kimmons, were my teachers. I met them when I was nine. John died my first year of college, Nancy just last year. My relationship with each was so different, but they both helped shape so much of what I believe. John was my first adult friend. From him I learned to have an authentic faith....to try to be truthful about things I struggle with and share the stories of where I have been and where I am going. Nancy taught me to live what I say I believe. She made me do the hard things, even if at times I did it (do it) begrudgingly (and sometimes possibly hating her in the process for "making me"). She changed quite a bit during the years I knew her, and our roles in each other's lives changed, too. Forty-five years of influence....that's a very long time...and moving from teacher to encouraging friend to someone who I could encourage...I learned such valuable lessons from her.

And then I think of Bryan French. Bryan was in my youth group in Greensboro (where the Kimmon's son John was my pastor and their grandchildren other members of the youth group.) When I met Bryan he had had one brain surgery and then in his high school years he had several more (incidentally performed by Dr. Ben Carson at Johns Hopkins). I think I was to Bryan what John Kimmons Sr. had been to me....his adult friend. Well, if he ever thought of me as a "real" adult. He was my concert buddy....I took him to his first concert (unknowingly) and then we went to many more. With Bryan I learned to pray harder, to focus as I did so, and to look to God for answers. I also learned to just say what I thought, when I thought it. There was no pretense in our conversation. When we talked, we talked truth. We discussed the possibilities in his life, including the possibility that he could die before me. He smiled and said he would be saving me the good concert seats. That thought still makes me smile today, as it also makes me cry. When Bryan died one thing I never doubted....he knew he was loved by me and by many others. He also knew he was loved by God. His intense desire to live, alongside his trust in God's plan for his life, gave me a peace like nothing I had ever known before. 

They mentioned Jo Quinn Murphy during the service today. I met Jo when I used to volunteer at the Open Door Clinic on 5th St. Her giving heart, healing hands, and sardonic humor were a beautiful combination, as was her loving relationship with her daughter Molly. Molly always came with Jo to the clinic, sometimes working on homework, sometimes helping count pills in the pharmacy. Jo said she needed to learn to serve, and I think Molly was eight when she told me that. I still grin at Jo's hatred of the Month of October Pink as she battled breast cancer. I think of the amazing massages she gave me even in the midst of her breast cancer treatment, and how she gave me a foot massage at the last Relay for Life we attended together, because of the nasty hormonal migraine I was suffering. She was a born healer.

Many other faces flashed before my eyes. They mentioned butterflies and it reminded me of my friend Claire. I also remembered my grandparents, my uncle and aunts, my cousin Jonathan, and friends and acquaintances whose life or death changed me.

It's good to remember and to reflect on these lives who are so entwined with the fabric of who we are, that they still live through us. Oh, so many of these folks would giggle at the very idea of being called saints, but there is a particular beauty in that. It's not our perfection that usually changes the lives of those around us....it is our presence. And it is our faith in God, even if that faith is shaky or doesn't look like quite the same as the faith of others around us, that qualifies us as saints.

I love the idea that when we really worship, all of heaven worships with us. When we celebrate what God is doing, they're celebrating, too. When we're doing the hard stuff, they're cheering us on. Life on this earth is short, sometimes even shorter than seems fair, but I believe in a vibrant heaven. I don't feel like our lives are that far apart from this vibrant heavenly realm.

So happy All Saints day. May those who will greet us in heaven, still be remembered on this earth, and may your life touch the lives of others as they have touched yours. Think for a bit....which of the saints does your life represent and are you passing on the lessons they taught you? Smile at their memory... and pass it on.

The Car Buying Journey Begins

On my list of "least favorite things to do" is buying a car. Ugh! I hate it so much. I tend to be the high mileage type, so this happens more for me than it does the average person....well, except a few of you who love the car buying experience and look for ways to make it happen in your life. Some of you know buying a car has been on my radar for a while now, since I was about to hit 200k miles, but I have been a bit stalled in the process. (This is not an unusual position for me in many areas of my life, as many can attest.)

So I began with "What kind of car do I buy?" I thought about upgrading. I absolutely fell in love with BMWs when I did the BMW Experience down in Greenville. After driving all of their cars in many different ways (they were all quite amazing machines), I determined that their sedans were for me. Sport cars didn't feel right, and SUVs seemed too big and clumsy. But am I really a BMW person? Am I a Lexus person? Am I a Mercedes person? For now I think I am still the Camry type. A few of you have confirmed that to me.

The next question is "Do I buy new or used?" There is no answer there yet. Low mileage matters to me....because of the car buying hatred and the lack of desire to go through this process anytime soon...but I have no strong feelings other than that. Yeah, I know you drive off the lot and it depreciates, but when you drive a car into the ground that matters a bit less to you. So, time will tell what I decide there. My last car was a low mileage used, the one before that new. Both were good decisions for their time.

So here I am. Probably the next step is to go look at new and gently used Camrys and decide what matters to me in a new car. There are a few upgrades I know I want, a few more I want to consider, and I need to really think through what should be my end result.

But I dread the next stage. I hate auto dealerships. No type of business frustrates me as much as they do. I think they remain the most sexist of industries, and no sales people (male or female, funnily enough) have treated me worse than I have been treated in the auto showroom. While I really don't mind negotiating, and even feel it is a strength in many areas of my life, the process just infuriates me. I have tested my sexism theory out, as have other friends, and while certainly other factors could enter into the picture, I don't find them to be legitimate. It feels like sexism and I hate it. And I don't really care to invest what it takes to get beyond it....so we end up at odds.

The last two times I went through the car buying process I ended up buying through the AAA car buying service, which was simple and painless and resulted in a far better deal than I was able to get than going direct to the dealership. I know that because I tried dealerships first, who wanted to charge me a higher price for the same car.  I'm expecting this to happen again, but I am going to try to pursue this with an open mind. I invite you on the journey and will report back the results.

And if you have advise....if I am doing this wrong....I am willing to change my approach. Maybe I am still colored by the very first time I bought a new car when I was in my twenties, and was shown the exact same car in five different colors (even after telling the guy that color was not my first priority.) So let's talk. How do I make this easier? It's time to get down to business...my car is starting to show its age and I don't have time for car trouble. I hope that possibly this time the experience will be different, though I am already checking out the AAA listing. Let's call it realism through experience, instead of a weary pessimism.

Locked Out

The great news is that finally I got rid of my wretched Blackberry work phone and moved to an iPhone 6. Contrary to my friend Al, who hates all things "i", I love i-Stuff. My personal phone is an iPhone 4s, and while I liked the first one I had, my current one has had some issues. But compared to the Blackberry, it is amazing.

But the 6......oh. Love at first sight. Well, maybe at least love at first fingerprint. I loved that little feature. I have a bazillion passwords to remember, that have to be changed every three months (or more often when I forget them), so being able to get into my phone by the touch of my fingerprint...a game changer. Well, until the day it wouldn't accept my fingerprint.....and what I knew to be my password.

It drove me nuts. I kept trying. Some if you know what happens when you try your iPhone password too much. It totally locked me out of my phone. To the point where I had to do a total factory re-set. Which I didn't have time for. So for three days I had to go without my work phone, until I had time to re-do everything. Actually it was five days....I got the phone going, but then had to re-do my company set-up. Painful.

I was around a lot of people this past weekend. One thing about being in a crowd...you analyze people. At least I do. I love the relationship dynamics and the electricity and even watching those just going through the motions. My latest revelation? There are some folks that drive me nuts. Who I just don't get. Who I will think I understand one moment, and then they simply confound me. It's like I'm putting my fingerprint on that phone sensor and getting in with no issue 100 times, but doing the exact same thing again and it locks me out. On one hand I think these folks are "my people" and yet on the other I wonder if I understand them at all. If they're "my people" I should understand them, right? Maybe. Maybe not.

I look at me from a few paces back and I suspect I may be a bit confounding myself. Sometimes I may mask my feelings. Sometimes I act like I don't care about something when I care very much. Sometimes I can't quite figure out what I am feeling and so what comes out reads as something entirely different than what it really is. Sometimes I am tired and mentally exhausted and it comes out as anger and impatience. Sometimes something innocent triggers pain and I do a dance so no one looks in my eyes and sees it there. Sometimes I am aloof, but at the core scared. Sometimes in need of attention, so clumsily try to get it. Other times in need of anonymity, so trying to blend in to the point of not being seen. Sometimes I am simply out of my depth, and try to pretend that I am not.

Knowing all this about me, it shouldn't surprise me that sometimes I can't get a good read on others. I think that on one hand we all want people to understand us, but yet a part of us may want to remain a mystery. If we let them too close, they just may see that we're all vulnerable human beings who want someone's thumbprint to open up the secret to who we are, but are scared to let them get too close.

That Blackberry of mine was not a great communication tool. I only took it out to read an occasional email. But my rebooted iPhone 6....it's doing the job for which it was intended. I want to use it and it opens up new avenues of communication. Maybe our relationships need a factory reboot... before we simply put them on a shelf. Maybe we need to focus on forgetting the past, beginning again, and see if we can do things different. It's intimidating, it can be difficult, and it is confounding...but that is the world of relationships. It is worth the investment of some time and attention....even if the pathway may seem a bit confusing. It may get us to the place where our fingerprint opens up a world of possibilities for closeness and intimacy and relationships that are genuine.

The Release

UT

I was talking to a guy at work the other day. Not someone who works for my company, but someone whose path crosses with mine often in our work life. We were talking about work stress and he confessed "The other day I finally had to get away. I took a walk. All of a sudden I found that tears were coming down my cheeks. I was crying! I'm a grown man, Kim....I don't remember the last time I cried. It's just not healthy."

I laughed at him....yes, sometimes I am a terrible person....and told him "That was probably the healthiest thing you have done in a long while."

As we continued to talk he realized that things really did get better after that little meltdown. He was surprised. As I told him, sometimes you have to let the emotions out and refill with proper perspective and determination.

I am a crier. I cry fairly easily.....but sometimes inappropriately. A major work problem...I can handle that with no tears. If there is a job to be done and problems to solve, that is where I excel. A critical co-worker, however....it probably will be a gully washer (hopefully in the car as I drive home.)

I've found I cry most often when people disappoint me....or I feel I disappoint other people. I cry when I am frustrated and can't figure out a way to change people or circumstances and make them "right". The idealist in me just can't understand why things aren't fair... why people don't care about others and try to do the right thing. I don't understand why they can't see me as I see me. On one hand I know we can seldom be the person other people think we should be....but a part of me just can't accept it.

I cry where someone else may get inappropriately angry. Same emotions felt....different ways to deal with it. I heard the quote "Anger is fear masked" once and it changed the way I looked at anger. I think tears are also a mask for fear. The good thing about both tears and anger is they cause us to release some negativity. The bad thing about both is sometimes we do it inappropriately. Sometimes it doesn't really release the anger and frustration, but gives life to it.

I think we have to be careful dealing with anger and tears in others. Neither are pure forms of expression. We have all seen crocodile tears and bursts of anger used for dramatic effect...so someone can get their own way. When that happens you have to learn "Please don't feed the emotion." When we let the emotional outbursts let someone get their way, we reinforce that as an appropriate and effective behavior. We can console, we can help the person determine why they are emotional, but we cannot enable the behavior. Yes, it's tough to balance, but if we care about that person, we cannot reward a negative behavior pattern. You can love them in spite of it, though.

Life is hard, work is hard.....sometimes the emotions overcome. We need to be there for each other. We need to remind each other that most of us feel overwhelmed at times. We need to stay away from the very wrong platitudes like "God won't give you any more than you can handle." We need to shift our view. When you are feeling overwhelmed, sometimes it is simply we are willingly taking on more than God intended (maybe because we won't utter that word that scares us...."no"). Sometimes we are not keeping things in proper perspective and we are making them more important in our lives than they should be. We need to re-balance. And sometimes we are not handing over our too heavy load to God and trusting that he is able to handle it on our behalf.

""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Release, relax and rely on God and those people he has placed around you to help carry the load. You are not intended to do it all alone. And it is OK to cry.

Imperfectly Perfect

Truth is, as a single person I may be a bit hard on you partnered folk. I get frustrated sometimes as I watch relationships unravel. So precious, and yet I see people treating them casually, even throwing them away without much thought. Especially when I can see the potential for greatness, if they'd just give each other a bit more grace. If they'd just see the good of what is there and relax in it.

My heart smiled this week. A friend was talking about a task her husband had performed, well... imperfectly. She is in the midst of a self-improvement program and had created a vision board to chart her progress and motivate her. She had asked her husband to hang it on the wall for her, knowing in the back of her mind that this was not the kind of a task that he usually performed well. When it was done, it was lopsided, multiple holes were in the wall and all kinds of wires were hanging all around it. Her first thought was to "fix" it. After she cringed.

But then, as she was talking about it, she said something to the effect of "I couldn't be upset with him. Mainly because this is the same man who tells me I am beautiful."

Oh. My.  Heart. I think that was one of the romantic things I have heard in a while. Isn't that what really matters? He loves her. He supports her. He tells her. Not just verbally, though the verbal is important to many of us, but as another friend described it, in "imperfectly perfect" ways. Doing things for her at which he doesn't especially excel. A gift of the heart, regardless of the outcome.

While truly she wanted to change it, she waited.

By bedtime he had already talked about how he was going to make it look better, if she decided  it was hung at the right height. He was going to try to fix it, without any prompting from her. She didn't need to fix it herself. She didn't need to criticize. She had just thanked him and looked at it as the gift it was. Knowing that gift of service was imperfectly performed. She could look at it and know....this man, her husband, thinks she is beautiful. Just the way she is. Even before the results of her self-improvement program are where she wants them to be. Her walking vision board.

OK, I am a romantic, though maybe not a traditional one. I'm a bit cynical of big romantic gestures... I tend to think they are more to show off to a crowd than to show anything real about the relationship. (Some of my friends love these big gestures....you're certainly allowed!) When it gets down to it, your relationships are more about what happens when it is just between the two of you. How kind, how patient, how respectful, how encouraging, how loving you are. 

As my friend continues with her healthy eating and more movement program (I like the sound if that better than diet and exercise), her board will chart her progress. But on those days when the weight may not be moving down, or she misses a workout or two, her personal walking vision board will tell her she is beautiful. Because he sees her....the person she really is. That is love in action. That is perfect. She can be confident in that knowledge even on those days when they just may miss attaining perfection.

Give those you love best the most grace. Don't they deserve it?

The Challenge - Day 7

Nancy Krehbiel has been my friend since I was in my early 20s (when we were roommates). Since she is the one responsible for me doing this challenge (sharing a verse that is important to me for seven days), I thought a proper ending would to be to talk about friendship. The kind of friend I want to be and that I want to have is talked about in the book of Ecclesiastes. (Which I think has turned into one if my favorite books of scripture. Fitting that I love the wisdom of the flawed....and Solomon certainly was. It's encouraging to someone like me.....maybe I can be wise, too!)

So anyway, Solomon says...

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

 

And in another translation...
 

"You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (CEV)

One of the top three things God has given me in my life are my friends. They are glorious. A rainbow of colors and beliefs, totally flawed and yet totally perfect. They make me understand how God can love us, in spite of knowing who we really are.

Being single I think perhaps my friends take on an additional role in my life. It's hard to maneuver through this world alone. Being an introvert, they become even a bit more significant. My nature would have me holing up and avoiding all of the terribly terrifying situations that come from having to "get out in" people. In these situations, my friends serve as my anchors. (Or maybe sometimes I am their anchors. When particularly nervous I practically attach myself to their person. They pretend they are not ready to drown.)

But in this day of electronic media and all its cruelty, being too busy to think things through, and waning social skills, we sometimes fail to detect who our real friends are. Our friends are those folks who are picking us up and not letting us stay down on the ground.

Sometimes this is difficult to detect. They're acting nice to us, saying great stuff, they're supportive and reinforcing within us the things that we believe to be true. But what if we are believing wrong? What if we have gotten off course? What if we have lost our way? What if we have fallen? Are they helping us or hurting us?

If you are in a bad place and some one is keeping you there, they are not your friend. Picture yourself having fallen on the ground with a broken ankle and someone saying to you "I am so sorry this has happened to you. It has to hurt. It looks like it may be broken.  I remember I broke my ankle once. It about killed me when the doctor set it. I'd hate for you to go through that." And they let you continue to let you lay there. The ankle continues to swell, you continue to be on the ground and in pain, and yeah....it's almost as though you were alone. But worse....because you're not. They want you to stay exactly where you are, because of their own fears. They don't realize you are in pain, and will be in worse pain the longer you stay where you are. They can't look beyond themselves.

The real friend is going to assess the problem and say "Let's get that checked out." They're going to gently get you in the car, get you to the emergency room, and get that ankle on the road to healing. They want you to feel good for the long term. They want your ankle to heal. They want you to be whole.

We fall. Often. It's OK....we're human. Are your "friends" there for you, constructively helping you up and helping you out? Do they show up when you need them, or are they nowhere to be found? Do they even notice when you have fallen down?

I'm the "tough love" type. I admitted in an earlier blog this week that my nature is to want you, yes all of you, to pay consequences when you do something wrong, sometimes at the expense of mercy. But mercy is important. Oh there is nothing wrong with us having to pay consequences, and a real friend will guide you and support you through the process, but they also care about your pain, embarrassment, and humiliation.

Friends are those who know your truth, but love you and support you in spite of it. (Yes, there are people in the world you can trust in this way.) If you cannot share your truth with them, the whole ugly truth about yourself, maybe they're not a friend. Or maybe you're not.

Your friends know you broke that ankle because you chose to wear five inch heels you weren't used to....and may point that out to you as they are picking you up (well, most of my friends would feel the need)....but their first thought is for your good. They want you to be a healthy high quality person living a healthy high quality life. They still pick you up. They will not leave you on the ground, but they will also not be your crutch when there is nothing wrong with the ankle. They may tell you to pick yourself up, if they realize you are on the ground due to a dramatic pratfall. But they will be there, giving you what you need, even if it's not particularly what you want.

If your life is not better, if you're not better, for having known them, then maybe they just aren't your friend. If they're not it's OK....no need to necessarily cut them off...you need friendly acquaintances, too. Maybe they need a friend like you to teach them. Maybe they haven't experienced real friendship and are trying to get it right. but haven't quite gotten the hang of it. Be there for them.

But the mutual friends....those who have mastered the art of friendship...notice them. (Also notice when they step away....it may be for a reason.) Friends are treasures that should be there for you....and you should be there for them. In a good way.

To Nancy and all of my other friends.....you know who you are....thank you. You help me up and build me up. But how about no other challenges for a while? Well, except for those of you who need to be challenged....I challenge you. Share a Bible verse that is meaningful to you for seven days. Go!

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

 

The Challenge - Day 6

Yes....still working in that challenge Nancy Krehbiel gave me to share a Bible verse that is meaningful to me for seven days. So.....Day 6.....

"The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: 'Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.' But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord." Jonah 1:1-3 (NIV)

Or in another translation....

"One day the Lord told Jonah, the son of Amittai, to go to the great city of Nineveh and say to the people, 'The Lord has seen your terrible sins. You are doomed!' Instead, Jonah ran from the Lord. He went to the seaport of Joppa and bought a ticket on a ship that was going to Spain. Then he got on the ship and sailed away to escape." Jonah 1:1-3 (CEV)

....And thus began one of the best known stories of the Bible. Does it sound familiar? Not just about Jonah, but can you relate?

I'm a rebel by nature. I actually think we all are, though it takes on different forms. Some of us are the openly defiant types. But even those who are quiet and seem to do no wrong...we don't know what rages in their soul. I suspect they are dealing with their own rebellious nature but just in a more quiet way. We are often running fools. God sometimes wants us to do things that we don't want to do and we avoid it like the plague.

We know what happened to Jonah....he eventually became whale food and learned that perhaps when God speaks you listen. Even if it's something you really don't want to do. There from the belly of the whale, in a sea of digestive juices, he prayed. He was humble. God rescued him instead of destroying him, and he was vomited from the whale intact. 

Finally he went and told the people of Ninevah what God has said. What he was supposed to do in the first place. The people listened and changed. Even the king repented. God was moved by the true changes he saw in the people of Ninevah and he changed his mind. Ninevah was saved.

You would think that Jonah would have been thrilled that he had positively impacted people's lives. Pumped up. Excited. But no. He whined. God didn't do what he first said he was going to do. He didn't handle the situation the way Jonah expected. God was merciful instead. Just as he had been merciful with a rebellious Jonah. But Jonah couldn't see that. We don't see that. There often is a part of us that is only happy if the end result is the way we would have written the story. We want mercy...we want everyone else to get what they deserve.

I relate to Jonah, but don't think I'd like him much if I met him. He didn't learn. He was dramatic and full of self pity, and often lacked compassion. But still, in between his running away and whining, he was used by God. How much more would he have been able to do if he hadn't rebelled and learned from his mistakes?

If life seems unfair, read Jonah. You just might see yourself and learn a bit faster to stop running away from your responsilities, put an end to your rebellion, and approach your tasks with passion. You can't escape God. And you might find that even if you don't get your way, a world where grace abounds works out pretty well for all of us rebels.

"One day the Lord told Jonah, the son of Amittai, to go to the great city of Nineveh and say to the people, 'The Lord has seen your terrible sins. You are doomed!' Instead, Jonah ran from the Lord. He went to the seaport of Joppa and bought a ticket on a ship that was going to Spain. Then he got on the ship and sailed away to escape." Jonah 1:1-3 (CEV)