When I Pray For You....

I suspect that perhaps I pray for you a bit differently than some people do.  Let me confess right now.... I don't always pray that you are happy.  I don't always pray that all goes well with you.  I don't always pray that you win.  I don't pray with the perfect words, or sometimes even with a full attention span.  But I do pray continuously, because I like to watch God at work.

My prayer life changed when I started working with kids.  I worked at a children's home after college and at age 21 was hired to work with teenaged girls.  Teenaged girls are liars.  OK....maybe not all.  But a lot.  Especially those who have been abused and neglected most of their lives.  Teenaged boys can lie, too, but there is a difference.  Teenaged girls are good liars. It was a frustrating time.  I wanted so much for them to get on track and do the right thing, but often they did what they knew.  Acted from a warped brain.  It was beyond me to know when they were lying, and how to help.  I learned to pray.

So my prayers were "If (insert name) is headed down the wrong path, Lord please let her be caught.  Please let the consequences be severe enough that they get her attention and change her life."

I kept volunteering to switch and work with the teenaged boys at the home, who were prone to violence and had sent many a houseparent packing doing bodily damage to them.  They were very reluctant to put me in this position (and now I definitely understand why), but in an emergency one night they had no choice.  After that night, they agreed that I could work with the boys.  The boys were a bit easier.  They'd do things, but not cover their tracks well. They would sneak out at night.  At first that made me crazy and I would try to find them.  It was impossible.  One of my fellow houseparents reminded me that I was human and needed to sleep on occasion, so I learned to lock the windows when they had slipped out....and go back to bed.  They'd have to wake up the other boys to get back in the house.  I would pray "Lord, when (insert name) tries to get back in tonight make it difficult for him.  May he notice the impact of his actions on others.  May he desire sleep more than wandering.  If he runs to trouble, may every attempt be thwarted."  (I've always loved the word "thwarted"!). 

The anger these boys felt burned brightly and often went out of control.  I understood their anger.... they had been given a raw deal in their young lives.  But still, I knew that it wasn't in their best interest to let it fester for life.  My prayer for them was that it would be chipped away, until there was none left.  Praying about someone's anger is one prayer that has changed for me over time.  While I used to see anger as an emotion all on its own (and prayed it would just go away),I don't believe it is.  Now I believe that anger is fear disguised.  My prayer for the angry now is they would no longer be afraid....and that they would learn to know security, trust and confidence.  Not from the outside in, as I know the outer forces can sometimes be unstable in this world, but from the inside out.  From a confidence of the spirit that lives and grows inside them.

Working with youth groups in later years continued the prayers.  It's tough when you know what is going on and what has the potential to go on.  Some youth leaders feel like you give youth freedom.  I always felt that granting freedom was the right of their parents.  I felt like my job was to protect them from themselves and hold them a bit closer than their parents.  This could put us at odds.  When dealing with teens, often you strongly suspect things going on, but can't prove them.  You see such amazing potential, but you also see how fragile they are.  Some are teetering on the edge.  Many were self-centered and thoughtless and some even mean.  Many had emotions that were in over-kill.  My prayer "Lord, you know their hearts, love  them and want to use them.  May the voice of your spirit be strong in their ears and may they be compelled to follow you.  May they want to live in truth and kindness and calm and learn to hear your voice."

Moving back to my hometown, I was faced with the fact that I have an imperfect family.  It's easy to ignore when you live farther away.  While they are the perfect family for me, love me well, and I would choose no other, if they make bad choices or don't choose to live with integrity and truth and purpose and responsibility, it is heartbreaking.  On one hand I feel it shouldn't impact me much, since I believe we own our own actions.  But for some reason it matters.  You become disappointed. It is easy to be frustrated and angry with them, because you above others know their gifts and potential.  Yet you cannot live their lives for them.  One option is to distance yourself, but I (usually) like them as well as love them and want to be part of their lives.  And what if they did that to me?  Cut me out of their lives because I made bad choices?  I can't imagine life without each and every one of them.  I instead choose to trust that God loves them even more than me and He will not let them go.  I am relentless in praying that when they do wrong, it will be exposed.  (Yep...woe to them that I love!)  But I also pray that God will continue to shape them, change them and use them and they will be molded into people after God's heart.  

I love that the Bible is not a sanitized storybook, but instead the life stories of imperfect people.  It gives us hope or who we can become and how high from the depths we can rise.  That's what I want for those I love, that they will grow and create an amazing life story.  One that will inspire generations.  That they will know themselves but still love themselves, that they will live in the light and not in darkness, that they will not just take up space on this earth, but will leave the world better than they found it.

I love the freedom that God gives.  I believe that is the gift of Jesus....that we are unbound and free to choose who or what we will follow.  There are consequences to our choices.  The older I get, the more I appreciate it.  Especially since I think the church often lives in fear and wants to bring back bondage.  But prayers should be living and active.  They should be messy and sometimes reflect our sin and stupidity.  That's evidence we are praying without ceasing.  God wants us to talk to Him and we don't have to wait until we know what He wants before we ask what we want.  The prayers we pray are way less importance than the answers.  In the answers we see God may not be who we thought He was.

I am not someone who tries to protect God from truth, but someone who throws it all at His feet.  It's my responsibility to pray.....to dialogue with God.  Mercy is not always what is in my heart... often justice is.  But really, do I want my own idea of justice to rule the world?  Do I want that to be the standard that God applies to me?  Yeah, often I do....but I know that is arrogance showing.  But while God is a God of justice, He also is a God of mercy and grace.  I want that applied to me, and also to others.  God does answer our prayers.  Every one of them.  Yes, no or wait.  We don't always want to acknowledge the answer, but when we do we learn a bit more about how God works in this crazy, sinful world of humans.

So when I pray for you (and I probably do), know sometimes you will not like what I say.  I may not pray that you get what you want.   Sometimes (begrudgingly) I will pray that I not get what I ask for either.  (Even when I beg.)  Instead I pray we get what we need (Stones to the Rock!).  But not our own opinions of need...the need as God sees it.  

As God answers our prayers, I pray we can't help but notice who He is and what He is up to....and that it changes who we are.  Prayer is active and powerful and life changing.   

I do pray for you, like it or not!  And sorry, but I will not respect a request to not talk to God for you and about you.  You just come up in the never-ending conversation. You don't have to agree, but I think God is at work in you and around you.  And I like paying attention.

Sharing Your Stuff - And Giving Life

 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:14 

"Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive.  It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive."  Author Unknown

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."  Winston Churchill

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."  John Wooden
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My friend Becky's son Shane went home from the hospital yesterday.  He took with him a brand new pancreas and kidney.  Well, actually not new.  They have been gently used. Someone chose to share their life even beyond death and was his organ donor.  Because of that priceless gift, Shane will probably no longer be diabetic and will no longer have to be chained to a dialysis machine.  His life was changed.....in a matter of hours.  Instead of getting weaker from the effects of his disease, he will be getting stronger every day.

We often don't like to talk about our own mortality....and so sometimes talking about organ donation makes us a bit uncomfortable.  But I hope you read this and share this....and if you aren't already an organ donor and donation advocate, I hope you become one.

A few facts (from www.organdonor.gov):

• Someone is added to the organ donation list every 10 minutes.
• Each day an average of 79 people receive organ transplants; however, 18 people die each day because there is no organ available to them.
• As of December 2010, the ethnicity of the National Waiting List was 45% White, 29% black, 18% Hispanic and 7% Asian.  While donors of all ethnicities are registered on a fairly proportionate basis to the population, some ethnicities are more prone to diseases that lead to the need of transplants. While donations cross ethnicities every day, blood and tissue matches are often better for people of the same ethnicity.  So while donors of all races are very important, black, Hispanic, Asian, and mixed race donors are especially needed on the US registry.
• One organ donor can save up to eight lives.

 

If you aren't one of the 100 million who have agreed to let their organs help others in the event of their death, please consider joining us.  It is easy to sign up.  Here is a link to the state registries.   http://organdonor.gov/becomingdonor/stateregistries.html   (Friends in other countries, if you can't find where to sign up, let me know.  I'll bet I can find it!)

Lest you think that me signing that organ donation card was easy, let me tell you the truth.  I said no at first.  The idea of it freaked me out.  It took me some time to think it through and let my logic conquer my emotions.  I still was a bit nauseous when I signed the card and gave my consent.  But that's OK.  I finally came around and had peace about it.  Now years later I have confidence in that decision.   If you are struggling, talk to someone about it or at least commit some time to research and think about it.  Don't avoid the issue.  Make an educated decision.

Some very special people don't wait until death to donate.  My friend Jen was one of them. She decided to donate a kidney to a stranger by going to a website, reading profiles of people with her blood type, and picking someone listed there. The first time was a charm.  They were a match.  Renee lives and thrives because of her decision.  I love their story.  I am proud and still in awe of Jen's gift.  It's been three years since it happened.

Everyone does not have the calling of Jen (for instance, me!)  There are less dramatic ways to be a living donor. You can get on the bone marrow registry by a swab of your cheek.  Those expecting babies, consider donating that cord blood as a special baby gift to the world.  Donating platelets takes a couple of hours of your life (though you can do it quite often!). You sit in a comfy chair and watch a movie, and get snacks afterward.  Hardly a difficult sacrifice.  Donating blood takes even less time.  Scared of needles? Squeamish? You're not alone.  The truth is you may go through a bit of discomfort.  As a blood donor since I was a 16-year-old student at North Iredell High, and a platelet donor for quite a few years too, I still have those moments I have to divert my mind or my eyes so as to not let that squeamish side of me rule my body.  I have come out with major bruises, I have left a puddle of blood at the refreshment table, I have fainted multiple times....but still I continue.  Why?  Somewhere on this planet people live because something I had more than enough of, and could replenish quickly, left my body and now flourishes in theirs. How cool is that?  Any discomfort is worth it!  What a privilege to be healthy and be allowed to donate.  Surely one of the reasons I was created.

Our bodies are so very amazing and sometimes there is just no man-made substitute for its parts.  God's work is best.  The day that you die, our world will never be the same.  I hope you live a very long life, because there are so many things for you to do, but we don't come with a guarantee of years.  You are unique, you are special.  Your body, your self...it's precious.  But you are mortal. And isn't it better when you share your stuff?

What if this choice to share will unchain someone from a dialysis machine, help the blind see, help someone breathe, help someone play tag with their child or help someone to be able to support themself and go to work every day?  What's normal to you, would be a great luxury to them.  How would you like to know that when you are through with your body, instead of letting it just decay, you can give up to eight people new life?  It will cost you nothing yet it will be priceless for the recipient and those who love them.....and an encouragement to all who hear about it. After death you can continue to give life.  

Thank you all who have made the choice to be an organ donor.  It's a great way to continue the circle of life.  But don't let it be your little secret.....talk about it.  Let everyone know it is your choice.  In the event of your death, don't make those who love you and are grieving for you wonder what choice you would make.  Let them put your plan into action and get those organs to those who need them as soon as possible.

Also, tell the stories of people like Shane.  Start conversations.  Let those struggling with the decision know there is someone they can talk to about it.  I don't believe that organ donation should be done under any sort of compulsion, but instead because it is your choice.  One you believe in.  Because you want a great guy like Shane to live a life that is more full, more vital and full of hope.  So you can ease the fears of those who love them, like my amazing friend Becky and Shane's precious boy Caleb.  That body you were given....it was a temporary gift that will be of no use to you one day.  A beautiful and amazing creation.  Something that serves you well now.  When you no longer need it, perhaps it can serve others.

On Independence....or Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

I'm someone who probably has a rather strong streak of independence by nature.  From the earliest times I resented someone telling me what to do.   But I always have liked that side of myself, and also always known that I was able to be free in many things because I had a great safety net.....family and friends who love me and would be there when needed.

For my life, freedom has been my greatest gift.  Give me rules, and I spend all my time trying to decide how to push them to the limit.  Funnily enough, I also hate cheaters who break rules outright.....they make me angry.  Especially when these rules are laws.  Yeah....those who know my respect of speed limits can probably point out my hypocrisy here.  But I do accept my punishment when caught.... and I have gotten better over the years!  Overall, though, I try to respect even the stupid laws.  And I try to get them changed through the system we have set up.  Which is often cumbersome, difficult and seemingly unmovable.  But yet also good in concept.

If I consider them "stupid rules" I often simply ignore them.  I only allow this in myself when the rule maker is misusing their position or is not really in authority over me.  Like at church when I am supposed to stand or put my hands in the air, even when I don't want to at the moment  or feel that the Spirit  of God moving me to do so.  I call that Christian aerobics and I have not signed up for that class.  I often feel it is more about the person leading worship than the Spirit of God...so it frustrates me.  Yet in another way I do understand it.

I often have difficulty at church anyway. There often gets to be a lot of negative messaging that seems based on the sin areas other people need to work on.....and not so much about our own sinfulness.  I think we have that reversed.  But really....I'd so much rather talk about the ways you are falling short, so often I don't argue with or question that approach.  Yep, the sinner in me.  So yeah...I understand that, too.

I love the verse that says that it is for freedom that Christ set us free.  We often forget that.  I think it is because God knows our authentic relationship with Him is found in our heart.....and not by the dumb things we say or do.  Often they are the result of external forces... our world...or the inner turmoil as we fight our natural inclination to live selfishly.  Churches should be places where we are reminded that we have a tendency to sin, that our hearts can be deceptive, and that a close relationship with God (the Father, Son and Spirit) is our goal.  When we know God more, and know His care for us, we naturally do the things that please Him.  I remember a quote I heard when I was a teenager "if we spend our time doing the 'do's we don't have time for the 'don't's." That gave me a spiritual freedom that made my faith more freedom-based and has become a philosophy I return to when my life is out of balance.  So, what should I be doing?  Watching where God is going and following, growing the fruits of the spirit, aiding a Samaritan.  There are enough "do"s to last our whole lives.

Today is Independence Day.....so much more than the 4th of the month.  I love that our country was built by the desire for independence.  I think perhaps our founding fathers probably had some limits in mind based on their own desires and proclivities.....and I think my limits may be different than theirs.  But still....what beautiful words, what a beautiful concept.  I believe that freedom is a right with the only boundary being behaviors that interfere with the freedom of others.  And yes, I recognize that to be a difficult concept to administer. I see the choice that God gives us daily to follow Him or not, and I see that as the perfect freedom we should try to imitate.

For myself, I know freedom has saved my life time and time again.  Being given the choice, I am able to think before I choose, to not act like just a sheep or a rebel...learn and find truth and identify lies.  I don't always make the right choice, but when I look to God I see the safety net he throws out to me.  He knows ultimately I will want to return to the one that I love.  I will return to equilibrium and truth where I will find peace and contentment. And God is neither supportive or surprised at my mistakes....but always forgiving when I recognize them and find myself ashamed at who I can be.

As much as I travel the world, and though I feel that there are other amazing countries out there whose people I love and respect, I still love returning home.  Though not perfect, my country is still the land of the free and the home of the brave.  Not that I really feel all are free and brave here.  But many are.  This country is another safety net for me.  Established for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, in spite of whether the path of our neighbor is the same as ours.  Easy to say, hard to administer.

Oh....and if you haven't read the Declaration of Independence lately, maybe you should.   Because you have the freedom to do so.  It is not required.  And you can either agree or disagree, but really.....it is the heart of who we are.  If you don't love our country, shouldn't you find one you do respect and live there...or work to change this one in a peaceable and respectful way?  There's some harsh criticism in the Constitution about government and authority.  Some that I think we may have out of balance today.  But we are united together and I like to hope we will ultimately put our own self interest ahead of that of others.  That is what will continue to make us a great nation.  We just may need to get back our equilibrium.

As our flag flies, I think of the blood that has been shed for our freedom, the conceptual purity of those beliefs that our country was built upon, and our stars....not just the states, but the people whose character stands out (or has stood out) and make this such a great nation.  It has endured much, it has taken much abuse, but it still stands.  It stands for freedom.  Even the freedom we find distasteful.  Most choose to exercise that freedom for amazing purposes - to give people the choice to find God, to exchange ideas that can make us think differently and make better choices, to learn, to grow, to laugh, to cry, to protest, to respect, to work, to endure and to build our faith.  That is an amazing thing.  But I will also support the right for those to be free whose ways I don't understand.  Because even though it does not always lead to people making the right choices, ultimately I believe in independence. It means you may not agree with your neighbor.....but you will give your all for their right to be free.  You are my safety net and I am yours.  I wish you freedom for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.   I hope you wish me the same.

http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/charters/declaration_transcript.html