The "Come To Jesus" Meeting To Which You Are Not Invited

From time to time, OK....really often, I have to have a "come to Jesus" meeting. Seriously. Truth is that sometimes I forget that between me and God the conversation is usually supposed to be all about me. Or about me and God and this relationship we have.

Now it's not that I think God doesn't want to hear my prayers for others - for those who are sick, or those whose lives are headed in the wrong direction, or those who are struggling with life. But how often are my prayers for others and how often are they about me? When I talk to God about others, what is my purpose? What is my commitment? Am I deflecting a higher calling? Am I avoiding a look at my own heart?

While sometimes our prayers can change God's direction, I think often we pray with a very shallow purpose. We pray to be considered "nice people." We pray to get our way. We pray to give God our side of the story, so we can tell ourselves we're right. We throw up prayers like popcorn, hoping God catches a kernel in his mouth, but really expecting that he won't. It's almost like a party game. "Lord, heal my friend." Then we kinda think "Prayer prayed. Cross that off my 'to do' list. Now I have fulfilled what I said I would do. I can now say 'I have been praying for you.' Nothing else for me to do here. When they are healed I can say 'I helped!' But really it looks bad. Probably nothing positive going to happen there!"

But really, are these the kinds of prayers that moved God in scripture? If we were God, would those prayers impress us? I don't think so. I think those prayers can be considered cheap, if not worthless. Mocking God.

Take that same prayer, "Lord, heal my friend." What if we prayed in such a way that it really directed our attention to God at work? What if as we prayed we promised God that we would watch as he works in that person's life and the lives of those around them? What if we promised to acknowledge God if that person is healed? What if we asked God how we could help that person or their family or perhaps others in their same situation? What if it moved us to change who we are and how we live? What if it drew us closer to God? Wouldn't that give that prayer some depth? Another layer of purpose?

My heart breaks as I look at this world. My heart breaks as I look at the lives of those I love, especially those who seem to be on the wrong path; who seem to be making decisions that will do nothing but hurt them and hurt others. The truth is, though, I (we) can't change other people. Ever. God gave them the freedom to live lives of truth or lives of lies. They must make the appropriate decisions to change themselves, they must make the decision to thumb their nose at God or surrender all they are. There's something quite freeing about that when I have it in proper perspective.  I can pray and trust God can handle the situation. With or without me. I can be willing to be used by God in people's lives, but have to acknowledge when I try to change people under my own power, it usually doesn't work out. God doesn't necessarily need to use me in everyone's lives that are around me. After a while you have to surrender your perceived control and say "God I trust you to lead them. To let them hear your voice. Please do the same for me and teach me to follow you."

The second part is the hardest part. It means our focus has to change to living the life God  wants us to live, and not the one that comes naturally. That which comes naturally usually takes us in the direction of our own desires, and not God's. One thing I can promise....if you do God's way correctly, you will not remain in your comfort zone. You will not be able to coast on your strengths.....you will be challenged to let God work through your weaknesses. You will not have time to pass judgment on others. In other words, you will not be the Holy Spirit of the world, the nation, your neighborhood or even your own home. You will  be a person of opinions, someone called to speak when they feel they have no words or aren't especially good at it, and you will be fully involved with the problems of the world. Because if you are God's person, justice, love, peace, forgiveness, and mercy are the foundations of how you live. Those things require that you give up your comfort, and challenge the person you think you are. It requires you not live in a righteous little bubble, but engage with the world.

Those who follow God surrender their "rights." They realize it's not all about them. They don't compare what they have been given with those around them, because the truth is they have enough. Whatever it may be. Our purposes are different. Our mission fields are different. Our strengths and weaknesses are going to be used differently. All that we are, and all that we aren't, is by design. Some of us may think we have good reason to whine, but one thing I have found....however little that I may think I have, there always seems to be someone with less. However inept I may think I may be, God can work through it. Needs are great, and God meets those needs in interesting and unexpected ways, through not-so-interesting-but-incredibly-amazing people who are willing to be used. OK....even through the unwilling and kicking and screaming folk!

I have said before that I'm not a "good Christian". Maybe no one is, but from my eyes it does seem to come more naturally to other people than me. I'm a rebel by nature. I'm not even a "good Christian" on my best days. In fact, I hate....yes hate....the phrase "good Christian". It puts a pressure on us that I don't think God intended. It makes it about us instead of God. Truth is, the greatest story of scripture is that we can't be good enough.....and we don't have to! Pressure off. Time to move on in spite of it.

I've always been quite aware of the level of my sinful nature and yes, I can probably beat you. I'm fortunate in that I was aware of God at a young age and he's had my attention ever since. But one thing I have learned.....I must stay on a short leash. I am the person in that old hymn you may have heard "prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love."

So frequent "come to Jesus" meetings are necessary where we talk about me, and how I fall short, and what I need to do to get back on track. Where I don't blame others for who I am or what I have done, but accept responsibility for the ways I fall short. Where I remind God of all I am not, and he reminds me of all he is. Where he reminds me that there is no valid excuse to disengage or insulate or live a life without purpose. Where there is no valid reason to disrespect people, or be unkind, or be less than I was created to be. Where there is no excuse to not stand up for what is right, honest, just and true. Where he reminds me that since I am His, he's got me covered. Where I am weak, He is strong.

I am sorry that I can't invite you to join us in my "come to Jesus" meetings, but if I did I'd probably want that time to be about you. Because it's much easier to talk about what you need to do, how you need to be, and where you fall short, than for me to face the reality of what is expected of me. 

But go ahead and set up your own "come to Jesus" meeting. No appointment necessary, though you may find you need to make one. Because God, he's ready to talk with us at any time. We, however, tend to get a bit distracted. When you meet, it's important for you to talk about you. More often than not, only about you. If you listen carefully you will get some great guidance pointing you towards a life that will fulfill all of your innermost wants and needs. Bitterness, self pity, fear, anger....they will all fall away. You won't have time for them. The plan for your days will probably not be what you ever expected, but will be so good. Breathe it all in, and let your life exhale grace. You will be changed. The world will, too.

"Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

 

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

 

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

 

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

 

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day."

 

                 Robert Robinson/John Wyeth

 

When I Pray For You....

I suspect that perhaps I pray for you a bit differently than some people do.  Let me confess right now.... I don't always pray that you are happy.  I don't always pray that all goes well with you.  I don't always pray that you win.  I don't pray with the perfect words, or sometimes even with a full attention span.  But I do pray continuously, because I like to watch God at work.

My prayer life changed when I started working with kids.  I worked at a children's home after college and at age 21 was hired to work with teenaged girls.  Teenaged girls are liars.  OK....maybe not all.  But a lot.  Especially those who have been abused and neglected most of their lives.  Teenaged boys can lie, too, but there is a difference.  Teenaged girls are good liars. It was a frustrating time.  I wanted so much for them to get on track and do the right thing, but often they did what they knew.  Acted from a warped brain.  It was beyond me to know when they were lying, and how to help.  I learned to pray.

So my prayers were "If (insert name) is headed down the wrong path, Lord please let her be caught.  Please let the consequences be severe enough that they get her attention and change her life."

I kept volunteering to switch and work with the teenaged boys at the home, who were prone to violence and had sent many a houseparent packing doing bodily damage to them.  They were very reluctant to put me in this position (and now I definitely understand why), but in an emergency one night they had no choice.  After that night, they agreed that I could work with the boys.  The boys were a bit easier.  They'd do things, but not cover their tracks well. They would sneak out at night.  At first that made me crazy and I would try to find them.  It was impossible.  One of my fellow houseparents reminded me that I was human and needed to sleep on occasion, so I learned to lock the windows when they had slipped out....and go back to bed.  They'd have to wake up the other boys to get back in the house.  I would pray "Lord, when (insert name) tries to get back in tonight make it difficult for him.  May he notice the impact of his actions on others.  May he desire sleep more than wandering.  If he runs to trouble, may every attempt be thwarted."  (I've always loved the word "thwarted"!). 

The anger these boys felt burned brightly and often went out of control.  I understood their anger.... they had been given a raw deal in their young lives.  But still, I knew that it wasn't in their best interest to let it fester for life.  My prayer for them was that it would be chipped away, until there was none left.  Praying about someone's anger is one prayer that has changed for me over time.  While I used to see anger as an emotion all on its own (and prayed it would just go away),I don't believe it is.  Now I believe that anger is fear disguised.  My prayer for the angry now is they would no longer be afraid....and that they would learn to know security, trust and confidence.  Not from the outside in, as I know the outer forces can sometimes be unstable in this world, but from the inside out.  From a confidence of the spirit that lives and grows inside them.

Working with youth groups in later years continued the prayers.  It's tough when you know what is going on and what has the potential to go on.  Some youth leaders feel like you give youth freedom.  I always felt that granting freedom was the right of their parents.  I felt like my job was to protect them from themselves and hold them a bit closer than their parents.  This could put us at odds.  When dealing with teens, often you strongly suspect things going on, but can't prove them.  You see such amazing potential, but you also see how fragile they are.  Some are teetering on the edge.  Many were self-centered and thoughtless and some even mean.  Many had emotions that were in over-kill.  My prayer "Lord, you know their hearts, love  them and want to use them.  May the voice of your spirit be strong in their ears and may they be compelled to follow you.  May they want to live in truth and kindness and calm and learn to hear your voice."

Moving back to my hometown, I was faced with the fact that I have an imperfect family.  It's easy to ignore when you live farther away.  While they are the perfect family for me, love me well, and I would choose no other, if they make bad choices or don't choose to live with integrity and truth and purpose and responsibility, it is heartbreaking.  On one hand I feel it shouldn't impact me much, since I believe we own our own actions.  But for some reason it matters.  You become disappointed. It is easy to be frustrated and angry with them, because you above others know their gifts and potential.  Yet you cannot live their lives for them.  One option is to distance yourself, but I (usually) like them as well as love them and want to be part of their lives.  And what if they did that to me?  Cut me out of their lives because I made bad choices?  I can't imagine life without each and every one of them.  I instead choose to trust that God loves them even more than me and He will not let them go.  I am relentless in praying that when they do wrong, it will be exposed.  (Yep...woe to them that I love!)  But I also pray that God will continue to shape them, change them and use them and they will be molded into people after God's heart.  

I love that the Bible is not a sanitized storybook, but instead the life stories of imperfect people.  It gives us hope or who we can become and how high from the depths we can rise.  That's what I want for those I love, that they will grow and create an amazing life story.  One that will inspire generations.  That they will know themselves but still love themselves, that they will live in the light and not in darkness, that they will not just take up space on this earth, but will leave the world better than they found it.

I love the freedom that God gives.  I believe that is the gift of Jesus....that we are unbound and free to choose who or what we will follow.  There are consequences to our choices.  The older I get, the more I appreciate it.  Especially since I think the church often lives in fear and wants to bring back bondage.  But prayers should be living and active.  They should be messy and sometimes reflect our sin and stupidity.  That's evidence we are praying without ceasing.  God wants us to talk to Him and we don't have to wait until we know what He wants before we ask what we want.  The prayers we pray are way less importance than the answers.  In the answers we see God may not be who we thought He was.

I am not someone who tries to protect God from truth, but someone who throws it all at His feet.  It's my responsibility to pray.....to dialogue with God.  Mercy is not always what is in my heart... often justice is.  But really, do I want my own idea of justice to rule the world?  Do I want that to be the standard that God applies to me?  Yeah, often I do....but I know that is arrogance showing.  But while God is a God of justice, He also is a God of mercy and grace.  I want that applied to me, and also to others.  God does answer our prayers.  Every one of them.  Yes, no or wait.  We don't always want to acknowledge the answer, but when we do we learn a bit more about how God works in this crazy, sinful world of humans.

So when I pray for you (and I probably do), know sometimes you will not like what I say.  I may not pray that you get what you want.   Sometimes (begrudgingly) I will pray that I not get what I ask for either.  (Even when I beg.)  Instead I pray we get what we need (Stones to the Rock!).  But not our own opinions of need...the need as God sees it.  

As God answers our prayers, I pray we can't help but notice who He is and what He is up to....and that it changes who we are.  Prayer is active and powerful and life changing.   

I do pray for you, like it or not!  And sorry, but I will not respect a request to not talk to God for you and about you.  You just come up in the never-ending conversation. You don't have to agree, but I think God is at work in you and around you.  And I like paying attention.

Loving Through Year and Far

"Prayer is weakness leaning on omnipotence."  W. S. Bowd

"Prayer does not change the purpose of God.  But prayer does change the action of God." Chuck Smith

"Our prayer must not be self-centered. It must arise not only because we feel our own need as a burden we must lay upon God, but also because we are so bound up in love for our fellow men that we feel their need as acutely as our own. To make intercession for men is the most powerful and practical way in which we can express our love for them." John Calvin 

"Men may spurn our appeals, reject our message, oppose our arguments, despise our persons, but they are helpless against our prayers." Sidlow Baxter

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In my lifetime I have worked with kids for many years, in many different capacities.  I have been a tutor, a babysitter, a housemother, a Big Sister, a mentor, a youth leader, a godparent, an aunt, and a friend to many kids.  Usually it has not been a difficult thing.  I love kids and drawn to them.....especially teenagers.....and have enjoyed the time I have spent with them.  On one hand it is very easy to see them as the magnificent works of art that God has created.  But lest you think I see it all in a rosy light, I don't.  Some of the most profoundly discouraging times in my life have come in the midst of these relationships.  As some of my fellow youth leaders and I used to remind each other "Youth ministry brings life's highest highs and lowest lows."  And that roller coaster ride is constant and travels quickly.

Yet it is in my relationships with teenagers that God has most clearly shown me so much about my self - my own sin, my tendency to judge when loving would be more appropriate, and my incredible inadequacy to handle any of it alone.

One of the first big examples that comes to mind was a middle school kid that I worked with years ago.  Oh, I just couldn't stand that kid.  I can't tell you why.....I just had a physical aversion to him.  At first it was just a low key thing that I barely noticed.  Then I did, and I dreaded every time he was in the vicinity.  He wasn't a bad kid....just annoying to me for some reason.  Incredibly annoying.  This was around the time that I made a commitment to pray for every kid I worked with regularly, specifically and by name.  The prayer that came to mind for him was "Lord, please help me love John."  (Name has been changed since I would hope if he ever read this he would not recognize himself, nor would anyone else who knew him!)  For that whole year I never got beyond that prayer.  Which is bad in itself since that was a prayer that was more about me than for him!!!  He deserved far better, but at that time it was all I could give.

After that year I moved away for a couple of years.  Later I moved back to that city and started working with high school youth.  This kid was part of that group.  The first time he saw me he got a huge smile on his face and ran up and hugged me.  I hugged back....and meant it.  It was overwhelming to me.  My prayer was not answered in a day, but it was answered over a period of years, yet suddenly and overwhelmingly.  I loved him.  We had an easy relationship after that and there was always mutual respect.  And love.  Not grown by me, but grown by God.  Humbling and magnificent.

Then there was another kid in a youth group.....a high school boy.....who just had a bad attitude from day one.  He didn't like anything.....and was not afraid to share that with us.  Our lessons were stupid.  We went to concerts and the music was stupid.  All of us....stupid.  Really there wasn't much he liked about anything and he quite resented the fact that he had to spend time with any of us.  But then he went and did it.  He got himself in a situation where he had to volunteer at a camp for handicapped children.  He told me afterwards that day one he still had a bad attitude.  He was not there because he wanted to be there, but he had offered to help to be polite, not ever intending to really do it, but someone took what he said to heart.  When they got in a bind and needed another counselor for this camp they called him, and it put him on the spot.  He didn't know how to get out of it.  No excuses came to mind.  So there he was, a counselor at a camp for handicapped kids.  For two weeks of his summer.

During his time there, however, something changed.  He started caring about the kid he was assigned to help.  He started caring about the other kids.  He started seeing his bad attitude and was ashamed.  He started seeing God as more than an esoteric being, but as someone who wanted to use him in this world.  One of the greatest things I have seen God do is change this guy's heart over a period of years, developing more and more compassion for people.  Now as an adult he lives as a servant to the world, with a sacrificial and loving heart.  For me his life is a microcosm of God at work....in praying for him from the early days until now, I have learned so much about how lives and attitudes can be changed, completely and profoundly.  These days my prayers are of thanksgiving and as a cheerleader.  "Use him more, Lord!"

And then there is a woman, who when she was the baby was the granddaughter of my Sunday School teacher.  When she was a baby she had a health problem....a tumor, I believe it was.....and I remember praying for her.  There's something about a baby with health issues.....even as a selfish teenager, it grabs at your heart.  So I prayed and remember being happy when it was determined that she would be OK.  Prayer answered.  Which was pretty cool in itself, but way better in later years when I ended up being her youth leader (in another church, another city) and seeing what an amazing young woman she turned out to be.  There was something very special about having had her grandfather (who died before she really had a chance to know him) invest in my life and teach me so much about the person I wanted to be, and then later in a small way being able to invest in the lives of his grandchildren. I still pray for her and her brother today.....and know that their grandfather would be pleased.  When people make investments in our lives, sometimes we get to give a little back.

Usually in youth ministry I felt that I was so inadequate for the task.  First of all, who was I, the big fat sinner, to presume to teach kids anything.  Then, I really don't have any special gifts that make me good at youth ministry.  I've never been the cool type....I'm way more the nerd.  Often the kids were far more "good" and "spiritual" than me.  Thankfully pretty early on God taught me the verse found in I Corinthians 3:7 "So neither he who plants or he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."  It changed my life.  I didn't have to be good, I didn't have to be adequate, I didn't need all the answers.  All I needed to do was to live a life that pointed them to God and away from me.  Though even when I didn't do that well (because let's face it.....all most people see is our hypocrisy), it was OK.  God was going to reach them as God was going to reach them.  The Holy Spirit was going to do its job and convict them of sin....I didn't have to.  And I got a front row seat to watch God at work in their lives.

The heart, the luxury, of my ministry with youth (with people in general) was and is prayer....not just for that day, not just for a season, but for a lifetime.  These days the kids I have known still come to mind on a regular basis and I still pray for them, by name and as specifically as I can.  Some I know where they are and what they are doing, some I don't.  But still I pray.  And as at the first, God reveals answers in His time and not my own.  Yet when I catch glimpses of some of them as good friends, loving family members, caring parents, servants of God, kind people, those who stumble and get back up, and people who are increasingly becoming more joyful, exuberant and wise.....I see prayers of the ages answered and God at work.  For those who haven't quite found their potential and purpose....I still pray expectantly, fully expecting to see them get there. Because their story is not over yet, and I still get to be on the front row watching God, the author and perfecter of their lives, at work.

I like that quote that says that our prayers can't change God's purpose, but can change God's direction.  I believe that to be true and I want to be paying attention and taking advantage when it is necessary.  I also believe prayer is the greatest expression of love.  If I believe that God is in control of the universe....and I do.....bending his ear is my superpower.  If you are one of the "kids" in my life, know that you are special....you are a commitment that I took and take seriously.   And today, as you deal with grown up problems and the stresses and strains that life brings to your door that sometimes break my heart, know that I will continue to use that superpower to petition God into action on your behalf.  While often we feel that prayer is the least we can do, the truth is that it is the most powerful thing we can do.  With it we can change God's direction, and in that change the universe.

So for "my kids", and for any others who may be reading this, my prayer for you today is the same simple one prayed by the saints throughout scripture for the people in their lives...that my Lord will be kind to you and give you peace.  Amen.