The Helpers

I keep hearing people refer to that Mr. Rogers quote lately. You've probably heard it, too.

"My mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world."

2016 has been a tough year. Possibly the toughest year I have ever had on many levels. I can handle tough. God's given me some good gifts and prepared me well. Often from giving me a front row seat watching people fight (and often slay) unbelievable dragons.  I'm pretty strong and self-sufficient Truthfully it hasn't come naturally or easily and there are still many areas in which I lack. Over time I've learned to deal with life head on, though. As I am, with both the strengths and weaknesses. In time that makes you more powerful...though you do bump your head and get a few stunning concussions in the process. But one thing I have learned (after quite a bit of muddling).....it's OK to need the helpers.

The sweetness with which friends and family have been there for me this year has overwhelmed me at times. I have become so strongly aware of what a great tribe I have created over the years. The messages, the texts, the phone calls, the hugs. People interrupted time with others to reach out and see if I needed them. One friend texted almost daily for a period of time just to make sure all was well. Each text was a precious gift, appreciated for the loving heart and supportive friend behind it. I received beautiful flowers that made me smile and reminded me not only of the beauty and fragility of life, but they were a constant reminder that these people who sent them were there if I needed them. 

As an introvert (yes, I really am!) I tend to hole up a bit when times are tough, or only hang out around my family and a very few friends, whose presence is low key and soothing and easy for me to be around and who don't expect anything from me I can't easily give. Some friends knew that I was hibernating and let me be...a few others knew and when they thought it was needed made me engage anyway. They forced me out to lunch or dinner or to a community event. They'd respect the answer no, when I just couldn't, but encouraged yes. In the end, it all seemed to balance to give me what I needed.

When I was around some people, there were some fumbles. Some people said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Some gave me things to worry about that I hadn't even thought about. Some were just too....there. When I needed calm, they added chaos. But whatever their mis-step....I loved their hearts for trying.

There were those few people who hurt me. Some with words (because they, too, were hurting.) Some because of their lack of words. I understood some, and was exasperated by others. All are forgiven.  Though keep in mind that forgiveness is an ongoing process sometimes, for those of us who are human. We're imperfect, we mortals. But I can say I do wish the best for these folks...most of the time. I'm getting close to "all of the time". That's when I will have come to a place of full forgiveness, I think. Purely dependent on my actions and decisions, not on theirs. Truth is, these folks were such the minority that it is just another reason to be grateful.

This past week I had "one of those days". The most difficult issue was finding myself at my office in Winston without my purse....and with about 60 miles to go before my car hit empty. It was a vulnerable feeling. I was supposed to go to Victory Junction that night to help crew so we could give tethered balloon rides for kids with cerebral palsy. When I mentioned my dilemma on Facebook (living alone it has become my roommate), it was all taken care of in minutes. More than one friend offered to help. My friend Denise "won".....I appreciate her and her constant kindness. She provided dinner and gas money and directions to the 24-hour gas station,

One of my friends was talking about it last night and said "It almost made me want to post something similar and see if anyone would be there for me." Yes, they would. I'd be first in line, but there would be others there fighting me. She has created a village of caring people around her and that's what we do. I think most of you would find the same.

We can choose to live on this earth and try to do it all on our own, but I think that leads to a lonely and sad existence. The alternative is to celebrate the fact that we don't have to. Much of our purpose is to care for each other. We are probably wired to be either givers or receivers in unequal proportion. One thing that I have learned the past few years is that I don't always, shouldn't always, have to be the giver. Sometimes it is time to receive. If you're not used to it, it is uncomfortable at first. It's also uncomfortable if you're not used to giving. But when you allow either to happen, especially when it is difficult for you, you see God at work. You see others allowed to fulfill their purpose. You create bonds that are akin to steel and it's like arms interlocked against whatever evil force lies ahead.

Look around you. Find the helpers. Don't be afraid to tell them your needs. If they can't help, ask someone else. You'll find someone at the right time....or find within yourself what you need to solve your problem. God provides.

But also look for those times you are meant to help. Sometimes it requires you to open your eyes wider, not look away, or focus a bit more intently. Helpers look for people who need what they have to offer....and if they don't have what is needed in a particular situation, they don't dessert them until they help them find a solution. Sometimes the best help you can offer is to help find other helpers (I think that is my particular gift.)

I love helpers. I follow them around and try to get them to allow me to join them. It shouldn't be a surprise when I see them in action for me. But it usually is. The sweetest kind of surprise.  We are going to encounter hard times in this world. The helpers will make it better,

The Challenge - Day 7

Nancy Krehbiel has been my friend since I was in my early 20s (when we were roommates). Since she is the one responsible for me doing this challenge (sharing a verse that is important to me for seven days), I thought a proper ending would to be to talk about friendship. The kind of friend I want to be and that I want to have is talked about in the book of Ecclesiastes. (Which I think has turned into one if my favorite books of scripture. Fitting that I love the wisdom of the flawed....and Solomon certainly was. It's encouraging to someone like me.....maybe I can be wise, too!)

So anyway, Solomon says...

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

 

And in another translation...
 

"You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (CEV)

One of the top three things God has given me in my life are my friends. They are glorious. A rainbow of colors and beliefs, totally flawed and yet totally perfect. They make me understand how God can love us, in spite of knowing who we really are.

Being single I think perhaps my friends take on an additional role in my life. It's hard to maneuver through this world alone. Being an introvert, they become even a bit more significant. My nature would have me holing up and avoiding all of the terribly terrifying situations that come from having to "get out in" people. In these situations, my friends serve as my anchors. (Or maybe sometimes I am their anchors. When particularly nervous I practically attach myself to their person. They pretend they are not ready to drown.)

But in this day of electronic media and all its cruelty, being too busy to think things through, and waning social skills, we sometimes fail to detect who our real friends are. Our friends are those folks who are picking us up and not letting us stay down on the ground.

Sometimes this is difficult to detect. They're acting nice to us, saying great stuff, they're supportive and reinforcing within us the things that we believe to be true. But what if we are believing wrong? What if we have gotten off course? What if we have lost our way? What if we have fallen? Are they helping us or hurting us?

If you are in a bad place and some one is keeping you there, they are not your friend. Picture yourself having fallen on the ground with a broken ankle and someone saying to you "I am so sorry this has happened to you. It has to hurt. It looks like it may be broken.  I remember I broke my ankle once. It about killed me when the doctor set it. I'd hate for you to go through that." And they let you continue to let you lay there. The ankle continues to swell, you continue to be on the ground and in pain, and yeah....it's almost as though you were alone. But worse....because you're not. They want you to stay exactly where you are, because of their own fears. They don't realize you are in pain, and will be in worse pain the longer you stay where you are. They can't look beyond themselves.

The real friend is going to assess the problem and say "Let's get that checked out." They're going to gently get you in the car, get you to the emergency room, and get that ankle on the road to healing. They want you to feel good for the long term. They want your ankle to heal. They want you to be whole.

We fall. Often. It's OK....we're human. Are your "friends" there for you, constructively helping you up and helping you out? Do they show up when you need them, or are they nowhere to be found? Do they even notice when you have fallen down?

I'm the "tough love" type. I admitted in an earlier blog this week that my nature is to want you, yes all of you, to pay consequences when you do something wrong, sometimes at the expense of mercy. But mercy is important. Oh there is nothing wrong with us having to pay consequences, and a real friend will guide you and support you through the process, but they also care about your pain, embarrassment, and humiliation.

Friends are those who know your truth, but love you and support you in spite of it. (Yes, there are people in the world you can trust in this way.) If you cannot share your truth with them, the whole ugly truth about yourself, maybe they're not a friend. Or maybe you're not.

Your friends know you broke that ankle because you chose to wear five inch heels you weren't used to....and may point that out to you as they are picking you up (well, most of my friends would feel the need)....but their first thought is for your good. They want you to be a healthy high quality person living a healthy high quality life. They still pick you up. They will not leave you on the ground, but they will also not be your crutch when there is nothing wrong with the ankle. They may tell you to pick yourself up, if they realize you are on the ground due to a dramatic pratfall. But they will be there, giving you what you need, even if it's not particularly what you want.

If your life is not better, if you're not better, for having known them, then maybe they just aren't your friend. If they're not it's OK....no need to necessarily cut them off...you need friendly acquaintances, too. Maybe they need a friend like you to teach them. Maybe they haven't experienced real friendship and are trying to get it right. but haven't quite gotten the hang of it. Be there for them.

But the mutual friends....those who have mastered the art of friendship...notice them. (Also notice when they step away....it may be for a reason.) Friends are treasures that should be there for you....and you should be there for them. In a good way.

To Nancy and all of my other friends.....you know who you are....thank you. You help me up and build me up. But how about no other challenges for a while? Well, except for those of you who need to be challenged....I challenge you. Share a Bible verse that is meaningful to you for seven days. Go!

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

 

My Friend Ann's Mom

It was December and I was preparing to go on a cruise with my niece Taylor (finally celebrating her high school graduation that took place in June) when I got word that the decision had been made to stop treatments for my college roommate's Mom, who had been suffering from multiple ailments for far too long. She was not expected to live much longer. As we drove to Charleston to board our ship, Ann was driving from her home in Tampa with her husband and brother, to her hometown of Wallace, knowing her mom was going to die soon. While I knew I needed to be on that cruise, I admit to being frustrated with God's timing. Why was this happening when I could not be there, to comfort someone who has been my friend since the age of 18, and to pay tribute to a lady who had been a lovely part of my life since my college years?

I first met Ann's mom when we paid a surprise visit to her one Sunday when we were in college. We were hungry, in need of home cooking, and Ann said "Let's go home for Sunday lunch." I was a bit concerned that we didn't call first, that we would take her mom by surprise and there wouldn't be enough food, but still hopped in the car with Ann and we traveled from Chapel Hill to Wallace. The concern was unfounded. Her mom was thrilled. The house was full of both people and food, but we were honored guests. The food was plentiful. I was a bit in awe of the spread before us. There was her mom's amazing fried chicken, several other meats, potato salad and vegetables of all kinds, biscuits and fried cornbread and lots of sweet tea. I'd never had fried cornbread before and had not often eaten fried chicken (KFC was usually the only fried chicken consumed in our house. Except for that one time my daddy made fantastic fried chicken when my mom was in the hospital....but that is another story).  My Welsh mother only slightly embraced Southern cooking.

Even we starving college girls were full at the end of the meal. Ann's momma said "I love when someone comes for the first time and actually eats!"  It was not a backhanded Southern insult. She really did take pleasure in the fact that the food she fixed was enjoyed so much that any thoughts of polite denials for second portions went out the window. That was the first of many times of eating my fill of her chicken and potato salad.

There's a special bond with some of the parents of your close friends. On one hand you are just purely grateful to them for raising this magnificent person who is such a big part of your life. They're grateful to you for being a friend to their child. There's also a purity. None of the tension that is felt sometimes between parents and their children. They may have to tell you like it is (and most of the parents of my friends that I am close to are that type, for some reason), but you listen to their words with emotions that don't get out of hand. You know they care for you and want the best for you, but that caring doesn't seem to be conditional.

I'd last seen Ann's mom in the fall, stopping for a quick Sunday visit on my way home from visiting friends. I was a bit nervous. I knew there were days she got very confused and I wondered if she would know who I was. I walked into the skilled nursing center she had been placed in, and she was sitting in a wheelchair, slumped down over the tray in front. I very hesitantly said "Mrs. Brock, do you know who I am." She looked a bit stunned and confused so I thought the answer was going to be "no". But she said "Kim!", with pleased astonishment in her voice. Then "JC (Mr. Brock, Ann's father) is going to hate that he missed you."

We had a great visit. They brought her lunch in when I was there and she would barely eat a bite, even with my encouragement. I finally had to acknowledge that after a lifetime of her own cooking, this institutional food was lacking. Which got us talking about all the meals we had shared together. We found reasons to laugh. We talked a bit about her life now. I could tell she hated not being able to care for herself and others. She had never been in that position before, and I think she missed her purpose. As wonderful as the time with her was, it was difficult not to be sad on her behalf. Still, to me there was so much life in her. She always had such a spunky spirit, which she passed on to Ann. That spirit was still evident, but was also weary.

I still can't conceive of the fact that I won't see her again on this earth. That my dear friend no longer has her loving, but exasperating, mother.

It will be in the simple things I will remember her. I doubt I will ever eat fried chicken and potato salad without thinking of her, for instance. Possibly a strange memorial, but one that I believe would make her smile. There was love in that food and she passed much on to me.

Taylor and I left on our cruise on Saturday, Ann's mom died Sunday morning. Ann and her brother Ronnie made it there in time. God knew the number of hairs on Frances Brock's head and the number of days she would live on this earth.  He knew I wouldn't be there at the end for her or for Ann, and for whatever reason He allowed that to happen. He provided for them both quite sufficiently. But my relationship with Mrs. Brock, built on her kindness and her gift of hospitality, is part of who I am. 

I thought of her often when I was traveling around the beautiful Caribbean. It was a reminder that life is short, and that we should fill our days with good people and good experiences. We should enjoy the simple times of good companionship, as we eat and drink together. Those are the times that fill us, not just with food and drink, but with love and memories.  And that love and those memories, will outlast our life on this earth. 

Dance with joy in heaven, Mrs. Brock. I love you! Thank you for the gift of your daughter and thank you for loving me.

Lessons Learned From Facebook Games

So OK....the rebel who usually won't do anything that anyone else tells her to do, who is not a crowd follower or someone who gives in to peer pressure over her own judgment, has participated in a few Facebook games recently.  I apologize if I got you to participate unwittingly.  I promise I don't do another soon (warning to those who will try to make me!)

First there was the giraffe one.  Actually I had heard that riddle before and still firmly believe that "the door" is the answer and will still obstinately give that answer if asked the "riddle"....though the truth is that if my parents show up on my doorstep at 3 a.m. for breakfast, the door opening would be their car door as they either picked another sibling to visit or drove themselves to IHoP! Chances are I would sleep through the doorbell.  But if not, I would call the sibs and we'd probably commit them both to a very nice Alzheimer's unit somewhere and let them get their breakfast there. (I'd tell them that it was my place, but I had just re-decorated and invited a few friends over.)

I had a giraffe picture I had taken in South Africa that I loved, so very willingly posted it, and yeah... I kept the game going for the rest of you.  Some posted some awesome giraffe pictures....some ignored it.  Either handling was appreciated by me.

But my precious friend Lisa hated having to put her giraffe picture up, and argued about it quite a bit.  Lisa is a rules girl (in some things) so she did it...but hated it (very logically arguing it said right in the paragraph "you awakened", so opening the door would actually be first.)  I told her, as my former roomie Nancy told me, to suck it up, play the game like everyone else, and be a giraffe. (I don't think I told her "Or not" as I would tell others.  Lisa clearly needed to put that giraffe picture on her wall!)

So when this next game came around, Lisa waited all day for me to comment so she could force me into action.  (She knew chances were good....I always comment.)  I love Lisa, so felt like I had to continue play and do my penance.  My biggest complaint was posting something with bad grammar and sentence structure (not that I worry too much about my own errors!), but still I felt like that was a funny part of this particular game so I did it.  (I will proudly note that some participating friends cleaned up the errors before they posted.)

I carefully made my choices among those given.  Lisa chose the one about being invited to be a prostitute, so that one was out.  Another friend had used the 42 relationships.  I started to use the one about my mom setting me up on a blind date (at least I think that was what they meant!), but figured (wisely, I know!) that my mom would get calls for details of the fix-up and that she would retaliate by actually doing it.  We all know that would not turn out well!  I thought about using the one about being in love with my ex, but knew that would generate lots of comments about my lack of love life over the years...and don't I get enough of that already?  (Most certainly!)  So I thought the "I like someone, what should I do?" one was benign enough....and I thought that everyone knew I already had the answer to that ("Run in fear in the other direction!"  What?  That's not right?).   I thought I was safe.

I was overwhelmed with the responses (some which appeared on Facebook, others that private messaged me or texted), but also so touched.  I do have the most caring group of family and friends...and a few others that love the opportunity to make fun of me as often as possible (my college roommate Ann's response was "Oh....I thought you were hacked"...though I could also tell the other possibly was that I was having a mental breakdown.  But regardless, she did message me!)  It did show me that in the interest of living up to my promise of living out loud, I need to do another blog about my romantic life.  Stay tuned for that soon.  (Yea!  My favorite subject!  Or not.)

If you were one of the "participants" of these games, I think there is much for which you can be proud.  You stuck your neck out ( :) ) to give an answer, even if you could be wrong. Yeah, I know you some of you knew (thought) you were right, but that is beside the point.  To contribute to any dialogue, even a silly one such as this one, you put yourself out there a bit. How better our world would be if more would try to solve the riddles?  Especially smart people like you!

You also were willing to give a friend advice, encourage her, and be happy for her.  That shouldn't be a rare thing, but it is.  I obviously am surrounded by people who do that. What a great fortune to have people who will stand with me in the bad times and rejoice with me in the good.  People who are willing to invest in me and advise me.  What a tribute to your life that you are that kind of person.

I guess when it gets down to it, we can add a new beatitude.  "Blessed are those who participate in life, for they will experience what it is to live."  We can learn from all experiences, even silly Facebook games.  For me, they are just another reminder that life is good...as are the people I am blessed to know.  Like I said, I probably won't be playing another any time soon!  But my giraffe picture....pretty cool, huh?!

Going the Distance and Winning the Race

I can't really tell you why I agreed to run a 10k.  I know it happened after a few of my girlfriends had just finished doing our first mud run in Atlanta (a 5k) and we were all in pretty high spirits from that.  Prior to the mud run I had just finished the Couch to 5k program, and sometimes could run 30 minutes straight, but not all the time.  (My body does nothing consistently!)  That was huge for me.  It wasn't long ago that running a minute and a half at one time was a major feat.  Being able to run a mile at one time took me far longer than I would like to admit.  More than a year.  Maybe close to two.  But the second timeI tried the Couch to 5k program worked.  The first time I decided it was too hard and stopped.  But the second time I did it, my friend Patsy told me that I didn't have to do it in the nine weeks it sets out.  She said to do it as slowly as I needed to.  That took the pressure off.  If I was having problems with a week, I needed to repeat it until I could do it.  I repeated a week early on....I had trouble doing three five minute runs in one session.  That was the only week I had to repeat.....and the other weeks were much harder.  There is no accounting for it, other than I believe that progressing at running is about 75% mental!  That may be under-estimating.

So by the time I returned from Atlanta, I think I had agreed I would run this 10 k in Charleston.  Over a bridge.  I am phobic about bridges.  Yeah, I can't explain why I agreed to this.  For some reason it sounded like it would be fun.  The only explanation I can think of, is that it is the company I was keeping.  They lead me to crazy.

In preparation, I began the Bridge to 10 k program at the first of the year (the program's name is coincidental...the bridge is from the Couch to 5k program to a 10k program.  Still, it is fun that it fit my situation so well!  In my case it was Bridge to 10k over a Bridge.)  I never finished the program.  Especially the last month it was tough to find the time and when I did, I just wasn't feeling great about my running.  I never thought I would not finish the distance.....I knew I could walk it....but the idea of running the whole thing started to seem less likely.  I decided I didn't care.  And during the program I ran as many as 53 minutes straight.  Unbelievable for me!  And though my first 10k is over, I won't put it on the shelf.  I will still use that program to help me progress.  I plan to finish it.

So last weekend, it was time to run the Cooper River Bridge.  I didn't run it all, but that is OK.  I ran a lot of it.  The crowds intimidated me.  They also interested me....my ADD mind was in overdrive as it tried to process all of the people around me.  There were bands along the route that I passed in a blur.  It was odd...you could only hear them for a few minutes as you passed by.  It was almost like you were fast forwarding a video tape.  There were crazy costumes and interesting people to see.  Some people kept re-appearing.  You would pass them, they would pass you, then you would pass them again.

Then, about 4.5 miles in, my ankle started hurting.  I rarely get injured, so this annoyed me beyond reason.  I don't appreciate it when my body betrays me...especially for no reason (I didn't trip, turn it or otherwise do anything that would seem to make it happen.)  I hobbled for a while, but then tried to run again. It didn't hurt any worse, so I was able to run to the finish line.  It helped that at the last part of the race there were people cheering, cameras that would forever capture my image if I were walking, and the hope of the finish line.

I am rather confident at this point that I will never love running.  As I talk to people who run a lot, though, I find I am in the majority.  That gives me hope that love it or not, I can keep doing it!  My friend Joanie tells me she feels the same way....and she has done a half marathon, is training for her second, and appears to do it all effortlessly in comparison to me.  We were in conversation at breakfast when in Charleston last weekend and talked to a couple who also run.  They said the same thing. They don't love running either.  But the guy said he tracked his running and was surprised when the program told him he had run every week for 52 weeks straight.  Even on vacation....though when he thought about it he realized that all their vacations had been planned around a run.  That's what happens.  It sneaks up on you and you don't even realizing what you have accomplished until you start to think about how far you have come.  We all concluded is we all love the feeling of accomplishment when we have done it...particularly because it requires we conquer the hate and our mind telling us to stop  That is why we continue to run.

I've tried to describe what goes on in my mind to people and there are a couple of different dialogues, depending on the day.  Such as "I can't do this today.  Really.....I don't think I can even do a mile.  I have to do a mile!  OK....that is what I am going to try to do.  Just one mile.  After that I can turn around and walk home.  So OK.  I'll do it.  No, I can't do it.  I really hate this.  Shouldn't I have begun liking this by now? I may not even be able to do a mile."  Or "I can't do this today.  My breathing isn't right.  Why is it so loud?  Is there something wrong with me?  Maybe I should go see Judy (my nurse practitioner) and have her check me out.  Maybe I should just walk.  No....I am going to run just a bit more and see if it levels out."  Or "I can't do this.  I am not a runner.  Stop it....you are a liar.  You are running.  You are a runner.   No, I'm not.  It seems easy for everyone else.  It's not easy for me.  It's not natural.  I am not a runner.  I can walk.  I am a good walker.  Just not a runner.  Stop it....you are a liar.  You are running.  You are a runner." 

When I look at it logically, I know the truth.  I run, so I am a runner.  I will probably never be fast.  My time for the bridge run was 1:23:38.  Nothing to write home about.  But still...for me it's not bad.  I went from the start to the finish line.  While I did walk some, that actually added to the experience.  I was able to look around me and see some of the fun characters that were also running (though I missed the guy running in just Speedo running "shorts" and shoes that Joanie got to see pass by her.)   I was able to see the beautiful views from the bridge...and the bridge is so big it didn't scare me in the least to go over it.  Plus I was able to keep going though I felt pain in my ankle with every step (let me point out that I knew it wasn't a bad injury and I knew it was OK to keep going....I do listen to my body and think that is the most important thing to learn to do for any activity!)

31,449 people finished the Bridge Run this year.  One of those was me!  What was significant to me was not that I finished....I knew I could walk 6.2 miles.  What was significant to me was that I ran a good part of the way.  Slowly, carefully, a bit too tentatively, I think.  I know I could do it faster and run more than I did, but it really doesn't matter.  I enjoyed the experience and didn't spend that time sitting on the couch.  That is why I believe I won.  While I am never quite sure how I get myself into doing these things, I am glad I do.  It's a definite celebration of life and health and a bonding with humanity.  I can do it.  So can you.   Set a goal, and give it a try.  It doesn't have to be a run.  Try something you don't think you can do and then keep at it.  You will surprise yourself and learn some great life lessons.  And add a great chapter to the book of your life.

Wasting Time With the Dull Blades

Day 27 in Proverbs

Proverbs 27:17 "Just as iron sharpens iron, friends sharpen the minds of each other."
Proverbs 27:19 "You see your face in a mirror and your thoughts in the minds of others."

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I like hanging out with people who are better than me.  I like it when they are smarter, I like it when they are wittier, I like it when they are kinder, I like it when they are more talented, I like it when they are more resourceful, I like it when they are more handy, I like it when they have more style.  Should I go on?  I could. But I enjoy being around them.  I think, perhaps, it just may rub off on me! In fact, I believe often it does.  My thought is that if you are my friend, I virtually share in all that you are.  OK, maybe it is not really true.....but in my mind....it works!  And usually my friends are very good sharers....so it is very true.  Who they are, they share with me.

You need friends who sharpen you.  Who cause you to think more.  Who cause you to care more.  Who cause you to know yourself better and to care about the person you are becoming.  Who pay attention to details that you neglect to see.

I think perhaps there is something in us that has a tendency to grow dull.  To want to stay right where we are, in our easy chair with a beer and a bag of chips.  Or in my case, with a book on one side, my laptop on the other, and a piece of chocolate cake somewhere in the vicinity.  As an introvert, I could quite happily hang out by myself with a stack of books and live in a fantasy world.  But at the end of my life, would I consider that be a life well spent?  A long time ago I decided the answer to that questions was "NO!"  (LOL.... though yes, on certain days I still sometimes answer that question with a resounding "YES!"  But really....I wouldn't.) 

When we look at our mirror we should see our true face.  But how many see ourselves as we really are and how many see an illusion?  Our perception of ourselves doesn't always reflect what others see.  For example, I have heard people say they are patient, laid back people, and yet when I look at them I see an intensity that seems to indicate that below the surface they are always on edge.  I have seen gorgeous people who look and see someone who is fat and ugly.  I have seen smart people who have no confidence in their intelligence.  I have also seen people who think they are the brightest star in the sky, and nope....they are only that in their own minds.

I like having people around me that have my thoughts in their mind.  Knowing me means they see who I really am.  I have sometimes been floored when a friend has challenged something I say, because it doesn't quite line up with other things I have said.  This happens on occasion because with my ADD mind, sometimes my focus gets off on a tangent and I get mentally lazy.  It's especially stunning when they are people who don't believe the same way I do, don't think the same way I do, but have grown to know how my mind works and know I am not using it.  They want us to continue talking through the issues we differ on, and if I let my mind get lazy, the conversation is quite unproductive.  So it is a matter of saying "Focus on who you are, Kim.  Focus on what you believe.  Get it all in line, because we need to figure this stuff out!"

One thing about mirror images, about seeing our reflection.  It's not totally us.  But to have good friends around who know who we are, we can start to see what parts are real and what are just illusions.  That's not to say that because someone who knows us well tells us something about ourselves, it is always true.  They are also operating with this illusion thing.  But when they tell us something, we should consider what they say, and from that try to determine the truth.  To really grow, we need to have a good picture of who we really are, and who we really want to be.

When iron sharpens iron, you get two sharper knives that have more ability to do what they were designed to do.  You can hang out with the knives who are willing to be sharpened or you can hang out with the dull blades.  You will see your reflection in their metal.