Two Guys In A Balloon

Photo by Troy Bradley

So this week these two guys, Troy and Leonid, decided to take a balloon ride, from Japan to North America, hoping to break two world records (longest distance and time aloft in a gas balloon.) They began their journey last Saturday and have spent most of their last week flying over the Pacific Ocean. I began my journey from my home in Statesville, watching on my iPad, and will end up in the same place.

So they have broken the records, and now we await their landing. They are currently off of Baja, or maybe over it since they are so close, and it is about 5 a.m. They have traveled in the balloon around 6,635 miles and been at it for 159 hours. Now we watch to see where will they land and when.

It's more than two guys in a balloon. So much planning, so many people, have been involved. They have a command center in Albequerque with some of the brightest and most able experts advising them. They have chase crews at ready. Then there are all of our armchair quarterbacks...the whole ballooning community has been watching, discussing and praying for a safe flight and safe landing.

Community.....it's so important. Could these guys have done this on their own? Maybe, but their odds improve because they do not. Because of technology they have worked as a team with those on land, able to talk with them often. They use the resources at their disposal. Smart. Especially when you are backed up good people and technology.

They don't necessarily need people like me, checking my browser first thing in the morning to see how far they have traveled and what direction they are heading. Checking during the day several times, and before I go to bed at night. Reading with delight reports of their journey. Praying for their safety and wellbeing. But yet, to do something like this and know there are people the world over who care, many strangers, must make the accomplishment a bit sweeter.

Some may say that this is a silly thing, that there are so many better uses for their time and resources. Truth is they are a scientific experiment in motion. Not only is their flight something to study and learn from, teaching us how our aviation technology works at such distances, but their bodies are also being monitored to study what happens to someone traveling at high altitudes in a non-pressurized environment.

But even without this, there is the value of living the adventure. While many of us spent the week in our normal routines, they were making history. They were testing their knowledge, skill and endurance. They were taking God's gifts and saying "So, what else can we do with this?"

Most of us will never have such an experience as this. Still, we can learn a lot from it. Approaching life with a sense of adventure adds color and dimension. I don't know about you, but I feel like I have too many wasted days. Too much humdrum. Days that aren't celebrations of life, but are spent coasting in lethargy in the gray. Living by rote instead of basking in a delightful celebration of life. Don't let your only celebration of your life be by others after your death. You don't need to break world records. Sometimes it is living the humdrum with a whole different attitude.

As you adventure through life, who have you chosen in your command center? Are those advising and supporting you really experts in the areas for which you ask for their advice, or are they just someone you have casually grabbed at random, whose advice and support is hit or miss? Do you have people who will watch your back, even if you haven't asked them? People who will cheer you on to success and invest time, resources, and prayers on your behalf just because? Who will talk out the mistakes with you, helping you learn and grow? You probably do, whether you access them or not is another question. Sometimes you must open your eyes and reach out your hands and ask for them to join you.

In a few hours we will see this flight come to an end. It's sort of like the Super Bowl for balloonists, though we're all cheering for the same team. They have overcome many battles to get here, followed their game plan, made adjustments as necessary, and they have conquered many strong and worthy opponents. While the game is not quite over yet, many are anticipating that time with cheers. We are proud of their accomplishment. We are proud they have set the bar a bit higher. Congratulations guys. Welcome back to earth, Troy and Leonid, the Two Eagles Balloon Team. God is laughing in delight with you. So am I. Thanks for letting me join the journey. It's been fun. Soft landings!

"May the winds welcome you with softness.

May the sun bless you with its warm hands.
May you fly so high and so well that God
joins you in laughter and sets you gently
back into the loving arms of Mother Earth."

                                 The Balloonists Prayer

But I thought I hated it......

I really hated running. Every step I would run I would be reciting a mental mantra of "I hate this. I really hate this. I haven't even run a minute? How can that be? How am I ever going to finish? I'd look like an idiot if I stopped now. Do I care if I look like an idiot? Why do I keep doing this to myself?" Those thoughts kept me occupied and if I hung in there, I usually would meet my goal for the day. I went from where a minute seemed to be a day to where I could run a 30-minute span and say "Yes!" While I never got that "runner's high" others have talked about, there were moments of pleasure and accomplishment. But still, progress or not, overall I hated it.

So why did tears come to my eyes when they told me I couldn't run anymore? I always would have thought that if someone told me that there would be tears of joy, but they weren't. It made me sad. It frustrated me. I felt regret. Why is that?

Running brought good things to my life. I got to spend good quality hang-out time with friends. We had long conversations as we tried to build our bodies up, and in the process stayed in touch with each other's lives. We wore tutus, were chased by zombies and rolled in the mud. I lost weight. I learned that time invested eventually paid off....but could be lost if not maintained. Running was an exercise I could do in my own neighborhood, or even on the treadmill in my own house. Running required good shoes, but little else in the way of equipment. It did the job and made it easy. Once I got a treadmill, I really had few excuses as to why I couldn't do it. (Don't worry.....I developed some good ones. I am creative!)

But the biggest impact running had on my life was the work it did on my brain. While my mind ran that tape of negative messages, the actual run negated them. Running reminded me that my mind can be my enemy. It is often a liar. My mind tells me I can't do things that I later prove that I can. It tells me that I'm not good enough, don't have what it takes to succeed, that I am not athletic and that is something you are born with....or not (I, of course, was a not). My brain tells me obstacles are insurmountable. It tells me that I am all I ever can be....that I won't get better and if anything I will regress. My mind doesn't always respect me, and yes, I would say that it even hates me sometimes.

The truth is that we're more amazing than the limits of our mind. You've heard the saying "What the mind can conceive, you can achieve." Another lie. We can achieve so much more than we ever can imagine.

A lot of us have minds full of negative messaging. I think some is innate. The biology predisposes us to think in a certain way. Think of depression. Think of our attitudes after a sleepless night. Think of the hormones of adolescence. We were a bit crazy at that time, for no apparent reason. I remember coming home from a perfectly good day if school, going to my bedroom and crying my eyes out, while thinking "Why am I doing this? Nothing is wrong!" I kept it to myself, but had I asked someone like the adult me, I would have gotten an explanation.

Some of us have spent a lifetime receiving negative messaging from those around us. Some mean to say negative things about us, yes, but the vast majority don't. Or do, but wouldn't if they knew the impact they really have one us. (Though never discount that there are some people out there who are either mean and/or unbalanced. They come with no rational explanation.) Sometimes we interpret subtext that isn't there. Sometimes we bear the brunt of their own issues...they feel bad about themselves and want us right there with them. Sometimes they think they know us, know our potential, know our character, and know our weaknesses. They may know something about us, but nobody ever knows everything about us. We forget they are only human, and their judgments, like our own, are limited. Some may be based on truth, but not the whole truth.

Running showed me I could do something that I thought was impossible. I remember the first time someone called me a runner. It was a casual reference they made to someone else, which made it all the more special. It wasn't pandering to me. That is how he thought of me. He saw me run, no matter the quality, and to him I was a runner.
 
I also did have the naysayers (or nay thinkers). Friends who would make veiled comments about my lack of potential. I finally got so I would say to myself "Yeah, I used to think it was impossible for me, too." Once again, their issues, their opinions....not necessarily truth. But for every one of them, there were probably five who said "Of course you can."

I never wanted to be a runner of any great caliber. I liked it simply because it was fast and efficient and effective exercise. I ran worse in the few races I ran in than I would run on my own. My best running was in private. I liked the runs I would do in my own neighborhood . I found people would often discourage or intimidate me more than motivate me (this was not their fault, but once again the fault of my warped mind). It was in my neighborhood, all by myself, that I first ran for thirty minutes without stopping. It was my neighborhood that I built a personal routine focused on improvement. It was in my neighborhood that I celebrated most of my victories, alone and quietly. It was in my neighborhood that I could throw shoes on, go outside, and start fighting to win the battle in my mind. It was in my neighborhood that I could quiet myself the best and actually acknowledge the humorous mental battle I had going on in my head.

My body has been incredibly healthy all of my life. I've never gotten a stitch, never broken a bone, never had an injury that made me have to do more than limit activity for a day or two. When I started to have problems with my knees, I never thought it was anything serious. But when the pain got worse, and the x-ray showed the damage was not something that would heal and go away, I was told running would lead to a definite knee surgery. Therefore, no running in my future, since I am surgery adverse. There are many other exercise alternatives certainly, but it will take a while to find something that will give my body a quick and sufficient workout as effective as running, So I mourn a bit.

The news that running was not part of my future was grim. I will miss it, even though it was such a hated activity in my life. Currently I am undergoing physical therapy, to strengthen the muscles in my legs so they can support the bum knees for a long time to come. I know I will be able to hike and kayak and do many of the other things that I really love (but which haven't brought as much instant gratification in weight loss!) I will learn ways to strengthen the rest of my body. There are many, many possibilities....some which I suspect I will enjoy more than I ever enjoyed running. I'll find something that will again test my brain in its life-long conviction that I cannot do athletic things.

But the lessons I learned, I carry with me. No one knows my full potential but God.....not me, not the "experts", not the people around me. As long as I live there will be tests to show me how to get better at all of the different areas of my life. Most of these will require I exercise (or is it "exorcize") my mind. I could do as some running friends have suggested and just ignore the views of the medical professionals and continue running (some actually said "Knee surgery isn't that bad"), but there are times you ignore the experts and times you listen and re-adjust as a result of their wisdom. God nudges us sometimes to head in a different direction, and I have experienced that enough in my life to know sometimes heading in another direction is best, even if I don't always understand why. So I may not be running, but the adventure continues. Good things are ahead. My feet...and my knees... will still be taking me places I have never been before. Hopefully for a long time to come, because I intend to enjoy the journey.

My New Year's Resolution

I kinda need a new year right now, I think. Time to reboot. Time to recharge. Time to reflect on my life and think about what's right for me and what's wrong. You may understand. I have the feeling I have been on a very long roller coaster ride and finally they stop it, and force me off before I am quite ready, and I wander away, a bit off balance. OK, but not OK. Trying to process what I just did, and what I really think about it. Was it more scary than fun, or more fun than scary? Did the twists and turns thrill me or knock my body out of alignment? Am I really a roller coaster person, or more of the Ferris wheel or Merry-go-round type? And I do this while in a crowd of people whose only thought was "Whee! What a  ride!"

Rebel that I am I usually resent any forced reflection or goal setting....the call to make resolutions. I admit to feeling that way now. I am supposed to know my game plan for 2015 already, and I just don't. Some have asked what my resolutions are for the new year and I feel pressured by well-meaning friends who want to help hold me accountable. The idea of that paralyzes me at the moment. I'm not ready yet. For either the resolutions or the renewed accountability.

So I'll just say this. I am going to be kinder to myself. I'm going to make changes as I become ready to make changes. Some may be visible to you, most....the important ones, probably will not. But being kind to me....I want that to be my focus.

We're our biggest critics. Not only do we let our own voice berate us, but we let the voices of others. Real and imagined. Valid or not.

While others seem very motivated by big goals, they aren't usually helpful to me. They overwhelm. When others feel moved to action by criticism, even valid and kind criticism, it often weighs me down and keeps me from moving and growing. I'm a bit more self-reflective than most, and I don't see the world in quite the same way as others. I am over-analytical of things to which others don't give a thought. Knowing this about myself, I need to give myself a break. Relax more. Not be moved by the urgent, but instead shape my life to reflect the important. Make sure the voices I pay attention to are not the loudest or ones who declare they have all the answers, but to the ones that reflect my personal mission and my personal beliefs.

But the kindness thing....that needs to be my overwhelming goal. I think that may be the one that gets me where I need to go. I am not talking about a wimpy kindness that doesn't challenge or force growth. I need the opposite. I need to move ahead, knowing that I have a purpose for living, and then make sure my life is built to support my purpose. What and who in my life is helpful to that purpose, and what drags me down? That doesn't mean that I necessarily drop the difficult people, because sometimes learning to deal with them is important. Sometimes loving them well is my purpose. But I may need to prune other relationships that require effort and energy and don't seem to add much to my life (or me to theirs.) And I don't want to neglect the people of my heart....who deserve my best, and not just scraps. They are the life-givers, the one that are used by God to refresh and renew my soul. They need time and undivided attention. Not just for them, but for me.

I'm coming out of a 2014 that was wonderful in many ways, but that also leaves me feeling drained and  battered. Kindness will clean and bandage the wounds and lead to healing. And maybe some scar tissue that is formed will be a bit tougher than the rest of my skin...making me both tougher and still part tender. For me change will not come at full impact as I drew a line in the sand at midnight last night. That's too harsh for me right now. Resolutions? All I've got right now is to resolve be kind. To myself and to others. If I focus on that change, I suspect it will be a happy new year indeed. Welcome 2015. I'm glad you're here.....and I am too. I'm ready for day one.