Resolute

If you know me at all, you probably know that planning is not my favorite activity. I'm a good planner,  mind you, but more of a "wait until the last minute, figure out all the things that need to be done, and do them" kind of woman.

I hate things like project plans (ironically I'm currently a project manager by profession), because I would rather be doing or strategizing than writing a list and crossing it off. No, I never make a grocery list either, which is why I can go to get things for Christmas dinner and forget the most important items.

So it falls in line I don't make typical new year's resolutions. I do think about the new year and evaluate my life. There's a little holiday break in there and it seems to come up. Last year I had one goal.....to be more active in my work day. Major fail.....but I am not giving up on it because 2017 has ended.

I have found myself laying around a lot the past month....pain and illness and such taking over my life.  Not my norm, and it was frustrating. But I spent a lot of time thinking things through and I realized something. My life feels a bit stale. Not just because of the forced time out, but even before. I have realized lately I am not trying new things or seeing new places. Both of those things are part of who I choose to be, so a life lacking in them is not me living my life to the full.

I had lunch with my friend Mirielle some time back, and this sassy girl challenged me. I have thought about it ever since. Before I tell you what she said to me, let me tell you a bit about her. When Mirielle was about to begin studying at Chapel Hill, we had dinner when I said "Oh, I'm going to miss you so much when you go away." She said "Why? I'm coming home every weekend." I am sure my face showed sheer horror. We then had a conversation that began "Nooooo......you can't do that!"

The first weekend, she was home. I shook my head at her and she said "Really.....I am going to  stay there some." And then she did.....and learned the joy of it.....and I barely ever saw her.

But there's more. She graduated. She started traveling. She loved it. She didn't wait for someone to come along and do the typical group of friend trips to the same destinations everyone else her age went to. She went by herself, to wherever caught her fancy, and stayed in hostels, or possibly in her rented car. She is more outgoing than me, but you never would have seen it those first years I knew her. She was quiet.  But she meets people easily and has learned to ask for both advice and help. She'll talk to anyone. She has learned to read people well and figures out who to spend time with, and who to avoid. You may be able to tell, I am not only proud of her, but she has become a role model for me.

Back to our last conversation. Knowing my love of new places and adventure, she called me on my current staid life. She challenged me on not taking advantage of opportunities to get out of my comfort zone. I have a few valid constraints, but still she made me question why I'm not pushing my boundaries more. Why I'm not working harder to live a life more reflective of the things I love most. Lots of food for thought.

I believe the biggest sin in most of our lives is that we don't live our purpose. That we disrespect this big world God has created for us and box ourselves in. Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone is not supposed to travel like I am. It's a definite passion for me, but it is not for everyone. (It's not for most of my family, for instance.)

But still, we all have passions. We all have adventures to experience. We have weaknesses to strengthen. Fears to test. Skills to develop. Talents to use. People to serve. We all have purposes to live. They look different. But they are the same in that they add the blood to the body of our lives.

I've talked before about the experience of seeing a friend come back to life during a transfusion. It was amazing. Totally from death to life. From comatose to talking and laughing. I think a lot of us need a few pints of blood. And/or a good kick in the pants.

I'm resolved this year that I am going to meet at least one challenge a month. It may not even be one per calendar month. Just 12 challenges. A dozen. It seems like a good number.

These may not be big things to anyone else, but they will be something God is telling me to explore. It may be a town. It may be a state. It may be a country. It may not even be travel.  It may be doing something that scares me. It may be something you wouldn't give a second thought. Because we are all different and have different hurdles to jump. But I am going to leave my comfort zone at least 12 times.

The thing I know is this.....these things will not be careless for me. They need to meet a need in my life. A weakness. A fear. An adventure. A challenge. A thrill. A service. A way to think about where I am and whether I am headed in the right direction....or whether I need to change a direction. Or detour. Some may be mustard seed things. Some may be mountains.

I need more zest for life.....and Mirielle has more than most people I have met, of any age. So I am going to meet her challenge. Probably not in the way she would do it. But that is good and right for me. We take the challenges of our friends and make them our own.

A new year looms. Are you good with a repeat of last year? If not, where are you headed? Make a plan. Or don't. Just open your eyes wider and do what needs to be done. That is what works for me.

May your 2018 be rich and full and happy. May you live your purpose. You'll know you are there  when you are living your life in a way that honors your beliefs, your loves, and your passions. And when you know the world is better because of you.

My New Year's Resolution

I kinda need a new year right now, I think. Time to reboot. Time to recharge. Time to reflect on my life and think about what's right for me and what's wrong. You may understand. I have the feeling I have been on a very long roller coaster ride and finally they stop it, and force me off before I am quite ready, and I wander away, a bit off balance. OK, but not OK. Trying to process what I just did, and what I really think about it. Was it more scary than fun, or more fun than scary? Did the twists and turns thrill me or knock my body out of alignment? Am I really a roller coaster person, or more of the Ferris wheel or Merry-go-round type? And I do this while in a crowd of people whose only thought was "Whee! What a  ride!"

Rebel that I am I usually resent any forced reflection or goal setting....the call to make resolutions. I admit to feeling that way now. I am supposed to know my game plan for 2015 already, and I just don't. Some have asked what my resolutions are for the new year and I feel pressured by well-meaning friends who want to help hold me accountable. The idea of that paralyzes me at the moment. I'm not ready yet. For either the resolutions or the renewed accountability.

So I'll just say this. I am going to be kinder to myself. I'm going to make changes as I become ready to make changes. Some may be visible to you, most....the important ones, probably will not. But being kind to me....I want that to be my focus.

We're our biggest critics. Not only do we let our own voice berate us, but we let the voices of others. Real and imagined. Valid or not.

While others seem very motivated by big goals, they aren't usually helpful to me. They overwhelm. When others feel moved to action by criticism, even valid and kind criticism, it often weighs me down and keeps me from moving and growing. I'm a bit more self-reflective than most, and I don't see the world in quite the same way as others. I am over-analytical of things to which others don't give a thought. Knowing this about myself, I need to give myself a break. Relax more. Not be moved by the urgent, but instead shape my life to reflect the important. Make sure the voices I pay attention to are not the loudest or ones who declare they have all the answers, but to the ones that reflect my personal mission and my personal beliefs.

But the kindness thing....that needs to be my overwhelming goal. I think that may be the one that gets me where I need to go. I am not talking about a wimpy kindness that doesn't challenge or force growth. I need the opposite. I need to move ahead, knowing that I have a purpose for living, and then make sure my life is built to support my purpose. What and who in my life is helpful to that purpose, and what drags me down? That doesn't mean that I necessarily drop the difficult people, because sometimes learning to deal with them is important. Sometimes loving them well is my purpose. But I may need to prune other relationships that require effort and energy and don't seem to add much to my life (or me to theirs.) And I don't want to neglect the people of my heart....who deserve my best, and not just scraps. They are the life-givers, the one that are used by God to refresh and renew my soul. They need time and undivided attention. Not just for them, but for me.

I'm coming out of a 2014 that was wonderful in many ways, but that also leaves me feeling drained and  battered. Kindness will clean and bandage the wounds and lead to healing. And maybe some scar tissue that is formed will be a bit tougher than the rest of my skin...making me both tougher and still part tender. For me change will not come at full impact as I drew a line in the sand at midnight last night. That's too harsh for me right now. Resolutions? All I've got right now is to resolve be kind. To myself and to others. If I focus on that change, I suspect it will be a happy new year indeed. Welcome 2015. I'm glad you're here.....and I am too. I'm ready for day one.

My 80/20 Resolutions

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions. I have a short attention span and, well, it requires I resolve to do and be certain things for a whole doggone year. That's a lot of focus time for someone like me! But this year I am jumping on that bandwagon and going to give it a try. Me being me, though, I will apply the 80/20 rule. I resolve to do these things 80% of the time. (Oh, stop turning up your nose and rolling your eyes at me. Your face is going to freeze that way. If I chose to grade my life on a curve, let me.) So I am going to pick 10 things, in various areas of my life. So...in no certain order....

 1. I am going to move more throughout my work day. I have a very sedentary job, and way too often I don't move much during the day. I read something this year that said sitting three hours a day can take two years off your life. I have often found myself sitting five and six with no movement, often enough that it is embarrassing. I think I am in a trouble zone. I probably should be dead already. So, I am going to find ways to incorporate activity throughout my day. It may doing a series of 25 squats, it may be working for a while on an exercise ball, it may be doing a set of push-ups, it may be walking up the driveway or 5 minutes on the treadmill. More activity will be in my day.

 2. I will run, walk, or bike 700 miles. Some of my buddies are doing 1,000. I have to make sure I don't feel doomed before I start. You must know what challenges you, and I do better with realistic goals. 700 miles is 13.5 miles a week. That's very ambitious for me, but I can see it as possible. Yeah, I need help with this, so call me if you need to move and would prefer not doing it alone! Hmmmm..... kayaking should count too, right? Forward movement...that's it. I will move forward 700 mi. during the year. Just ordered my Christmas present to myself, a Fitbit, so it will be tracked.

 3. I am going to get rid of some of the flab on my arms. Weights need to make a comeback, but push-ups and such need to join them. At this time in my life, sleeves make me crazy. They seem way too hot. So if my arms are going to be on parade, they don't need to be the clowns. One if my favorite quotes of 2013 is that training is a privilege. I don't accept that to my core yet....but my brain is telling me it is true. Until it is time to train, at which point it seems to short circuit.

 4. I will travel somewhere I have never been. Travel is one of my biggest passions, but in some ways I have let life get in the way of this great love. Oh, I know I have still traveled more than many, but not enough that I am seeing the chunks of the world I want to see. I need to take advantage of as many opportunities to explore this world as I can. I am quite excited that some friends and family members have said they may be willing to join me. Will some of this come to pass? I hope so! I can do it myself, but I think there is something special about sharing the experience.

 5. I will value people. That doesn't mean that I have to like everyone or even spend time with certain people, but I will do my best to treat people with dignity and respect. Even the jerks. Because honestly, most of us are jerks deep down...some don't want to look in the mirror, and some hide it well.

 6. I won't allow the opinions of others to define who I am....or how I see others. I know from my own life sometimes people are unfair. Some are nice to your face and undermine you behind your back. Some do this never granting you the courtesy of telling you their issue with you....which means they would rather talk negatively about you and prefer you not change. (That means they are the ones with the bigger problem!) It doesn't matter the position of the person, their education level or experience, how much you respect them, whether everyone else puts them on a pedestal....their opinion can be wrong. So while I consider opinions when given to me (and will always try to see criticism as a gift), I will also consider they may be wrong about me. If they are, I will try not to hate them for it. Even wrong, it may be well intentioned. Or they just may be naysayers who are unhappy and critical of me because they are critical of themselves. As for their criticism of you, I will give it even less credence than their criticism of me. And if I give you my opinion about something in your life, I will do my best to say it once and move along. As friends we need to care enough to point certain things out, then care enough to not beat each other over the head. Obviously if you are my friend, I love you regardless of these things that are usually petty. And let us not forget my opinion may be wrong. It has happened. More than once.

 7. I will eat well. I won't diet, I won't cut any one food from my life, but I will eat lots of good food. I will attempt to not make eating an afterthought. Instead if trying to ignore it until I must eat, I will try to think more about food and graze throughout the day. I will engage my brain more, I will eat as much color as possible. I will eat enough protein, and for me that includes red meat. Regardless of what is best for others, without it I become anemic. I will try to not eat bad food. That doesn't mean what others call bad food, but instead badly prepared food. Food that I eat just to eat. Fortunately I was raised to eat fairly nutritiously, and I like healthy food, so I will eat it. I will do a better job of watching portion sizes, and will not beat myself up if I screw up from my plan. It's that 80/20 rule again....I don't have to be perfect. Food will be important, fun, enjoyed, and not forbidden.

 8. I will try to reach out to people more. My putting that "try" in there shows a lack do commitment, I know, but this is much harder for me than people would think. I find I get discouraged when I try to plan something with others and they tell me no.  (It seems to work better with my friends if I can just say yes when they are planning something.) I probably spend more time alone than is healthy for me. I think perhaps I am missing out on some of why I was created because of this. I speak often of my introvert love of being by myself with books and no plans. I do not plan to stop that completely....I cherish that time. But we weren't designed to live in the world by ourselves. I was not born to live independently and alone, even though life is easier that way. I need to stretch the social muscles more. It makes me smile when some doubt I am an introvert and think I am constantly with people. Lots of years of social effort has paid off. But regression happens easily, so those muscles need to be used.

 9. I am going to learn about something new. I think one of my target subjects is accupressure and reflexology. I think the basic concepts make sense and as I age I would rather be informed about non-invasive ways to cure some of the ailments that spring up. I don't want to constantly use medications as a first resort. Not that I am anti-medication or traditional medicine, but I think sometimes we demand harsh things from our doctors when there may be kinder and gentler solutions. The fact is our body is a complex machine, and sometimes we look in the wrong direction for help. Maybe we're like Dorothy Gale (from the Wizard of Oz) and we've always had the power!

10. I will get to know God better. That requires I focus on him and pay attention. You can read the Bible a million times and memorize the words. You can listen to the words of preachers and evangelists and teachers and make them your own. You can go to church every Sunday, teach Sunday School, put God in every sentence you speak, yet still miss the point. We get to have a personal relationship with God. Mine is different than yours, because he created me uniquely. He created you uniquely. To get the most out of life, we need to fill up our senses with God. We need to hear, see, speak, taste and smell God. I want to breathe him in, and breathe the junk out. While breathing comes naturally, breathing with God takes some focus. I want all senses on alert, and I want to watch him at work in my life and in the others around me. That takes acknowledgment. My tendency is to put myself first, and see everything revolving around me. I have to change what comes naturally and let the world revolve around God.

Yes, some of these things I have been working on but sometimes you need to take time to re-commit. I'll try to track, and report both the successes and where I fail miserably. I suspect I will do both. But the great thing about a new year is that it contains lots of new days. Even more moments. Those are more significant than a new year. Because we don't have to wait for a new year to make a resolution. We can make positive changes at any time. Sometimes they become more than a resolution. They become the fabric of who we are, and they happen without a thoughtful commitment required.

A New Year of Auld Lange Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

Chorus

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.  

 

I found myself singing this song this week, as we do at this time of the year.  I know this is a song of the Scots, but even with my Welsh heritage I realized I didn't really know what most of it means.  I knew it is talked about remembering the past and moving on to the future (I saw "When Harry Met Sally") and also picked up there's a bit of drinking going on there.  But why that song to end and start each new year?

I've always been a bit cynical about New Year's, but yet I also get a bit emotional. I'm pretty sentimental and personally I want to hang on to the old year.  The moving forward stuff... I'm not always sure that is what I want to do.  Not that I am opposed to change.  I rather like it.  But a whole new start?  Nope....not usually what I want.

I don't like resolutions and don't ask me to make any.  Resolutions aren't usually good for me.  I'm a rebel.  If I set myself up with a lot of "have to's," after a while they get on my nerves.  They become chores....regardless of what they are.  Even if I was the one to make the "have to" list.  Oh, I would keep the stupid resolutions, but I would grow to hate them.  As soon as the year was over, they would be gone by the wayside.  I don't like to make promises and not keep them, and while that is the New Year's tradition for others, it's not a habit I want to get into.

Yes, I do plan to do some things better.  December is a time when I fall out of a lot of routines (some because of my own negligence, some because we stop everything for the holiday) and really....do I need to spend all of my year eating whatever I want and not exercising?  But I am not giving up sugar in January as many others are, I am not going on a strict diet, and I am not putting immense pressure on myself to come up with bunches of new workout goals.  I want to live my life in moderation.  I want to eat well, because I feel better when I eat well.  Plus, having been raised with a good foundation of nutrition, I crave healthy food.  I want to eat at home more, and not in restaurants often, because I eat healthier when I am at home.  And I want to get in better shape....because I want to fight this aging stuff.  It's time....I have neglected it long enough.  But I will not make promises about it and put myself under any crazy pressure.  

I'm signed up to run a 10k in April, and I want to run all of it (or at least most of it), so I will probably do a decent job of getting back on track with my running.  But I also plan to drop my Y membership....I am not going and find that for me it's not what I need right now.   I need to be realistic about what is working for me and how I can make things easier for myself.  And I need to be responsible with my money and not spend it on things that I am not using.

 

It would be great if I made a resolution to completely clean my house during 2013 and actually follow through, but we all know me....if I have two choices and one is cleaning my house, I will almost always choose the other.  I don't honestly see that changing.  My closet needs to be cleaned out....there are clothes I have not worn in ages, and probably never will again, but there they sit.  They take up space and I selfishly hoard them.....when someone else just may like them or need them.  But still....while I want to take care of that, I will not promise to do either of these things.

While no true resolutions will be made by me, when I looked up the modern translation for the lyrics to Auld Lange Syne,  I decided I like the attitude of the song.  One thing I can resolve going into the new year is to try to keep to its spirit. 

Long, Long Ago (Auld Lange Syne....in our English)

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
From long, long ago?

Chorus
And for long, long ago, my dear
For long, long ago,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For long, long ago

And surely you'll buy your pint-jug!
And surely I'll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For long, long ago.
(Chorus)

We two have run about the hills
And pulled the daisies fine;
But we've wandered many's the weary foot
Since long, long ago.
(Chorus)

We two have paddled in the stream,
From morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
Since long, long ago.
 (Chorus)

And there's a hand, my trusty friend!
And give us a hand of yours!
And we'll take a deep drink of good-will
For long, long ago.

So, on this New Year's Eve I will remember those I have loved who no longer live on earth.  I will be grateful for the times we shared and remember that the great gift they left with me was not anything material, but instead was the memories we built.  I will try not to feel cheated for the days we didn't get, or regret what we didn't do, but instead appreciate the precious moments that we lived together.  And when I do things that they would have enjoyed, or something they would appreciate brings them to mind, I will smile to them.

I won't forget those I love who are still around and will try to increase the memories with those who care to join me (I have learned that this is something I can't force anyone to do.)  We will travel the world, we will run, we will walk, we will wade, we will paddle, we will pick the flowers, we will eat, we will drink, we will work, we will increase the kindness, we will lend a hand when needed.  We'll be good friends and good neighbors and good family members. And we will smile to each other.

I will continue to work on that relationship with my "auldest acquaintance"...the God who made me and try not to be a stranger.  I will take the hand that is offered and not do it all alone.  I will accept the love and the gifts given and will smile with gratitude.  

The years pass too quickly, but each new one we get is precious.  This should be the year we live how we would live if today really was precious to us.  Extremely precious...worth something.  Because it is, isn't it?  It is my new year's hope for you.  For us all.  In memory of those who left this earth before us, and even today teach us how to live well.

Happy (and precious) New Year!!!