Take Five!

Honestly, I think I live quite a self-indulgent life. Being single and having no children, I have a few advantages over some of my friends. (And they have advantages over me....but I'll stick to my own plate here.) I control much of my time and attention and resources. I don't have to ask permission to do things, or coordinate with the schedules of others, or find sitters for kids or animals. Like I said... there are advantages to being who I am.

For the month of August one of my friends challenged me to do something for myself every day. I had to share what I did with our little online support group. A simple challenge. I was definitely game. I thought it would be easy....and I actually thought I was already doing a lot of things for myself, so in a way it would just be an exercise in thankfulness.

I have to make a confession here. I have been feeling discontent in several areas of my life lately. Most of us go through those times here and again....and I have felt unhappy, and restless. I have prayed about it a lot. I have talked about bits of it with friends and family, but as a Myers Briggs (personality test) "thinker" (as opposed to "feeler"), I tend to have to first notice the emotions, then figure out why I am feeling that way, then decide how I should be feeling, and then get my mind going in that direction. Often I have difficulty talking about things before I think them all the way through because my mind heads in so many different directions. You would call it rambling when I actually do it. The patient friends who do listen through as I process this stuff (and not many are that patient!) usually don't get a lot of words in the conversation....and are often taken on a journey that heads over the river, down the mountain, and through the woods before it reaches equilibrium. (Sort of like this paragraph.) So anyway, the point is I have been discontent, figuring it out, and caught up in all of these thoughts floating around my brain.

Now back to this little exercise. Doing one thing for me a day. I have realized it's harder than it seems. Yesterday I found myself trying to convince the ladies in my group that eating frozen grapes was a worthy accomplishment for indulging myself for the day. These ladies don't judge and let me slide by with that. (I threw in a plank for good measure, but really....frozen grapes are a nice little gift to give yourself.) Today I started work early, didn't even eat anything until I had a bowl of cereal at about 1:30. I probably would have just kept working most of the night (and was going to have to really pull something out of my creative mind to use for my "me time"), if a friend hadn't messaged me and invited me to dinner. It was perfect....I stepped away from the computer, threw on clothes (yes, at 5:30 I still had not gotten dressed for the day....don't judge me), and had dinner with a friend who listened, encouraged, and refreshed me. And my eyes, which had been watering from staring at the computer screen too much, got a rest. Yes, I came back home and worked some more, but that last hour was very productive and when I closed down that work computer I actually felt good.

Just a few days into this month I have already realized something. I don't consciously and consistently make sure I am doing something that refreshes my soul every day. I like to think I am a bit of a free spirit, but those who know me well know I have a mind that doesn't shut down well. A guy that used to do my nails was forever tapping my hand and giving me "that" look that said "Relax!!!!"  (I think he got tired of saying the words and that was the most polite hand gesture he could come up with.) Before him I would have said I was always relaxed. I now acknowledge (after the message has been delivered by legions) that it is difficult for me....though I can go through the motions really well!

My challenge to you is to join me for the rest of the month and spend Five Minutes For Me. Do something for yourself for at least five minutes a day. It may be a walk around the block, closing your eyes and just breathing, or spending five minutes in focused conversation with a loved one. Try to change it up and not do the same thing every day. I think some of you are going to find what I did....you spend less time doing it than you think you do. We live in a busy world....let's not be too busy to live well. Oh...and five minutes is an absolute minimum. Some of you need to do more....even to the extreme of a "Me Day" or planning a "Me Vacation".  And this is your time....to do something to make you smile for you.

The result for me has been this. In a super-crazy demanding month, I am learning that focusing on me  even for a few minutes a day has changed my mindset. The discontent is fading. I'm feeling a bit more involved in life. I'm praying less frantically, more soulfully, and I am more thankful for my lot in life. And I am very grateful for friends that challenge me, and those that refresh my soul. Take five....and let me know how you do!

The Endless Feast

Day 15 in Proverbs 

Proverbs 15: 15-16 "The poor have a hard life, but being content is as good as an endless feast.  It's better to obey the Lord and have only a little, than to be very rich and terribly confused."

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More and more people are falling into poverty every day in our country.  The federal poverty level for a single person is $11,170.  Minimum wage in NC is $7.50 an hour.   With a 40-hour week, that would produce an annual income of $15,600 (providing you were paid for vacations and holidays.)  Still, how does a person live on that?  Rent, groceries, clothes, car, gas, insurance.  It doesn't stretch far.

When I was in my 20s, there were times that I was probably close to the poverty level (amount adjusted for way back then.)  $11,170 would have been a high salary for me when I was right out of college.  Can't remember what I made with my first job after college graduation.....but I worked for a children's home where room and board were included, so it wasn't even close to minimum wage.  Then my next job was paying claims in an insurance company and still in the 4 digits.  Somewhere in the neighborhood of 6k-8k a year.  (I had made more waitressing in college and working in the shipping department at Hunt for a summer!)  Funny to think about now.  And yep... that was poor even back then.  I always had a roommate.....and my friend Al will tell you how I went to their house almost every night for dinner.  He claims he could have claimed me on his taxes as a dependent.  He is almost right!  But then they had to go and move away from me (which I think was a move that Al got from my former college roommate, whose family once moved on her and didn't tell her the address), and my income assistance was gone.

Nevertheless, those were some of the greatest years of my life.  Most of my friends had no money....and it was a challenge to see how far we could stretch every dollar.  We were united in this goal.  This, of course, was before cell phones, so we had this list of phone numbers of singles from our church.  Once we decided what we were going to do, we'd start at the top of the list, work our way down, and call everyone.  (This may be why I hate phone calls now!)  Most things were planned at the last minute.  Anyone without plans was welcome to join us.  We traveled in a pack and most weekend nights there would be 20 or so of us to get together.  We were a community......we shared our meager stuff and did whatever we could to help out each other.  I don't even want to think about how many times I helped people move.  But they helped me, too....including once painting every room in a house my roommate and I were moving into and I didn't even lift a paintbrush (I am a very bad painter.....still.)

One of our favorite (and few) nights out in Greensboro during that time was dinner at YumYums and then a trip to the dollar movie (we had not just one, but two theaters to choose from!)  YumYums is a hot dog place in Greensboro.  The hot dogs were horrible.  The kind that would turn the water red if you boiled them.  (Nothing like JayBee's!!!!)  My friends didn't seem to care.  For some reason, some of them even loved them.  As for me, it was cheap and tolerable.  Throw enough mustard and slaw on there, and you barely can tell you have a yucky hot dog.  They had a very limited menu and everything was $1.  So, I would generally get a hot dog and an ice cream cone.  The ice cream was awesome.  Some would get a soft drink.  Usually in place of the ice cream.  Unless they really felt like being a big spender.  Not sure there was anything else offered for sale.  But for us, it was dinner out!  And most of us would only spend $2.  With movie, our evening's total would come to $3.  It doesn't even matter what the movie is.....when there are 20 of you there to watch it, you're going to have fun.  We called these the $3 date nights.

We'd get together for ballgames (on tv), for movie nights, and if Lisa Davis (now Friesen) or Nancy Pensyl (now Krehbiel) was cooking we'd even get to eat real food!  Really, really good food.   We'd have silly parties.  Lip syncing parties (where people would come dressed up and ready to perform acts.  Like the Supremes, the Beatles, and 60s girls bands.  I can still see some of those performances clearly.)  Nancy and I invited everyone to a pool party at our house once and not one person questioned the fact that we didn't have a pool.  I do believe that was one of our best parties ever (and I don't believe the kids even noticed their pools missing!) 

We'd do beach retreats for Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends.  So finely tuned that we had a set menu and grocery list that we recycled time after time.   You knew on Saturday night you were going to eat shrimp, baked potatoes, salad and homemade Oreo ice cream.  We'd rent big houses, and people were sleeping everywhere.  We almost always felt there was room for one more.    Of course, one more meant one more to split the cost with....we loved one more!  Tons of fun.  Games on the beach.  Times of solitude and reflection, having church together.  And lots of spirited conversation and laughter.

Most of us were very poor....and we were very content.  Few that I hung out with during that time had more than two nickles to rub together, but happiness was everywhere.  Most of those people are still happy.  And while we have upgraded our stuff, most of us could easily slip back into that lifestyle.  Because the commonality was that we determinedly made a good life for ourselves.  We were going to be happy regardless of our circumstances.

I've always said that one of the greatest gifts is to be easily amused and easily contented.  I believe that life is an endless feast....and I am working to taste as much as possible.  I cannot imagine not living on a budget, since I have had to most of my life, but I accomplish a lot on that budget.  And if I had to, I could go back to living on minimum wage.  I would find a way to make it work.  And my life would be very good.

I know many people with lots of money, some with a moderate amount, some with none and others with less than none (major debt.)  Sometimes money and more stuff  just adds more complications. More layers of confusion.  But those who are content would be content with whatever amount of money they have.  How much they have doesn't matter.  It's all about how you deal with the party invitation. Those who are content know they are invited to the feast of life....and it is time to chow down.  They're going to enjoy the party.  And the best things in life are free.  Take it from someone who knows.  (Not that luxuries aren't nice, too!)


Note:  Speaking of chowing down, I will be on a cruise with my niece Maggie (celebrating her high school graduation) during the next week and will be unable to post to the blog.  I will continue to travel through Proverbs when I am away, and will hopefully have lots of blog material to catch up on when I get back!  In the meantime, keep reading the book!  And feel free to post your thoughts to me.