Don't Assume

From time to time I get frustrated by statements that people make...statements that indicate they think everyone is like them, should be like them, shares their opinions, or fits in a little box of expectations.

One thing you can count on...in almost every group of people there is someone who belies definition, or doesn't look at a specific issue the same way you do.  We think we know others, even those we have never met or engaged in much conversation.  We think those who disagree with us should be punished and subtlety look for ways to do it. 
Here is a list of assumptions I have experienced and have heard that I think poison our world. Assumptions that are not necessarily truth.  These assumptions have limited lives, made people less than they are, have kept people from their potential, and have been used to cultivate lies in brains.  They bring division and not unity.  They are the roots of a lot of evil, directed at ourselves and others.  Here are some thoughts, many learned the hard way.

Don't assume that:

everyone wants to do the right thing.

the idea of who you think you are, is really all that you are.

because you believe something for a long time, it is right.

investing in negative things will produce positive results.

the majority should always rule.

how something looks is how something is.

because people follow you, doesn't mean you are correct or a worthy leader.

because you have experienced the same thing as someone else, you know what they are going through.

what you hear on the news is always truth, or what you would have found significant had you been there.

you have to agree with those you love.

you know your own limits.

everything that is true, is right.

everyone who attends church, or belongs to a church, is a person of faith.

everyone who does not attend church is not a person of faith.

people who look you in the eye are telling you the truth.

you are limited by your age.

it is easy for everyone to attend a party.

you really understand what others think of you.

because someone laughs at your teasing, it doesn't hurt them.

more money solves money problems.

you cannot be an athlete.

because you follow or do what you are told, doesn't mean you haven't made a decision.

all good people share the same faith.

people who have children, or teach children, like children.

those who flatter you, like you.

people's reactions have anything to do with you.

schools breed learners.

people who do not have children, do not have children by choice.....or those who do have children want them.

everything that is legal, is moral, or everything illegal, immoral.

those who don't want children don't like children....or would be bad parents if they chose to have them.

retirement means you never work again.

your doctor can read your mind.

all single people have made the choice to be single, or all singles want to be married.

all married people would marry their spouse again if given a choice.

everyone thinks that the United States is the best country on earth.

someone's sexuality can be determined by the way they talk, or by the way they look.

a marriage or family that looks good on the outside, is really good on the inside.

a marriage or family that looks bad on the outside is really bad on the inside.

everyone sees all the colors that you do.

all people of a particular race were raised the same, or hold the same values.

people who compliment you are telling the truth.

people who tell you that you look younger than your age really mean it, or those who guess your age are guessing the age they think really you are.

everyone is a team player.

those who say they will keep a secret will keep your confidence.

people who look happy, are really happy.

people who look mean are really mean.

anyone can ever stop prayer in schools.

Sunday is the Sabbath for all.

holding a job means you work.

just because it is in print, it is true and accurate.

everyone looks forward to holidays or wants to spend holidays with their family.

all who work on holidays are unhappy about it.

God says the same thing to each person, or expects everyone to believe or do the same things.

those who are in prison are guilty.

those who are declared innocent, are innocent.

freedoms should always be exercised.

quiet people are shy.

the advice of all parents is in the best interest of their child.

those who live in big houses are rich.

those who are homeless are poor.

where there is smoke there is fire.

cleanliness is really next to godliness.

everyone likes to receive gifts.

all pastors are Christians or have a closer relationship with God than you do.

those who profess to be atheists don't hear the voice of God.

those who have pets love animals.

those who don't have pets don't love animals.

all lawyers are sleazy.

some lawyers aren't sleazy.

all doctors have compassion and common sense.

everyone good at their job, likes their job.

they who cry loudest feel more.

you know the heart of someone you have never met, or even those you have.

those who appear healthy really are.

those who say they are sick are really sick.

age brings wisdom.

all members of a family are alike and live life the same way.

you can't do something because you have never been able to do it before.

the fat lack willpower.

the thin are healthy.

bullying is limited to the playground.

your vote doesn't count.

your vote counts.

treatment is available for addicts, even if they want it.

the words of an addict is truth, or that because they love you they won't lie to you.

birthdays are significant to all people, or a celebration for all people.

today is the way it is always going to be.

the strong can't be weak and the weak can't be strong.

everyone has someone with whom to celebrate a holiday, birthday, or special event.

those who appear in control feel that way beneath their skin.

if someone tells you it doesn't matter, it really doesn't.

those who borrow money will ever pay you back.

your sacrifices will ever be appreciated.

our political or justice system will work fine without your attention.

because someone does not speak your language or is from a different culture, they don't understand what you are going through.

celebrities are their image.

everyone sick has someone to hold their hand.

feelings tell you the truth.

people can read your mind.  Even those who love you.

you can read the mind of those that you know and/or love.

the movie is like the book.

you really are good at forming first impressions.

that God views you in the same way that people view you.

you have better things to do than sit on a jury.

people will tell you what they really think.

someone else's opinion of you is correct, whoever they might be.

someone else's opinion of you is wrong, even if it is different than you have always been told.

because you sing and people applaud, you are good at it.

the highly educated are smart, or those with no education are dumb.

there is much value in having cake if you can't eat it.

people owe you their secrets.

you have the moral right to speculate on the private lives of others.

it is true, unless they have told you it is true.

everyone has been the guest of honor at a party.

it is true because they told you it was.

you are too old or too young to help someone else.

that the biggest winner is the one who takes home the trophy or has the highest score.

how old you are has anything to do with your age.

hurting someone who has hurt you, damages them more than you.

attending the same event produces the same experience.

childish behavior is limited to children.

the weather report is accurate.

life is fair.

"I love you" means the same thing to everyone.

you have done anything that God was not aware of or cannot forgive.

how you live your life doesn't matter.

you are the center of the universe.

you are not important.

Assume little.  New opportunities and a bigger world of possibilities open to you when the door to your mind has not been shut.  Remove the deadbolt.  Don't be part of the lynch mob. Think before you speak.  Look at the finish line before you join the race.  Forgive and forget. Notice you don't exist in a bubble.  And sometimes admit you are wrong.

Lady Wisdom's Marketing Campaign

Day 8 in Proverbs 

Proverbs 8: 9-11  "If you have understanding, you will see that my words are just what you need.  Let instruction and knowledge mean more to you than silver or the finest gold.  Wisdom is worth more than precious jewels or anything else you desire."

Proverbs 8: 34-36 "Come to my home every day and listen to me.  You will find happiness.  By finding me, you find life, and the Lord will be pleased with you.  But if you don't find me, you hurt only yourself, and if you hate me, you are in love with death."

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really love to be around smart people.  Especially people who have a lot of knowledge about something that I know little about, are passionate about it, and really good at explaining it.  They make concepts that seem loftier than my brain can reach come to a place where I can almost touch them.  This is how I learn best, and I do love to learn! 

What's really great is when these people are not just smart, but wise.  When the knowledge is not just intellectual, but has practical applications.  When they can look at your life, and advise you on something that makes it better. 

Sometimes you just happen onto these sorts of people, but it's really great when they are your friends.  When they are friends who are in your life on a regular basis.  When they hear you griping and complaining about one of life's problems and come up with a solution that is simply genius. 

That usually doesn't just happen spontaneously, though it may seem as such.  A few things have to fall into place.  First of all, you have to figure out who the smart people are to hang around with....and actually do it.  Then you have to find people who listen to what you have to say, who allow you to share your life with them, and actually key in on problems for which you are seeking solutions.   They then have to be the generous sort of person who is willing to share their knowledge with you and you have to be the sort of person who really listens to what they say and put it into practice.  When all this happens, it is a beautiful thing!  

This 8th chapter of Proverbs once again shows us Wisdom in human form, and she says her best friend is Common Sense.  (Makes me smile.  Her nickname is "Wise" and my guess is that her middle name is not "Subtlety.")  Early in the chapter we have Wisdom standing at the city gate introducing herself to all that enter. Reminds me of a crazy homeless person or street preacher, so most who know me know she would probably have me running in the other direction to avoid her.  Which is sometimes how I react to wisdom!  

She tells us if we have understanding, we will see that her words are just what we need.  We often miss wisdom because gloss over and tell ourselves all is well, whether it is or not.  We overlook that we are wanting in some way.....don't slow down long enough to figure out something is missing.  For example, we are so confident in our own ability to do things "from the heart" (which is said elsewhere in scripture to be "deceptive above all things") that we don't want to be teachable or admit we don't have all the answers.  But to gain from the gifts of wisdom, we have to do both.

We often devalue wisdom.  We disdain the wise, call them "know-it-alls."  Sometimes it is because they make us feel bad about ourselves....lacking in some way.  We don't know why we don't like them...we just don't!

These verses say wisdom is "worth more than precious jewels or anything else you desire."  I believe it is.....why do we often disregard its value and fight so hard for the other things?

Wisdom instructs daily visits to visit her.  She has done her marketing and is not going to be a salesman who will continue to drop in on you unannounced until you finally buy the product.  You have to make the effort.  She's done her part in seeking you out, now you have to balance the friendship.  You have to call and order the product.  You have to get to know her....and it requires a regular quantity of quality time.  If you choose to spurn her, to shut her out of your life.....she will leave you to your own devices.  And if you choose to spend all your time hanging out with things that are not Wise (be it your heart, your job, stupid choices, stupider people), you don't hurt her feelings....you hurt only yourself.  You're giving up winning the lottery....and a life that will leave you wealthier than you even imagine.  You're the one killing yourself a bit with each dumb choice.

I remember taking a group of kids to DC on a missions trip a lot of years ago.  When we were there we did a lot of work with the homeless.  On the drive in, the kids didn't seem to notice that there were homeless people there....or if they did, they wrinkled their noses as if there was a stench.  On the way home?  As we were driving down the street, they were opening the windows and yelling at them by name!  They had grown to see the people beneath the label....and they now counted them as friends. 

When I see Wisdom at that city gate or hanging around town, I want to recognize her as a friend...not as a homeless person or street preacher....and stop and listen to what she has to say.  And I plan on asking her where she lives and if she has a guest room.  If you hang out with Wisdom enough, she rubs off.  You start to dress like her, to act like her.  She's that friend who listens to what we say and tells us just what we need to hear to solve every problem.  Want to come to her slumber party?  Personally I have a lot to learn and think she is just the friend to teach me!

The Smooth Talk of a Sinful Woman

Day 2 in Proverbs

Proverbs 2: 2-3 "Keep in tune with wisdom and think what it means to have common sense."  

Proverbs  2:16-19  "Wisdom will protect you from the smooth talk of a sinful woman, who breaks her wedding vows and leaves the man she married when she was young.  The road to her house leads down to the dark world of the dead.  Visit her, and you will never find the road to life again."   

(Or Kim's version "What were you thinking?  You really didn't believe her when she said that to you, did you?  What is wrong with you????  You are so much smarter than that!")

 .............................................................................................................................................. 

I worked at a children's home right after I graduated from college....and there I met some really charming teenagers.  They would also shake your hand and steal your ring off your finger.  They were the ultimate smooth talkers.....once a couple of these kids ran away and ended up getting cops to transport them from county line to county line.  (Their story was they were poor college students who were visiting friends and got in a fight and they were hitchhiking home because the friends threw them out.  The cops bought it.)  They were 14 and 15.  These kids were so great and charming on one level, but really screwed up on another.  If they would befriend someone, that person would see the charming side, but before they knew it they would find themselves in a very dark place.  Like law enforcement transporting minor children from county to county.  The kids came from a dark place themselves, so that was home to them.  And they liked visitors.

Interesting to think that Solomon, the writer of these verses, was the son of David and Bathsheba, isn't it?  Remember them?   King David, who (if he had been doing what he was supposed to be doing) should have been leading his troops in battle, but instead was hanging out at home on the rooftop.  He spotted Bathsheba on her roof having a bath and decided he wanted her, summoned her (he was king....he could do that) and thus began real life drama.  (Bathsheba gets pregnant, her husband is sent to the front lines of battle where he is killed, etc., etc., etc.)  I don't know....while King David usually gets the blame here (and deserves it), I always have thought that there was a really good shot that Bathsheba was well aware that the handsome King David was watching her....and did her part to make sure he noticed all of her attributes.  And I think their son Solomon probably was taught from two people who later had interesting perspectives on this little scenario and who actually learned from their mistakes.

I wonder sometimes whether everyone thinks they have common sense.  We all can look around and see that they don't.....but I suspect that those that don't, usually don't know that it is missing.  I don't think they are wasting much time thinking about it.....or anything.  The truth is that common sense requires you to see life in simple terms.  To break it down to the lowest common denominator.  To be able to describe it to the simplest of minds.   To do that you have to spend some time thinking about it so you understand it.

We are trained as women  to be manipulative at an early age.  A girl child is born and what do you say to her daddy?  "She's going to have you wrapped around her little finger!"  Men are taught manipulation, too....but most just aren't as good at it.  I think there is a certain amount of it that comes naturally to women.  You can see it all the way back to Eve.  "Hey Adam, want a bite of this apple?"  "Sure!"

I remember in college when I noticed that I have this "power."  I played all kinds of manipulation games with my boyfriend.....wondering how much he would be willing to do if I just asked for it the right way (a lot!)  Or didn't ask for it and made him think it was his idea (more!)  I finally had that light bulb moment, realized I was doing it and it scared me that not only was I doing it...but how good I was at it.  I'm still embarrassed that I allowed myself to be that way.  It's one of my fears in relationships still....that I will be that person again.  And she's not someone I respect. We're all manipulative (in both positive and negative ways), but if we are using it for our own good all the time and taking advantage of other people, we're living a self centered life.  And we aren't in healthy relationships.  A good reason to be in relationships with wise people.....who notice when the balance is out of whack and hold us accountable.  Someone who actually notices the negative manipulation and calls us on it when necessary.   Someone who sees the bad and our good.....and wants to encourage our good.

How do we get out of tune with wisdom?  We forget to think.  We make decisions out of emotion, out of feelings, or just because someone else tells us what to do. We go through life on auto pilot....or allowing ourselves to be easily distracted.

Often we think someone either has common sense or they don't....but that is not quite true.  It's a bit more complicated than that.  Common sense is out there to be had by all....but you first have to do the work.  Your mind has to be in gear....in tune with what makes sense.  Thinking about what is really said and what is really revealed.  Not just hearing the words, but trying to determine the character of the person speaking those words.  Looking at their track record, and realizing that if someone has not left the path, they are still on the way to their original destination.  We can all be fooled by a smooth talker.  Some are just fooled over and over again.  Their wisdom is out of tune.  And usually once lost, that tune is hard to get back.

When Trees Fly

My friends the Klingers just had their annual 4th of July celebration.....held in June, because unfortunately when you set a holiday on a specific day, sometimes it doesn't fall on a weekend.  Which is why we should just keep it to  "Independence Day".....and declared it to be the first Saturday in July.  Oh wait.... it would need to be the first FRIDAY in July, so we still get a day off of work.

But that is all beside the point.  The absolutely awesome fireworks show started with the igniting of the Klinger Christmas tree.  Who says they should just be thrown out after Christmas?  They are of so much more value than that. This year there was first a series of mini explosions (sparks flying), then the tree went aflame, then at the end the tree literally jumped up in the air in victory!  (Well, that is what I saw.)  An exceptionally great beginning.  I simply cannot do it justice with words.

One thing that most of the Klinger friends have in common is we like seeing things blown up.  We like explosions.  We like fire.  And the slow controlled power of something igniting.  Marc is a master of making this happen.  We sit and wait in awe as the whole thing enfolds.  For someone like me, who thinks watching fireworks is one of the greatest pleasures in life, it is an evening of pure delight.  (The company is pretty good, too.) 

For the month of July I am going to be personally walking my way through the book of Proverbs and think I will share my thoughts in my blog.  Proverbs is a great book to read during months with 31 days, because there are 31 chapters in the book.  It's also great for someone like me with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), since it is a series of thoughts of how to live life and you can essentially just pull out one sentence and have it change how you look at life.  It's written by King Solomon, who was really wise and long on common sense....but like most of us, didn't always do the right thing.  It's still great stuff.  Most of us probably have the experience of receiving some of our best advice from people who know what to do, and can tell you what to do, but don't necessarily have everything together in their own lives.  Truth is, most (if not all) of us who give each other advice fall into that category.

So Chapter 1 of Proverbs for the first day of July....has a lot of talk about wisdom.  The first sentence of any writing sets the tone, and this one is no exception.  "This is the beginning of knowledge.  Only a fool rejects wisdom and good advice."   

Wisdom is seen as a woman in Proverbs and she does have a bit of an attitude.  In verses 26-27  "Wisdom" says "So when you are struck by some terrible disaster, or when trouble and distress surround you like a whirlwind, I will laugh and make fun."

Yeah, a little hardcore, but also a lot of "I told you so" and "You knew better!" 

So many of the explosions in our lives are the result of our own making.  We don't seek or listen to advice, we don't abide by principles we were taught growing up, we don't listen to warnings from friends or family.   We not only reject them, but we laugh and sneer at them.  Often that means someone gets hurt in the bargain.  Sometimes ourselves.  Sometimes others.  And at that point it doesn't matter if you have learned your lesson.  Once you have rejected it, wisdom has no currency in the situation.

The Klingers don't just throw a bunch of fireworks out there and light them.  There is actually thought and preparation that goes into it all, and safety is always considered.   There is caution on the front end and on the back end.  (I do my part by staying away from the igniting.  Quite frankly, Ursula, knowing how much grace I was blessed with....would probably physically remove me from the scene if I tried.  She likes her house.  Some people should never handle fireworks.  Though if you have a sparkler...send it my way!)  Not thinking things through can mean disaster.....but a little forethought means a safe, fun and memorable time for all.

I challenge you to join me in reading a chapter of Proverbs a day for the month of July.  Whether you believe what you read or not, you're allowed to share your opinion.  The great thing about this book is that there are lot of lessons to be learned.  I'd like to hear your thoughts.  We all just may learn something.   And we may increase the fireworks in our life.....the good kind....and ignite something that has been laying dormant! 

(I am also participating in Patsy's Firecracker 4000 squat challenge for the month of July.  I hereby commit to doing 4,000 squats in the month of July.  That's 129 a day.  So far today I have only done 20.  My knees are creaking as I do them.  But it will get done...and hopefully get easier as the month goes on!  You can join me with this, too, if you would like!  Do you know how much I hate squats?)