But I Don't Wanna!!!!

When I sit here and think about it, my first inclination to almost anything is that I don't want to do it.  I don't want to clean house, I don't want to work, I don't want to go to the grocery store, I don't want to make dinner, I don't want to plan social engagements, I don't want to go to social engagements, I don't want to go running, I don't want to watch my diet....oh, I could go on and on.  Honestly if I could spend the bulk of my life laying around and reading books, I think I would be quite happy.  That's sort of like a monk's life, but not so spiritual, huh?  Yeah, when I put it like that it doesn't sound very appealing for a variety of reasons or like something I am cut out for.  But still, sometimes I want to hole up in the world of fantasy.

The truth is that almost every day we have to do things we don't want to do. I don't think others are as extreme as me, but really....doesn't it just annoy you that you have to brush your teeth so many times a day? (Oh, that's just me?)   I know there are some people who bounce out of bed on Monday mornings and can't wait to get to the office, but I am not one of them.  Even though I really don't mind working once I get there.  The idea of having to do it mentally exhausts me before I even start!

Who likes to pay the electric bill instead of buying a new outfit?   OK, sometimes I hate to shop so much that I just may....but more times than not I would prefer the outfit.  

Who wants so much money in their paychecks coming out for taxes and Social Security?  But how great is it when we have roads that are drivable and schools to teach our children and public libraries full of books to read or seniors getting those Social Security checks?!

Who likes washing windows?  But sometimes we must do it so we can see the sunrise and sunset views in all their glory.

The rebel side of me is always going to fight against "doing stuff."  The realist side of me knows I must.  The truth is that each time I do one of those things that I don't like to do, I am taking a step toward a better life.

So I will get out of bed, go to work, earn a paycheck and pay those essential bills that give me shelter and food and even entertainment.  That's how I build the base of my life.  I will change the oil in my car and get it inspected and get new tires....because that car takes me all kinds of great places and it makes for a better journey if it doesn't break down along the way or I don't see that blue light in my rear view window.  I will run and work out with weights and do painful things like squats and pushups and lunges....because that is how I build a body that will carry me strongly forward as I age.  I will eat right, and not just exist on chocolate, because that will fuel my journey and who wants water in their gas tank?  Good food builds my body into an efficient machine.

I will always struggle with doing most things.  I hate to clean house and I hate to go through all of the papers that gather in my house (sometimes my mailbox is the enemy!), and I hate to go through my closets and get rid of clothes and shoes that I don't need.  These are second tiers tasks on my to do list, however.  I give myself permission to not be perfect at them.  The truth is that I really don't want a lot of hours of my life devoted to such things, so I will probably never be strongly motivated to do them.  But I need to do them a bit better than my inclinations.  Having lots of stuff hoarded that I don't wear but that others need....pure selfishness. I need that thought to spur me to make a few trips to donate those things to others. That requires that I hunt and gather them, or in other words, clean some closets and drawers.

When it gets down to it, having a great life requires we do the "don't wannas".  Doing things we don't want to do are the building blocks to the things that will eventually reward us.  We invest our lives by giving up a little bit of the present doing these things that will be the foundation for the future.  A bit of delayed gratification is necessary for the big payodff.

The truth is that doing these things don't have to be miserable experiences.  So much is about our attitudes.  Some of the most enjoyable times of my life were spent doing things that really shouldn't have been fun.  Whether it was the company I was keeping or the knowledge that I was helping someone else, or knowing they were going to lead me to something worth working for....It was easy to keep a good attitude.  Sometimes we forget that each minute is a building block for our life.  Do we waste it away or invest it in something that will make our future more memorable? 

While reading my life away often sounds lovely, I am not sure it would be something I would be proud of in retrospect.  Oh, many hours are spent doing it, and I love those times, but instead of my whole life being about that they should be times I savor.   Instead I would like my life  to have been vital and full and fun and meaningful and well lived.   I want to have been a kind person who gave to others, was a good friend and family member, worked hard, played hard, honored God, and gave to the world even more than I got.  That takes time and effort and patience.  I still haven't figured out how to get back less than I invest, so that part seems a bit impossible!  But what fun to try anyway.  Sort of like trying to out give God....the impossible goal that is rewarding to pursue.

I will plug on, doing the things I don't want to do.  Because in the end, it is all worth it.  They will pay dividends.  I wish I had done an even better job of reaping and sowing during most of my life, but the great news is....I still have time to see what kind of garden I can grow!  It's pretty good even with my slack self.  But I want to shoot for majestic!

But I Want It NOW!

One of my all time favorite childhood books was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl.  When the movie based on the book, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the one with Gene Wilder as Willie Wonka), came out it became one of the few movies that in my mind just may have eclipsed the book.  It is still one of my all time favorites.  (The Johnny Depp version was good, but still doesn't beat the classic to me.)  Besides Willie Wonka (oh, how I adored Gene Wilder in that movie), the most memorable character in that movie to me was Veruca Salt, the rich girl whose daddy turned his factory into a candy bar opening operation to find her golden ticket.  She was the ultimate spoiled rich girl whose whiny cries of "I want it now" are still implanted in my brain.  Sometimes I mentally call myself Veruca when I get in that whiny self-centered frame of mind.  And OK, I admit it.  Sometimes I just may have called you Veruca too! (You know you deserved it!)

There are a lot of Verucas in the world today.  People who want things without working for them.  People who get things or do things on a whim, not thinking of what the consequences of that decision will mean to their lives or the lives of others.  People who want things because in their minds they deserve them because...well, for some reason they consider themselves more special others.  People whose parents have given them the world, but not a work ethic or an understanding of personal responsibility.  Oh, and I won't blame just the parents here. Sometimes the parents have taught everything right, but the lessons just didn't stick.  We sometimes just forget the lessons and start to live in our own fantasy world, in which we are at the center.  And where we assume no responsibility or consequences for our actions.

I do not have a pet.  I do not live the life of a responsible pet owner.  I often am gone from home for long periods of time.  I like being able to travel on a whim.  I don't want to have to remember to buy dog food, or fence in my yard, or add veterinary visits to my days and all of the expense of animal ownership to my budget.

But sometimes I see some of the cute rescue dogs that people post on Facebook and I melt.  I want one.  If I look at it logically, I would not be its best option for a happy life.  Most of my animal loving friends suggest to me from time to time that I need a dog.  I have to remind them of how I live.  While I love the idea of dogs, I would not be what a dog deserves as a pet owner.  I love dogs too much to own one.  I remember that because I am an adult.....and I consider more than just my current emotional needs.   (I will hug on yours instead!)  But I see so many people who see those cute doggie faces and have to have it....now!  Whether they are going to be home to take care of it or not.  Whether they have room in their budget for dog food or not.  Whether they have investigated all of the aspects of dog ownership, and made a conscious decision to make a full commitment.  Owning a pet is hard work, expensive and a big responsibility.  If you do it well!

I'm not against immediate gratification.  I am a big fan, as a matter of fact!  I wish I got everything I wanted as soon as it came to my mind.  Unfortunately it doesn't happen quite that way.  (Yeah, it disappoints me, too.)  Sometimes we have to wait for the things that we want.  Sometimes we have to work for things....and work and work and work.  And while delayed gratification is sometimes difficult to endure, usually when we get to the prize, it is something we appreciate all the more.

Working out has been a struggle for me lately.  It always is, but the last month it has seemed especially difficult.  I am starting to see the impact on my body.  It makes me mad that I have to devote so much of my free time to working out.  Because I have a sedentary job, I am growing older, and I love food, I just do!   I find my internal messaging being very Veruca-like.  "It's not fair that I have to work out so much while (insert your name here) looks awesome and never seems to have to do all that I have to do."  Like Veruca, I am not considering all of the angles.  Why shouldn't I have to work out harder than you?  How do I even know how hard you are working out?  How do I know what you are eating....or not eating?  How do I know what you are going through to maintain that amazing body?

When we look at things from a self-centered basis, we see things from only one perspective....our own.  The viewpoints of others don't enter into our spectrum.  We don't see them with sympathy or empathy....frankly we often don't even see others at all! 

There is an old contemporary Christian song by Keith Green from the 70s called "Make My Life A Prayer" that contains the sentence "I'd like to thank you Lord, for being patient with me, Oh, it's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me."  As it is difficult to see God's patience with us when we are being self-centered, it's also difficult to see the gifts.

My goal is to quit being the Veruca Salt of the workout world.  I need to remember that I have been gifted with a healthy body.  I need to celebrate it.  It's a privilege to be able to run.  It's a privilege to be able to walk.  It's a privilege to be able to lift weights.  It's a privilege to be able to walk extra steps in the parking lot.  It's a privilege to be able to do planks (yeah Patsy....there is your planking reference!)  It's a privilege to do squats.  Working out this body of mine....it's nothing but a privilege.

I need to remember this.... and also remember that results take time.  For me especially.  The upside is that when I make strides that are small steps to others, they get to be major victories to me. So I am going to get back to the regular workouts....and get ready for the little internal celebrations that I get to have each time I do anything that is hard for me to do.  Right now that bar is low.  It's just making an attempt.  I need to celebrate my "privileges" in a big way and look at them not as burdens, but as gifts.  Keep me accountable.....and if I need to keep you accountable for something, let me know.  Because we need to know what we are struggling with, hold each other up, and be there for encouragement.  It's what separates us from the Verucas of the world.

I still can't have a puppy.   Even if I want it now!