Far too Stupid to Be Considered Human

Day 30 in Proverbs

Proverbs 30:2 "Someone cries out to God 'I am completely worn out!  How can I last?' I am far too stupid to be considered human.  I never was wise and I don't understand what God is like.'"

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I just got home from work at 11:15, after leaving for work at 7:30 this morning.  No, I don't feel like writing a blog entry, but thought I needed a little decompression time, so figured I would give a read to the 30th chapter of Proverbs.  And "by coincidence", it does resonate in my life!  Pretty amazing that something can keep my attention after being buried in a spreadsheet most of the day!

I have a tendency towards insomnia.  Not usually due to stress....I tend to sleep when stressed out.  Several factors influence me.... restless legs syndrome, hormones, allergies....they all have been the reason at one time or another.  I can go pretty well without one night's sleep (my former youth group members will remember this came in handy to stop some of their nocturnal wanderings), but there comes a point after a few nights where I start to get a bit emotional.  And what happens when you get emotional?  You get a bit dramatic!  Yep, by around the second day I start getting a bit weepy.  Maybe short tempered (I tend to think that it is just everyone else being annoying, though maybe I could be contributing a bit.)  But generally I internalize it and start to feel sorry for myself and yep, all of a sudden I am feeling "far too stupid to be considered human."

Even when you know that your emotions are impacted by lack of sleep, sometimes you don't realize while all of a sudden you hate your life, you hate everything you need to do, you hate everyone who comes into your path!  It feels very real....it's only when your body gets back to normal that you start to realize maybe none of it was true.

A lot of times that is when you think that you don't understand God.... and obviously God doesn't understand you.  We're alternately calling out to him to help us, but also feeling that he's moved back a bit and is not listening to us.  Truth is, He not only hasn't moved, He knows exactly what is going on.

Lack of sleep can impact our lives, in the same way as lack of exercise, not drinking enough water or eating the wrong foods.  We need to take care of our body to live a full life.  I know I have a tendency to get focused on something (such as this project I have been working on) and my life gets out of balance.  And when my life gets out of balance, the emotions are fluctuating.

Right now I am emotionally tired, but since I passed on this phase of the project to someone else, I think recuperation may be coming in my future.  So that means the disciplines of my life need to get my life back into balance.  Eating well (and regularly), drinking enough water, exercising and getting to bed at a reasonable hour.  The things I have neglected.  I think I will go and start on that last one right now.  And maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after.....I will be less stupid, and I'll understand God (and everyone else) a little better.