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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The First Day of School

 
 
I believe I had a stomach ache every first day of school for all of my 12 years. Wait.....better add four years of college to that, and probably any class I have taken since. The first day of school has always scared me. While most saw me as an extrovert, I never really was. I would look around feverishly until I saw a friend I could latch onto, or quake with intimidation until someone was nice to me. That's when I would get a bit comfortable with things and the floodgates would open. I talked a lot when comfortable. Some teachers may have wished I had been a bit less comfortable. Let's face it.....five kids and two parents. You learn to fight to be heard. And you never get to say everything you want to say, so it's a constant thing you fight for. Sometimes you get so excited you forget what you meant to say when it is your time to speak and sound a bit like an idiot. Really...the original thought....was profound!

I was in constant fear in school. It was my parent's fault (of course). The rule in our house was that whatever punishment the teacher doled out, your punishment at home was that times two. Possibly not the best way to learn your times tables, or maybe it was. I was terrified of the paddle, which was the punishment of choice for most teachers during my school years. I managed to avoid it, though I cut it close one time. My name was taken and we were told that it was an automatic paddling. Lindsey Clendenin was the teacher.....must have been fifth grade. I was filled with absolute horror. She was not known for backing down, but I must have been one of her exceptions. She saw the tears in my eyes and couldn't do it. I loved her after that and suspect my mouth stayed closed when required.

Back to school clothes were great, though for the short chunky girl who hated shopping (maybe it was because I was a chunky girl?) it was torture as we went from store to store looking for clothes that fit. We'd hit downtown Statesville....the place to go back then pre-mall....Belk, J.C. Penney's, Spainhour's, and Hines, my favorite because that was usually find sonething to fit me. At least we didn't have to fit my body in a school uniform.

The school supply lists back then were nothing like the ones now. Sorry teachers, but I think they had it right then. Notebooks, loose leaf, some #2 pencils, extra erasers, a couple of composition books, a protractor, and a new lunchbox, and we were set to go. Not sure why the needs have escalated for parents over the year. I read those lists and they put me in a state of shock! Do these things really help kids learn more? I don't think so. In fact, I think perhaps we could even have cut a few things from the old timers list!  I think I am with the schools I have heard about in other places that provide all of the basic things for students. That should be the great equalizer....the same school supplies for all. I hate the idea that a kid will go without either because their parents can't afford it, refuse to buy it, or doesn't know it is their responsibility. Those notes sent home....ummmmm.....some parents choose not to read them, others don't know how. Extra attention needs to be paid to their kid. Subtlely. It's not their fault and should not be their humiliation.

There seems to be less recess and PE now. I would have loved that, especially had it be replaced by library time. (Yep, geek.) I was always told I was unathletic..or maybe I just felt that way. I was always picked last....and never got to pick myself. (That last part was OK....picking would have been a dilemma...friends or athletes?). I wish I had known it was not a life sentence. I now know that I was just not athletically skilled and had not been told that it was new to me and would come with time and practice. It should have been about learning to move for life. I believe it should have been a bit crazy and chaotic and fun. Joyful. Not so much squat thrusts (the earlier evolution of burpees, which I have now made one of my life goals to avoid forever), or dodgeball (Really? Throw balls at your classmates as hard as you can, and the one who hits the most wins?). More running and jumping and dancing and throwing balls at targets instead of people. 

Oh....the ultimate horror of my school years. Mandatory showers after PE freshman year of high school. My teacher positioned over the showers checking off whether we got naked and ran water over our bodies. I worried every day of my summer vacation before high school over that one, and no.....it was not OK. Reality was not better than the fear. While I am not particularly modest now, I was then, and even at that age, maybe especially at that age, I should have been told I was in charge of who sees my body without clothes. I hear it is not a requirement now....good!

The teachers....they could make or break a year. Some I considered friends. Some I considered really smart adults who were right up there on my pedestal. Some I never figured out why they went into teaching anyway. They didn't seem to enjoy kids, they didn't have a passion for the classes they taught. I learned a bit about work then. There are those who will always do the minimum for their job. There are those who will make their job drudgery. But it taught me something....I never wanted to be like them.

In honor of this first day of school, here are some life lessons I have learned for students....and adults.
1. Respect your teacher (and we all should have teachers!)  Even if you disagree with them. Sometimes people deserve respect because of their title. This lesson has been forgotten. It is a shame. Remember Daniel in the Bible? No? Well, look up that story. You will learn that you can be respectful but not agree with the leader, hold true to your beliefs, and accomplish your goals, all at the same time. When you come at a person with disrespect, they no longer hear you. You sound like Charlie's Brown teacher to them. You don't have to always agree with them....but always respect them. Especially if you want them to listen to you.
2. It is your teacher's job to teach you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Really....they are getting paid to do this! If you are willing to put in the effort, they should be willing to make sure you learn the material. Don't be ashamed of what you know (or don't know) today....only be ashamed if you don't know more tomorrow.
3. Don't rebel against learning. That cheats only you and makes you a fool. Learn as much as you can from everyone. Information is gold. Take all you are given....and ask for more.
4. Learn to read.....well. I believe there is no greater thing that will ensure your success. Read anything and everything. There is little you can read that won't be of value....if you also learn to question, discern, and not take everything you read as truth. Read and think and engage your mind.
5. Make your years of education more than just about book learning. Get involved. Play sports, run for a class office, try out for a school play, write for the school paper, enter a talent show. Try things expecting to fail on occasion. Don't let that get you down....most of the greats have failed. Most of the really greats have failed big. It's not that you fell down, it's all in how you get back up. Do it with grace and style. And laughter. And with the knowledge that you are in great company.
6. Practice virtues you believe in. What kind of qualities do you respect in a person? Honesty, hard work, passion? Then do them. Practice makes perfect.
7. How you act towards other people can change their lives. Be kind. Be interested. Be someone who pulls someone up, not someone who pushes them down. Collect friends. Let them know you care. Make memories. Write them down....and take a selfie.

I loved and hated school. I didn't like being told what to learn, was disdainful of what I thought of as busy work (still am) and hated that tests weren't more interactive. But the learning itself....was bliss. I like to know things. I want to know more. I regret I didn't make more of the opportunities offered, that I didn't aim a bit higher, that I wasn't more creative as I designed my life. But our education doesn't stop because we are out of school. We can learn and change until we die. We can become a good student today. So that is my goal. I resolve to try a bit harder, seek out more knowledge each day, and do things that don't come easily to me, until they do. We dumb ourselves down too often....let's get smart instead. Let that first day of school stomach ache be over and done with. We will not be scared....we will be educated.


Monday, August 18, 2014

The Quest for Integrity In Business



I can be a pain in the rear when it comes to good customer service. I think that is the cornerstone of a good business....and good business matters to me, because people matter to me and businesses are people. We forget that sometimes, and buy into the thought that a business is an entity of itself. It never really is, so don't ever let anyone hide behind the idea of the "corporate machine", lest you become the star of "The Emporer's New Clothes". Don't remember that story? Google it, or go and read it here:
http://www.andersen.sdu.dk/vaerk/hersholt/TheEmperorsNewClothes_e.html

Public relations and marketing are fascinating to me. I have a fixation on both and have since my college years. Maybe even before that. Truth is, they can make or break a business. Over time they have become spin doctors.....those who mold the truth to make it palatable. In this world that is a great skill. One that can make or break a business. Unfortunately it can also make or break a person's (company's) character when used to pass off a lie as truth or only reveal part of the story.

I give feedback. Don't ask me what I think about your business (or your personal life) unless you are prepared for the truth according to Kim. Not that I am always right....or that my opinion is better than your own or that I expect you to change things just because of what I say. But if asked, and often when not asked, I will try to give it to you, limited knowledge and all. You can tell me to stop, and I will. Almost always.

So, I was eating a Quest bar one day, one of my favorite protein bars for a variety of reasons (they meet my protein requirements....no wimpy amounts for me...and are constantly ranked as one of the best out there...and you know I am a geek who reads up on this stuff). Anyway, I noticed something in there that wasn't supposed to be there. It looked like a hair, or maybe a string. Freaked me out for a bit, until I realized I didn't think I had eaten any of it (note I didn't ponder this at great length. If I did, I didn't want to know.)

But because if I were a business I would want to know such a thing, I sent them an email. Not because I was horrified, or plotting a lawsuit (I find that silly and wrong), but because they needed to know.

They took immediate action....sent me a box to put the remains in and said they would study it. Had someone come and pick it up. Also sent me a couple of boxes of Quest bars.... which I was not afraid to eat, by the way. I had eaten hundreds before with no issue.

I thought that the whole thing was over, until I received a letter from them the other day. The letter made me love their company and not just their product. To me it was the best in customer service. Taking a complaint seriously, investigating it, figuring out what happened and why, putting in a plan of action for it not happening again, and keeping me included as part of the "team" solving the program. Here is that letter: 

http://support.questproteinbar.com/attachments/token/ItCgpJcl85RdtU80AuLMq3YAK/?name=customer+Concern+%2349414+Kim+Mckinney.pdf



I share this to celebrate this company, not to shame them. I have much respect for how they handled the situation. Here's what I think we can learn from this:

1. Check things out. I could have been a crazy person wanting to sue....or someone just wanting free Quest bars. They checked out my claim.....asked for the evidence. As someone who doesn't like false claims, I totally respect this. If making a claim about the quality (or character) of a product, company, or person, offer the first hand proof to back it up.

2. Consider the fact that you might be wrong. Listen to criticism, check it out, and take it seriously.

3. Acknowledge fault. When you're wrong, say you're wrong. Don't gloss over it, don't try to hide it.

4. Don't only look at the problem on the surface. Ask the important questions - how did this happen and how can we make sure this doesn't happen again?

5. Use any problem or mistake as a learning experience. How can it make you better?

6. How is your quality control team? Are the people who surround you effective at guaranteeing your quality? Whether you are a business or a person, having a good quality control staff is gold. Sometimes a business has to remind and re-train. Sometimes as an individual you need to make sure those who surround us care about our quality (our character and well-being) and make the effort to speak up or challenge when there are problems.

7. When people give you good feedback, let them know if you use it. Let them know if it changes who you are or how you do things. Even if it is years later. Too often we don't do this, and we have neglected an opportunity to help that person see why they are here. Let's encourage people for the good they do, and not just criticize those who de-rail us.


 8. Don't have unrealistic expectations of people or companies. We all make mistakes. That bonds us. Let's not be finger pointers, without being willing to make things better. And let's be gracious in our forgiveness.

When problems occur, the best approach is just to go naked, not pretend you are wearing clothes, adding a few extra layers or putting on a complete disguise so no one can really see you. When we see others make mistakes, let's remember our own and be part of their solution, not blow the problem out of proportion. Let's also not ignore mistakes if they need to be revealed. Be pure in your quest. Covering up who you really are and what you really do does nothing but diminish your humanity and your integrity.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The "Come To Jesus" Meeting To Which You Are Not Invited

From time to time, OK....really often, I have to have a "come to Jesus" meeting. Seriously. Truth is that sometimes I forget that between me and God the conversation is usually supposed to be all about me. Or about me and God and this relationship we have.

Now it's not that I think God doesn't want to hear my prayers for others - for those who are sick, or those whose lives are headed in the wrong direction, or those who are struggling with life. But how often are my prayers for others and how often are they about me? When I talk to God about others, what is my purpose? What is my commitment? Am I deflecting a higher calling? Am I avoiding a look at my own heart?

While sometimes our prayers can change God's direction, I think often we pray with a very shallow purpose. We pray to be considered "nice people." We pray to get our way. We pray to give God our side of the story, so we can tell ourselves we're right. We throw up prayers like popcorn, hoping God catches a kernel in his mouth, but really expecting that he won't. It's almost like a party game. "Lord, heal my friend." Then we kinda think "Prayer prayed. Cross that off my 'to do' list. Now I have fulfilled what I said I would do. I can now say 'I have been praying for you.' Nothing else for me to do here. When they are healed I can say 'I helped!' But really it looks bad. Probably nothing positive going to happen there!"

But really, are these the kinds of prayers that moved God in scripture? If we were God, would those prayers impress us? I don't think so. I think those prayers can be considered cheap, if not worthless. Mocking God.

Take that same prayer, "Lord, heal my friend." What if we prayed in such a way that it really directed our attention to God at work? What if as we prayed we promised God that we would watch as he works in that person's life and the lives of those around them? What if we promised to acknowledge God if that person is healed? What if we asked God how we could help that person or their family or perhaps others in their same situation? What if it moved us to change who we are and how we live? What if it drew us closer to God? Wouldn't that give that prayer some depth? Another layer of purpose?

My heart breaks as I look at this world. My heart breaks as I look at the lives of those I love, especially those who seem to be on the wrong path; who seem to be making decisions that will do nothing but hurt them and hurt others. The truth is, though, I (we) can't change other people. Ever. God gave them the freedom to live lives of truth or lives of lies. They must make the appropriate decisions to change themselves, they must make the decision to thumb their nose at God or surrender all they are. There's something quite freeing about that when I have it in proper perspective.  I can pray and trust God can handle the situation. With or without me. I can be willing to be used by God in people's lives, but have to acknowledge when I try to change people under my own power, it usually doesn't work out. God doesn't necessarily need to use me in everyone's lives that are around me. After a while you have to surrender your perceived control and say "God I trust you to lead them. To let them hear your voice. Please do the same for me and teach me to follow you."

The second part is the hardest part. It means our focus has to change to living the life God  wants us to live, and not the one that comes naturally. That which comes naturally usually takes us in the direction of our own desires, and not God's. One thing I can promise....if you do God's way correctly, you will not remain in your comfort zone. You will not be able to coast on your strengths.....you will be challenged to let God work through your weaknesses. You will not have time to pass judgment on others. In other words, you will not be the Holy Spirit of the world, the nation, your neighborhood or even your own home. You will  be a person of opinions, someone called to speak when they feel they have no words or aren't especially good at it, and you will be fully involved with the problems of the world. Because if you are God's person, justice, love, peace, forgiveness, and mercy are the foundations of how you live. Those things require that you give up your comfort, and challenge the person you think you are. It requires you not live in a righteous little bubble, but engage with the world.

Those who follow God surrender their "rights." They realize it's not all about them. They don't compare what they have been given with those around them, because the truth is they have enough. Whatever it may be. Our purposes are different. Our mission fields are different. Our strengths and weaknesses are going to be used differently. All that we are, and all that we aren't, is by design. Some of us may think we have good reason to whine, but one thing I have found....however little that I may think I have, there always seems to be someone with less. However inept I may think I may be, God can work through it. Needs are great, and God meets those needs in interesting and unexpected ways, through not-so-interesting-but-incredibly-amazing people who are willing to be used. OK....even through the unwilling and kicking and screaming folk!

I have said before that I'm not a "good Christian". Maybe no one is, but from my eyes it does seem to come more naturally to other people than me. I'm a rebel by nature. I'm not even a "good Christian" on my best days. In fact, I hate....yes hate....the phrase "good Christian". It puts a pressure on us that I don't think God intended. It makes it about us instead of God. Truth is, the greatest story of scripture is that we can't be good enough.....and we don't have to! Pressure off. Time to move on in spite of it.

I've always been quite aware of the level of my sinful nature and yes, I can probably beat you. I'm fortunate in that I was aware of God at a young age and he's had my attention ever since. But one thing I have learned.....I must stay on a short leash. I am the person in that old hymn you may have heard "prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love."

So frequent "come to Jesus" meetings are necessary where we talk about me, and how I fall short, and what I need to do to get back on track. Where I don't blame others for who I am or what I have done, but accept responsibility for the ways I fall short. Where I remind God of all I am not, and he reminds me of all he is. Where he reminds me that there is no valid excuse to disengage or insulate or live a life without purpose. Where there is no valid reason to disrespect people, or be unkind, or be less than I was created to be. Where there is no excuse to not stand up for what is right, honest, just and true. Where he reminds me that since I am His, he's got me covered. Where I am weak, He is strong.

I am sorry that I can't invite you to join us in my "come to Jesus" meetings, but if I did I'd probably want that time to be about you. Because it's much easier to talk about what you need to do, how you need to be, and where you fall short, than for me to face the reality of what is expected of me. 

But go ahead and set up your own "come to Jesus" meeting. No appointment necessary, though you may find you need to make one. Because God, he's ready to talk with us at any time. We, however, tend to get a bit distracted. When you meet, it's important for you to talk about you. More often than not, only about you. If you listen carefully you will get some great guidance pointing you towards a life that will fulfill all of your innermost wants and needs. Bitterness, self pity, fear, anger....they will all fall away. You won't have time for them. The plan for your days will probably not be what you ever expected, but will be so good. Breathe it all in, and let your life exhale grace. You will be changed. The world will, too.

"Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
 
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
 
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
 
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
 
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day."
 
                 Robert Robinson/John Wyeth