I have issues taking a task to completion. I make no secret that I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and had it before it was trendy. It's nothing I am ashamed of (though some have told me to be less open about it, so I talk about it more often) and it's not something that I dwell on. It's just how I am wired....more of a point of interest to me as it explains my tendency to react in certain ways. I have only tried medication for it once, as an adult, because I thought it may make me a woman of great accomplishment. No, it didn't and when I thought about it I realized that I really like a lot of what ADD does for me, so for me it is something that I try to embrace as a gift from the Creator and enjoy where it takes me.
And it does take you many places. Your mind goes constantly. Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be one of the folks whose mind is not in overload all the time (often about minutia)....but really it's pretty fun to think about these things.
One major area it impacts my life, though, is finishing things I start. I get great ideas.....prepare for the project, and then can't seem to get it finished. Here's a list of home projects that are in various levels of completion...but nowhere near completed...
- I have decided to get new kitchen counters and a backsplash, and have looked at material possibilities several times, but cannot move further. My brother has taken measurements and graphed them out, but I haven't picked this diagram up from him.
- The light fixture in my office (that used to be a dining room) just doesn't fit. If I was a chandelier-in-the-office type, this would not be what I would choose. I finally found a new light fixture that I love and that should work for that room. It has been sitting on my kitchen table for weeks.
- I bought fabric to recover my kitchen chairs. I think that is on my kitchen table, too.
- I bought all the supplies (and my sister Dana got wood cut) so I could make this cute headboard for my one of my guest rooms I saw online. Yeah...not started. And now my brother is taking that bed from me (because I had stolen it from him since he wasn't using it...what's his is mine), so the question now is whether I just buy a new bed with a headboard or get just a bed frame with my new mattress and make the doggone headboard!
- I need a new couch....have been out looking for them several times and found several I liked in my price range. Yeah....still no new couch at my house.
- I'll also probably need a new chair and a new rug when I buy the couch...may as well put that on the list.
- My office is in complete disarray. I have great ideas of how it is going to look and they make me happy, but it requires I do so many things (like buy frames, get rid of paper, move furniture, etc.)
- The doorframe for one of the rooms upstairs needs to be painted. Somehow that was missed when we made that room (a converted loft).
- My bedroom. I don't even want to think about it. Let's start with the tall side tables I need, drapes that need to be bought and put up, and then work our way through to the closet and stacks of magazines that need to find their way to the recycle center. Ties with my office for the most disorganized room in the house. I think it may win.
- My garage. The list is endless. Let's just say I never got it organized when I moved in and now I just add to the chaos.
- My house needs to be pressure washed. Soon.
- My yard needs to be mulched, bushes trimmed and generally cleaned up.
That being said, I have learned to get OK with it. The sky is not falling as a result of the length of the list and my life is quite happy and relaxed most of the time. One good thing about an ADD mind...you have so many more things you can think about when you find something unpleasant creeping in! Part of me hates this side of me.....part of me enjoys that I can avoid the stress I see others under.
Those rare occasions when I do finish a task, I love the feeling of accomplishment. A "whoosh" resounds through my brain as I realize I must have mentally been holding my breathe. What is interesting is that I don't have issues getting work things done by deadlines....because I think my employer, and my clients, deserve things done well and on schedule. And I was taught that sort of work ethic....a day's work for a day's pay. Yet my personal life...the things that only impact me...it is another story.
Because of this issue, though, sometimes I have to put myself under a test. Like writing a blog every day for a month. It is difficult for me. It's not convenient. It's stressful. It's frustrating. I struggle with putting something out there in public that is not good writing or that doesn't quite say what I want it to....it can be embarrassing. Yet I know it will never be good enough if I think about it too much. In the end I remind myself that my goal was not to necessarily write good stuff, but to write. Having to gain a bit of mental focus each day is an accomplishment in itself. But sometimes, I need that exercise. To see if I can follow through to completion. Even if I don't want to!
So while I don't lament February being over, I feel good that I met my goal of writing a blog a day. Though even if I had not, the attempt would have been OK in itself. I love finishing what I start, but when I don't....that's OK, too. Either it gets done or it doesn't, and life is usually good either way. It's all in our attitude, all in our reaction, all in our kindness to ourselves.
Happy last day of Love Month. Maybe, though, this should be a love year. I think my next goal may be to put love in action every day....not by chance, but by focus. I wish I could tell you that I am gung ho at the prospect of doing this....I'm not, really, but sometimes we need to do it anyway. Sometimes we need to finish what we start....and set new personal goals. But I promise....this will be done incognito. I won't be blogging about it! Those of you who read my blog regularly (have I told you lately how awesome you are?) can rest your weary eyes.
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