Holiday in ALL CAPS

I had a conversation with my dad and a couple of my uncles the other day where I mentioned that if you typed in all caps, it was considered shouting. This was news to them, and I don't think they buy it. One of my uncles said "If you send me an email in all caps, I would think that you were helping me out and making it easier to read."

I have seen some folks online on message boards berating someone for "shouting at everyone" only to find out that the person was handicapped and used all caps because it was easier for them to type that way. Made me think to myself "Be careful of what you get on your high horse about."

We think everyone is like us. If Christmases past hold good memories for us, we think Christmas holds good memories for all. If we look forward to the day, we think everyone looks forward to the day. If we are excited about the gifts we buy and are having a blast shopping for them, we think everyone has the same feeling.

Truth is, we're quite insensitive and self-absorbed.

So here is a list of things that some folks I know are dealing with this Christmas....

🎁 Some folks have lost loved ones this year to death and are dreading their first holiday without them. Some lost them years ago, but still have not gotten over the pain of having them gone at holidays.

🎁 Some have had their holidays disrupted by divorce, and miss having their spouse (even if they didn't like them much). They are having to share their kids for the holidays in a way they never planned. The kids? They may feel guilt they don't speak, especially when the parent makes it more difficult for them.

🎁 Some people have been diagnosed with a nasty disease and are wondering if perhaps this will be their last Christmas on earth with their loved ones. Their families are wondering if it will be the last one they will celebrate with them and their hearts are breaking.

🎁 Some folks are out of a job and uncertain what they will do if one does not show itself on the horizon.

🎁 Some people don't have a loving family and are facing the tension of spending even a few hours with folks related to them by blood, who they feel obligated to spend time with, but who always make them feel miserable. Their day will be spent dodging insults, avoiding cruel criticism, and trying to not retaliate when they feel like they are going over the edge.

🎁 Some folks are already in debt higher than they ever thought possible, but they have kids who expect the same Christmas presents as their friends get from Santa. They're worried about things like whether their power will be on come Christmas morning or whether they will have money for groceries. 

🎁 Some are buying gifts for unappreciative people, knowing that whatever they buy, it will not be "right."

🎁 Some have told people they really don't want gifts, but are bought gifts anyway. They struggle being gracious receiving things they don't need, or want, that are bought out of an obligation and has nothing to do with them.

🎁 Some folks are alone, or just feeling alone even if they are in a crowd.

🎁 Some people have needs they will not speak. They keep them to themselves, and are miserable because they are not being met. (If this is you, tell people!)

🎁 Some people don't see gift giving as you do. Some want practical gifts, while you want the impractical. Some want impractical luxury, while you have always given what they need. Some want gifts, but you say "I don't do gifts." Some say "I don't want gifts" but don't mean it. others really do. For some the only gift they want is your time and attention. Truth is, if you love someone, you probably should try to do what works for them. But then again, if you have expectations, give them the gift of giving those up. Meet people where they are. What they can do now. They may be paralyzed with fear underneath that "I don't care" veneer. Maybe you need to give yourself the perfect gift and remove the pressure from them. Maybe you need to get over your gift obsession and celebrate other things. Wherever you are, maybe the best gift you can give everyone is to change your mindset.

🎁 Some people don't celebrate Christmas. Their religion may be different, or it could be something else. Truth is, it is celebrating Christmas is not mandatory. Even for Christians. 

I hope Christmas Day, however you spend it, finds you in a lovely place of peace, love and contentment. If you're not there, I pray that you will make your needs known, to those who care about you or even to a stranger. Locking it inside changes nothing and makes you miserable. But is it a need or a want? Are you expecting others to make you happy or are you looking for ways to be joyful in your day in spite of all? And for those of you who have nothing but love for the season, don't be so self-absorbed you don't see those around you in pain.

When people shout "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" or "HAPPY HOLIDAYS!", may it not sound like a loud and angry shouting to your ears, but instead like the balm of someone who is trying to make it easier for you to celebrate life. I wish you joy that comes from deep in your soul, and has nothing to do with circumstances or other people, every single day of the year.

Putting the Happy in the Birthday

Not to brag, but Google is celebrating my birthday today! They had this picture waiting for me. Thanks Google! You know I love you more than anyone, huh?

 

So it's my birthday. I am 54 today. A bit weird to think about, stunning even, but I believe having the opportunity to live a lot of years on this earth is a good thing. I am not ashamed of the age, but instead grateful. Good thing, since there would be no way to escape it. I am surrounded by a lot of people who have known me for a lot of years, and they would gleefully call me out on it if I did!

I've had some bad birthdays over the years. Not a lot, but enough that the last time it happened (which wasn't that long ago) I did a bit of self analysis. I realized I was expecting other people to put the happy into my birthday.

My large family has never been big on celebrating the birthdays of adults (though hopefully every kid has great memories of wonderful celebrations, even if Aunt Kim's gifts rarely make it to them on the day.) I know without a doubt that my mom will call and sing to me today, and I expect I will hear from most of the siblings (OK...I had better hear from all) and some of the nieces and nephews. But that is the extent to our family celebrations. No complaints here, because I am notorious for forgetting important days in general and I would be a constant disappointment to everyone if  they depended on me to remember and lead the celebrations. There is no pressure in our family for birthdays and I like that.

But I have had a few birthdays that have come around and I realized I had absolutely no plans of any sort of celebration. No one had mentioned doing anything, and it just creeped up on me, and really when I realized it....well, it was a bit embarrassing that I had no plans. What do you do, say at the last minute "It's my birthday, will someone celebrate with me?" I once thought that would be horrifying, but now I think it would be perfectly appropriate!

When that has happened in the past I admit there are times I had a pity party for one. It made it a day of sadness instead of a day of celebration of the wonderful life I was given. That is not how I now choose to live. (And yes, I believe if you do spend your birthday in sadness, it is your choice. And it is not one of your better choices.)

I am not the only one who has experienced those feelings.....I know! Not that we will often publicly admit it. It is a point of shame. We human beings are quite silly about such things.

While often my lack of plans have to do with the simple fact of being single and everyone thinking I have all sorts of wonderful and exciting things going on (Ha!), others experience the letdown of having spouses, kids, and significant others fail to meet their birthday expectations. Sometimes they hijack "my day" and make it about them. Or just not about us. They love you, or proclaim they love you, but you're not feeling it. They don't think for a minute of how you would most like to celebrate. They plan something, but it is what they want to do and not what you want to do. They refuse to leave their comfort zone for even a minute to make the day special for you.

You think I am going to blast them, huh? Truth is, you own your birthday (as you do all of your days.) They are a gift to you from God. They should all be celebrated, and you should plan the celebration, and not depend on others to make it happy for you. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't accept someone else planning a celebration on your behalf....gratefully accept it and enjoy it. Grade them on a curve if it is not exactly how you would do it. People fall short at this for a lot of reasons. It isn't necessarily an indication of how much they care....or don't care. Sometimes it is just a difference in how they view birthdays.....or the fact that they are pre-occupied with things that have nothing to do with you. (Yeah, sometimes that pre-occupation is with themselves. It happens. With most of us. We're basically self-centered sinners.) Sometimes they freeze because they are like deer in the headlights....they know they need to do something, but can't decide what. Other times it a time to be passive-aggressive, for reasons that may or may not have anything to do with you. Regardless, it is definitely not something to waste much of your life grieving about! (And some of you, of us, have spent valuable time obsessing on this....admit it!) Take back the ownership of your day. Don't try to force them to make you happy. That's an impossible task.

The celebration of you by others (or lack thereof) doesn't have to be the extent of your own celebration. If it is not the way you prefer to celebrate your life, throw your own birthday party. You can even be the only guest! It doesn't even have to be on the day. Just ask yourself "what makes me feel alive and full of joy and grateful to God for my gift of life?"....and do it!

Really I am not whining about my lousy life here, because as most of you know (and I definitely do) my life is more than wonderful and worthy of great celebration. I am well loved. I celebrate that. Since I have taken ownership for my birthdays, they have become much more enjoyable. Mostly because now I see the celebration as my job and the focus of my day. I will be grateful for all I have been given. I will be happy, I will be joyful. For me, how the hours are spent are not nearly as important as my state of mind as I celebrate them. More than any other say of the year I want to focus on the fact that life is a gift, and is so, so good!

My plans for my day are to get a massage from my awesome friend Diana, and then she is taking me out to lunch. We also plan to get our nails done. Tonight I get to attend a birthday party celebrating my friend Patrice, for whom it is one of those special "end in 0" birthdays. She is a great gift to my life, so what a great opportunity!

At some point today I plan to eat cake. Good cake. Chocolate. One of the "bad" birthday memories that most makes me laugh about myself is the birthday I cried because the day was totally uneventful and I DIDN'T EVEN GET CAKE! Oh, the tragedy! One of those times when I had that moment when I realized what I was doing and I was a bit horrified. I said to myself.  "Really?????? This is what is important to you?" (And my answer was yes. Sort of. But I had to laugh.)

But such "tragedies" are an easy thing to remedy. If I don't get my chocolate cake today (and I mean really good chocolate cake....bad cake is also tragic), I will prolong the celebration and eat it soon.  I now acknowledge I can celebrate my birthday any day because any day is a good day to celebrate the fact that we were born. Why limit it?

So happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to you. I am so glad we were born. Celebrate your life well...and thank God for the days and the years. You are the gift. Share yourself with the world. And bring the happy to your own party.

Falling into Neophilia (or "Yes I Did Go Out of That Airplane at 3500 ft")

I must be honest.  I really didn't jump out of an airplane (or a "perfectly good airplane" to quote most people.)  Here is what it is really like.  Or at least how I remember it.  I fully understand that those two things could be slightly different.

I had to sit in the open doorway of the airplane in flight, my feet dangling over the edge. (Yep....I looked around as I sat there and noticed quickly that earth was pretty far down below, but before I had time to dwell on it, I remembered the sage advice I had been given throughout the day and turned to look at the airplane instead).  Then I had to brace one hand on the right of the doorway and the other on the wing, slide onto this little step as I grab onto the wing while standing up, scoot over on the wing until I got beyond the step and supposedly had both hands inside these black lines that were painted on the wing (yep....that means beyond the step and with nothing beneath your feet but air very quickly) and turn "confidently" over to my left to look at my instructor Amanda, and wait until she gave me the thumbs up to drop from the sky at about 3500 ft.  Yeah, really.  Sort of shocked and horrified me, too, when she first described what would happen.  But when she gave me that thumbs up I let go and let myself fall without hesitation.  And there I went.....falling through the sky all by myself.   My security blankets, Amanda and Damien, still in the plane.  I know.....why would I do that?

So OK.  I wasn't totally by myself for long.  As soon as I felt the jerk back that they had told me would mean that the parachute was opening as it was supposed to, a voice started to talk calmly over the walkie talkie strapped to my chest and coach me the rest of the way down on the things Amanda and Damien had been going over with me all day.  At first he had me do lots of test things in the air.  He said "Let's practice landing position...", and I did that.  He had me turn it to the left, and I did that.  He had me practice landing position again.   And then turn to the right.  And then a series of rights and lefts until it was time to get into position to land for real.  There was no time for just hanging out and examining the view....there were things to do for the whole flight.  But I did happen to notice a few glimpses of land as I was doing it all (since I am female and can multi-task).....and I have to say that Walterboro is prettier from the air than it appears on the ground.   I didn't get the perfect stand up landing, but it wasn't horrible either.  I landed quite softly on my knees (the lessons on the proper falling and rolling technique if you couldn't stand up on landing....I must not have mastered.  Or probably more accurately, they just didn't come to mind.  But I still think my technique worked out quite well.)  I underestimated how much force I would need to apply to the straps at the end, or I think I could have stuck it!!!  But that was it.  The voice on the other end of the radio comes in a golf cart to pick me and my parachute up and we head back to the hangar.  I had skydived!

If any of you read my very first blog entry ("A Time To Begin", March 31) I talked about Ed Ristaino, a balloon pilot friend (and skydiver) who I had been getting advice from when I decided that 2012 would be the year I skydived.  Ed was killed in March in a ballooning accident.  Damien is his son, and after I wrote that blog Damien offered to take over advising where his dad left off.  One "small" difference. Where Ed had been advising me on where to take a tandem jump, Damien wouldn't even entertain the idea of me doing a tandem.  He decided I would enjoy a static line jump more (let me point out that this was before he had  even gotten to know me.)  It was ridiculous how easily he convinced me.  But I am glad he did.  I can do a roller coaster ride any day.

I had wanted to jump tandem for years, and the one time during those years I let me mind explore the idea of jumping out of an airplane (just tandem), I got unreasonably scared.  Pure mental horror, to be exact. That fear actually lasted for about 24 hours.  It was very weird. (Note:  No plans had actually been made to jump at this point.  This was pure daydreaming.  Or nightmaring.  Reality is not necessary for me to scare myself to death.). But that was the worse fear I ever had about skydiving.  It surprises me.  While I probably was petrified underneath when I was doing it, what I honestly felt was better described as confusion and bewilderment.  "I'm really doing this?????"  "Amanda was right?  I actually can hang from the wing of an airplane??????"

Not only did I make that jump, but in jumping by myself I went totally exploded the limits of what I thought my capabilities were.  Back when I was talking to Ed at that Mongolfier party in November, even jumping tandem was a stretch for me. It was beyond comprehension that I would jump on my own.  Of course it was also beyond comprehension that Ed would be watching my jump from above.  But I think he was and I think he was delighted.  With both me and Damien.  I was wearing a bracelet that Damien made me in Ed's memory.   He was a part of my team.

(Steve Brady....I also was wearing the "Magcell Warriors" shirt you brought me back from Iraq.  You still trump me for bravery, but also it reminded me if you could do that, I could do a little skydive!  Though Scarlett Johannson was not around for me to have my picture taken with her at any point in the day.)

Amanda, my coach, was a great blend of encouragement and determination.  She always kept the edge of "It is important that you learn this and do what I say or you will die," but always appeared very optimistic that I wouldn't.  I believed her.  Most of the time.  Except when she told me that I would be able to hang out on that wing while in the air that high and it wouldn't be as bad as I imagined.  She even proved to be right then, though.

Now I just may have nightmares of the "If you see this thing going wrong, this is what you need to do" part of the skydiving training.  My junior and senior years in high school my history teacher, Mr. Gainey, would give us "picture tests."  Mr. Gainey's room had pictures from floor to ceiling....anywhere there may be wall space were pictures and some other place's too.  Thousands of them.  With each unit of study we would have something like 100 pictures to learn.  We'd get tested on maybe 50 of them.  He would hold up the picture and you would have to tell him who it was and where they were from.  I usually did well on picture tests, but they created agony for me in the learning process and until the test was over.  They did not come easily for me, and were probably the thing that I studied for more than anything else during those high school years.

Damien and Amanda returning from their jump

Let me describe the skydiving "picture test".  Me all harnessed up with skydiving gear, almost hanging, but not quite, Amanda on one side of me and Damien on the other.  Amanda would give the order and we would drill through the procedure that I was supposed to follow when hanging out on the wing.  (A concept I still wasn't wrapping my head around.)  Then I was supposed to look up (as if I were looking at my parachute overhead) and Damien would hold a picture over my head.  I was supposed to tell them if anything was wrong with the picture and if so, drill through the procedure I needed to follow if there was.

Let's just say high school picture tests did not fully prepare me for this.  My mind did not work fast enough to figure out what was wrong.  Was it the ropes or the canopy that was messed up?  It sort of looked like both, but then again, maybe it was supposed to look like that and it was OK?  Then I would get distracted....what was that thing called that kept the ropes from getting tangled and was supposed to be above my head when the chute opened?  At the time as my mind was trying to think, both Amanda and Damien would be trying to get me to answer quickly and instinctively and do something!  We did it over and over and over again.  Yeah, that was the most stressful part of the day.  And I still don't know for sure that I could identify any of the issues in the air and make the proper adjustments.  But I am quite confident I know where the pull for the reserve chute is and I have that procedure DOWN!

When I was in the plane and getting ready to jump, I noticed the bumper sticker to the left on the door.  Funny how small things bring comfort.  It really did relax me.  Well, that and knowing that I didn't see any anxiety on Amanda's face.  I knew she wouldn't let me ruin her perfect record of not losing anyone in a jump. She is a competitor.

So yeah, back to Saturday's post.  I think I am a neophiliac, even though I still need to take the written test.  I recommend it.  Be it skydiving or some other adventure.  Go ahead and give it a try.   You can and should go beyond your own expectations for yourself.  Though I recommend you have a good team to back you up!

"If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good"
Dr. Seuss, "One Fish, Two Fish"